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Ice, Ice, Crazy

January 12, 2011

Oh, good Lord, y'all. So, I'd love to be posting some cleverly structured story of excitement and hilarity, where Cookie gets hit by a car, or the dogs do something that results in me sprinting naked down the street, but such things have not happened. More specifically, they have not had a chance to happen, because on Sunday night, Snow decided to attack the city of Atlanta. And not to complain, but YOU GUYS I HAVE BEEN STUCK IN MY HOUSE EVER SINCE. This has been significantly less than eventful, but that will not stop me from writing about it anyway, because hi, WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY TIME.*

*Technically, I could be productive and do, say: laundry. Or clean out some closets, or wash the dogs. Or feed myself, or perform a whole world of responsible-type tasks, really, but every time I'm like, "Okay, now I shall actually DO something around here!" and stand up, I catch glimpse of the snow (Snow!) blanketing everything outside, and I promptly squish down helplessly again on the sofa and eat more potato chips. Or tater tots.

Because, here is something tangential (surprise!) I am learning about myself in this time of snow-related self-discovery: evidently, when there is A Crisis, I turn into an alcoholic seven-year old. We managed to make one last, emergency trip to the grocery store around the corner just before the streets froze, and do you know what I bought? Wine and junk food, y'all. As in, I have been eating meals consisting of fish sticks, tater tots, and ho-hos. I am a 33-year old attorney -- a partner in my law firm, no less -- and I had Spaghetti-Os for both breakfast and lunch today. And I have been washing down most of my toddler meals (okay, not breakfast, it isn't complete pandemonium around here)(YET) with chardonnay. Or a Bloody Mary. Or whatever the hell else I can find, and possibly I will have to start experimenting with paint thinner if I start running out of booze, but point being: evidently, I will never, ever grow up, and anyone who peeks inside my recycling bin next week will logically conclude that my house is inhabited by the tallest, most fucked-up child in the world. (Which...okay, but shut up.)

So, ANYWAY. The snow (snow!) started on Sunday night. And we'd been hearing the most dire warnings about this storm for days on end; Cookie and I had actually been joking that we'd be lucky to live, we just want to LIVE, and OMG SNOWMAGEDDON and so forth, but we really didn't believe it would happen. This is because 99% of the time, we'll get all of these doom and gloom weather reports about snow (SNOW, MOTHERFUCKERS, SNOW) blanketing the South, and how we're all going to starve and start eating each other (find the weak!), and then it only ends up being slightly chilly. But I guess even the most hyperbolic weather people are sometimes right, because on Sunday night, my parents called, all, "Have you...looked out a window?" and Brian and I cheerfully popped up from the sofa, opened the back door, and saw the following:

Shiiiit1.jpg
Uh oh

Yeah, so...snow! But it was neat and pretty and kind of exciting and fun (well, not for the dogs, who dislike snow, quite strongly, and who particularly dislike any scenario involving snow/foot contact; those of us with shoes, however, thought it was cool). By the next morning, we had emails from both our offices, announcing that each was closed for the day, and Brian received an alert saying that his afternoon flight was canceled. And this made us very happy, and we squealed "Snow Day!" like children-types, and then the adult part of ourselves whipped up some Bloody Marys, and off we went to wander about our yard as though it were some magical, undiscovered personal winter wonderland, and not just a fenced half-acre where the dogs occasionally poo.

wheeeee1.jpg
Bloody Mary gave me the ability to flyyyyyy!

wheeeee2.jpg
Yay, snow makes me bouncy with gleeeee!

wheeeee3.jpgEven House looks happy to be frozen solid, wheeeeeee!


Don't we look so happy and young and carefree? WE WERE! We were so happy and young and carefree! But that was over 48 hours ago, and let me assure you, SHIT HAS CHANGED A LOT SINCE THEN.

Anyway, upon finishing our little trek into the wilds of our own backyard, we decided it was time to Get Serious, and so we immediately assessed the alcohol situation; and, quite honestly, the findings were troubling. Fortunately, the roads hadn't gotten too icy yet, so we were able to get out of our neighborhood and zip around the corner for the aforementioned emergency booze/junk food run, so that problem was solved. And it's a good thing we went when we did, because a few hours later, there was no getting up our street -- we're on an incline, but it's not even a major hill, more like an unenthusiastic hump -- but already, the snow was melting and freezing again as ice. And we are southern people who do not have things like "skills" when it comes to navigating these situations.

As such, we and the neighbors all basically stood around in a frozen huddle, gazing mutely at our icy hill, our heads tilted like a pack of perplexed terriers. Ultimately, we did determine a course of action, in which we would (a) construct sleds out of household goods and go careening down the Hump Of Ice; (b) discuss and plan for any possible emergency rationing of liquor; and (c) drink more. And this plan was followed accurately and with great vigor, and it was a lovely, lovely day -- by that evening, Brian and I had already received word that our offices wouldn't be open again on Tuesday, so we made a fire, snuggled up on the couch (just Brian and me; neighbors were not invited to the snuggly), and watched movies. It was the best snow day ever, and I was already getting excited about doing it again on Tuesday, because we're newlyweds, and we like snuggling, and incidentally, YAY FOR A TOTAL LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY! Oh, please, Mister Jesus, let's have snow days ALWAYS FOREVER!

Except! Tuesday morning, Brian's blackberry made that cursed dingy-message buzz, and he checked, and lo and behold -- his flight to L.A. had been rescheduled. For that afternoon. Now, we live about 20 or 30 minutes from the airport, and all of the roads between us and the airport were...you know, dead from cold, so this meant he'd have to take MARTA, our often-smelly transit system. And, because this was the only option for anybody who needed to go anywhere, it meant he'd need to leave about 6 hours before his flight. So all of a sudden, Tuesday morning went from a "luxurious, breakfast-in-bed and coffee-sipping while gazing out on the snow"-type situation, to a full-blown, "Wait, do we even HAVE a MARTA station in our city?! MAYBE WE WOULDN'T SEE IT BECAUSE IT IS UNDERGROUND LIKE AN EVIL LAIR" level of hysteria, plus Brian still had to somehow get himself to the station, and basically, all dreams of SnowSnuggle 2011 were dashed as I watched my poor, sweet husband back his SUV alllllll the way down our street to get a "running start" at the icy hill. After a few attempts, that actually worked (cartoons don't lie!), he crested the hump, and -- after blowing a last, regretful kiss toward me -- he was gone. And I was left to my own devices.

Which is never, ever good. Especially when I CANNOT LEAVE.

Now, let me say this -- I am usually a very busy person. I work, I have a frillion friends and hobbies and projects, Brian has a frillion friends and hobbies and projects, and I am pretty much always running around, bemoaning the fact that I never get to just sit still and take advantage of my home, just enjoying the peace and quiet, and playing with my stuff. Reading my books! Watching movies I've ordered! I never have time to do these things, so you'd think this forced alone-time would have been a gift. Turns out: NO, and I guess this means I can never retire, because HOLY SHIT, I went insane almost instantly. Like, within minutes.

Suddenly, Tuesday stretched out before me, and even though I immediately and logically thought of about 60 things I needed to do around the house (laundry, cleaning out closets, getting all the Christmas stuff to the attic, etc.), now all I could manage was to collapse pitifully on the couch and turn on the television. But, know what is on my television during the daytime? Daytime T.V., it turns out. Which quickly lost my interest (ALL THESE CHANNELS ARE BORING!), and so I ended up trying to find something interesting to read (ALL MY BOOKS LOOK BORING!), and then I ended up kind of poking around drawers looking for something else to do (ALL THE STUFF IN MY DRAWERS IS BORING!). Meanwhile, I busied myself by texting poor Brian every seventeen seconds, all, "Are you coming home yet?" and generally whining internally about how BORING it is to live in a house with, I don't know, every single possible entertainment option available. For WOE IS ME, and if I can't play with my husband, then I was just going to POUT about it, because, once again: I am a petulant, overgrown child. Who likes wine. Why won't anybody pway wif me?

So Tuesday...continued. After a few hours, poor Brian called and said he was finally at the airport (and, he literally had been on MARTA for hours), but his flight had been delayed; they ended up getting him on a different flight, though, and upgrading him, but he had to board right then. So I said goodbye to him, and then I just sat there...some more, trying to figure out what in the hell to do with myself.

For the next few hours, I was incredibly busy, but in such a magical way that I never actually got anything accomplished. I made a fire (it went out). I looked out the window. I cooked myself tater tots and fish sticks. I tried rearranging all of the dining room furniture, then decided it looked better before, and moved everything back. I took out our wedding china and set the table, even though we will not be having guests any time soon, unless they plan to arrive via snowplow. I ranked all of my winter coats in order of favorite to least favorite, before realizing that I only own two winter coats, so that did not take long.

I concluded that if we ran out food, I would eat Kitteh first. I texted this information to my husband. I also texted him most of the lyrics to Nelly's "Just a Dream," because that song is awesome, and I wanted to confirm that I am "[his] love, [his] life, [his] shawty, [his] wife." I then sent him repeated questions as to whether he had received some sparkling apple juice, which I may or may not have sent him. I decided that I had many thoughts and questions to share with my brand-new husband.

Of course, given that Brian was in the air on a cross-country flight at the time, I knew that he was not actually getting this critical information. Instead, I was aware that, after he landed in L.A. and turned his phone back on, all of my texts would be received in an enormous, incoming rush of incomprehensible and psychotic 160-character ramblings, ranging from pop-culture references, to me declaring my intention to eat the cat; I did not care. I WAS BORED, and I hadn't talked to a live person in HOURS (well, I did have one work-related phone call with an attorney from Kansas, who -- after I said I was getting a little stir-crazy -- admitted that, "Yeah, I...can tell, I really can.") And that was all, and I need companionship, and there was NOBODY ELSE TO TALK TO.

But...wait, was there? Y'all know I have always said that Bo does that weird growl-talking thing, and sometimes he really does sound like he's just cheerfully conversing with you in some strange guttural, demon-tongue -- we'll have dinner parties, and he'll settle himself into a chair, and "OoooOOORRRHhhhhGGGgggrrrrOOOg" on and on about politics or the weather or how awesome Nelly's "Just A Dream" video is (so awesome that eyeballs catch on FIRE, not kidding you), and it is adorable. But I've never really harnessed that power into anything useful, so -- after being left alone and trapped for all of about eleven hours -- I decided it was time to teach the dog to say "please." This ended up taking the better part of the evening, and roughly 30% of my wine reserves.

Here are the results:

Now, the notable thing about this video is not that I am still clomping about in my snow shoes (SPRINGY! )(Also, yes, they're technically galoshes, but they're as close as I get to something with tread, for I am not outdoorsy). Nor is it Gimmme's classic "....?" reaction to the entire situation -- no. Instead, it is the fact that Bo clearly recognizes that he should be saying something, and even though it sounds nothing like "please," he also recognizes that saying something = he gets what he wants. The outcome of "please" is that his wishes are fulfilled, and his needs met. You can probably see why this is notable! And why, in this case, "notable" means "bad, terrible, and super awful, forever."

So, long story short, now it is Wednesday night. My office is still closed. Streets remain iced, the hump remains insurmountable. Daytime television has not improved. I have not showered, nor have I seen another human being in the flesh since kissing my husband good-bye. I am, in fact, still wearing my pajamas, and Spaghetti-Os have comprised 66% of my daily meals. And meanwhile, throughout all of this -- since the sun rose over the glistening snow this morning-- Bo has sat merrily in the kitchen, wagging hopefully, and screaming "PLEASE!" at the refrigerator. And this has continued, All. Fucking. Day. Long.

Earlier today, word from the office was that we may open by noon Thursday, but the latest reports are that there won't be any thaw until Friday, which may mean Day 4 of "Snow Day of Glee-Turned to Forced Solitary Confinement (In White)." And that means another day of Spaghetti-Os, Golden Girls (Jesus Christ, I love the ladies, but is that show never NOT on?!), and Bo's fucking "open-sesame"-ing pleas to the food box, all of which is almost certainly going to result in me losing the last shreds of my sanity, and leaving me a simpering, unshowered, Chef Boyardee-stained mess by the time my poor husband gets home tomorrow night.

So...you know. YAY, to all of that! Y'all please cross your fingers that I don't completely lose my shit; that I can ration the remaining wine without having to start distilling potatoes and snow; and that -- no matter how much he hollers -- I stick with the plan to eat the idiot cat first.

Kisses to y'all; if you're down here, stay safe!


Posted by doxie in | permalink

59 Comments

DON'T EAT THE CAT.

That's all I got.

Stay warm!

Posted by: Gina | January 13, 2011 12:16 AM

You mentioned an SUV - If you have all wheel drive you can drive. I'm not belittling your Southern inability to drive in snow - but here in MI that's not even a 2 hour school delay so I know it can be done. Just go slow and you'll be fine. What's worse? Sliding thru a stop sign on an empty road or another can of Spaghetti Os?

Posted by: Linda | January 13, 2011 12:21 AM

But Gina, I MIGHT GET HUNGRY. Tater Tots are not as filling as one would hope. And she's just lying there, plus I could use her fur for a jaunty hat. How is that not responsible?

And Linda, the SUV managed to get Brian to the Marta station (barely), but it's now parked there, so I'm here with my snow-covered Lexus sedan. Which I'm still going to attempt to drive tomorrow, but I think it'll probably just scream at me in frozen Japanese.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 13, 2011 12:33 AM

Hah! Apparently Linda missed the Atl traffic cam of all the cars on the interstates crashing into each other like Dave Matthews and a Hiked Up Skirt. http://tinyurl.com/4qu3xu3

We Southerners really really (REALLY) can't drive on ice.

Posted by: Beth@UnskinnyBoppy | January 13, 2011 12:45 AM

I never seem to remember to do laundry either in times like these.

We had our own SNOW-IN before Christmas. Only I had to shovel. The good news was that wine chills nicely and quickly when set outside on the windowsill.

Posted by: The Expatresse | January 13, 2011 02:11 AM

SUV, 4-wheel, all wheel, wagon with mules (or oxen): all great on snow. Ice? No. This from a resident inside the Arctic Circle where we KNOW ice. Stay put. Don't eat the cat just yet.

Posted by: Jay | January 13, 2011 02:15 AM

So it turns out if we want a new post, all we have to do is SHUT DOWN ATLANTA for 4 days. CONSIDER IT DONE!

Don't eat the kitteh. I mean, it would make a really good blog post what with the catching the kitteh and the bit where the kitteh gets all stuck to the bottom of the boxspring with kitteh claws and you cannot fight because of being dead of nutritional deficiencies caused by a tater tot diet. Also, and there would then be the skinning of the cat (how many ways are their to skin a cat?) and the blood and Bo walking through the blood and then the blood being EVERYWHERE and then Senator Sasquatch coming SURPRISE HOME EARLY and being all sorts of confused by the carnage. It would be a good post.

But it's not worth it. Kitteh can provide all sorts of other entertainment, and you'll be out SOON to have real food (maybe with a vegetable? Or even a nice piece of fruit?) and then you would have kitteh killing regrets. And also I see you have a white couch and bloody Bo footprints would be impossible to get out. Think it through, Leigh.

Posted by: Lisa | January 13, 2011 03:37 AM

A.) take a moment to either visit Juggs' post on Big Tits dot com (or whatever it is) OR delete it. Punks.
B.) SOUP! This is precisely why I make mass quantities of SOUP. In case it ever does more than have a flake of snow here in the Hill Country. I have homemade soup from 2004 in my freezer.
C.) Please do not ever be bored enough to watch Jerry Springer. That is my pinnacle of boredom.
D.) Lisa, in the post above mine, is FUNNY!

Posted by: Debbie | January 13, 2011 07:40 AM

I'm right there with you. Only in Decatur. With my own hills. And two small children.

My husband also left me to go to Marta to get to the airport and then on to Dayton, Ohio. Fortunately, his leaving means I get all the adult beverages to myself.

The good news for me is that I have two preschoolers that are quite entertaining. (The youngest does an excellent Pirate Dance with the Wiggles and Capt. Feathersword.) The bad new is said youngest child has thrown up twice since dinner last night.

You should call your neighbors over for a pot-luck dinner tonight. You supply the pasta-du-joir (Spaghetti-Os) and tater tots, they can handle the rest. And you could even use your new china! TaDa!

Posted by: Amy | January 13, 2011 08:09 AM

I love watching the recycle guy sort our recycle bin. That is my best Friday morning entertainment (especially after a Thursday night gathering of the neighbors!).

DON'T EAT THE CAT!

Posted by: Donna | January 13, 2011 08:36 AM

Dammit, now I want tater tots, and we are still iced in, as well.

My dog is Not Amused by the fact that her yard has transformed into a death trap of a skating rink. Either she slides and does a split or she breaks through the crust and glares at me like "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!" Very tragic.

UGA is supposedly reopening at 11 today. I expect mass reports of injured students to cap off the "ZOMG! ICE!" reports we've been getting all week, as no one in Athens seems to understand how to put salt down on the sidewalks. (Sorry, I'm a transplanted yankee. The charming learned helplessness y'all have down here in response to weather is... interesting to me.)

Posted by: Mir | January 13, 2011 09:26 AM

As a former Vermonter and now resident of the snow belt (not as fashionable as it sounds), I am pointing and laughing at Atlanta but then I realized oh crap, we would NEVER have four days of snow (sounds like a great Lifetime Channel movie) snow days. So I am jealous now.

No eating the kitteh. Kittehs probably DO NOT taste like chickenz.

Posted by: Angeerah | January 13, 2011 09:49 AM

Ha! I'm also in Athens, a born and bred southerner, and MIR is correct.

I am also lamenting the fact that I don't have a cat to eat anymore. Briefly considered unburying her and making feline stew but am convinced she won't be there -- having risen from the dead and currently terrorizing another unsuspecting family. So don't want to know for sure.

Richard's had to work most of the week so it's been just me and the toddler. She's looking appetizingly plump at this point. We are braving the roads this afternoon for a Publix trip. This may require a shower and non-pajama clothes. We'll probably appear to have just emerged from a 20-year stint in a bomb shelter.

In conclusion, next time let's form a snow commune.

Posted by: Jennifer Z. | January 13, 2011 10:01 AM

Look at the bright side. At least down there you get snow days.

Up here in the frozen Canadian north, you can have a 30 inch dump of snow and still, life goes on, you dig out and get your ass to the office. On time.

I want snow days.

Posted by: Jazz | January 13, 2011 10:04 AM

I'm here west of Atlanta, so I feel ya. Lucky for me though, I have 8 kids (7 of whom are home), so there are plenty of people to play board games with. Everybody I know who's at home with a lot of kids is posting Facebook updates about how much cleaning and organizing they've gotten done. Whatever, I've almost entirely cleaned out my TiVo, so I'm counting that.

Also, hey!, we have a few things in common. I have 2 small dogs (yorkies). One sounds like she's trying to talk with a series of snorts, howly-bark things and grunts, and the other is totally blind. I refuse to use snow days as time to clean (except for the TiVo). I also eat a lot of junk food when snowed in (I've perfected fried pickles). And, interestingly enough, when I was watching your Bo video, one of my kids walked in and asked if that was me talking on the computer. Weird.

ANYway (yeah, I'm bored, too), have fun, be careful, and if you decide to eat kitteh...know that she'd be first on my list, too.

Posted by: Momof8 | January 13, 2011 10:11 AM

Whoa, you made partner! That's awesome! Congratulations.

And now I have a dire craving for tater tots.

Posted by: Lawyerish | January 13, 2011 10:19 AM

Look familiar?
http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5208/5349943866_8f159515b4_b.jpg

Posted by: NDchick | January 13, 2011 10:43 AM

Hey welcome to it ! I'm in Southern Ontario Canada. We deal with this a few months of the year but we're not allowed snow days.. its get up, brush it off, shovel it out and make your way to work and DON'T BE LATE. I cannot remember the last time we had a snow day. Even in school, we lived close enough to walk, slide, sled, crawl, and my stay at home mudder made sure we did just that. There was no way she was going to be stuck in the house with us.

OUr dogs revel in the snow, rolling thru it, tunneling in it and digging right down to the grass.. just long enough to get wet , and muddy.

Enjoy your 'down' time and don't eat the Kitteh. You may need to feed her to the dawgs if you run out of food..

Posted by: Lori | January 13, 2011 10:46 AM

You know, if you had a baby you'd always have someone to hang out with at times like this. And you can buy junk food with impunity. ;)

Posted by: catherino | January 13, 2011 10:48 AM

Sounds like you are leading up to the the Four Fish Sticks of the Apopsicle!

Don''t eat the cat, stay away from the mouthwash, and don't give into the temptation to teach Bo the Nelly song :)

Posted by: DJ Spider | January 13, 2011 10:49 AM

I am so pleased that snowpocalypse (SOUTHERN STYLE) waited for me to leave the ATL before hitting. I would've killed my entire extended family if I'd been snowed in with them for 4 days. The Christmas snow y'all had (I'm practically southern!) was bad enough!

Stay sane! I hope you don't have to eat kitteh.

Posted by: Amy | January 13, 2011 12:14 PM

Kitty litter is good to spread on your walkway and driveway, to make it easier to walk on. I'm in Southern Ontario, Canada (like Lori) and it's true we don't have snow days. Although yesterday I was late for work because the snow here covered our major highway and there were several accidents -- I saw one happen, with a white van spinning around and around and a small car coming up on the spinning van quite fast.

But yeah, we have much more resources to deal with the snow up here than you do down in Atlanta.

And congratulations on making partner in your law firm!!

Posted by: Sharon | January 13, 2011 01:56 PM

our snowpacalypse was horrible by the third day, too! eat the cat (to get it overwith) and start giving bo a bath whenever he says please. that should shut him up right quick!

i'm so glad you're back!

Posted by: jennifer | January 13, 2011 02:36 PM

Yeah, you made partner!!

I also am stuck here in Eastern Siberia, GA. You have now shamed me into taking a shower and doing the laundry. Also I am now craving a bloody mary, so maybe the laundry can wait.

I can sympathize with the dogs. I have a standard poodle and she flinches each time one of her feet crashes through the ice layer into the snow underneath. I can't imagine how that must feel if you have short legs and your belly crashes through too.
Hang in there- the sun cometh.

Posted by: mommamack | January 13, 2011 02:49 PM

My oh my. Sounds like quite the adventure! Wish I was there to be drunk and silly with you because it looks like fun :P

Posted by: Heather | January 13, 2011 02:59 PM

I have three small dogs myself - 2 mini dachshunds and 1 toy fox terrier - and live in Ohio. Where it snows. All the time. I'm the only girl on the block who has to shovel her YARD in strange crop circles! Yesterday, we got 18" of snow.

Posted by: KD | January 13, 2011 04:13 PM

now i need tater tots. way to go.

Posted by: denice | January 13, 2011 05:29 PM

I don't mean to disagree with everyone but I say, Eat the cat.

Posted by: Em | January 13, 2011 05:58 PM

The most important thing is to make sure the liquor supply is still sufficient until you have to go back to work. Don't eat the cat; surely there are some other strange things in your cupboard that you could combine to create food. In my case, I could combine canned beans from 4 years ago that I bought thinking I'd make chili but never got around to it, with canned sardines that I bought thinking they'd be good for lunch sometime but they never appealed to me. And of course, pasta. I always have pesto and tomato sauce on hand. Sure, you might get scurvy from lack of fruits and vegetables, but the cat won't supply the necessary nutrients to prevent that anyway.

Good luck to you - we just had 8 inches last night here in NJ after the big blizzard two weeks ago - which still hasn't melted. I'm so sick of winter already.

Posted by: Mauigirl | January 13, 2011 08:04 PM

Lawyerish, Sharon, and Mommamack, thank y'all for the congratulations! It just happened a few weeks ago. I'm all FANCY now! Even though I will never, ever understand what is going on with my taxes, ever again.

Also: yeah, Thursday night, still here. Today I at least made an effort by showering and putting on clothing that involved, like, a bra; somehow, this made me more productive, so at least the laundry's done! Bras make me worky, apparently.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 13, 2011 08:06 PM

I'm in Western Antarctica, Alabama, and work from home, so I don't get snow days, per se. Plus, the company I work for is based out of a northern state, in the lake effect snow belt. My co-workers all laughed at me and my fellow Southerners during our staff meeting call this week, because 8 inches of snow shut our town down for 4 days and counting.

I've got a posse of poodles, and they hate every single minute of snow. One kept trying to lift all 4 paws at the same time to get off the snow. The blind one gets lost in the drifts, because he insists on flinging himself off the deck and wandering throughout the yard, and I have to put on my rain boots and go find him...in the dark. Not like it matters to him if it's dark or not, because he is blind.

Plus, I realized about Day 2 of Snowmageddon that I had forgotten to get dog food, and if rations ran low, it wouldn't be me considering which poodle to eat...they would be eyeballing me and teaming up to take me down. I got out today, and the first place I went was PetSmart to load up and avoid a canine reenactment of the Donner Party.

Posted by: Poodlebugz | January 13, 2011 10:27 PM

I have to echo the chorus of "Don't eat the cat."

Why? Because they are such crappy quality meat they used to use them to string violins. (See? useful that music minor)

I didn't get all the fuss - till I heard Tech closed school - for DAYS. They never did that when I was there. And then I saw this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iudRPyX4934
Ice skating on Peachtree... holy end of days, batman!

good luck.

Posted by: Suzi in Vegas | January 13, 2011 10:34 PM

Oh Miss Doxie, you are too funny. I don't know what I would do if I was trapped forever in my house all alone without my love, I might eat the ketteh's just for entertainment. I live in Utah, the greatest snow on Earth, but not the greatest drivers lol. At least I know how to drive my little Corolla in 5 feet of snow (like I did 2 weeks ago) slow and steady is what it's all about. Hope you have fun in the snow, don't forget to build a snow doxie :)

Posted by: Tina | January 14, 2011 01:44 AM

Yell at you in frozen Japanese? You never not make me laugh.

Posted by: VeeBeewhy | January 14, 2011 02:51 AM

Ha! We were snowbound and holed up in the house for a week last year, and it was pretty much exactly like you describe (first day: FUN! all subsequent days: HELLISH AND UNENDING). Plus, we also had a teething 10-month-old. So it was...very special.

Posted by: jive turkey | January 14, 2011 09:48 AM

I thought it was a good idea to teach my first dachshund how to "speak" first ~ she got it FAST and FURIOUS...only trouble is we never got to anything else so the only "trick" she knows is that one...not how to sit, stay, rollover or anything useful. So when you get treats out that is the FIRST thing you hear and the only thing you hear...the rest of the dachshunds are in "sit" position waiting patiently while she does her only trick!

Posted by: Alison | January 14, 2011 10:49 AM

Hell, we Southerners can barely drive in rain. Forget snow or ICE.

Posted by: ChariD | January 14, 2011 01:20 PM

Every time Atlanta is shut down due to frozen streets, the same meme echos indefinitely: southerners don't know how to drive on ice. It always perplexes me that the real truth is never revealed: Atlanta is a very hilly town. But one doesn't notice on a regular day-to-day routine. Those of us who occasionally go bicycling or roller blading know this truth all too well.

I've lived here for several decades. I've seen the look of bewilderment in the faces of plenty of northern transplants who venture out to prove that THEY know how to drive on ice around here. There's nothing quite like the feeling of helplessness one gets while sliding down a frozen slope in slow motion anticipating the inevitable crunch of one's prized automotive possession. It makes a lasting impression. Trust me; I know.

P.S. — Please don't eat the kitteh!

Posted by: Byron | January 14, 2011 01:31 PM

Hi - I just liked your page on FB - I hope that was your page. :) Is it your page? Maybe I just liked a random page. uhoh.

Posted by: Scott | January 14, 2011 03:09 PM

Heee, Scott! Aw, thank you; I'm still setting it up, but now you're my first liker! I feel like I should send you something; would you like a cat?

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 14, 2011 03:12 PM

Seriously, you had 4 snow days? I'm totally jealous. The 28 inches we got in last year's snOMG storm made me an hour late for work. I can't imagine anything closing us down for 4 days.

Posted by: Tinare | January 14, 2011 04:40 PM

At least ITP you don't have every Bocephus and Bubba testing out their NASCAR skillz. Then we've got our neighbor-- sent his kids out with firecrackers to see if they could blast the ice off his driveway

Posted by: Elizabeth | January 15, 2011 12:43 AM

Don't eat AK until you've posted some stories & pictures of her.

Posted by: glf | January 15, 2011 10:18 AM

Please may I have a snow day?

Posted by: Victoria | January 16, 2011 03:31 PM

We're in Birmingham and no matter how much you love your husband, being locked for three days in a one bedroom apartment with nothing but toaster strudel and makers mark WILL NOT END WELL. Shit got REAL is all I'm saying, and the words "for the love of all thats holy stop breathing so loudly" may have been uttered. twice.

Posted by: Lauren | January 16, 2011 04:42 PM

My dad has always referred to all of our pets as "alternative food sources" when ever big weather hit. (When they looked at him sadly he would say, "You want to be people instead of alternative food sources, you have to grow thumbs. I do not make the rules.")

Hope you guys are all thawed out and driving and your blood is turning into more blood than alcohol again. Um. Especially if you're driving again. ;)

Also, please tell me that the cat survived.

Please.

Posted by: Minda | January 16, 2011 10:01 PM

My dad has always referred to all of our pets as "alternative food sources" when ever big weather hit. (When they looked at him sadly he would say, "You want to be people instead of alternative food sources, you have to grow thumbs. I do not make the rules.")

Hope you guys are all thawed out and driving and your blood is turning into more blood than alcohol again. Um. Especially if you're driving again. ;)

Also, please tell me that the cat survived.

Please.

Posted by: Minda | January 16, 2011 10:01 PM

I am originally from the Great Tropical State of Florida and my husband's job moved us up to Connecticut, where we just received 4 feet of snow in 3 separate snowstorms, courtesy of Mother Nature. Boy, do I feel your stir-crazy pain.

I've found creating drinking games from random shows on Hulu helps pass the time, though I'm sure you're back to work now. Here's to hoping the Great Thaw happens quickly and that the cat made it out intact.

Posted by: Lindsay | January 17, 2011 07:42 AM

I sent a bottle of sparkling Ritalin to your house.

Did you get it?

(heart you so bad. SO BAD.)

Posted by: June Gardens | January 17, 2011 10:38 AM

I swear to Christ, Leigh, you could write about the REAL Apocalypse and make it sound like Mardi Gras. Apocalypso, anyone?

Am so, so glad you are back. It's like a gift from the universe! Thanks, Universe! :o)

Posted by: Caroline | January 17, 2011 03:07 PM

And by the way: CONGRATULATIONS on your partnership! What a huge, fantastic accomplishment!

Posted by: Caroline | January 17, 2011 03:20 PM

Cool. I finally won something. A cat? Don't you mean a kitteh? :)

Posted by: Scott | January 17, 2011 06:24 PM

Showing that video to my 2 year old resulted in her saying More puppy? for like the last 20 minutes. And we watched it five times. Awesome.

Posted by: Joy | January 17, 2011 07:58 PM

I'm so happy you're back to blogging! Congratulations on your wedding and I hope things have returned to normal by now. :-)

Posted by: Shane | January 19, 2011 12:59 AM

I live in MA so any snow amounts under 8-inches is considered a flurry. You dig yourself out and go about your life, unless you're my neighbor across the street. He's opposed to shoveling, so he just parks his truck at the end of the driveway. One of these days he's going to have a nose-less truck from the state plows, but I digress.

Alot of people that own SUV's here seem to think they can still drive like lunatics in bad weather. The irony comes when they skid off the road into a massive snow bank and they act surprised and or have a temper tantrum. They get the whole foot-stomping, arm-waving thing going on which never ceases to amuse.

We're guilty of picking on our southern friends for shutting everything down for days at a time over a few inches of snow. We too understand that most southern states don't have the equipment to handle snow and ice, and we certainly do not want anybody to get hurt, but still, it seems silly.

Speaking of silly, atleast you buy things that are in a can. Want to know what my neighbors buy in the threat of a storm, whether it be in the form of snow or a hurricane? They buy many gallons of milk and ice cream. Being lactose intolerant, it makes my stomach turn just thinking about having 8 gallons of milk in the house, but that's what they do.

Perhaps some of these households have 9 or more children, but sheesh! I'm a parent of one who is a teen and I can't stand his bouncing around from having a candy bar, nevermind having a houseful of ankle-biters wired in ice cream for days at a time. Just the thought of it makes my right eye twitch.

We're having a heat wave here. It's 38 degrees and the white crap is melting, but we still have snow piles. When yours is gone, let me know and I'll send you some more. ;)

Posted by: Stacy | January 19, 2011 09:10 AM

Doxie! So glad you are back and so mushily happy sappy in love! Also, that Bo video was insanely awesome!!!! And cute.

Posted by: Stefanie | January 21, 2011 09:00 PM

I think Gimmme has the most perfect dog-question-mark-head-tilt I've ever seen.

Posted by: velocibadgergirl | January 22, 2011 09:46 PM

Bo rocks! And Gimmme's pretty cute with his "WTF?" look too!

Posted by: Ivie | January 23, 2011 05:46 AM

Glad you're back Miss Doxie! Oops, MRS. Doxie, heh. It's like meeting up with an old friend. Only I don't know you, lol! Love your house, it's beautiful. And many congrats on making partner!!

Posted by: Leeny | January 23, 2011 09:50 AM

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