The Cat of Amontillado*
So! I survived the snow. I did not like it, and I got...a little "stir crazy," as the CNN experts called it, but I lived. Meanwhile, poor Brian managed to get home around 2 a.m. Friday morning, and I pounced on him like a hyperactive gnat, all up in his face and demanding things like "HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR FAVORITE SMELLS!" Then I wouldn't let him go to bed, because SHOULDN'T WE TALK ABOUT FEELINGS AND COLORS RIGHT NOW? WAKE UP BABY! I LOOOOOVE YOU! and, you know, just...honestly, that poor, poor man. I am kind of a handful.
But, let's not feel too badly for Brian. Because approximately 48 hours after I annoyed the holy hell out of him, lovely Brian -- my kind, vegetarian, empathetic-and-ridiculously-sweet husband -- accidentally sealed the fucking cat in the wall.
Yes. Yes, he did. And yeah, the cat is fine (OH SHE'S GREAT), but he was just beside himself, and I could not stop laughing hysterically, and basically, welcome to our ridiculous, ridiculous home.
Anyway, I tried to write out the process of how a PETA-supporting person accidentally...you know, seals a cat in a fucking WALL, but really, this is the kind of thing that requires visual aides. So now we have the lovely slideshow below, and I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed making it. I swear to God, we...are a haunted house, y'all. We are a haunted house of crazy, and it just entertains me to no end.
So, without further ado, YET ANOTHER VIDEO (no sound on this one; I tried, but YouTube is just annoying the shit out of me with all their copyright nonsense, even when you're dealing with music in the public domain -- don't even get me started). (But point being, I'm not planning to go all video-ish here or anything, but this just worked so much better as a slideshow that I couldn't resist.)
(*Man, do I wish I could take credit for that title, but I can't. Ten seconds after telling my mother this story, that is what she said, between bouts of side-splitting laughter. She is where smart comes from, apparently.)
(HEY, WHO WANTS MORE PARENTHESIS? WOO!)
Anyway...yeah. So, postscript to this ludicrous event is that ever since she managed to somehow wind her weird, catty self through the internal workings of our home, Kitteh has been desperate to get back into the walls. She's been bat-bat-batting at the linen closet door, at the vanity -- she's obsessed, and she wants back IN to her special, secret world. And, of course, we are the evil people who are standing in her way, and we can all just chalk this up to yet another reason why Kitteh is going to kill us in the night, and y'all please avenge me.
But, in the meantime -- that's how you accidentally seal a cat in the wall, you guys! I don't recommend it whatsoever, but holy shit, this is NOT getting less funny with time.
So, that happened. And I'm sure I'll be back soon, after we do something else ridiculous, like accidentally fricassee Bo during a vegan dinner party -- in any event, at least it'll be more interesting than an accounting of my favorite smells.
Y'all have a good week; just be happy that (a) you're not married to me, and that (b) my adorable husband doesn't have access to your plumbing. Or your cat. Kisses!
Posted by doxie in | permalink