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In Which I Slander Robert Frost And The Dictionary Guy

June 27, 2011

So, I’ve been thinking about this website, and about how sometimes, very large chunks of time go by between me inadvertently committing a felony and Brian sealing a live animal in our wall, and when that happens, this site just sits here all lonely and ignored, and I don’t like that. So, over on the Facebook page, I asked everyone what they thought about me converting Miss Doxie into more of a journal-type blog, where I sometimes tell stories, but sometimes I do not, and I just spew forth whatever is lurking in my brain, even if it is not fully story-like. And everyone was all, “Woo!” and said that would be okay and then they promised not to poke me with sticks if whatever I say is boring. And so I am believing all of those people, and here is what I am going to try to do: I am going to try to post every few days (she said, with the best of intentions) just to keep myself in the habit of writing, and to keep things somewhat fresh over here, and then when a big story DOES happen, WON’T WE ALL BE GLAD? Because, in the absence of anything actually happening, you get my musings on potato chips. You’re welcome. Let’s just bear in mind that (a) at least you do not have to live with me, as poor Brian has to endure my internal musings aaaaallllll the time (I even email him my musings, in case he misses me at work); and (b) y’all promised not to poke me with sticks. And, that being said…Imma journal now! Let’s see how this goes.

So, last week, Cookie and I were in the little store downstairs in our building when we discovered that there is now such a thing as Dill Pickle-flavored Lays.


Notice we got the "HUNGRY GRAB" size. Of course we did.

Naturally, we bought them, and came back upstairs with our pickle-flavored chips and then we discussed how we were both repelled by the chips, but we were also oddly…drawn to them. And I was like, “I feel about these chips the same way that Robert Frost felt about death, when he talked about how the woods are lovely, dark, and deep,” and maybe that is giving dill pickle-flavored potato chips just a little too much credit. But then we tried them and they were delicious, and now I think that maybe death tastes awesome. Or maybe Frost was talking about pickle-flavored potato chips all along, and then people were all, “Ah, a poem which succinctly describes the paradoxical emotional response to one’s own mortality,” so he was like, “Uh…YES,” because it was too embarrassing to admit that really, he was talking about pickle-flavored chips. And really, these are all weighty questions, but I just hope death doesn’t taste like Cool Ranch Doritos, because Cool Ranch Doritos smell like feet.

Also, I have never typed “pickle” out that many times in my life. It has gotten to the point where pickle doesn’t even look like a word anymore, which actually brings me to my next thing:

So. Later that day, Brian and I were discussing tattoos (and possibly…drinking), and he was saying that he was sort of tempted to get another one, but it would have to be large, because he didn’t want some random assortment of tattoos all over, thereby resulting in him looking like a human bulletin board. And then this happened:

Brian: If I got another tattoo, I’d want it to say something profound about me. Like, about my uniquity.

Me: Your what?

Brian: [slowly, as if speaking to an idiot child] My uniquity.

Me: …Oh.

Brian: What? Is that not a word?

Me: No.

Brian: Really? HEY! BABY! I made up a WORD! Shit, that was EASY! I’m going to make up MORE WORDS

Me: I don’t think it works like tha--

Brian: CLOOP!

He has been making up all kinds of words since then. I should really keep a log of these words, so that I can submit it to Mr. Webster, or whomever is in charge of running the dictionary now. Probably Mr. Webster isn’t in charge of the dictionary anymore. Probably Mr. Webster is dead, and never even had the chance to try a pickle-flavored potato chip. I just hope Cool Ranch Doritos were not involved.

Heee. Journaling is fun. Maybe I will be back tomorrow! Maybe they will have even MORE interesting chip flavors downstairs. I will have to try them. For literature. It’s what Mr. Webster would have wanted. Either that, or he'd want to poke me with a stick.

Kisses to y’all!

Posted by doxie in | permalink


Awesomeness, which means CLOOP.

Posted by: annie | June 27, 2011 05:16 PM

Would love to see more of you. Looking forward to checking in to your blog more often!

Posted by: nola | June 27, 2011 05:16 PM

Perhaps Brian should consider getting the word 'uniquity' as his next tattoo, possibly written in Sanskrit or Japanese characters, as that's always classy. It would be the most uniquitous tattoo of all!

Posted by: DiaryofWhy | June 27, 2011 05:18 PM

Oh, honey, *definitely* you must journal! I love this! And you know what? I hadn't even noticed you Only Did Stories before. I just thought you got super busy between entries. I didn't know it was you saving shit up for us!

Posted by: Sarah | June 27, 2011 05:18 PM

you should try ketchup chips if you haven't! yummmm!

Posted by: cristy | June 27, 2011 05:22 PM

Did you know Lays has Flaming Hot chips? It's terribly addicting! I'd say they are mostly flavorless but SO hot. You keep eating because it hurts to stop.

Posted by: Jessica | June 27, 2011 05:25 PM

Does he make up definitions too? Because otherwise it doesn't count. Just sayin'

Posted by: Carole | June 27, 2011 05:27 PM

I'm a long-time lurker who finally had to comment because I LOVE THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT. I adore your blog and if calling it "journaling" is what it takes to get you to write more often, please keep doing it. ;)

P.S. I'm a little too curious about what "cloop" means. Please update if you ever find out.

Posted by: Marina | June 27, 2011 05:29 PM

Oh, Miss Doxie, how I love your uniquity! That and cloop! Hee!

Posted by: Ivie | June 27, 2011 05:33 PM

I am generally pretty (completely?) oblivious, and will sheepishly admit that I, too, did not realize you were saving up story material. I just assumed that you were consumed by the hell that is big law. I could also be projecting a bit there...

Regardless, yay for journaling!

Posted by: Kate | June 27, 2011 05:33 PM

If you like pickle chips, find yourself some Walkers Sensations Roasted Chicken with Lemon and Thyme post haste. CLOOP! And then some.

Posted by: AF | June 27, 2011 05:34 PM

This is great, except you left us hanging without a CLOOP definition.

Posted by: PomJob | June 27, 2011 05:36 PM

Pickle chips are AWESOME, and it's sad to me that more people do not love them. Maybe you can spread the gospel of pickle chips throughout the world!

Posted by: Kristin | June 27, 2011 05:37 PM

If there was ever any doubt that you two were made for each other, I think that conversation with Brian should clear things up ;)

Posted by: catherino | June 27, 2011 05:38 PM

Brian, there you go, being all Palinesque and everything.
Only with smarts.

Posted by: Debbie | June 27, 2011 05:40 PM

The only thing about pickle chips is that they out-crunch Vlasic. But if they're salty, I'll eat 'em.

Posted by: Bob | June 27, 2011 05:43 PM

Oh, honey. The Lay's dill pickle chips are MCNASTY. Long before the Lay's, Old Dutch (only found in the upper midwest) was making delicious dilly vinegary pickle chips. They blow the Lay's out of the water. Since you can buy them online, I think you need to have a dill pickle ship smackdown or throwdown or whatever: http://olddutch.bobsproduce.com/DillPicklechips.aspx

Posted by: Kate Bee | June 27, 2011 05:46 PM


Posted by: Andrea | June 27, 2011 05:48 PM

I LOVE DILL PICKLE CHIPS!!!!! I'm with you on the Cool Ranch Doritoes. I've never eaten them because they smell so nasty.

On the other hand, I'm laying on the couch with my two doxies that have feet that smell like Fritos. I've decided that it's probably not Fritos that we're smelling...it's probably because they walk through their own urine after they go potty! Nasty, huh? See, I also contemplate weird shit when I've had a few glasses of wine..lol

Posted by: Trish | June 27, 2011 05:50 PM

I like to think that uniquity is a combination of iniquity=gross immorality and unique. Therefore: a grossly immoral act that has never been done before. Original sin, as it were. ;) And that would make an awesome tat.

Posted by: Julie | June 27, 2011 05:50 PM

CLOOP! hahaha classic

Posted by: Kit | June 27, 2011 06:08 PM

Fun fact: I farted in the car last week and it smelled *precisely* like Cool Ranch Doritos. I hadn't even eaten any and I'm pretty sure I can never eat them again.

Posted by: brynne | June 27, 2011 06:20 PM

I love dill pickle chips! Tom's makes an even better version, but I can't find them since I left The South. :( Please keep journal-ing, and also tell us what "cloop" means in Brian World. Also also, ketchup chips are good but I think they're only in Canada.

Posted by: bunneh | June 27, 2011 06:28 PM

You must visit Canada we many a yummy flavor chip...Tandori, Chipotle Ranch, Roasted Chicken...Oh the list is endless.

Posted by: Donna | June 27, 2011 06:49 PM

Awesomeness, also more Bo pictures please!

Posted by: Angela | June 27, 2011 07:35 PM

Given the wedding and all, I am sure you already know this, but imma say it anyway: Brian is SO MUCH MORE AWESOME than El Dukay ever was. And this makes my heart happy for you. Cloop!

Posted by: Mir | June 27, 2011 07:37 PM

Dill pickle chips! They are my all-time favourites. They have existed forever and ever up here in Canada. (You can tell I'm from Canada because I took the time to add that extra "u" to favourite.)

I have noticed that the US has a definite lack of yummy chip flavours when compared to Canada. You guys don't have ketchup chips either.

Posted by: Lara | June 27, 2011 07:53 PM

How in the world have you grown up in the South and never had dill pickle potato chips? This saddens me. I've been eatin' those things for 20 years.

Posted by: Angie | June 27, 2011 07:59 PM

Hi! I am a fan of the journaling, so keep on keepin' on and whatnot!
And about the weird chip things, my boyfriend (who is from Ireland) introduced me to their buffalo chips. Irish buffalo chips, or crisps, if I'm being correct and all.
I did not think this was at all a weird thing until I was introduced to the buffalo(s), at the 'crisps' factory, on which the flavor is apparently based. So he says, anyway.
What. the. heck. Baffled.
Also, on that note... buffalo? buffaloes? ...buffali?

Posted by: Nicole | June 27, 2011 08:01 PM

I absolutely love that Brian's response to having used a word that isn't a real word was not confusion or embarrassment, but delight. Good for him: cloop!

Posted by: ccr in MA | June 27, 2011 08:03 PM

True facts: a good friend of mine is one of the editors for Miriam Webster. She used to be in charge of the word of the day emails. (She also reads this blog, or used to, so you may get a comment from her, too.)

Posted by: Anne | June 27, 2011 08:24 PM

So my nephew went to China in May and brought back such delights as 'Blueberry Lays', 'Cucumber Lays' and everyone's favourite 'Lemon Tea Lays'. Crisp flavours are getting a tad mental, when I was wee the most exotic flavour available was either Pickled Onion or Smokey Bacon!

Posted by: Sarawarawoo | June 27, 2011 08:33 PM

Nicole...Buffalo Hunky Dorys are EPIC! What do they try to pass off as buffalo at the factory though?

Posted by: Sarawarawoo | June 27, 2011 08:34 PM

I always walk by the pickle chips and say "ew." But now I am going to have to try a bag, thankyouverymuch. Also, if anyone finds Flamin' Hot Fritos again, please let me know - either they don't make them anymore, or they don't sell them in Houston anymore. Either way evokes much sadness.

Posted by: Tracy in Spring | June 27, 2011 08:38 PM

Know what I will like until I die? Those Cajun Crawtaters, and I am blanking on who makes them, but SHIT, those little fuckers are addictive. Brian has one, and shrivels like a raisin because of the sodium content (100000 bazillion grams, approximately), but I can eat a bag and be cheerful.

Oh! ZAPPS! They are Zapp's! Must find. Like, now.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 27, 2011 08:52 PM

Miss Doxie? I will make you a deal. If you journal more often, I shall SEND you a variety pack of chip flavours. And I live in Canada, so you KNOW the chip flavours are myriad and crazysauce.

(Chicken! Ketchup chips! The ubiquitous All-Dressed!Greek! Hot Dog chips! (I'm not lying - they taste like mustard and hot dogs)
and maaaaany more....

Posted by: Jess - daysgoby | June 27, 2011 08:53 PM

First of all, I would like to point out that MY OWN FUCKING COMMENT was not published, as it was pending approval. So if anyone is feeling weird and singled out, rest assured: my blog hates me ALSO. It is a badge of awesome. If you are rejected pending approval, you are a member of Team Cloop.

And now, my point: cucumber chips? Jesus, that sounds...revolutionary. I AM IN.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 27, 2011 09:00 PM

Canada and the UK are light years ahead of us in the area of tasty junk food that will kill you slowly. I once found cheeseburger chips in a tiny bodega that carried all kinds of odd things, and I would give a kidney to have them again.

Posted by: Marchelle | June 27, 2011 09:36 PM

Well, I'm about to sound really southern...The only good pickle is a fried pickle. And as far as weird potato chip flavors go, someone told me there are paprika flavored chips. PAPRIKA!?! I didn't even know that had a flavor. I thought it was pretty much for sprinkling on deviled eggs. Who knew?

Posted by: MJR | June 27, 2011 10:14 PM

POKE! Uniquity made me almost fall on the floor

Posted by: Jenny | June 27, 2011 10:38 PM

Pickle chips are much less revolting than pickle popcorn. I remember volunteering at my kids school to make popcorn for recess snacks. All the flavours were good except for pickle. I can still smell it and it was not good. Some flavours should not be artificial, especially dill.

Posted by: Cie | June 27, 2011 11:08 PM

You should journal more often!

Also, Zapps makes a salt and vinegar flavor that is very much like a dill pickle. Dare I say, better? I live in South Louisiana and can mail some to you if you want to send me your address : )

Posted by: Susan Allardyce | June 27, 2011 11:26 PM

They also make truly awesome "Voodoo Gumbo" Zapps. I'm a friend of a friend of the owner...and he allowed a bunch of my friends to print up 60's-esque a-line jumpers in the manner of Zapps bags...made little hats(fascinators) out of the actual chips, added 60's style wigs and go-go boots...and they were "Zapp's Chicks" on Mardi Gras Day! Truly fabulous!

Posted by: Kelly | June 28, 2011 12:08 AM

Kelly, I feel compelled to marry you.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 28, 2011 12:16 AM

Add me to the ones who thought you just got busy between blog posts (which is not to imply that I didn't think that what you DID post was worthy of the epic story label, but more that they were...maybe coincidences?) ((that makes sense in my head, less so written out. Sorry.) Anyway, I'm thrilled at the new development and would also like to know the meaning of cloop.

Posted by: Kate | June 28, 2011 12:30 AM

Totally cool with you writing more often. Obviously. ;)

Posted by: Heather | June 28, 2011 03:03 AM

Add another Woo! on the pile.

Intensely hormonal women must flavor the chips in Canada. What with all the uniquity.

Posted by: Steve's wife, Beth | June 28, 2011 05:50 AM

I had all sorts of profound things to say, but now your commenter Cie has me hypnotized by the thought of pickle popcorn.

Posted by: June | June 28, 2011 07:25 AM

Total fan of journaling, especially delicious when it involves new adventures in potato chip flavors! Nah I'm prob just easily entertained ;-)

Posted by: Mae | June 28, 2011 08:18 AM

Things this post elicited from me: a short multiple choice quiz

a) a snort
b) a giggle
c) racuously loud laughter much too early in the morning
d) a desire for random musings from you
e) all of the above

Thanks for sharing! :)

Posted by: grey | June 28, 2011 08:51 AM

Yes. Just Yes.

Posted by: glschneider | June 28, 2011 08:53 AM

CLOOP seems like a cross between CLOP and POOP. Which makes me think it has something to do with horses and parades.

I came here from Bye Bye, Pie because June is totally in love with you and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Normally I would not trust her judgment but this time she got it right.

Also, Kettle Brand Spicy Thai potato chips! The only size we can find them in is the "Sharing Size" but it's not like the chip police are gonna come hunt you down for not following the directions or anything. I know this from personal experience.

Posted by: Siren | June 28, 2011 09:07 AM

P.S. I just wrote a comment and got totally MODERATED and now I'm pending approval and I know I'm supposed to feel special but I just feel really insecure because what if I am NOT APPROVED? It was the poop joke, right? I should know by now to never go to a new blog and start with poop jokes.

Posted by: Siren | June 28, 2011 09:12 AM

Uniquity is a word, and it means exactly what he implied. But good for him taking some initiative and creativity to make new words.

Posted by: Andrea | June 28, 2011 10:01 AM

LIKE! Oh wait, is this not Facebook? Oh who cares. LIKE! LIKE! LIKE!

Posted by: Liz | June 28, 2011 10:55 AM

Well, my mom always did want me to marry a lawyer. Ok, actually a doctor...but close enough.

Would Brian mind you having a sister-wife? I bring chips!

Posted by: Kelly | June 28, 2011 12:21 PM

Heee, is it seriously a word? That is HILARIOUS.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 28, 2011 03:17 PM

@Sarawarawoo They're Taytos brand, actually! and.. real buffalo-sort of buffalo! I am 99% sure my boyfriend is just being a messer, but you never know!

Posted by: Nicole | June 28, 2011 03:22 PM

I like how I send readers over here and they DISS ME. CLOOP ON YOU, SIREN! And yes, I said "diss." Because it's apparently 1997 over at Miss Doxie.

Also? Deviled egg potato chips might be kind of good.

Posted by: June from ByeByePie | June 28, 2011 04:50 PM

I live in New Orleans. Send me an address and I'll send you Zapp's chips. My son is in grad school in Kentucky and I send him a care package of Zapp's chips and Hubig's fried pies about every 2 months.

I ride with the Krewe of Isis during Mardi Gras. This past year I bought three cases of Zapps to throw...not sure what the people liked best...the Zapps, moon pies, or the tackily decorated flip flops that we used as our special throw~

Posted by: Trish | June 28, 2011 07:38 PM

Don't worry, June; Siren is totally on my banning list. That's why it took me so long to approve her comment; I spent six and a half hours musing over her words.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 28, 2011 07:52 PM

Yeah, Hunky Dory's are made by Tayto lol. I'm actually amazed you've been to that Tayto 'theme park'. A theme park for CRISPS like...madness altogether.

Posted by: Sarawarawoo | June 28, 2011 07:56 PM

Also, I want to mention that y'all are all awesome, and that I am overwhelmed by your offers of ridiculously flavored chips. I ACCEPT. SEND CHIPS.

(And I also love Siren. Siren's comment made me laugh out loud. WELL PLAYED, SIREN. You are the opposite of banned. Possibly you are clooped.)

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 28, 2011 07:58 PM

Cloop... are you sure you spelled that correctly? Maybe it's cloup, which could mean "climb into your soup". Which makes perfect sense. Or it could mean "the day before Saturday but only if you bowled the previous Thursday" and that makes just as much sense.

Brian can indeed share his uniquity with a tattoo, although a tattoo itself is not exactly uniquitous. Which is not a word. But it should be.

Posted by: Lisa | June 28, 2011 09:33 PM

Ooh, I'm banned! I was never banned from a blog before! I'm such a total badass renegade. Sirenegade will be my new code name.

Wait, I'm not banned? I'm anti-banned? That must mean I'm doubly bad. I'm badass squared, beat THAT. Okay that image is kind of awkward. Great, first I talk about poop, now I'm talking about ass shapes. Next I'll be bringing up labiaplasty, which I promised myself I would never do in casual conversation ever again.


Posted by: Siren | June 28, 2011 09:45 PM

Dill pickle, Ketchup (gross), Chipotle Ranch, Jamaican Jerk Chicken, Pizza, Sicilian Lemon Chicken, Sweet Chili Thai, Hot Dog, Feta Olive & Oregano, Baby Back Ribs, Tandoori BBQ, Spicy Piri Piri, Buffalo Wings & Blue Cheese, Szechwan, and General Tao Chicken are just some of the amazing chip flavours we have in Canada.

That's totally cloop. Although in Canada we would probably spell it clooup.

Posted by: Edna from the Great White North | June 28, 2011 11:35 PM

Yippee! And more pictures of doggies too! I truly have missed you.

Posted by: Wendy in Houston | June 28, 2011 11:37 PM

Prawn Flavored Pringles. Saw them in Victoria Station in London a few years ago. I purchased them and popped open the can, sniffed, gagged and tossed them in the trash.
Sweet and Spice Doritos - go get some now

Posted by: ScottsdaleGirl | June 29, 2011 12:23 PM

Uniquity \U*niq"ui*ty\, n.
The quality or state of being unique; uniqueness. [R.]
[1913 Webster]

Posted by: ScottsdaleGirl | June 29, 2011 12:24 PM

The chip flavour known as "barbeque" in Canada is called "paprika" in the Netherlands. Taste pretty much the same.

Posted by: sylv | June 29, 2011 12:28 PM

I cloop this style of writing so hard!

Posted by: Meeka | June 29, 2011 02:27 PM

I just started following your blog. I've read most of your older posts, and you crack me up.

Posted by: Amy Robinson | June 29, 2011 03:31 PM

Miss D:
Have you done some recent drawings? Miss them; they were so good.
Love the dogs!

Posted by: PJ | June 29, 2011 05:53 PM

Well, apparently in Canada, uniquity IS a word...
From http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/uniquity
you get
The state or quality of being unique.

I do love your stories though!

Posted by: denimined | June 29, 2011 06:33 PM

We would love to see more frequent journal postings from you. You are so funny...no matter what you are writing about. That makes you VERSATILE so we nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Check out this post to find out how to claim your award We would love to see more frequent journal postings from you. Happy Blogging.

Posted by: Jessica @ YouDidWhatWithYourWeiner | June 29, 2011 11:40 PM

We would love to see more frequent journal postings from you. You are so funny...no matter what you are writing about. That makes you VERSATILE so we nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Check out this post to find out how to claim your award We would love to see more frequent journal postings from you. Happy Blogging. Almost forgot the link....silly me http://youdidwhatwithyourweiner.com/2011/06/25/versatility-is-a-good-quality/

Posted by: Jessica @ YouDidWhatWithYourWeiner | June 29, 2011 11:41 PM

YEAH, a new post!! I'm definitely going to try Crawtaters and pickle chips. But, are you sure about that Robert Frost poem being about death? I didn't get that impression. But I will study on that for a while. (and eat chips to keep myself focused)

Posted by: mommamack | June 30, 2011 12:47 AM

My Sis and I are addicted to the Dill Pickle chips. Wal-Mart in the Fredericksburg area of Virginia are pretty reliable in carrying them. Since we have 4 Wal-Marts within 20 minutes of our homes, we can easily get to any one of them - sometimes at 4 a.m.- in jeans that shouldn't see the light of day! Welcome back darlin!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | June 30, 2011 01:56 AM

Yaaay you're back and promising to be here more often. Now that is perfect ...almost as perfect as dill-flavored chips. Dill is just good!!! Oh and more dog and cat stuff!!! I feel like I'm a club in the 80s making music requests!!!

Posted by: Anne | June 30, 2011 11:35 AM

i am so looking forward to your journaling! I love reading you because not only do you write oh-so-well and hilariously, but sometime you write what i think and it makes me feel not so weird :)

Posted by: Lorraine | June 30, 2011 02:22 PM

YES! I will the opposite of poke-you-with-sharp-sticks (love you with potato chips? hee! kinda-maybe-rhyme! and, bandwagon!) if you post more of whatever is in your brain, as my experience has been that All Things in Miss Doxie's Brain = Hilarious Coffee-Snorting Fun! yay!!

Posted by: Mystenigmary | June 30, 2011 03:28 PM

Poofy + Fluffy = Floofy...as is....Oh wow...look at those floofy clouds!!

Posted by: Kath | July 2, 2011 12:55 AM

Not that it makes the exchange any less hilarious, but: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/uniquity

Posted by: Momnesia | July 13, 2011 03:14 PM

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