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Whole Wide World

August 02, 2008

Aw, you guys! Just...honestly. Y'all are so nice. Seriously, all of those sweet comments?! LOOK HOW NICE YOU PEOPLE ARE. I don't deserve you! You are all rocking and kick ass and good looking and wise. Thank you for all of your nice thoughts, and thank you all for being so sympathetic toward my little personal tragedies. Really, I should have figured that you'd all understand, and I kind of feel like an idiot for being so nervous about coming back. But, you know. I never said I was particularly smart. Just kind of a coward.

Smart or not, though, I am still compelled to share my Knowledge for the day. Maybe it is not very...knowledgeable, exactly, but in reading all of those comments, it sounds like so many of y'all are going through this. So, maybe reading about my experience will be borderline...useful. I don't know! I am just here to communicate words, in varying degrees of coherence! Because, that is kind of My Thing: Sporadic Coherence. And, wine. Also bruising.

But, anyway. For anybody who is interested, or is going through some awful uncoupling and is feeling like, holy shit, this will suck for the duration, I have compiled a time line of my life for the past six weeks, as communicated over cocktails to Cookie, His Honor (y'all, now I have a Judge friend! He cannot help us with bail money [lame] but he has a robe and a hammer thing), another friend we will call The Minister (do not ask; we don't know why he's called the Minister, particularly given the fact that the Minister is actually Jewish, but we are going to go with it) and other assorted wonderful people who I don't have names for yet, but I am working on it, however, point BEING that these were the words coming out of my mouth and hurtling in the direction of those poor, unfortunate people, all starting about 2 months ago when the breakup was considered official:

Day 1: Sob. Sob sob sob. Google "nooses" and "proper method of tying."

Day 2: SOB SOB SOB OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE. BO, TIE MOMMA A NOOSE.

Day 3 - Day 10: Etc.

Day 11: Um, fuck this. Kind of. But, additionally: SOB.

Day 12: Ooo, love those shoes! You know, mourning is...boring, a little. Hmm.

Day 13: Actually? Fuck this hard. No more mourning! I am buying me some lady shoes!

Day 14: NO SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS, KNOW WHAT. I HAVE MADE A COMMAND DECISION HERE. NO MORE MOURNING. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

Day 15: YEAH.

Day 16-18: Yeeeaaaah.

(sob.)

Day 19: NO THAT IS RIGHT. FUCK THIS AGAIN. I hereby decide that from now on, ALL I WANT is to be happy. It is time for a shift in perspective! Shift shift shift! I am going to just be happy, with a minimum of sobbing, and a maximum of new shoes. HA. That is called "having goals."

Day 20: And, YES, all of you lovely friends of mine, indeed I WOULD like to start dating again, just for fun and also a wide variety of what promises to be drama, as well as the free cocktails I understand to be involved. Please bring me prospects, preferably those with a mostly full set of teeth. And who are not addicted to the hardcore drugs.

Day 21, Part I: Hey ACTUALLY. COOKIE. If possible, I would like to date that extremely cute guy that is Spam's friend and who is awesome. And who has teeth, and ALSO no telltale track marks! I mean, not to be too specific, or anything. But set me up with that guy. Provided he is not...married. Or what have you.

Day 21, Part II: Oh, he's...available? He...what now? HE WANTS TO GO? NO HA HA HA THAT'S COOL. I AM TOTALLY COOL AND NOT STUPIDLY EXCITED AT ALL. NO I AM NOT SHAKING. I THINK WE HAD AN EARTHQUAKE A SECOND AGO. YOU LOOK OVER THERE NOW.

Day 22: NO I AM NOT SWEATING ALSO.

Day 23: HEY. What do I wear? Should I cut all my hair off? Does he like redheads? Should I dye my hair red? Maybe I will dye my hair red. Does he like people who have teeth? Should I get some more? Should I...hello?

Day 24, Part I: [Nervous nervous nervous]

[Oh my God I am a dork]

[But holy shit, I have not gone on a date in seven YEARS]

[What if I am boring? I totally bet I am SO BORING. I bet I start talking about the Amish]

[SHIT now all I can think about are Amish people. I am going to suck at this SO HARD]

[Oh Jesus please don't let me fall down in front of him on the first date please]

[SERIOUSLY GOD DO ME A SOLID WITH GRAVITY, JUST THIS ONCE, I BEG OF YOU]

Day 24, Part II: [First date] [Is perfect] [And I do not fall down]

Day 25, Part I: HA GUESS WHO DID NOT FALL AT ALL.

Day 25, Part II: [Giggle/ Etc./Gloat] [Am generally annoying to be around]

Day 25, Part III: HE CALLED HE CALLED HE CALLED.

Day 26, Part I: Did I mention that he called? Because HE CALLED AND HE IS AWESOME. Just in case I didn't mention. Also, did I tell you about the time I didn't fall down? Did I ment...hello? Cooookie?

Day 26, Part II: ... mention that he is awesome. Did I mention that he is awesome? Because, DUDE. HE IS AWESOME. Broken record, what now? Also, I think there is something wrong with your phone, because I keep losing...hellllooo?

Day 27: [Second date] [Is even more perfect] [Mind officially blown/knees officially weakened]

Day 28: [All is right with the world] [Plus I owe Cookie a car]

[The End]

So, there it was, about -- I guess a month ago, ish, with the first dates, and the getting-to-know-you. And now, here we are, which...y'all. Y'all, do not even get me started. He's perfect, I am obnoxiously happy, and I am having a ridiculously good time. So, done, BOOYAH, the end, and so forth, because people, Cookie found me a good one, and I am stapling him to my side.

What we have not found, however, is a name for him, although he, Spam, Cookie, and I all spent the better part of a [drinky] afternoon trying to come up with something appropriate. Spam wanted to call him...I think it was Senator Sulu, which is a Mr. Show reference of some kind. Or maybe I am muddling things. I probably am, but...okay, there was that. Other possibilities were as follows:

Spam: Roboticus!

Self: No.

Spam: Yeti.

Self: No.

Spam: WAIT, wait. Totally got it: Robot Yeti.

Self: NO. Why with all the Yeti and robots?

Spam: Fine. You want to go a different direction? How about...Crotchgrabber.

Self: There are so many, many things wrong with that suggestion.

Spam: Or, the more traditional Grabbacrotcha? Like in the old country.

Self: Sigh.

Him: Does it have to be food related? Like Cookie and Spam?

Self: No, it can be whatever. Unfortunately.

Him: Then I like Shania!

Self: I...what?

Cookie: Oh, you should totally go with the food thing! You could be tofurkey, since you're a vegetarian.

Self: That's not bad! Baby! Want to be Soysage?

Him: Shania!

Spam: What about...Spartacus.

Self: But. Why.

Spam: NO I HAVE IT: Sasquatch.

Self: PEOPLE. WHY WITH ALL THE YETI TALK.

Spam: No, no...Senator Sasquatch. Now that the election results are in.

Self: But...

Him: Shania!

Oddly, we have not yet arrived at a consensus. I know this is surprising to all. But we will continue to work on it, as soon as we are in the same room as more vodka, and this will bring order to my life.

But as sweet as y'all are, and as long as this already is, I know that in the grand scheme, very many of you are thinking HOLY GOD shut UP about your LIFE ALREADY, because you are dying to know about the dogs, WHAT ABOUT THE DOGS.

meanboface1.jpg
HELLO YOU WOMENS. DID YOU MISS BO.

I've been trying to think of some of the best stories, but I've been drawing a blank, because the dogs have actually been...like, not murderous lately. I know! AND, they've been on a diet, so there are actually fewer square inches of them to terrorize me.

meanboface2.jpg
EXCUSE BO. WHAT YOU JUST SAID OF DIET.

This diet includes green beans ("BEANS! BEANS BEANS BEANS" is what they all say every morning now, as they run hysterical brown circles around Food Bowl). And, the BEANS! diet has actually worked, because guess what Gimme has now? A waist! Kind of! He's lost a third of his body weight, and is now svelte, like a wee, speckle-y model.

gimmmodel.jpg
SLIM FAST WORK FOR GIMMME!

But there has been a bit of reorganization on the doggie front, because about a month ago, Ziz and Awesome Future Brother In Law Bob moved into a new place in L.A. This place allows dogs, which means that for the first time ever, Ziz could actually live in a bedachshund-ed household, as God intended. And, lo, there was much celebrating all about the land.

However. Since we are already a family of seven (SEVEN) wieners, getting more seemed...excessive. Maggie, who has lived with Mom and Dad, has always been Ziz's dog -- it's always been understood that, as soon as Ziz and Bob moved into a dog-friendly place, Maggie would go to California like a wee little gold rusher. But there was also a lot of concern about Maggie being alone; she's never been alone. She would not like being alone. She is used to having other dogs to lord over and rule, because she is totally bitchy that way. So taking Maggie on her own was not going to work, and puzzlement commenced accordingly.

Meanwhile, there was Equal Dog Drama happening over at my own place. Ever since Tasha died, there's been some...tension. Between the menfolk. I think having Tasha in the house, who pretty much ruled the roost, kept testosterone in check; when she was gone, though, all of a sudden, the remaining three started fighting. And, I am not talking just "Strong Words Being Exchanged, I Am Looking At You Sternly" fighting. I mean "snarling, growling, yelping, going-for-the-jugular, HOLY SHIT CHILL OUT, CUJO" fighting. And the one who always seemed to be in the middle of it all -- every time -- was Pugsley. Who used to be afraid of all things. Including his own flatulence. From which he would hide under the bed.

What made it worse was that there was no predicting it, and no figuring it out; we'd all be sleeping in the same bed, and all of a sudden, Pugsley would wake up and just go APESHIT all over Bo or Gimmme. And, I'd have to dive between everyone, grabbing hysterical, snapping dogs by tails or legs in an attempt to stop the RANDOM KILLING taking place beneath the coverlet. To put it mildly, this was significantly less than Big Fun for everyone involved.

gimsaysoow.jpg
ONE TIME PUGSLEY GO CRAZY AND BITED ME ON MY BOY PART. WAS SO OW.

I talked to the vet about it, and we tried drugs, and we tried separating them, and so on. But nothing seemed to work. All that was certain was that I was kind of losing my mind. I was also kind of losing a lot of blood, because I kept on having to interject myself in between the Tiny Fangs Of Death at 2 in the morning. But even more troubling was the fact that Pugsley just seemed genuinely unhappy -- the vet explained that, when Tasha died, apparently Pugsley thought it was time to elect a new ruler, and he wanted to get his little self in the running. The problem, however, was that nobody else was aware of any impending doggie coup. Bo had no interest, as he does not believe that he is A Dog, which would be solidly Beneath Him.

meanboface3.jpg
DONT FIGHTS LADIES. THERE PLENTY OF BO TO GO ROUND.

And then Gimmme just...I mean, Gimmme is just a little puddle of waggity love. He has no clue about any kind of inner strife and turmoil. Gimme does not even know what a coup is. GIMMME NOT DO WARS.

gimmmalover2.jpg
GIMMME ALSO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR POSTMODERN ANGST

So, the family decided to try combining our various doggie drama, and tried seeing whether Pugsley and Maggie could get along together. And turns out, they're an excellent match. Maggie still gets to lord over Pugsley and order him around, but he's apparently fine with that, because Maggie is a girl. Pugsley, it turns out, likes being henpecked. It is what he wants. God help the male who tries to give him an order, but if Maggie barks, it's "yes, dear," all the way to the pickles and ice cream store, and it is the strangest little thing you ever saw.

Once the two of them were officially BFF, Mom and Dad drove them (here I will type those words again. Drove them) to California. From Georgia. In a car. Hi.

Also: evidently, they will not be doing that again any time soon.

But ultimately, they got there! And so Puglsey and Maggie are L.A. dogs now, which means they have pedicures and an agent, and probably make more money than I do. And, although I miss my little Pugsley, apparently this was the best thing in the world for him -- his entire attitude is changed, and he just walks around wagging like a drunken idiot. He gets to be a little king, after all, with no other boys to challenge his teeny brown authority. And, he gets to watch over Maggie, which makes him feel extremely important, all while being spoiled RIDICULOUSLY by my sister and Bob. So, all is right with the world. And as a special bonus, I am no longer losing a pint of blood every night. Everyone lives! Woo!

And so, that is how come now, I am a two doxie household. Which seems so...wrong, actually. As though I were a weirdly reasonable person, which...that is clearly not the case. I may have to start collecting figurines or something. Anyway, be afraid.

But, so! That is My Awesome, Wonderful Life. And everything worked out like it was supposed to, even though things sucked royally for a time. And thus we have my remarkably cheesy, oft-repeated and completely cliche lesson for the day, in the style of my own little After School Special. But, no matter how cliche, I just wanted to send a little happy to all of you who are going through a break up, and were kind enough to share your own perspective and unhappiness in the comments to that last entry: Y'all, I swear to holy God, it gets better. And I know you've heard that one frillion times, but it...does. I'm sorry, and I know that isn't profound or earth shattering or even novel, at all, but having just gone through the ringer and come out happier than ever, I can solidly promise you that the ugly will end, and that you will emerge happier, more confident, and more certain of what you want. And once that happens, there will be a Sasquatch Senator just waiting for you on the other side. And it will be the best thing in the whole wide world.

meanboface4.jpg
HEY BABY. BO BE YOUR SASQUATCH. YOU BRING THE HAMS.

Oh, P.S.: Don't even look at the About Me page. I...killed it. Nobody is surprised. I will continue trying to figure out how exactly one operates a website, but in the meantime, let's just...ignore that! A lot. Anyway, kisses!

Posted by doxie in The Innernet | permalink

132 Comments

I saw that you killed the About Me page, but I read it anyway, between the lines of all the code markup. It was like a whole other new Miss Doxie post before this one!

Posted by: K8 | August 3, 2008 03:35 PM

Thank you for this! I tee hee'd my little hiney off. So glad to see that the light at the end of the tunnel involves vodka and no blood.

Posted by: daphne | August 3, 2008 03:51 PM

Oh boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy!
This is the best Day After My Birthday present EVER!!!!

Posted by: deb | August 3, 2008 03:54 PM

Hooray for Senator Sasquatch Shania! Maybe you could just call him Triple S?

Posted by: Gwen | August 3, 2008 03:55 PM

Honey, you make me laugh harder than anyone else on the innernet, I swear. (Pamie comes close!) My heart and prayers are with you over your recent sadness, and I am overjoyed that you have a sparkling new sasquatch-buddy. Bless your and your precious, precious doggies (my doxie Abigail says HI!), and thank you, as always, for sharing with the rest of us.

Posted by: Sithean | August 3, 2008 04:09 PM

BO!!! Never leave me again, Bo!!!! For realsies, woman, so so happy that things are going so well for you. So very awesome. My terrible horrible no good very bad breakup was two years ago, and I am still...not so much with the dating. So hearing the Story of Senator Shania Sasquatch gives me mucho hope.

Posted by: missbanshee | August 3, 2008 04:09 PM

Hilarious. I've lived through that timeline before, yes indeed.

Posted by: WendyB | August 3, 2008 04:22 PM

Glad to hear things are better & that you have Senator Shania Sasquatch to entertain you. Although to be honest, I am mostly glad that the dogs are okay. :)

Posted by: Amy | August 3, 2008 04:40 PM

So glad you have found SSS and that the Pugsley Dilemma was solved. And it's so great to see Bo and Gimme again too!

Posted by: Mauigirl | August 3, 2008 04:47 PM

Am I the only one hoping one day soon you'll come home with two more doxie puppies? No?

But aww, seriously, I'm so happy you're happy. And so happy you're back.

Posted by: jonniker | August 3, 2008 04:57 PM

Oh yeah, and I've also totes gone the buying shoes route as v. v. effective therapy. Although I am getting concerned about the pants-buying. Mmm, pants.

Does Spam have any other single friends? In the NYC metro area, preferably?

Posted by: missbanshee | August 3, 2008 05:16 PM

I saw the About page...um, yeah. You broke it, but I don't think you killed it. Maybe hire a web guy for an hour?

Posted by: Linda | August 3, 2008 05:21 PM

Yaaay, Doxie's back! I'm so glad to hear that you are in a better place now. In 2004, I ended my 7-year relationship that obviously wasn't going anywhere. Three months later I met my husband. Four years later, we're happily married, we have 3 fat, sweet cats, and I have the wonderful job I've always wanted. Go Doxie! I'm sure there's much more happiness around the future for you. And more wiener dogs. :-)

Posted by: Cara | August 3, 2008 05:30 PM

Der, I meant around the corner, not around the future! Maybe I need some wine to straighten me out this afternoon...

Posted by: Cara | August 3, 2008 05:31 PM

Yay! So glad that things are wonderful now! I know exactly how you feel....I also ended a 7 year relationship and in a short few months met my future husband. (Seriously, what's with all the 7 year breakups?)

Posted by: Lori | August 3, 2008 05:36 PM

Yay, doxie pictures! And yay for moving on! And for Ziz and Bob getting their own pair of doxies to spoil!

*SO* glad you're back!

(I've now officially used up my allotment of exclamation points for the foreseeable future.)

Posted by: Linda260 | August 3, 2008 05:43 PM

Somehow the "it gets better" cliche sounds different coming from someone who just went through it than it does when my mom says it. Maybe I should start believing that. Hmm. Still...am skeptical.

Posted by: barnmouse | August 3, 2008 05:43 PM

Yayyyyy!! I'm so happy to hear things are on an even keel. I really missed you!!

Posted by: Bonney | August 3, 2008 05:45 PM

Hey - as I was reading you post, I noticed a similarity with my 'family' and yours... I have a cat (adopted stray) named Cookie... and my daughter just brought home a kitten she found in the Poconos (under an abandoned cottage) - that she named 'Spam' (she and her friend lured the kitty out using that tasty treat). My Beagle is named Peanut, my rescued Doxie is 'Bailey' - he came with that name, so I call him Bailey's Irish Cream.. and the old lady cat (15 yo) is named Sugar.. so we have the foodie theme going, as well. anyway, Cookie and Spam are best friends... Glad you are back!

Posted by: Nancy | August 3, 2008 05:55 PM

So glad you are doing better!

Congratulations on not falling down, but, for the record, my sister fell flat on her face on her first date a few years ago, and they just got married in May. So she swears by it. :-)

Posted by: Damsel | August 3, 2008 05:59 PM

Yay! A happy Miss Doxie is my favorite kind! You're one of the funniest people on the innertubes!

Ziz knows she has to start a blog so Pugsley fans can keep up with his goings-on, right?

Posted by: Sara | August 3, 2008 06:31 PM

What an excellent happy beginning. Did you seriously think anyone could ever find you boring? That's just not possible. Can't wait to hear more about the adventures of Doxie and your yet-to-be-named honey.

Posted by: catherino | August 3, 2008 06:31 PM

It took me a long time to stop laughing long enough to type. You are a riot!

Posted by: W. Lotus | August 3, 2008 06:47 PM

Totally fell down the apartment stairs from the second floor on my first date with hubby. I ooze grace. Anyways, so happy to see pics of sweet doxies again. I love me some Gimme and Bo! Send Pugsley hugs and kisses from all of us next time you talk to Ziz.

Posted by: Angela | August 3, 2008 06:49 PM

Shania! I definitely think he should be Shania. Or maybe.....SENATOR Shania? Senator Shania Soysage?

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | August 3, 2008 06:54 PM

Hee. So good to see Gimmme. I love him so.

And so happy that you are happy, of course. I sort of like Spartacus, but just because I am sort of mental that way.

Posted by: Gretchen | August 3, 2008 07:03 PM

I am pretty sure FellaGuy is hereby christened Triple S :p

Girl, I am so glad to see you back on top, though I do recognise the full-on weirdness that is a buncha complete and total strangers cheerin' you on and telling you they gotcher back.

Also, as a Georgian, aren't you pretty much required to call yer Judge'n friend "Hizzoner"? 'Cos that's how everyone in my family pronounces it... Bu then again, we're yankees, from up north. Y'know: South Carolina.

Posted by: Pave.Gurl | August 3, 2008 07:25 PM

Shania? That fact alone convinces me that he is wonderful. So so so glad you're back and happy.

Posted by: missbeegail | August 3, 2008 07:48 PM

Yay for "He who Doth Maketh the Miss Doxie Happy."
On a more somber note, Gimmmes collar is looking a little loose in the picture. I would keep an eye on that, we don't want him going all skinny hollywood starlet on us. hee hee

Posted by: karla | August 3, 2008 08:12 PM

Another seven year veteran here. The seven-year cycle thing is a documented astrology FACT - IT IS IN SUN SIGNS AND WIKIPEDIA. Glad to see there are the lights and the tunnels and everything, Dox. We are all veterans and we will all prevail and all find good boys in the end. Yes.

Posted by: beth | August 3, 2008 09:38 PM

So happy to read this. Can't wait to read more about Shania! Also, you are clearly light years ahead of me on the getting over the bad breakup thing, but maybe that's b/c I waited to date until I was over it instead of using it as a trampoline to getting the hell over it. Will remember for (hopefully there won't be another one, but just in case) next time. I've got a great one now too. Crossing fingers and sending out some good vibes that everyone is as lucky as we are.

Posted by: Kimberly | August 3, 2008 09:54 PM

You're in love again? After 24 days? Whew! That's gotta be a record somewhere!

I mean, you haven't even ... um ... "bedachsunded" house? Is that some kind of sex-cult thing?

It's hard to follow your life, you know? But I love you! I think.

Posted by: Michael | August 3, 2008 10:36 PM

Hi,
I am so glad you are happy. Really I am still kinda in the sob and so stupid really on the friends with benefits thing? I have become a cliche. Anyways my beagles are rioting via excessive pen and nerds eating (actually only the box because the nerds themselves, they are all bright on the floor).

Anyways, thank you for your optimistic outcome. Noone would expect anything less from you and you deserve to be honored and respected. Thank you for being honest and for being so funny. The first time Satan and I split was New Years of 2006 and your post about Bo in the cone was the only thing that could make me smile for a good couple mon ths. Thank you again and have a WONDERFUL evening. :-)

Posted by: Mel | August 3, 2008 11:04 PM

I knew it would be sunny in Doxieland soon. Glad to see the photos of the pooches too. Missed them.

Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | August 3, 2008 11:47 PM

OH HAI BO! Awww Doxie, I am so happy you found the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel! It gives me hope. Of course my horrible very bad no good break up was 2 years ago and then well, I was stalked. So I don't date now and it's much better this way.

Sad, but true!

Posted by: MazingAmy | August 4, 2008 12:05 AM

BO!

Posted by: angatwork | August 4, 2008 12:17 AM

I like the sound of Shania, both the name and the fellow. Glad for you and glad for him, he's lucked out!

Posted by: J-Bird | August 4, 2008 12:44 AM

Reading this entry caused /way/ too much happy squeeing on your behalf. I demand you stop being so cute and girly, lest I break your windows. From across the continent. Because that is a serious threat.

At the doggie shift: D'awww. D: After my Ginger died, her babies got really depressed and started having horrible, killyousohardyoudietodeath fights for dominance. (Well, except for the male. He just ran and hid.) I'm so glad that Pugsley and the gang are happy again~ (And you! As if the squeaking you heard moments ago did not indicate that.)


Andandand, yes. You do deserve our love. And we are still very, very sorry about the scary... thing we had going in the comments awhile back. Butnoweverything's awesome!
ShaNIA!

Posted by: Iggeh | August 4, 2008 01:14 AM

I'm new to your blog but did A LOT of catchup reading at work and now I'm glad your back (and blissfully happy) too!

Posted by: weinermomma | August 4, 2008 01:16 AM

Oh, Miss Doxie. So glad to hear things righted themselves with a minimum of bloodshed. And going by the Shania conversation? I think I'm going to like Senator Sasquatch. Wow that's a hard word to spell. I'm sure there is another s in there towards the end ...

Posted by: Sarah-Rose | August 4, 2008 05:28 AM

So happy for you! Also, BOOOO! Oh, how I missed you both.

And Bo picture captions are always the best, you should do loldoxies for a living.

Obviously, you need one or two more dogs, you have the heart to leave those fine fellas without female companion? So. Cruel. Sane, too, I know, but still.

Posted by: hanga | August 4, 2008 07:38 AM

And so everyone, dogs and humans, are successfully re-coupled. Yay!

This made me laugh extra special: "I talked to the vet about it, and we tried drugs..." Maybe the drugs would have worked better if you administered them to Pugsley instead of going on a bender with your vet. Just sayin'.

Posted by: dgm | August 4, 2008 08:47 AM

Well. Since in addition to being, apparently, a robot sasquatch, your boyfriend is also a vegetarian, I think we have no choice.

I think he must be called Vegetron. The end.

Aw, I will miss wee Pugsley. Why does it not surprise me that he is a bottom? Hee! Glad he is happy with his new (dominatrix?) friend in LA!

Bo is adorable, as always. Both doggies are looking adorably svelte. BEANS!

(also – I snorted at "BO TIE MOMMA A NOOSE!" hee!)

Posted by: McKate | August 4, 2008 09:05 AM

I'm so happy for you!

Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | August 4, 2008 09:39 AM

I'm so, so glad that things have gotten better for you! It seems like things might even be better than before, and I'm glad. Your last post had me in the dumps a little. No matter what, the fact that you're back is cause for celebration...good thing my birthday's tomorrow, so I've got double the excuse to be obnoxious.

Posted by: LindzML | August 4, 2008 09:42 AM

Welcome back, welcome back. Bo is still gorgeous, and I am still madly in love with Gimme who is more handsome than ever!

Delighted with your new romance and even more delighted and all of us have you (and Bo and Gimme) back with us.

As tough a day as I may be having (today editing a SCOT US brief for the zillionth time), reading your delicious words always perks up my day!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | August 4, 2008 09:45 AM

Ooh! OOh! Are we voting?!

I vote for simply

THE SENATOR

Glad you're cheery! Onward and upward!

Posted by: Jozet at Halushki | August 4, 2008 09:46 AM

We need some pictures of this attractive guy with teeth. And of you smiling next to him.

Posted by: wwcutie | August 4, 2008 09:56 AM

When did you become a vegetarian? That means no more stories about dinner parties with pork tenderloin I guess. Dammit.

Posted by: catherino | August 4, 2008 10:08 AM

I really hope we get to see pics of this Senator Sasquatch. And hopefully Ziz will send pics of Pugsley and Maggie.

Posted by: Marriage-101 | August 4, 2008 10:10 AM

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome Back!!

As always, the Bo captions are great!

Posted by: Kari | August 4, 2008 10:32 AM

I am curious about this diet. I have two slightly chubby doxies that need this! What are you feeding them?

Posted by: Trish | August 4, 2008 10:37 AM

I just have to say it again, I really am glad you are back. I am also really glad the internets gave you some love so that you would want to stay back. I enjoy your writing so much. You make me laugh out loud. Not sure what that says about me.

Posted by: Danielle | August 4, 2008 10:42 AM

Congratulations! I'm SO glad to hear your good news!

Posted by: b | August 4, 2008 11:00 AM

I'm so glad that you're back and that things are going well!

Posted by: Jane | August 4, 2008 11:10 AM

So um, this means you want to dogsit my weiner, yes?

Posted by: Hanna | August 4, 2008 11:16 AM

Ah, all is right with the world again: Miss Doxie has come back!

Posted by: Shawna | August 4, 2008 11:42 AM

Way to jump back on the saddle again. Erm, in so many words.

Happy that you're happy. Now quit breaking shit.

Posted by: Kelliqua | August 4, 2008 12:15 PM

Rawr! Women missed Bo! {{squooshy-hugs}}
Gimmme is pawsitively HANDSOME! What *is* that diet?

Broken web pages: I volunteer my humble services if you so desire, also, Wordpress is MUCH easier to set up and maintain. I would be happy to help you get Miss Doxie 2.0 up and running.

Yay for good dates and new prospects!

Posted by: Momcat | August 4, 2008 12:39 PM

I left my husband after 8 years and living in another country together, cause he wasn't sure about that 'white picket fence' (house and kids). It's now 8 years since then, I am remarried with upgrade hubby, 2 kids, a doggie, a mortgaged house with no fence but a lot of love. Nice to know that life goes on :)

Posted by: vicki | August 4, 2008 12:43 PM

Glad everything's so much better now. Also congrats on getting the dogs on a diet, being lean does wonders for them. It even cured dysplasia on one of our dogs! well not cured-cured, but eased the symptoms quite a bit. See ya'll!

Posted by: DoxieFan | August 4, 2008 02:03 PM

You left out 2 very important things. 1. A picture of the Senator. 2. Does Bo get along with the Senator, and please describe THAT process.
OH! And what about the story of Cookie and the geese?

Posted by: psychophant | August 4, 2008 02:07 PM

Welcome back dear! I can't believe my own eyes. I had berated myself for checking back every so often, month after month, but it finally paid off today! HURRAY! I,too, went thru the breakup on Dec 27th after 7 1/2 years. I bought a new house and now have a friend with benefits, so yes, it does get better doesn't it? While I mourn what we thought we had, I am impressed with our resilliance and our ability to see good on the horizon. It is good now & will only get better. FOR SURE! Cant wait to hear more about the pups, the sis & the new man. Enjoy it all!

Posted by: IMQOTFU | August 4, 2008 02:30 PM

*kisses* back

Posted by: Victoria | August 4, 2008 02:43 PM

I am so glad that the last post wasn't your new yearly post and that there is more, and you are happy and everything is once again right in the universe!

Posted by: Jen | August 4, 2008 02:54 PM

I, too, must know about this diet of which you speak. My very pudgy beagle is in need of something to allow her to show off her now-non-existent waistline. Beans you say?

Posted by: kaitlin | August 4, 2008 03:22 PM

So happy for you. Can't wait to get new friends addicted to New Doxie. And just in time for Christmas Shopping!!

Posted by: Jenn | August 4, 2008 03:29 PM

Go dogs! I'm convinced you need to restock on wieners. You and SSS can celebrate your new relationship by adding a couple - and then telling us all about them. Cause we're imporatnt like that. It's great to see you happy. You deserve it.

Posted by: Matt | August 4, 2008 04:15 PM

Hee! The "Excuse Bo" picture is cracking my shit up.

Clearly, you need a puppy now. That is all.

Posted by: jive turkey | August 4, 2008 04:31 PM

Does Senator Sasquatch Shania Spartacus know how very lucky he is?

I had a seven year marriage. After the sobs subsided, I found the most remarkable and wonderful man in the world...and he brought my little doxie into my life! Then he brought a Katrina rescue dog into our lives, and now we're married and in the process of adopting a human from Ethiopia!

Sometimes life gets MUCH better after a break-up.

Sending love and doggie kisses from Maine!

Posted by: Leesavee | August 4, 2008 04:35 PM

Bo is cuter than ever! Also, can't wait to hear more about the Senator.

Posted by: Evie | August 4, 2008 04:51 PM

Hooray for the new guy! I just got a corgi puppy. adorable dachsundy-ness plus radar ears. my dream is to buy 5-7 dachshunds and have my corgi herd them. sigh.

Posted by: Casie | August 4, 2008 05:13 PM

Delurking to say I was so jonesing for pictures of the puppies! Thank you!

And much congratulating on the new man! You deserve it!

(must stop using exclamation points...)

Posted by: MsNeLaw | August 4, 2008 05:19 PM

Yay you! Yay dogs and doggie happiness (or growliness) Also: Senator Vegetron! Or S-cubed. Or Senator Vegetron: The Robot Sasquatch. SVTRS. Catchy, eh?

Posted by: Luck O' The Irish | August 4, 2008 06:02 PM

Yay you! Yay dogs and doggie happiness (or growliness) Also: Senator Vegetron! Or S-cubed. Or Senator Vegetron: The Robot Sasquatch. SVTRS. Catchy, eh?

Posted by: Luck O' The Irish | August 4, 2008 06:02 PM

I think everybody needs a Sasquatch Senator in their lives, it keeps things interesting. LOL

I see Bo hasn't lost any of his charm over the past several months and Gimme is just too cute as always.

*waits for pic of Sasquatch Senator*

Posted by: Stacy | August 4, 2008 06:23 PM

yay for new love!

Posted by: kat | August 4, 2008 08:15 PM

Y'know Miss Doxie, when you say, "Don't look at the about me page!" What do you think 100% of the people who read that will do?
(HTML! Or.. some form of code.)
Fix Shop Doxie plzkthxbai.

Posted by: Emily | August 4, 2008 10:28 PM

ooooh, you are on that wonderful new diet of lurrrve. ;)

i vote that we call him TRIPLES.

Posted by: veebeewhy | August 4, 2008 11:47 PM

ooooh, you are on that wonderful new diet of lurrrve. ;)

i vote that we call him TRIPLES.

Posted by: veebeewhy | August 4, 2008 11:47 PM

ooooh, you are on that wonderful new diet of lurrrve. ;)

i vote that we call him TRIPLES.

Posted by: veebeewhy | August 4, 2008 11:47 PM

Aw!

Seven years ago I went through Breakup Hell after a lengthy relationship and it was pretty much All Sob All The Time (With Periods of Intermittent Rage) for a bit and then one morning I woke up and was all, "Hmmm." And didn't ever look back.

So happy to see the tiny brown things! And yay for Senator Shania S. Soysage!

Posted by: JennyM | August 5, 2008 09:27 AM

I absolutely die laughing every time I read your blog. Which is bad, since I'm "working." Seriously, your captions under the dogs' photos send me into barely-contained, silent fits of hysterics.

Posted by: Westwood | August 5, 2008 09:43 AM

When I got to the picture of Bo being concerned about the diet, I knew I was going to be hysterical. So I minimized the page, hoping that the attention I was going to draw to myself at work would somehow seem work-related. So now everyone thinks I am extremely amused by page proofs about algae. Thanks. Somehow I blame you.

Posted by: June | August 5, 2008 09:54 AM

YAY! You found a new man and you are happy again. That just made my day!

Loved the doggie update...I'm so glad I work from home so I can laugh as loud as I want to. :)

Posted by: Wendi | August 5, 2008 11:09 AM

Wooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo!! LOVE FOR DOXIE!

Posted by: Elijah | August 5, 2008 12:05 PM

I'm really glad life is looking up! Hopefully we'll hear more about this new man of yours and more adventures from you as well. Yay! :) (Big hug)

Posted by: Gotham Girl | August 5, 2008 12:50 PM

(sigh of contentment and delight)

And they all lived happily ever after.

Posted by: Caroline | August 5, 2008 01:54 PM

I'm exactly where you are.. so I know the obnoxiously happy feeling.. and of course thought it would never happen, tho it took me a lot longer. 8 years of being single off and on and no real connections that lasted. Then Jake and I clicked out of no where.. and voila.. so cute we're gross - and I friggin love it. My friends have never seen me so happy. It's a pretty amazing thing to feel this way. So congrats on your all your happy cuz girl, you deserve it! And I want to tell everyone it's possible too.. so cheesy.. but true. Happy for the doggies as well and happy for seeing you write again. You make me laugh like no other.. Sending you hugs and wine! xo

Posted by: Miss Devylish | August 5, 2008 02:50 PM

Much missing of the Bo did go on. Also, much missing of Miss Doxie. So very glad to have you both back!

Posted by: Fancy Schmancy | August 5, 2008 03:01 PM

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Liz | August 5, 2008 05:55 PM

I'm so happy that things are going so very well for you and the doggies! And now after seeing those pictures of Bo I'm starting to wonder if my semi-newly-adopted mutt, previously presumed to be some shelti-corgi-chihuahua-retriever mix, might actually be part doxie. There is a striking resemblance. Has Bo been paying visits to farms in Kansas lately?

Posted by: Audrey | August 5, 2008 06:52 PM

So... I have never commented on your blog before, though I have been reading it for ages (I am kind of shy, what can I say?). However, I just wanted to say I am so glad you are feeling happy again - long may it last!

Posted by: Clare | August 5, 2008 07:49 PM

Miss Doxie, thank you for this post!! I am actually going through a break-up too (um, separation and divorce actually) so it's nice to hear that there is hope on the other side.

You may remember me, you painted the picture of my husband's (er, um ex-husband's) two Sheltie dogs about a year ago. Anywho, he has the painting, he still loves it, and he has the dog too. I am dog-less, as I moved to an apartment, and that's just not cool. The two guppies in an aquarium are just SO not the same thing. Sigh.

Still, thanks for the hope. :-)

Posted by: Peyton | August 5, 2008 09:33 PM

Good for you!

Go Miss Doxie!!

Posted by: Jane | August 5, 2008 10:02 PM

Hey for the LA doxies! Tell Maggie and Pugsley that if their daddy has to go away for a bit, they should stay at Wiener Wonderland, where we board the doxies in our house.

Posted by: WienerWonderland | August 6, 2008 04:30 AM

BO! This womens missed you! And, hai, Gimmee, with your trim new waist! I missed you too!

Miss Doxie, I am SO glad to hear you're happy. My heart broke into tiny little pieces for you when I read the last entry, and hearing that things are getting better for you is helping glue it back together now.

PS: Please ask Ziz to let Mr. Pugsley know that his fans are happy for his good fortune as an LA dog, and if he would like to send a postcard every now and then, that would be great.

Posted by: Kate | August 6, 2008 08:52 AM

Fabulous to hear that you are on the love train again, you deserve the best. Smooches to all your boys.

Posted by: Nic | August 6, 2008 01:04 PM

I bet Sascrotch would be funny. :)

Welcome back and congrats!!!

Posted by: Hooray! | August 6, 2008 04:03 PM

Whatever his name, it should incorporate the word "Sassy."

Posted by: Nurm | August 6, 2008 06:09 PM

Yay for the dogs. Glad that everyone has (so far) lived happily ever after in Doxie-land. And now you should go to the Humane Society and restock on dachshunds :-)

(Although isn't a 2 dog house so much easier to manage? I used to have 2 and am now down to 1...while my other dog is sorely missed, I am forced to admit that the peace and quiet is kind of nice.)

Good luck with Senator....Sascrotch? Sassy? Shania? Whatever you chose to call him, I wish you all the best. And frequent updates! (Loving the actual updating by you! Don't leave us hanging again! Remember: you must give the fans what they want!)

Posted by: Nicole | August 6, 2008 06:31 PM

I just wanted to say that I love you (and Bo!) and I am SO happy that you are in a good place.

Posted by: Chachel | August 6, 2008 10:40 PM

Damn I'm glad you're back. All is right with the internets again.

Posted by: J. | August 7, 2008 01:51 AM

Three cheers for Senator Sasquatch.

Looking good Gimmee.

Bo can be my Sasquatch. :-)

Posted by: Maria | August 7, 2008 06:37 AM

I've been an avid follower of Miss Doxie for ages and I don't think I ever did post a comment. I just wanted to say I'm thrilled you're back and better. And thrilled to see Bo again. You guys never fail to make me laugh out loud.

Welcome back!

Posted by: Jazz | August 7, 2008 10:59 AM

I don't care what anyone else does...I'm calling the guy Shania! with exclamation point and everything.

At least until Miss Doxie comes up with a name for him that is far less lame than Triple S, which, not for nothing, sounds like the name of a gas station.

Posted by: Contrary | August 7, 2008 01:55 PM

I'm with those who want to call him by his chosen nickname: Shania! It might confuse newcomers, but I kind of like it. And it definitely reveals his sense of humor.

HAI GIMME! HAI BO! MISSED YOU MUCHLY!

Posted by: Carol | August 7, 2008 03:01 PM

You, girlfriend, are a breath of fresh air.

So glad the happy found you.

Thanks for sharing your stories; they never fail to make me giggle and want to buy pointy shoes and have a lazy, drinky afternoon.

:)E

Posted by: erin | August 7, 2008 08:32 PM

You are the best thing on the internets! Go you! I am so happy you're posting again.

Posted by: MyEvilTwin | August 7, 2008 10:47 PM

Ah, yes....good to see that love is in the air in Doxie Land. Best twishes to you and the very lucky Senator Shania. Not to mention Pugsley and Mistress Maggie.....I bet he looks adorable in black leather and spiked collar.

PS: Does Bo need a love slave? My doxie baby Ginger would so get into that.

Posted by: Sharon | August 8, 2008 10:20 AM

I actually did miss Bo. Quite a bit!

Posted by: hicktowndiva | August 8, 2008 10:40 AM

So, Pugsley is PW? That's what you're saying, isn't it? Oh mah holy hell. That IS what you're saying.

Geez woman.

At least he gets to be PW in L.A.

Posted by: Ree (the Other one) | August 9, 2008 07:26 PM

So glad you're happy. But DGM is right, the drugs might've worked better if you used them on the dogs. I'm just saying....

I vote you come up w/another name in the foodie genre. And I think it's true that Cookie is now should be refered to as "Hizzoner" mostly cause it's funny (but I live in Cali).

Also, must tell Ziz to send pix of Pugs w/movie star glasses & all now that he's gone all Hollywood on us. I'm just saying....

Posted by: mama speak | August 11, 2008 04:43 AM

So good to see you back, and so sorry about the rough times, but sounds like things are so much better now and I'm so happy for you. And new BO & GIMMME pics! Yay!

Take care and be good to each other. :)

Posted by: Lynnster | August 11, 2008 01:25 PM

You do know corgis can fly, right?

Anyway, beautiful sis Linda has a pit bull mix named Zeus (or Zoobers or ZUZU) who is the most mild mannered and chickenshit dog on planet earth AND she has a corgi mix named Harley who is a bottomless pit of yearning need - the MOST co-dependent dog on Planet Earth. And she had an 18 year old female martinet (masquerading as a cat but we knew the truth) named Gigi who was about as spoiled rotten as any cat I've ever known - and I've known some truly overindulged felines (mostly my own).

Well, when I moved to D.C. from Ohio, my Siamese cat named Tim fell head over heels in love with my sister AND with Zeus the dog. Now Zeus was nice to Tim but he already had his cat - Gigi (who thought she was a labrador retriever). But then Gigi went to the big litter box in the sky and when I moved into my own house, I moved with only my 26-pound Maine coon cat Sam because, much as I loved and love Tim - he was happier at Linda's.

(deep breath)

Bottom line - I understand why you did what you did vis-a-vis Pugsley and I applaud the loving spirit. And if all our 4-legged pals are content with the arrangement, it's nobody else's say-so is my feeling. Of course I'm lucky - Linda only lives 2 miles from me. And my Sam doesn't give a rip if he ever sees either Linda OR Tim again. He has what he wants - me all to himself! He's a rescue so it's understandable I guess. First love he's ever known.

Posted by: Gayle Miller | August 11, 2008 04:18 PM

You came back with sadness and I was sad for you. (But, admittedly happy for me because...hey! You're back!) Now an update in very timely fashion and it has wonderful love news and happy puppy pictures! HOORAY!

May this happiness just keep coming to you. But, you know...the kind that also comes with funny stories you feel you must share often. ;)

Posted by: Minda | August 11, 2008 07:51 PM

Oh, plus, okay, I'm an asshole (an asshole drinking SAKE, for God's sake ( Hee! Pun! For God's SAKE!!) but: you need to post more often. Because I have all these people up my ass going "You linked me to Miss Doxie, and she's miles funnier than you are, but she doesn't post enough."

Posted by: Gretchen | August 11, 2008 09:14 PM

Doxie is back!! I was so worried. You and your doggies bring sunshine to so many. So glad your black cloud is white and fluffy again.

Posted by: LynnieGirl | August 12, 2008 09:31 PM

We want pictures of you and your new man! ...or, you know, you could seeecretly sneak a picture on here with him in the background? and only us girls would figure out. fun fun!

Posted by: elise | August 12, 2008 11:08 PM

All is right with the internet world again...Doxie is back!

Posted by: Barbi | August 13, 2008 10:40 PM

All is right with the innernet world again, Doxie is in the house!

Posted by: Barbi | August 13, 2008 10:41 PM

Ya'll have to go to Barbi's (post above this one). Her stuff is GORGEOUS!

Posted by: deb | August 14, 2008 07:41 AM

Doxie Lady! You're back!

I cried at your last post but I am glad you are back and happy and lovely and have cute new shoes!

Posted by: Moneypenny | August 14, 2008 04:51 PM

Soysage. Soysage is great. LOVE IT!!!

Posted by: Operagal | August 14, 2008 06:45 PM

Let the boy choose! He wants to be called Shania? Shania it is. So glad you are back and posting again. I only found your blog in later 2007 so I thought I'd driven you away.

P.S. Biggie, my dog, likes dom top females too. It's the only way to manage him.

Posted by: LawyerChick | August 15, 2008 05:55 PM

Cowboy Trav and I met- then three weeks later we were engaged. It sounds like your senator is "just that into you" ; )

Posted by: Brighton | August 16, 2008 08:31 PM

Yay! I'm so glad you are back and happy. I am immediately re-instating the doxie link on my blog. Do you take requests? More in depth stories about dating please. And photos of all the new shoes!

Posted by: Deborah | August 18, 2008 01:02 PM

It's great to have you back. :)

Posted by: Carmen | August 19, 2008 01:45 PM

I think I found the green bean diet! One pound of ground beef, fried. Two cans green beans. 1 cup of rice, cooked.
Mix together and feed your fat wiener about a cup a day.
I am going to try it on my dos weiners.

Posted by: deb | August 19, 2008 04:50 PM

we missed you!! i'm glad to hear things are going well now :D

Posted by: elyse | August 20, 2008 10:15 AM

Glad to see you back and updating, MD. I know you're moving on and you don't have a bad word to say about your ex, BUT

Every picture I saw of you two together, I thought: "What the hell did that average goon do to deserve her? Sell his soul to Satan? Maybe he's holding one of her family hostage?"

It never quite made sense to me, but since I'm a faceless Internet stranger, it didn't really matter.

But now, this makes even less sense! That the guy HAD you, with all the great stuff that entails, and "just wasn't ready" (which, by the way, is the lamest fear-of-commitment bull-story ever....and I'm a GUY) to give you as much of himself as you were already giving him?

That he'd fail to realize what everyone else already saw....he was ridiculously lucky to have attracted you in the first place and he's the world's dumbest fool to have failed to hang on to you like grim death.

Anyway, glad you're back and I wish you all the luck and happiness there is.

Posted by: Atlantean | August 20, 2008 01:14 PM

We missed you. And the guys. Down to two? Glad at least they get along, our two do most of the time but there are still middle of the night growl fests, even after twelve years together.

Posted by: JoeInVegas | August 20, 2008 03:46 PM

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