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I'm Going To Feel Really Guilty About This If He Kills His Fool Self

February 28, 2011

But in the meantime, before I am wracked by guilt and have to learn how to do penance or something, and seeing as he's so Cured and all, can we just enjoy the beauty of Charlie Sheen's words, as related by the animals? I think we should.

(And, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to add that this was not my idea at all, but Brian's, as we heard that someone had done this with pictures of kittens. Which I am sure is hilarious, but as Brian aptly pointed out, our pets are pretty much always on the verge of an entitled hissy fit breakdown, preferably the type that results in strippers being locked in the bathroom of a hotel suite (and here I am looking at YOU, Mister Bo). Can't you just imagine Bo lighting up a cigarette and screaming that he's a Vatican assassin warlock? Me, too!)

Which is why...this. SORRY I HAD TO. I will be nice again tomorrow!

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Heeee, I entertain me. But, in all seriousness, all of us here in Doxieland do sincerely hope Mr. Sheen gets the help he needs, and not via the magnificent pathways of his own brain, as we still think he was just the cutest thing in Ferris Bueller a million years ago. Sheen! Look to Robert Downey, Jr.! Let his adorable success and sobriety be your guide! And stop acting like a little shit, THE END.

Y'all all have a good week, and I'll see you as soon as I'm finished writing the biggest brief that ever briefed; however, if you want updates in between posts, remember that you can always come and play with us here, and enjoy reading me prattle on about hoop skirts or flower thievery or whatever the hell else happens that day. I may not be the most exciting girl in the world, but I promise not to come after you with my fire breathing fists of violent love.

Posted by doxie in | permalink

34 Comments

"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

That's just HILARIOUS. Sad. And hilarious. I'm so torn.

Oh, Charlie Sheen.

Posted by: Amber | February 28, 2011 02:20 PM

Love the pics! You n your mum are both beautiful! !!!! I agree with Sheen needs to look to RD Jr for inspiration! !!

Posted by: brooke | February 28, 2011 02:23 PM

Aw, thanks, Brooke; and Amber, I know! I am ALSO torn! But not so torn as to prevent me from superimposing his wondrous words all over pictures of my dogs. Please to stop doing crack, Charlie Sheen.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 28, 2011 02:25 PM

I agree that Sheen was haWt back in the Ferris days. It's also ironic, no? that his lines revolved around his actual life problems.

CS: Drugs?

Jeanie: No thank you, I'm straight.

CS: I mean, what are you in here for, drugs?

Jeanie: What are you in here for?

CS: Drugs.

P.S. I think your pets live better than I do.

Posted by: SerenityFL | February 28, 2011 02:30 PM

UNRELATEDLY, I totally had a dream last night that you threw a giant party for all your blog readers, and of course it was one of those huge crazy parties where mostly I stand in the corner and don't know anyone, and also somehow during the party I totally broke your printer, as in, made it spew out reams and reams of paper full of gibberish and I couldn't make it stop. It was very embarrassing. I don't know why I'm telling you this. BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND: Your pets are hilarious.

Posted by: Amanda | February 28, 2011 02:50 PM

Gimmme is tired of pretending he's not a total fucking rock star from Mars!

Posted by: catherino | February 28, 2011 02:51 PM

I am just so glad you're back. I think Bo and Charlie would make fabulous bosom pals, and then if Charlie doesn't get his sh*t together, (as the charming and handsome and rather RDJ did...) Bo can act out upon the disappointment and disgust we all feel with him. (Except for the part where I don't care. Ah, well.)

Posted by: Heather | February 28, 2011 03:36 PM

Bo and Gimme are beautiful! More photos of them please. Also, you and your mom look pretty good too.

Posted by: Angela | February 28, 2011 06:28 PM

More food for fodder: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/tvblog/2011/02/charlie-sheen-the-tv-tour-begi.html?hpid=news-col-blog

Posted by: KS | February 28, 2011 06:58 PM

Obviously, Bo has "Tiger blood and Adonis DNA."

Posted by: Melissa | February 28, 2011 08:38 PM

IN HIS VEINS, Melissa.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 28, 2011 09:00 PM

This? Was genius.

Posted by: Carolyn | February 28, 2011 09:26 PM

Frankly I'd much rather hear this stuff from Bo & Gimmme than Mr. Sheen!

Posted by: Cathy B | February 28, 2011 10:46 PM

Thank you, thank you Miss Doxie and adorable Sheen mocking family! I needed this smile today. My house was just ransacked by some crazy flash flood crap so smiles are definitely helping me right now!

Posted by: Kelly | March 1, 2011 02:20 AM

Charlie Sheen is crazy-pants. I hope he gets off the crack and whatnot soon, but until then, we can all consider this post the RAINBOW caused by the shitstorm that is Charlie Sheen's life.

Also..I don't have pets anymore (RIP PUG BABY!) but I wish I had done more of this. Instead I will just have children and draw on them with eyeliner and caption it. Until they get old enough to resist, anyway.

Posted by: Lisa | March 1, 2011 03:34 AM

This is AWESOME! In fact, in the genius words of Charlie Sheen, it's BI-WINNING!

Posted by: Gina | March 1, 2011 11:24 AM

Reading this entry totally made my night!!! My friends are in awe of this mysterious awesomeness that is Miss Doxie, and we agree that your "fire-breathing fists of violent love" may be the next-best thing to sliced bread!

Posted by: Davey Cole | March 2, 2011 12:34 AM

OMG!!! I can totally see Bo as a furry ball of Charlie Sheen fury! You crack me up, MissDoxie! Thanks for the post!

Posted by: Sammynella | March 2, 2011 10:49 AM

"Boom"..."winner"


this is Hilarious! Thank you..

Posted by: Kate | March 2, 2011 09:11 PM

Awesome. This is the best part of the whole Charlie Sheen fiasco.

Posted by: elz | March 2, 2011 11:09 PM

I keep reading this over and over and laughing. Please keep it up--I know I've seen a picture of a snarling Bo that would go perfect with Charlie's comment from yesterday, which was something about tiger blood dripping from his fangs and his "quest"!

Posted by: Carla | March 3, 2011 09:16 AM

Dear Miss Chaim Doxie,

I know you do not want to hear it, but that really is a lovely cat. In a way, he converts your tin cans into pure gold.

Posted by: June Gardens | March 4, 2011 04:04 PM

Miss Doxie for THE WIN!

Posted by: Greg | March 5, 2011 09:32 AM

Those are a fairly cute brood of dachshunds you've got there.. I'm almost inspired enough to get another to add to my small brown party of 1.. and then I think of the peeing and doubling the amount of spite inspired craps while at the vet.. :S

Posted by: Darlene | March 7, 2011 07:58 PM

Loved this! Total WIN! I too hope he gets mire help then his own brain...and I agree with acting like a total little shit too. Can't wait for next post an more Doxie pics!!! Has there been any more geese like happenings???

Posted by: brooke | March 9, 2011 12:33 AM

Loved this! Total WIN! I too hope he gets mire help then his own brain...and I agree with acting like a total little shit too. Can't wait for next post an more Doxie pics!!! Has there been any more geese like happenings???

Posted by: brooke | March 9, 2011 12:33 AM

Being nice is overrated! LOL!!!!!!!

Posted by: W. Lotus | March 10, 2011 12:06 PM

You're back! And Bo! I don't know how I missed your triumphant return and then you were there on my reader all happy-like and looking all gorgeous (!) in your wedding dress. So yay!

Posted by: Liza Jane | March 12, 2011 10:07 AM

wpolscemamymocneseo striving

Posted by: Beiffeviehync | March 12, 2011 08:15 PM

Oh my gosh, you're back. There goes my day-I'll be reading back and catching up. Not even sure what made me check here-it was an early morning whim-but so glad I did. Ummm. Okay. Gushing. And gushing is NOT winning. But I don't care. You just made my day. (thanks)

Posted by: Chickens Consigliere | March 16, 2011 06:15 AM

I’d be inclined to pass on with you here. Which is not something I usually do! I really like reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!

Posted by: Alfred Gilpatrick | March 17, 2011 01:18 PM

Like you didn't know, but this entry is

WINNING!

Bo is saner than Charlie Sheen. That alone should alarm Mr. Sheen. Also, who amongst your pets is Emilio?

Posted by: kristina | March 23, 2011 10:14 PM

Omg - this was hilarious. Thank you for entertaining me when I should have been working.

Posted by: MG | March 25, 2011 06:20 PM

Cuuute! Funny!

Posted by: Ashi | March 26, 2011 02:11 AM

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