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I Am The Internet's Bitch

December 04, 2007

(I was actually going to name this entry "I Am The Bitch Of The Internet," but know what? That sounds not very friendly. "Reigning unfriendly bitch" is not something to which I aspire. Instead, what I am getting at, is that I am the internet's bitch. As in, the internet has made me its bitch. Like in prison. And this concludes my paragraph analyzing a five-word title, guess who was an English major and hasn't slept in a while, THANK YOU.)

But, anyway. Oh, hello! HI THERE! So, did I up and disappear? AGAIN? Am I a major pain in the ass to everyone? The answer, quite obviously, is yes. Yes, yes, resoundingly yes, in particular to the last question. I am totally a pain in everyone's ass! I am a pain in your ass! I am causing grief and aggravation to asses all over the place, that is just what I do.

On second thought, maybe I am the bitch of the internet. At the very least, I’m kind of a tease. I am really sorry about that. And, once again, I am really sorry if anyone thought something bad had happened, beyond my usual Life o’ Privilege and Manufactured Crisis. It did not. In fact, everything is fine, with the exception of the massive amounts of work I've taken on lately, and one small other thing, which is that, once again, I have found myself asking: Why is some component of my website always, always broken, seriously, why, God? Did I piss someone off? Was it Al Gore? Did I piss Al Gore off? Because, Al Gore, I will heartily apologize, if you will please leave me alone. I will recycle! Just for you! I will cart all of my groceries around in eco-friendly bags! I will weave them from hemp! Whatever the hell you want!

At any rate, it has finally been determined that all the problems associated with this site hearken (they hearken!) back to the fact that the version of Movable Type I am using is both obsolete and incredibly vulnerable to attacks. So, people attack me (AL GORE) and then the whole thing goes crazy and shuts me out, and opens up closed comments, and crashes servers and creates digital mayhem. Meanwhile, this keeps happening, because I have no earthly idea how to upgrade my version of MT without losing everything. (And, I would ask you to email me if you know, but guess what is still broken? Email. So, never mind.) So, there's that, but now in addition, THIS time an entirely different branch of my stupidity emerged, and nearly resulted in me losing the site altogether. Yes! That is just how good I am. I can't log on, but I can still cause serious damage. Fear me! For I can create destruction by proxy.

I don't know whether y'all noticed this particular insanity or not, but a few weeks ago, I was working in the manner of a Pasty-Skinned Diligent Lawyer Person when Cookie came into my office and said something along the lines of, "Um, your website is...not. Anymore. Yours, I mean." So, I pulled up the page, and sure enough, it was all these ads, ads for dachshunds, and long haired dachshunds, and breeders, and dachshund dating services, and dachshund fetish sites, and basically a whole plethora of shit that I myself had not written, and which I had exactly nothing to do with. So, I said all of the curse words I could think of while I tried to figure out what the hell had happened now, and what was fucked up THIS time, and do I blame the hosting company or do I blame Evil Gnomes or hackers or just fucking WHO already, because I am going to FIND them, and I am going to EAT their EYEBALLS, so help me God.

And I said this with all the frustration and rage of one who has been the Internet's bitch one time too many, and I worked myself up into a really attractive, bloodthirsty froth, until...you know. I kind of had to shut the hell up when I finally concluded, many hours later, that this particular spectacular fuck up was, in fact, entirely my own doing. Naturally. And, for our mutual misery, here is the short version of that very boring story:

1. I bought this website a zillion years ago, back when I had things like spare time (HA HA HA!), a rosy-pink complexion, and no billable hour requirement.

2. When I registered the domain, I set up an account using what was, at the time, my work email address.

3. I paid with my credit card, and signed up for automatic renewals, because back in those butterfly-tinged rainbow days of giggles, I was significantly smarter than I am right now.

And all that was fine and dandy. Until:

4. I switched jobs.

5. That credit card expired.

6. The Registrar sent me 14,698 emails warning me that I was about to lose the domain, except:

7. They were all going to a dead address.


8. My domain expired.

9. Because I am stupid.

10 And now you know.

But, hey! It got fixed, thanks to the vigilance of my co-workers, and the fact that the Registrar had some built-in grace period before my site became the internet's leading wiener-fetish provider, and I gave the Registrar a non-expired credit card and a non-dead email address. So we should be good to go at least until 10/09, when this card expires and I possibly I will have changed my name to Bathsheba, and then we will get to go through all this excitement all over again, I CAN'T EVEN WAIT.

And, with that, I will stop talking about this forever, because seriously, this is turning out to be the most boring entry of all time. I mean, you don't even have to lie to me, I know it is. It's all, look at Leigh, bitching about her computer issues, again, only this time she's mixing it up by moaning about how her credit card had the gall to expire, O THE NERVE YOU PLASTIC JUDAS, and none of this is even remotely entertaining. So, to sum up, once again, I sincerely apologize. And I sincerely move on from this hideously boring topic. And I sincerely hope that I am able to install the new MT before this whole damn thing happens all over again, or else, I seriously will eat my own eyeballs. Or possibly Al Gore's. Because I bet they are just scrumptious. And if that's not a way to end these paragraphs, then I just don't know what is.

*** (Now the boringness shall end) ***

*** (Relatively Speaking) ***

But, moving on to other things! I have ever so many other things. I even have entries I've written but could never post, so I will try to get through at least...some of them, I guess. Some of them are kind of pointless now (like my pre-Thanksgiving bitching), but maybe I can edit them into relevance. (Again, relatively speaking.)

But first of all, I swear to you, I have not abandoned my CRAP plan, even though that was supposed to be a seven-day project that began...oh, about four years ago. Back in the day, I started a flickr group and everything, PLUS I spent a good chunk of time manually scanning all of the most hideous pictures I could find. I mean, no lie, I've probably got 50 pictures all waiting to be thrust upon you in the manner of an infectious disease. I even came up with little LOLCRAP captions, because once again, I am pretty sure I am funny about that. But, I am postponing that for right now, because first, we have to travel back a MONTH, and visit the Halloween entry that I wrote, but which wouldn't post. And, y'all, I even Photoshopped for this entry. I Photoshopped for you! And then it wouldn't post, and I screamed a sentence that included the words "Fuck". "Perpetual," and "Spoon", and then I stormed off in a huff. Probably in the direction of some wine. Or, horse tranquilizers.

So, that being said, now it is the time when I tell the Halloween story.

*** We'll Have A Gay Old Time ***

*** In Theory ***

I have already written all about my love for Halloween, but in short, I am a big old crazy lady freakshow when it comes to this holiday. For weeks in advance, I busy myself with decorating the house, putting together costumes, and tormenting the dogs with adhesives. Every year, I've been the one who gets completely into the spirit of the thing, with fake cobwebs clinging from the bushes and realistic dead bodies slumped out of windows. I set up a graveyard under the tree, where skeletons sprout from the ground. I buy dry ice and play CDs of vaguely disturbing, ghost-like noises. Every Halloween, I've got macabre delights at every twist and turn. And yes, that is just...odd, but it is my creepy little thing! I look forward to it! I mean, y'all, I have invested actual spending money on fake corpses. And that is some dedication to the holiday spirirt, right there. Especially when we are talking about a backordered fake corpse, which appears months later in an enormous, unmarked box, which you open after coming home late from work, but prior to having a heart attack and dying because AHH CORPSE IN THE MAIL, CORPSE IN THE MAIL. Even after THAT incident, I have continued to buy dead people. This is how deep my love.

(Also, fake corpses are very fun to hang in guest room closets. Or to position on the guest toilet. I get my money's worth, is what I am driving at.)

But, in spite of my dedication, it was all for a big fat nothing this year, because I had to work through Halloween. As in, on the night of Halloween. I was conducting an investigation in California, and so I was on a conference call at the office, and I didn't even get home until 11. And before that, I'd had to work for the two weeks leading up to Halloween. So I missed the whole fucking thing, and if you think I am not feeling significantly sorry for myself, then you have no idea how much of a big old whiny person I can actually be. There may have been some hints.

So, I missed Halloween, and that completely sucked. It sucked for the kids, because I wasn't there to do my usual "Oooo, who's the crazy neighbor?! Ha ha, just kidding NO SERIOUSLY I WATCH YOU SLEEP" therapy-inducing routine at the door, but it also sucked for me, because...well, because this is all about me. And also, because we had the most awesome costume ideas planned for all of us, and we did not even get to realize those ideas. Like, Cookie and I were going to go as something we like to call "Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton Have A Tough Time In Cars." To accomplish this look, Cookie was going to put on a hoodie and pass out in the front passenger seat, mouth agape, and spectacularly drooling. I, on the other hand, was going to park myself in the back seat, pull my hair up all unwashed and askew, cuff my hands behind my back, and wail hysterically as though I was being escorted off to face me some Justice. Dukay and Spam were going to be paparazzi, and they were going to hop about with cameras with huge flashbulbs, while wearing unattractive hats. (I do not know why I think paparazzi wear unattractive hats, but in my fantasy, they do. Like, '40's newsboy hats! And they wear vests and shirts with the sleeves rolled up! Also possibly jodhpurs.) Basically, it was going to be awesome, the unholy marriage of the two most idiotic vehicle-based "news" photographs of the year. And it was all going to take place in our very own drama-, tear-, and vodka-soaked automobile. And, bonus, we would get to sit the whole time! Cookie could even nap! With the exception of one small detail, that being how we could not actually leave the car all night, or else the entire effect would be ruined, it was a very solid plan.

But it was not to be, because instead, I was working. And so that was a disappointment. But it's not the biggest disappointment, even considering how spectacular that would have been, because it doesn't hold a candle to the amazingly awesome costumes that I had conceived for the dogs this year. In that regard, I possibly outdid myself, call someone. Seriously, call an almanac. This may have been my one single stroke of genius, so don't expect anything else for a whiiiiiile. I'm empty.

However, my genius won't make any sense unless you have the backstory, and thus, hello, backstory! So, Ziz came into town not terribly long ago. And, as we all remember, Ziz is all Big in L.A. and having a very big time and meeting very spectacular people. So while she was up here, she showed me all manner of Big Important Projects that have been making the rounds out there. Many of these projects were very excellent. Some of these projects were very...I think we can go with "experimental." Or "God Awful." But there was one thing, one wonderful, luminous stroke of brilliance that outshone all the rest. And that was: Planet Unicorn.

Now evidently, everyone except me knew about Planet Unicorn. But because I live under a law-shaped rock, this was my first exposure, and I'd never heard of it. If you, too, have been living under some interestingly shaped rock and are therefore totally perplexed about what I am all on about this time, I will briefly explain.

Planet Unicorn is a series of five little animated videos, each of which is about 3 or 4 minutes long, and...well, actually, I am not going to try to summarize all the complicated plot devices and meticulous character development involved therein. No. Because that has already been DONE, and you can pretty much learn all you need to know about the subtle nuances of the show by reading the spoken-word intro that precedes the theme song:

In the year 2117, an 8-year-old gay boy named Shannon
found a magic lamp. He was granted three wishes.
The first, a fur jacket. The second, a flying car.
And the third was a planet full of unicorns.
This is the story of that planet.

Okay, now. PEOPLE. Are y'all still with me? Did you get all that? Because: LET'S REVIEW.

This is a show about a gay unicorn planet. In the future. That was wished into existence by an eight year old gay boy. Now, y'all...I ask you. WHAT ABOUT THAT IS NOT AWESOME. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME.

And, oh. Oh, you guys, it only gets better. For example, did you know that the three unicorns who inhabit Planet Unicorn are named Feathers:




and Tom Cruise?

tom cruise.bmp

Are you aware that, in the episodes, eight-year-old-gay-boy Shannon appears to the unicorns in various forms? Did you know that these forms include (1) a bird, (2) a bubble, and (3) Tyra Banks? Are you sold yet? Because, this is pretty much everywhere my life has been leading, all these years. I am done, mission accomplished, I have found what I am looking for, and I can die happy, the end.

So, the five Planet Unicorn videos (Dear Planet Unicorn People: MAKE MORE OF THOSE NOW) (please) have cheered me up immensely whenever I've been in a shitty mood lately. In fact, if you are one of the few people who did not know about this phenomenon, and haven't heard about it on NPR or read about it in roughly six trillion magazines or newspapers, then you really should go watch one now, both because (a) height of awesome, and (b) the rest of this entry will make a lot more sense if you do. And be funnier. To me. Look, I will even wait for you!

(In which I wait.)

See? So good! Now, seeing as I can recite, oh, all of the Planet Unicorn episodes, word for word, and have forced everyone I know to view, memorize, and recite them along with me like we are in some sort of cheerful, well-dressed doomsday cult, it is fair to say that I have had some Planet Unicorn on the brain these past few months. And so, it was not too terribly long before something occurred to me.

There are...three unicorns, on planet unicorn.

There are also...three dachshunds, living in my house.

There is ...a Halloween holiday, during which I agitate said dachshunds.

And, I know...where we keep the glue.

Dum dum DUM!

*** Wait, Hold On, For Now I Go Off On Tangent ***

(Ooo, not to leave you hanging in the manner of a commercial break, but this totally reminds me of something. I know I have referenced, but never actually told, the story of How We Found Out That Mister Gimmme Was Not Gay. Here is the conclusion part of that story: Mister Gimmme is not gay. We learned this back when this painfully (painfully) beautiful man was living with me a few days a week. (Score!) This guy was a good friend of ours who was going to school in Athens; during his last summer there, he landed journalism internships at both Southern Voice and Creative Loafing. Each job only required him to work in Atlanta one day a week, which was good; what was bad, however, was that they didn't really pay, so he also had to keep working in Athens. He couldn't afford to rent a place in Atlanta in addition to his place in Athens, so he was going to have to drive back and forth. So, I declared that to be ridiculous and told him to shut the hell up and live in one of my guest rooms already. And that is how I ended up with a Gay House Boy. And how he ended up with that nickname is because that is how he answered the phone.

So, [Gorgeous] Gay House Boy spent the summer with me, during which he and I had more fun than is even reasonable. He was the one who came up with the Swan Drinking Game, you guys! Where we had to drink to "journey", "transformation", and "princess"! That pretty much started the movement, right there. He was a pioneer! A very gorgeous pioneer.

But, anyway. So, GHB loved the dogs, but he was particularly fond of Mister Gimmme. He carried Gimmme everywhere. Like, Gimmme does possess legs, but when GHB was there, Gimmme did not have to use them, ever, because GHB would walk in, pick Mister Gimmme up, and the two of them would cuddle together on the sofa all night long. Gimmme loved GHB, and would start hopping in little circles every time the door opened and GHB emerged. It was GHB and Mister Gimmme, all the time, and their love was pure and true.

On GHB's last night with me, we threw him a huge going-away thing. As I was gathering all the dogs to go upstairs to bed, he asked me, very shyly, if it would be okay if he slept with Gimmme that night. And of course, I was like, "Oh, please, PLEASE, FEEL FREE."

So GHB carried Gimmme upstairs, and Gimmme was wagging and filled with great happiness, just apoplectic with ecstasy. GHB and Gimmme disappeared into his guest room, I hopped into bed with my crew, and off we all went to sleep.

Less than six minutes later, I was startled to hear an enormous crash, as something smacked hard into my bedroom door. It flew open, and I jerked upright to see Mister Gimmme -- who had apparently headbutted his way into the room -- scramble across the floor, bounce off the back wall, and ricochet in the direction of the closet, all at maximum Gimmme speed.

While I was trying to make sense of this utterly ridiculous spectacle, GHB appeared in the doorway, soaking wet and looking frazzled.

"?" I said to GHB, as crashing sounds emenated from the closet, where Gimmme had apparently knocked over an entire hamper of coat hangers.

"Gimmme," GHB panted, "is NOT GAY."

Turns out, he was right. Oh, sure, Mister Gimmme was just fiiiiiine with the cuddling, kisses, and snuggly. But as soon as GHB climbed into bed with him, shirtless, and curled up next to Mister Gimmme, the two brain cells that live in Gimmme's head collided, and it occurred to him that maybe he had been giving off the wrong signals, because GIMMME DO NOT LIKE GHB THAT WAY. And so, in total heterosexual fashion, he COMPLETELY freaked out, peed all over GHB, and made a break for it, tearing blindly down the hallway before slamming headfirst into the safety of THE ROOM WHERE THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE.

"I think he committed a hate crime on you!" I told GHB, as a still-reeling Gimmme knocked over the trash can in the bathroom. "I think he committed a hate crime on the sheets," GHB responded.

And, that is how we found out that Mister Gimmme was not gay. He was just experimenting! It was an experimental time! Everyone does that in college!

Hee. And thus concludes my tangent. The end, on to our scheduled story about gay unicorns.

*** End Of Tangent ***

Right. I am back! Planet Unicorn! There are three unicorns! I have three dogs! And adhesives! Do you see where I was headed up there?

Now, sadly, because I missed Halloween (Did you know? Y'all! I totally fucking missed Halloween! Did you hear that somewhere already?), I therefore missed the opportunity to abuse the dogs with false eyelashes, hair extensions, and a crimper. But, that does not mean I can't fantasize about the awesomeness that could not be. And that is where I harness the unholy power of Photoshop, to show you what would have been, if only I lived on a beautiful unicorn planet far off in the future, where conference calls and mortgage payments are things of the past.

As such, please give it up for Feathers:

HEYYYY 001.jpg

Oooo, Cadillac:

HEYYYY 002.jpg

And Tom Cruise:
HEYYYY 003.jpg

Planet Unicorn, Heyyyyyyyyyyy!

*** Now I Am Current Through October ***

So, that was Halloween. Now I am...oh, about 1/5 of the way caught up. I've still got to upload the CRAP photos, and tell y'all about being an unloved Thanksgiving orphan, and how, after watching the Grinch in a vaguely inebriated state, Dukay decided that he is going to make his fortune by marketing actual cans of Who-Hash, and consequently I fear for us as a species. (Okay, that's actually pretty much the entire story about that incident. Who-Hash: Coming to a crackhouse near you!) But at least, this is something for now, plus it is both colorful and complain-y, my cup, it runneth the heck over.

But, hello again! I hope all of y'all are doing well! I am sorry I keep breaking my website, or almost losing my website, and hopefully the upgrade won't cause all of your computers to spontaneously explode at the same time, while also giving you something disgusting, like eye boogers or genital warts. I'll try to continue the catch up as soon as possible, so long as the dogs don't mete out some sort of revenge. And Al Gore and the internet stop making me their bitch.


P.S.: Wait, HA. So, last night, I wrote this whole entry out in Word, as I now do because MT eats my entries half of the time, and I got sick of writing something and having it disappear, etc. And, I finished editing, and I went and tried to upload it to the site. Only...no. I tried for hours, but I just couldn't get online. Not at my house, not at my parents' house, nowhere. And so I figured I was just doing something ELSE wrong, yet again, because I suck at life. Only then, I got to work today and saw this:

Southeast U.S.'s Internet Spontaneously Dies Monday Night; Millions Minorly Inconvenienced

I mean...DO YOU SEE?! The internet knew I wanted on! It knocked out ALL those other people just to keep me from posting! And that, you guys, is why I am the internet's bitch, my point is made, I rest my case, send me a drink, and heyyyyyyyyy.

Posted by doxie in The Innernet | permalink


Holy Shit. I'm glad you aren't dead.
I sent you pictures too. You better check them out.
Also, where is shop doxie, woman?

Posted by: Boomer | December 4, 2007 05:30 PM

Okay so funny internet things that are completely random? Check this one out:

Posted by: Melissa Mack | December 4, 2007 05:31 PM


Missed reading you! Glad you are back! The Internet needs a good slap!

(too many !!!!! in one paragraph. Sorry.)

kthxbai ~

Posted by: Kim | December 4, 2007 05:36 PM

So glad to see that you're back. I just found your website, and i LOVE it. The dog stories are fantastic. I showed my son your story about washing the dogs, and he was laughing so hard he was in tears. (I have one dachshund and one labrador). Anyways, we missed you!

Posted by: Ellen | December 4, 2007 05:38 PM

So...when's your funeral going to be?

Because you know damn good and well that Bo is going to kill you. He is going to kill you dead.

Posted by: The Danny | December 4, 2007 06:12 PM

YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah, pass the wine!
Thank you for coming back. And making me snort with laughter while at my desk at work.
You've been missed.

Posted by: Hillary | December 4, 2007 06:15 PM

Yay, you're back! You know, when you can't log onto your website, and people start leaving hundreds of comments indicating that they believe you are dead, you could possibly post a comment explaining that it is Al Gore's fault. Then we would know.

Movable Type upgrading: http://www.movabletype.org/documentation/upgrade/

Planet Unicorn: I had not heard of it either somehow. I think it broke my brain a little.

Gimmme not gay: HILARIOUS.

Ancient history: I know this was FOREVER ago, but you promised the story of Cookie and the Geese! With pictures! Someday?

Posted by: Amanda | December 4, 2007 06:31 PM

I will get you yet!

Posted by: Al Gore | December 4, 2007 06:36 PM

I don't know what it was about your description, but I think I now have a crush on GHB based entirely on that story with no visual evidence whatsoever.

Nice... adjectives?

Posted by: Cat | December 4, 2007 06:45 PM

thank you for not falling prey to Al Gore, was worried. Also, yay for funny. Am totally going to watch Planet Unicorn, because, y'know, who needs to study for law school exams?, no one, right? right? I do request that you please go back to making attorney-ing look easy, with lots of craft and wine breaks.
Also, costume parties... appropriate any time of year, I'm sure the dogs will thank me for reminding you of that : )

Posted by: Jes | December 4, 2007 06:49 PM

Thank Gooooooooood you are back. I've been checking your site regularly, and I was so sad when there was nothing new from Miss Doxie. I got a hefty giggle. Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: DGs World By Big D | December 4, 2007 07:07 PM

Yay! Thanks for the laugh-out-loud funny writing.

If you decide to quit lawyering and do stand-up, let us know where to be when. Billable hours, blech.

Happy holidays! Can't wait to read all about 'em.

Posted by: mbick | December 4, 2007 07:25 PM

Well, Thank God!!! I was scared to death that your dad got sick again or something else equally horrible happened.

OK, Doxie is back. Life is good again.

Please, DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE! Or a warning, maybe? We kinda like you.

Posted by: shaxgirl | December 4, 2007 07:37 PM

Haven't even read yet, skipping straight to the comments to say, "YAY! You are back! I missed you!" *grin* and also possibly *hug*, which is a little weird but I promise I am not some weird stalker, I'm just a hugger by nature.

Posted by: Kathleen | December 4, 2007 07:38 PM

Oh honey, I am *so* glad that you're back! :-D And my favourite part was your little tangent about GHB and Gimme.

Posted by: Heather | December 4, 2007 07:41 PM

First I get a case of wine in the mail today (no shit...a whole case!!) and THEN there's finally a new Doxie entry?? I might just spontaneously combust with all of the joy! Tasty newly-arriven wine-induced drunkitude followed by random giggles and snorts as I envision poor Not-Gay Gimmme and his beleaguered GHB bedmate...those are my plans for the evening. *Sigh*...happy!

Posted by: lyrica71 | December 4, 2007 08:42 PM

Oh my dear god... I just about peed myself and committed a hate crime against my chair reading about GHB and Gimme, and the gay dog that wasn't.

Thank you for my first real laugh all day.

Posted by: Kirsten | December 4, 2007 08:48 PM

That was the best! And the tangent was even better than that. Welcome back!

Posted by: wyo | December 4, 2007 08:50 PM

Yea! You are back! Yea!

Posted by: DaisyCake | December 4, 2007 08:50 PM

'Bout fracking time! I figured your email was out when I sent you my best warm, weird Halloween wishes and you didn't reply. I missed you! Welcome back. Give Gimmme a big hetero kiss from me ;)

Posted by: catherino | December 4, 2007 08:56 PM

Good to see you back! I was a little worried, too. And indignant on your behalf that you missed Halloween which is the best holiday of the year. I'm another grown woman who puts entirely too much planning into her costume, marauding, and showing-off, so I can understand your pain.

Best of luck with your site upgrade. I don't know about Movable Type; I'm a Wordpress gal.

Posted by: Meetzorp | December 4, 2007 09:17 PM

Yay!! you're back. Still funny and I really missed that!!The unicorns are the funniest ever. And yes, I missed them, too, although my rock is not law shaped- but more kid shaped, and classroom shaped. Welcome back, and never go away again.

Posted by: carolyn | December 4, 2007 09:55 PM

So glad your back! Just sent the Unicorn cartoons to everyone I know... tell Ziz she should back it 100%. It's totally a hit! My mutt dogs send their love to you and the boys.

Posted by: Neely | December 4, 2007 10:27 PM

I'll have to watch Planet Unicorn @ WK tomorrow,(no sound @ home), never seen it because I live under a Plumbers Crack shaped rock.......(wow, that looks bad)!
So happy all is (relatively) well w/ you and your family. Missed reading your entries.


ps~~~ I'm still concerned about Dukay and his red pants from a few months back................will pictures of those be forthcoming?

Posted by: jp | December 4, 2007 10:32 PM

I was laughing so hard that I was crying and reading this out loud to Jim and the dogs. It's great! Thank you!

Posted by: Monica | December 4, 2007 10:40 PM

Um, not that you'll actually see this because by the time I hit 'post', your site will probably be broken again. By rain. Or a freak snowstorm in Atlanta. Or by Gimmmee just making sure that, y'know, he's NOT GAY and biting the internet.

But I missed you. Happy Hallogivingukah. Hopefully, you'll make Christmas.

Posted by: Ree | December 4, 2007 10:58 PM

Dude, I must be hiding under the same rock as you. Planet Unicorn, eh? Huh? Whassat? I'll have to check it out, but I don't think it'll live up to Bo/Feathers.

Posted by: Kate | December 4, 2007 11:03 PM

I, too, have apparently been under a rock, but now I am IN LOVE with Feathers! Heyyy!

Posted by: Erica Anderson | December 4, 2007 11:24 PM

Yay on the site working again AND you posting again AND everything being ok and wonderful in Miss Doxie land.

And boy, did you make up for the absence! But don't take that as a hint, ok?

Posted by: Kath | December 4, 2007 11:54 PM

So glad to see that you are alive and kicking - I hope you challenge the Internets to a duel and kick its ass roundly!

Posted by: Maya | December 4, 2007 11:55 PM

Oh, Miss Leigh -- how I have MISSED YOU! Hey....

Welcome back! ;-D

Posted by: Jessica | December 5, 2007 12:00 AM

You're back! Yay!
You need an IT guy. Perhaps train Bo?

Posted by: k8 | December 5, 2007 12:07 AM

Al Gore! Eye Boogers! Gay Unicorns! Who-Hash! What more could a blog entry ask for? Glad you're back. :)

Posted by: barnmouse | December 5, 2007 12:28 AM

Welcome baaaaaack!

Posted by: Victoria | December 5, 2007 01:04 AM

YAY! Miss Doxie is back with a reeeeally long post. I'm so glad. And gay. But that has nothing to do with you. But still, happy and gay! Welcome back. The internet missed you (it had to do its own dishes and everything).

Posted by: sporkmetender | December 5, 2007 01:08 AM

Yay. An entry BONANZA!

I have only read to the end of the "Internet's Bitch" section, as I am going to savor the rest in bits and pieces so that there isn't another dry spell.

I do the same thing with Harry Potter books -- still haven't read the last one, because, well, no more to come.

I know, I am insane.

Posted by: Janice | December 5, 2007 02:10 AM

I don't have anything pithy to say, just heaving a big sigh of relief that you and yours are all healthy. I will however be sending bad mojo to Al Gore if he makes your fans endure another long wait. Bad Al, bad, bad....
Thanks for another hilarious post!

Posted by: blabsalot | December 5, 2007 02:17 AM

WHEEEEEE!!! Our Doxie is back!!! Doesn't Miss AB Chao have mad skills with the internet? Can she help you out? So, so happy to have you back. And because I am weird and shallow, I am imagining GHB as looking like Hot!Jack on Project Runway. Beautiful, ripped, and gay, yep. That's what is in my brain.

Posted by: missbanshee | December 5, 2007 08:02 AM

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy! Glad you're back!

Posted by: jive turkey | December 5, 2007 08:58 AM

DSL????!!!! Giiiiiiiirrrrrrlllllll, welcome to the 21st century (I think. I tend to get those centuries screwed up, plus 1, minus 1?). Get you some cable modem.

Posted by: lmmlaw | December 5, 2007 09:03 AM

Phew - that got me through my first half hour of work. Welcome back to the Interweb!

Posted by: DangerousK | December 5, 2007 09:29 AM

And I haven't even read your blog yet.

Posted by: Debbie | December 5, 2007 09:32 AM

Glory be, Miss Doxie! So glad you're back and not dead by the side of the road somewhere. We were all very worried. Those pics of the dogs - HILARIOUS!

Woohoo! It's the return of Miss Doxie!!!!! Happy Wednesday to me!

Posted by: Leesavee | December 5, 2007 09:56 AM

Welcome back! I am pretty sure I love Gimmme.

Posted by: Twice Five Miles | December 5, 2007 10:11 AM


Posted by: Andrea | December 5, 2007 10:15 AM

Hey! missed you! love you. Glad you're back. See ya!

Posted by: DoxieFan | December 5, 2007 10:43 AM

I had never heard of the unicorns either! And yay, you're back! And I MISSED HALLOWEEN TOO, BECAUSE I WAS WORKING IN CALIFORNIA!

I identify in so many ways.

Posted by: elise | December 5, 2007 11:43 AM

I know for sure I love Gimme - always have. And I also know for sure that I HAVE MISSED YOU AN AWFUL LOT!

Sent you an e-mail wondering where you were and asking your opinion of the law firm where I'm temping since they are Atlanta-based with the initials A&B. That should be enough of a clue.

Meantime - I think your Halloween idea is awesome and there always is next year. Meanwhile, I'm off to indulge my curiosity about unicorns.

Tell Bo I still haven't found a virgin for him. Maybe there aren't any left?

Posted by: Gayle Miller | December 5, 2007 12:08 PM



Posted by: Nicole Balch | December 5, 2007 12:11 PM

I'm SO glad you posted, because I was getting ready to e-mail you again to ask "Are you dead or something?" And, of course, I am laughing my ass off about the gay unicorns, and Gimmme's non-gayness.

Welcome back! Merry Christmas, in case you have to work through that too! But I hope not.

Posted by: Gretchen | December 5, 2007 12:54 PM

Hooray, you're back! And not in mourning! Best Tangent Ever, by the way. And thanks for Unicorn Planet, not available under my rock, either.

Posted by: Madeleine | December 5, 2007 01:05 PM

I'm so glad you're back!

i really really really need to see unicorn planet, but it'll have to wait until after work. AWESOME. next year you should get your hot gay friend to be the 8 year old to their gay unicorns. it'd be perfect.

Posted by: kat | December 5, 2007 01:32 PM

Note to self: Do NOT read long-awaited post from Miss Doxie after having just arrived late to work -- or while nibbling sunflower seeds. Subsequent guffawing/choking sounds are probably clues to boss that work is not being performed.

Note to Miss Doxie: Big, giant, irrationally exuberant hugs and wet sloppy kisses for coming back!

Posted by: Martha Jean | December 5, 2007 02:43 PM

you need to switch to Hosting Matters for your host and use Wordpress instead of MT. it was all designed for this kind of site and has really super crazy installability. you gotta do it. i insist. i mean when you wanna upgrade you click a little clicky button. hello? you can click a clicky button! hazzah!



go see.

Posted by: honestyrain | December 5, 2007 04:12 PM

OMG, for months I despaired. . . then this. Thank you for making me laugh so hard the tears are rolling. Just don't take so long next time :) Stupid internet needs to cooperate so I get my weekly dose of extreme laughter!

Posted by: Angie | December 5, 2007 05:18 PM

Dear Bathsheba,

I am so glad you're ok and decided to join us once again. Never leave us alone for this long again, ok?


Posted by: TamiW | December 5, 2007 05:37 PM

Welcome Back!!! You were sorely missed (by me). :)

Posted by: Scott | December 5, 2007 05:45 PM

Hi Miss Doxie! Have you seen this??


Turns any website into a lolsite! I'm all for makin' it as easy as possible for you to internet :-)

Posted by: Kath | December 5, 2007 07:42 PM

Gimme not gay! I was choking on my Oreos and milk through the nose is not pleasant!

Plant Unicorn! I wonder if they'll have My Little Unicorn dolls and stickers?

Thanks for the laughs!

Posted by: Shelly | December 5, 2007 07:48 PM

I am coming for you! Al Gore, move aside!! Bleaaaugh!

Posted by: Gay_corpse_in_the_mail | December 5, 2007 10:44 PM

OMG! Now that I've peed three times while reading this (from the laughing), I must say that I'm glad you are okay. LOVED the pictures of the dogs!

Posted by: Tonya | December 6, 2007 01:15 AM

You are so awesome! I scared the dog because I was laughing so hard about the gay gimmee story. Woo Hoo! You made my day.

Posted by: MJF | December 6, 2007 10:22 AM

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the Planet Unicorn link. I have made everyone I know watch it already. Also, I love the Gimmie is not gay story. So glad you're back!

Posted by: Stephanie | December 6, 2007 10:49 AM

It sounds like you are MT's bitch, with Planet Unicorn on deck in case you get MT figured out. So many people blame the poor internet for their problems. So unfair!
Here's a partial solution, at least a way to reduce your fear of losing the years-long investment in your blog: Blog Backup! Free! Automatic! Unicorns! (Well, OK, no Unicorns, but I knew that would get your attention)

Posted by: mark | December 6, 2007 11:01 AM

Hi! I would email you back, but your email address sounds suspiciously broken. I don't know, I think it was the whole "itdoesntworkanywaywhocares" part of the address that tipped me off.

Anyway, I just wanted to say WOW, YOU WENT TO MY SITE, and also, my MIDDLE name is Elise! Not even my first! My first is something else altogether! And as a somewhat pseudo-angsty high-schooler (I was even a wannabe at angst! sad!), I tried to make everyone (including teachers) spell my name as Èlise. With the accent. It was HORRIBLY ironic.

Aren't you proud?

Posted by: elise | December 6, 2007 12:49 PM


Welcome back!

Posted by: Linda | December 6, 2007 01:15 PM

I can lurk no more. Wanted to let you know you have another fan, before your cyber insensitive remarks about the Goreacle land you in yet more techno mishaps, and I wouldn't be able to express my appreciation.

Found you by suggestion of a friend and was smitten by your written half way through my third paragraph. I had only been reading for a few days and settled into a comfortable routine of starting my day with your elegant musings. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And. Then. You. Left...FOR A VERY LONG TIME !

I refer to this period of my life as: "The time Miss Doxie carved out my heart with slow deliberate precision with one of those ice cream spooner thing-a-ma-bob dealies and then plopped it in a blender, smirking whilst securing the top, whispering "riiighty-tiiighty", raising one eye-brow. Then breaking the settings knob frantically going from puree then back to ice-chop, chortling and hyperventilating like a mad scientist in a really bad B-movie from the early 1950s.


Anyways, get this, my friend has a Doxie and so do I...AND WE BOTH LIVE IN ATLANTA!
Iiiii SOoooo Knoooow! KISMET !

My Dox, commonly known as the center of my universe, is named Hoagie but is more often referred to as Booger Bear. Although this morning, with his usual grumbling moany morntude in defiance to waking up early and taking it out on his really big brother, Trevor...I just shot back and called him Mr. Snooty Boots! And by-jiggity he sure earned that label today, I can tell you. As you've no doubt surmised, he can be quite the squirmy handful. harrumph.

He has lots of various names, which are usually dictated by his mood or the particular role-playing that strikes his fancy at any given moment. Sometimes they can change 2 maybe 3 times in a single day. Some can last as much as a week before he goes back to just plain Booger, during the interim before the next appellation, craftily plotting his next move with a steely focused intense stare ahead, his teeny toe-nails clicking together, one then the next from bottom to top in unison, over and over again.

He requested, insisted actually, to be addressed as- "His Royal Scrambled Eggs of Whiskerly Manor" -today, sometimes I don't know what he's thinkin'... I inquired why..."pffft, whatever, MYO bees-wax, Dad" - was his signature dismissing reply. He does that.

Posted by: Bernard L. Conquistador | December 6, 2007 01:46 PM

Yea for being back! Love the puppy!

Posted by: Ashlie | December 6, 2007 01:48 PM

In a change of events, you didn't do Halloween, but I DID. I didn't dress up my dog because he gets that mortified look on his face, so I dressed up the house AROUND the dog! And I have a picture of this genius, but don't have a Flickr account or anything. So Miss Doxerama, if you want to see this email me (if email is working, ha ha), or tell me how to upload it to your Flickr site.

Welcome back, I missed ya.

Posted by: marybindc | December 6, 2007 02:50 PM

Girrrrrl, I must be psycho psychic cause I KEEP COMING BACK just when you make a new entry! So I am not yearning in vain! I suppose I could yearn if it made you feel better though.

Also where are photos of GHB? Must see, must see!

Posted by: Maal | December 6, 2007 04:39 PM

oh yay you are back!! I missed you, too. I waved in all various directions around myself when I was in Atlanta for Turkey day, because I did not know in which direction from me you were. Oh, I was in Smyrna. Mostly. I'm pretty sure. I saw some buildings that Ted Turner owns on my way there, which I'm sure narrows it down for you SIGNIFICANTLY. OMG I, as a Yankee, did not know that all southern holidays include devilled eggs and mac & cheese. I AM ALL FOR THIS FABULOUS TRADITION. YES. I approve of this 100%.

I hadn't seen planet unicorn before, but as soon as I saw there were 3 unicorns, I knew EXACTLY where you were going with it, and HEE. aw. Pugsley so pretty...

I think you need to have animated adventures of the Bad Weiners, but then I can never get enough Bad Weiner stories and/or drawings, so. (for an example of the simple artwork, yet hilarious, go search youtube for "wake up cat" if you have not seen it yet. ha! I for one would like to see "Wake up Bo". snerk.)

also, if you missed it in the last comments section among all the "OMG COME BACK" comments, did you hear? I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ZIZ, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I think that's awesome.

DEAR INTERNET, shut up and be NICE TO MISS DOXIE. Or we will kill you. love, all the peoples on you. (dirty!)

Posted by: McKate | December 6, 2007 04:54 PM

OMG...you are TOO FREAKING FUNNY. I can not, under any circumstances, read anything you have written while my boys are napping for fear of waking them up with my obnoxious laughing & snorting. I also can not read anything you have written while drinking a glass of wine b/c I have cream carpet (duh) and I've made a mess of it. But it was worth it.
I am going to take this opportunity to introduce everyone I know to the Gay Unicorns. Apparently I have been living under some Teletubbies/Thomas the Tank Engine rock...THANK YOU for pulling me out!
The GHB/Gimme story is priceless. PRICELESS! Glad you're back, but your hiatus gave me much needed time to catch up on your archives since I just found you...OH, why did it take me so long?!

Posted by: AMomTwoBoys | December 6, 2007 05:52 PM

YAY! You're alive!! WOO HOO!!!! We don't need to kidnap you from the Georgia Bar Association!! The Doxies didn't eat you!!! YAY!

Posted by: melissa o in nyc | December 6, 2007 09:50 PM

idea: Halloween in December! with the yard decorations and everything! your neighbors totally won't mind; they've all seen you naked, so they'll let you get away with whatever you want.

Posted by: Cassiopeia | December 7, 2007 01:06 AM

OMG! You had me at "CORPSE IN THE MAIL", but noooooo! You had to go on to give me histeric fits of giggling with Not Gay Gimmme and Bo as a gay unicorn. Damn! This post really was worth the excruciating wait.
PS: When you think about it, we are ALL the Internet's bitches......

Posted by: Sharon | December 7, 2007 10:50 AM

I just came across your blog. I love it. I feel like maybe I need to get a variety of bad dachhunds as well to make my life bader.

Posted by: Chris | December 7, 2007 11:16 AM

i don't mind it when you disappear. your "i'm back, y'all" posts crack me the heck up!


ah hahaha! woo!

Posted by: jennifer | December 7, 2007 01:08 PM

That was well worth the wait. Stop letting the internet throw you around. You deserve better!

Posted by: hannita | December 7, 2007 04:14 PM

I think the best way to beg forgiveness from Al Gore and set the universe right is to write him a letter.

Posted by: cara | December 7, 2007 06:40 PM

R-e-al-l-y glad you're back. Don't know how many times I've clicked into LOL CRAP Day 6. Sorry about your halloween but I'll bet the dogs aren't! hah! Not Gay Gimme - the best aside ever.

Posted by: Matt | December 7, 2007 07:04 PM

After I reading about how the Internets and Al Gore have wronged you, I decided to freeze them with my freezing beam! So they won't be bothering you anymore.

Posted by: dgm | December 7, 2007 09:39 PM

So glad you're back! I hope the Internet continues to smile on you and makes your site stay up!

I was laughing so hard reading about Gimme and GHB that I had my head down on my desk at work. If anyone had walked by they probably would have thought I was crying hysterically on my desk. Luckilly no one did.

The whole post was fantastic, it had so many good parts I couldn't even begin to say which was best.

Posted by: Mauigirl | December 7, 2007 11:12 PM

OK, we've all discussed it and even though we initially voted to let Bo decide your fate, (as punishment for multiple episodes of no-miss-doxie-itude), we have relented and decided to forgive you *if* you post your annual Miss Doxie's Ten Dollar Or Less Gift Guide.

Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? I'm still not done with my christmas shopping!

Posted by: tinacuchina | December 8, 2007 02:12 PM

I just recently found your blog and just knew that *I* had somehow been the cause of your disappearance due to the fact that I had just about read all of your previous entries which was quite an undertaking, albeit a very enjoyable and impressive one - 1) because you are very, very funny and witty and 2)because as far as I can tell, you never ever confuse "your" and "you're" or add random apostrophes to your plurals - and was almost out of stories to read for my daily Miss Doxie fix thereby causing the universe to laugh horribly and loudly proclaim "She enjoys it! It shall end!" I am glad that you are back and I thank you for the laughter you have added to my days.

Posted by: Logan | December 8, 2007 09:39 PM

Personally I am so overjoyed at the reapprarance of Bo and Zi and to hear your dad is ok and you and Dukay are well and... LOL crap that I think one of your loyal fans (or SOME of them) should just type all your old entries into a new typepad/ wordpress etc account. Welcome back and know that I too, clicked back here about 12,376 times while you were out.

Posted by: SBMaya | December 9, 2007 09:53 PM

LOVE the Planet Unicorn videos. Heyy.. That's seriously the best. Showing them to co-workers tomorrow.. Can not wait! But I've never heard of them either. Do keep us posted if they show up on tv somewhere. OMG.. f'n hilarious! xox Sooo glad you're back!

Posted by: Miss Devylish | December 10, 2007 02:35 AM

Yay! Your back!

Posted by: Brighton | December 10, 2007 06:33 PM

omg, thank you so much for the tears rolling down my face, the sore stomach and the dogs freaking out because I'm laughing so hard and there's nothing they can see for me to be laughing at so hard.

Man oh man did I need that laugh...

thank you

Posted by: Laurie | December 11, 2007 10:59 AM

How do I love thee Doxie?
Let me count the ways...

...she says as she collapses into paroxysms of giggles. Tom Cruise the gay unicorn??? bwwhahahahahahahahaaha

Posted by: Jazz | December 11, 2007 12:19 PM

If you think that's awesome you need to feast your eyes upon this:


And maybe a little bit of this:


I'm just sayin'.

Posted by: ariel | December 11, 2007 01:39 PM

And just one more, for the sake of humor:


Posted by: ariel | December 11, 2007 01:49 PM

I have been reading this blog for years and love it. I am DELIGHTED to an unreasonable extent with the description of the unicorn show(in fact if you were to tell me how delighted I would have been upon reading about Planet Unicorn and seeing dachsunds dressed as unicorns, I would have said that is unreasonable).

It is a while back now, but my all time favorite entry is 'asshole bingo'.

Posted by: Erikka | December 12, 2007 01:19 AM


Posted by: DeannaBanana | December 12, 2007 11:11 AM

You've 'prolly already seen this, but I think they made this shirt just for Bo.


Posted by: mrsatroxi | December 12, 2007 05:37 PM

Love the blog - have 2 wieners myself - 1 good, 1 bad!


Posted by: Hallie | December 13, 2007 12:23 PM

PLEASE don't disappear again. You will make the internets sad.

Posted by: Andrea | December 13, 2007 06:47 PM

O Miss Doxie, the Interwebz have missed you so. Please post more.

Posted by: Caroline | December 15, 2007 09:32 AM

Don't go away again please. :(

Posted by: Andrea | December 18, 2007 04:06 PM

We misssssssed you! More Miss Doxie!

Posted by: melissa | December 19, 2007 03:44 PM

You are a special type of crazy, my dear! God bless ya! Holy shit, my eyes are a bit teary from the laughter. Please come back soon, okay? There's another attorney out there (me) who needs your crazy humor (soon).

Posted by: andrea | December 19, 2007 08:39 PM

I apparently was living under some sort of rock too, as I was also unaware of Planet Unicorn. Thank you for showing me the way, because that shit? HILARIOUS.

Posted by: lu | December 21, 2007 11:53 PM

Merry Christmas Miss Doxie, Dukay and the darling Doxies as well.

Posted by: Kath | December 24, 2007 08:59 PM

Merry Christmas Miss Doxie, family, significant others, and dogs! Hope you get some rest and relaxation in along with the festivities.

Posted by: Linda | December 25, 2007 08:55 PM

bnmx waltgjexf mxvp nogkvix kzwmaci xhgw mutxco

Posted by: mqcajgeso igzfmqrvk | December 26, 2007 05:38 AM

qydobgf giluc abpxlsh tief pqsbociuz sqwl fljvmys http://www.gpkm.eqwn.com

Posted by: xyoagufi vsukw | December 26, 2007 05:40 AM

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Posted by: xyoagufi vsukw | December 26, 2007 05:40 AM

tvebrom lvoak tovyz kancd qvhw omdnwqrj viap vipkxlgmd cpsyutvjl

Posted by: qvgfajmc gibhwf | December 26, 2007 05:41 AM

Hope I don't get wiped out with the stupid spam up above...

Merry Christmas, Miss Doxie...and your little dogs, too.

Posted by: Serenity | December 26, 2007 07:43 AM

I'm glad you're back! Again, I was worried. I tried emailing you, but got no response. Do you still have my doxie stuff? I think I bought that stuff in the summer, but I never got anything! Just wondering. And please keep up with the stories, because those are made of win!

Posted by: Jess | December 26, 2007 11:27 PM

She's back! Yay!

Uh, no...wait a minute....

She's gone again.

We need to do something to make her stay longer the next time she makes a guest appearance. Who has the keys to the liquor cabinet?

Posted by: TamiW | January 2, 2008 05:52 PM

Ok, I am crazy about missdoxie.com but checking every day for months like this is also making me crazy. Is there any way you can switch to an email form or have an email alert for new posts? This last post you sounded quite a bit irritated, have you just had it with the blogging? There are a billion other ways to blog that are easier if that's the deal, and I'm sure we'd all help you out with finding the perfect thing if you wanted. This kinda feels like when "The Cosby Show" went off the air when I was a kid.

Posted by: SarahB | January 8, 2008 04:25 PM

Come home, Miss Doxie, come home...or at least back to the evil innernet. Your public needs you!

Posted by: caehli | January 8, 2008 06:02 PM

We MIIIIIIIIISSSSSS you! Please come back!

Posted by: Melissa | January 8, 2008 07:09 PM

Well, it's ok that you were gone for a while, because, lame loser that I am, I haven't been by in a while.

Coming back was worth it. You crack me up you crazy Unicorn loving freak. BTW, that show is probably the most genius thing I've ever seen. Ever.


Posted by: Samantha_K | January 10, 2008 03:26 PM

Ok. Vacation's over, tootsie! Come back!

Posted by: Suzy Q | January 12, 2008 12:20 AM

Oh no. Where is she???

Come back Doxie. Come back.

Posted by: Stacey | January 12, 2008 01:09 AM

Where the hell are you again??? Come back!

Posted by: Blondie | January 13, 2008 12:36 AM

Dear Internet,

Let Miss Doxie go.


Posted by: veebeewhy | January 14, 2008 07:48 PM

Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps we should go ahead and arrange the wake.

Posted by: ESBEE | January 15, 2008 04:06 PM

Leigh, Miss Doxie, your fans are in mourning now.....time to arise like a phoenix from the ashes and revive the Doxie site!
Missing you and the shenanigans of your doxie brood....and Dukay too!
Going back to the archives for some much needd hilarity.
Aaaannnnndddd, hope all is well with you and the family.
Babs aka blabsalot

Posted by: blabsalot | January 16, 2008 04:44 AM

Poor Doxie. We are such needy little things. Doxie, update what you want and when you want and know that our piteous mewlings are just because we adore you and your writing and miss you. But golly, the site should be a pleasure to you and not a source of obligation or stress. We must feel like open-mouthed baby birds to you--give us one worm and we're already begging for the next ! I always feel bad when you come back and feel like you have to make excuses about broken things. We'll just be happy when you come back, is all. We know you are one of those do-crazy-amounts-of-stuff people and are probably extra busy or just wiped out.

Posted by: SarahJ | January 16, 2008 05:47 AM

I keep checking. wWell I guess she is tired of this. It is a lot of work. I guess I should give it up but I can't. Hope you are OK. We just keep waiting and checking.
Hi Bo and family.

Posted by: MH | January 16, 2008 01:55 PM

This is ridiculous. I too have a blog (well who doesn't?) with a bit of a following, and sometimes I don't get around to posting for a few days, and you know what? My readers turn on me like rabid wolverines. You have to wonder how we have come to this.

I don't know what's up with Miss Doxie. Let's face it, I don't know Miss Doxie. At all. And I keep telling myself I'll stop checking for updates like some emotionally needy LOSER, but I'm not quite ready to go, and neither are you. I don't know, maybe it's a good thing that we connect like this? Even when the person who connected us is taking a REALLY LONG UNEXPLAINED LEAVE OF ABSENCE!

Posted by: Mouthybabe | January 21, 2008 11:04 AM

I give up. I'm tired of checking here every couple of days to find this last post that is more than a month old. We know the site is paid for. There are other hosting services to switch to if the current/old one is a beast. And, if there's just no time to post in a busy Doxie world, then a farewell (at least for now) post should be posted. All of these comments, all of this time, and nothing. Farewell Doxie, it was fun while it lasted. Best wishes...

Posted by: Patience: Not a Virtue of Mine | January 24, 2008 06:21 AM

Miss Doxie? Are you still alive?

Hope everything is ok.

You're probably just really busy...I've known lawyers and they have crazy work loads and schedules and you don't owe us anything/explanations as it is. This is your site, after all.

Seriously though, I do hope you're doing alright.

Posted by: Serenity | January 28, 2008 11:14 PM


Posted by: Andrea | January 29, 2008 10:49 AM

Golly, that was mean "patience is not a virtue of mine"...geez! There are a lot of reasons that she doesn't post one of them being that she has a life outside of making millions of people laugh....

I miss her and her tales of woe too but be nice! Maybe she'll write us a ditty faster that way...

Doxie? Um, can you please come back?

Posted by: patience is a virtue you should learn | January 29, 2008 11:16 AM

Please, Miss Doxie, even a little note from you here in the comments, to let people know you are okay? Even if you don't have time, or inclination, or whatever, to write out a massive post? Please? People are worried about you.

Posted by: Sunkitten | January 29, 2008 11:59 PM

Ooch, people are getting mean! Doxie, I just hope you and yours are doing okay and that someday you'll come back to us. We loves you.

Posted by: missbanshee | January 30, 2008 11:09 PM

Damn. You people are ruthless. I love Miss Doxie too, but give the girl a break already. What does she owe you anyway? Bunch of freaks.

Posted by: Lulu | January 31, 2008 03:18 PM

Sorry, but I don't see what's mean or ruthlsss in asking someone to let people know she is okay.

Posted by: Sunkitten | January 31, 2008 07:23 PM

I think she was referring to little Miss Not-So- Patient up there who thinks that because SHE has time to post in her Perfect World, then our Miss Doxie should take time from her schedule to keep us entertained. Not so. We adore Miss Doxie.

And Good things come to those who wait.

Posted by: Deb | February 1, 2008 07:42 AM

just adding to the comments here in case we're aiming for a record.

doxie - don't make me write a poem. don't you do it.

Posted by: Amy | February 4, 2008 02:41 AM

Miss Doxie, we all wish you and your little Doxie family well. We're simply concerned about all of you. Here's hoping that 2008 is treating you SO well that you simply don't have time to deal with the Internets.

Posted by: Leesavee | February 5, 2008 09:47 AM

I miss you. Sadly I am one of those who checks every damn day, sometimes more than once a day, to see if there is something new to satisfy my Doxieaddiction. Hurry home!

Posted by: Syko | February 5, 2008 01:00 PM

Umm, excuse me? Miss Doxie lady? Bo didn't kill you and pee on your corpse, did he?

Posted by: A.B. | February 6, 2008 07:38 PM

Ah, the blabsalot. She miss Miss Doxie. She cry. She wail. She wait......and she hopes Miss Doxie is good and not bad. :)
She hopes Miss Doxie able to come back soon.
She getting a little weird.....all the waiting.....she fidgets too.

Posted by: blabsalot | February 7, 2008 03:20 AM

Look. Please. Take pity on all of us who check, helplessly, hopelessly, every day, sometimes more than once, in the hopes that Miss Doxie has actually posted an entry.

Even if it says nothing but "Hi, y'all." Give us SOMETHING.

Posted by: markira | February 7, 2008 12:56 PM

She's gone to live on Planet Unicorn I fear, never to be heard from again. Sigh.

Posted by: Ria | February 7, 2008 01:56 PM

Have y'all seen this?... www.craftydoxie.com

Posted by: Bailey | February 7, 2008 06:28 PM

OMG! Miss.Doxie has another blog she didn't tell us about. Don't worry to much, she hasn't posted to that one since January17th. Maybe she is just busy and will get back to both soon.

Posted by: L.F. | February 7, 2008 10:26 PM

Unfortunately she hasn't posted to that one since January, 2007
Dammit woman! Come back! Just to say hi. I PROMISE we won't yell at you.

Posted by: deb | February 8, 2008 07:49 AM

I don't know about everyone else, but I'm going to keep re-reading her archives until that pallet o' wine I sent to her shows up at her door. Archives = Almost like a new post!

Posted by: Kate | February 10, 2008 01:18 AM

2008 is waiting for you Miss Doxie! We miss you!!!

Posted by: Susan | February 11, 2008 11:21 PM

Um... If it makes anyone feel better, there's a new Planet Unicorn video out.


Posted by: Ess | February 14, 2008 01:36 PM

Miss Doxie where are you? Are you breaking up with us? I miss you so much!

Posted by: Kitty | February 15, 2008 05:55 PM

I check every day....hoping...yearning....nay, LUSTING for a new Doxie post. And yet every day my yearns are unanswered. Has anyone emailed Miss Doxie to see if perhaps she tripped and fell and her doxies ate her? I can come up with no other explanation for this prolongued absence.

Please come back Miss Doxie. Please. Otherwise I have to get a hobby that doesn't involve the Internets, and that's scary.

Posted by: pathetically doxie-addicted | February 17, 2008 09:43 AM


Come back, Miss Doxie! Come back! We'll be good! We'll be quiet! We'll behave! We'll be better than Bo! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

My favorite blog has been abandoned by its blogger and no new posts in almost three months and IT'S STILL MY FAVORITE BLOG. Come back, Miss Doxie! Come back!

Posted by: Caroline | February 17, 2008 01:45 PM

Planet Unicorn heeeeeeeeeeeeey... I'm glad I checked these comments, otherwise I would not have learned about the new video.

Anyway, great blog. Can't wait for you to make your next post.. it's worth the wait. :)

Posted by: Eva | February 17, 2008 03:36 PM

Perhaps a haiku
or something is in order
until she gets back?

Posted by: Fish | February 18, 2008 02:53 PM

Baby, pleaaaaase! We'll send you wine! We'll start an entire wine-drive in your honor! Just please! Come back to those who love you!

Posted by: Haley | February 21, 2008 11:25 AM


Posted by: Suzy Q | February 23, 2008 01:20 AM

That's it! I am putting my foot down. Haley's idea about the wine drive is a good one.
I will proceed the drinking of the wine tonight and I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL YOU GET BACK HERE!
Oh, the sacrifices I make....

Posted by: Deb | February 25, 2008 09:16 AM

Somehow I always come back to this blog, with high hopes in my heart, and then I see the title again and go all sad......
I hope Leigh knows how much she is missed, and how these faithful folk just keep coming back day after day in the hope of seeing a new heading....
She is missed, and she is loved. Let's all pray that nothing is wrong in her world other than a screwy computer or some such stuff.
Hugs to Leigh!

Posted by: blabsablot | February 26, 2008 03:50 AM

Maybe we should start a miss doxie forum where we share our own doggie stories in honor of this blog? Maybe Leigh would even come!

Posted by: Sarah | February 26, 2008 10:56 AM

Okay, I'm stretching this out further. It's February 29. Let's see how much longer people will comment! :)

Miss you, Miss Doxie!

Posted by: Leeny | February 29, 2008 02:08 PM

March 1st and still we wait....

Posted by: Barbi | March 1, 2008 02:32 PM

I'm marching around chanting "no missdoxie NO PEACE!!" and my husband would like a word with you please...

Posted by: s u s a n | March 3, 2008 02:46 PM

Is there a point where I look pathetic stalking this site?

Posted by: Melissa | March 3, 2008 06:08 PM

I have already written all about my love for Halloween

Posted by: experienec | March 3, 2008 09:24 PM

Earth to Miss Doxie, please come back soon. We need our bitch back :)

Posted by: gabby | March 4, 2008 04:26 PM

OK, I'm going to stop coming here three or four times a day. If I don't come here, she will write. It's the same theory as a watched pot never boiling.

Posted by: Syko | March 4, 2008 05:11 PM

rtmgqs erntmd qcdylivwo mfuq ijnoqmz flgcxmyk hotcxfaz

Posted by: pqedy xfms | March 5, 2008 07:54 AM

ldcob qxgvs fyjtumn ndjxwht wchk nutlfd vdrbzumtw http://www.rymuwh.shxmuy.com

Posted by: kwpdhtu vgcu | March 5, 2008 07:56 AM

cfuymb uiha hfrp mqacdk skxnioz ntxowj tzcqgr jzetlcbm otnwvi

Posted by: watjzdu zifamlq | March 5, 2008 07:56 AM

Miiiiiiiiiiiiss Doxie! D= Come back! Answer my e- mails! SOMETHING!

And, I so agree
that a haiku is needed
until she returns.

You see what you make me do? WRITE SUCKY POETRY. Come back and I'll stop?

Posted by: Emily | March 5, 2008 03:58 PM


Emily (Comment above me): Sucky poetry...sycamore tree?

Posted by: Tasha | March 5, 2008 04:06 PM

Sigh...I even tried e-mailing her to no avail. I'm sure I was not alone. I wonder if she is having internet problems again? And can't post? And if we don't know where else she might be then we can't find her? Sigh...

Posted by: Mauigirl | March 6, 2008 04:17 AM

Happy Birthday, Miss Doxie.

Posted by: Sunkitten | March 6, 2008 03:00 PM

Yeah. I hope 31 is a doxiriffic year for you. Hugs to the pups.

Posted by: Carol | March 6, 2008 03:11 PM

I think emailing her constantly probably makes it worse, if she is super busy and whatnot. Think about it - will she have time to write and post if she's busy cleaning 45600 "ZOMG Where ru wahhhhh!" messages out of her inbox? Yeah... Logic.

But, OMG I did not know YESTERDAY was her bday!! Cool! Happy Birthday Miss Doxie!! I hope Bo was nice to you. And didn't get you "some pee" as a present. ;oD hee.

Posted by: McKate | March 7, 2008 10:43 AM

Happy belated birthday, Miss Doxie...where ever you are.

Posted by: Serenity | March 8, 2008 01:00 PM

Happy belated birthday!

Posted by: Tripping Daisy | March 9, 2008 02:07 PM

Happy late birthday, Miss Doxie!

Posted by: Emily | March 10, 2008 09:08 PM

*tiny sob*

Posted by: Suzy Q | March 12, 2008 06:19 PM

Well, kids, I've noticed that our Miss D is off of several of the biggies blogrolls--I think they know something we don't. Miss D, great run, and thank you!

Posted by: ABK | March 13, 2008 05:22 AM

Ok, she is fine. Just busy. She will be back soon.


Posted by: Deb | March 13, 2008 07:41 AM

LVOES indeed.


Posted by: Deb | March 13, 2008 07:42 AM

Goodbye Miss. Doxie. It was fun while it lasted. I must move on now.

Posted by: Lori | March 14, 2008 09:55 PM

Anyone know if she and her brood are okay in the wake of the tornado last night?? Here's hoping that the Divine Miss D all the little monsters are safe and happy and still have a roof over their little doxie-riffic heads!

Posted by: lyrica71 | March 15, 2008 09:58 AM

Hey Miss Doxie!

Hope you, Dukay, the doggies and your families are safe after the tornado.

We miss you!

Posted by: Kath | March 16, 2008 01:39 AM

Please, if someone knows if she and her family made it through Atlanta's bad weather, let us know!!

Posted by: shaxgirl | March 16, 2008 04:03 PM

Still missing you!

Posted by: jaime | March 18, 2008 02:09 PM

I had to go to court today for the Very First Time Ever. I was pro se but of the people who were there with lawyers, over HALF of the lawyers were LATE to COURT!!! WTF??? Coming to court is your JOB, especially when your CLIENT is waiting for you there!! WTF, law people??

I bet Miss Doxie is a GOOD lawyer who is ON TIME for court. Not like those jerks I saw today.

Though maybe it's excusable since the judge was also late. Guess he's not a very good JUDGE of time! (wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Thank you, try the veal.)

Posted by: McKate | March 20, 2008 05:43 PM

you suck

Posted by: wanker | March 25, 2008 12:59 PM

Perhaps a Doxie Twitter would be awesome... she could have the ease of itsy bitsy posts even texted from her phone. That would be rockin'!

Posted by: April | March 25, 2008 02:57 PM

Where are you??????????????????????????????

Posted by: Kim | March 26, 2008 03:34 AM

Please don't give up on us miss doxie.

Posted by: Andrea | March 26, 2008 08:19 AM

sigh, y'all. i think she just can't do it, too busy, too overcommitted, too much work, and she can't bear to tell us (or herself) that she can't keep up withthe site. doxie, just go ahead and let us know; we'll miss you mightily but we get that it happens sometimes. it'll always be one of the best blogs around.

Posted by: sarah | March 26, 2008 02:58 PM

Hoping everything is ok with you and yours. Hoping to hear from you again someday!

Posted by: deborah | March 26, 2008 03:41 PM

I shall add my voice to the ones hoping you and yours are well, Miss Doxie!

Posted by: W. Lotus | March 27, 2008 08:21 AM

you're like a bad boyfriend, miss doxie.

Posted by: Dahlia | March 27, 2008 01:29 PM

Still thinking of you...hope all is well.

Posted by: Mauigirl | March 28, 2008 12:25 AM

lets try for 200 comments
with still no friggin response!

Posted by: wanker | April 1, 2008 12:46 PM

My wieners and I are sad...Frieda miss Bo.

Posted by: Lynnette | April 1, 2008 12:53 PM

I was hoping today would be the day that I checked and there was a new post....sigh. Miss Doxie I miss you!

Posted by: Heather | April 1, 2008 04:56 PM

Throw us a bone already!! Seriously, could you let us know if we should stop checking in? Missin' you.

Posted by: QOTU | April 1, 2008 07:48 PM

Almost to 200 posts, Wanker!
Ziz! Tell Miss D we miss her!!!!!

Posted by: Deb | April 2, 2008 08:00 AM

Maybe she's preggers! That'd be a good reason to be to busy/tired to post.

Posted by: Sarah | April 2, 2008 10:15 AM

Sigh. I tried ya'll, I really did. I sent my "please post something before my head implodes" email but no response. I guess we should ... I don't even want to say it ... but should we....give...up?

Oh the horror!

Posted by: Karen | April 2, 2008 11:43 AM

Congrats, Karen on being the 200th poster!

I can't.. I simply WON'T give up!

She is just very, very busy lawyering for a living. I mean, she has many wiener mouths to feed.
And boots to buy.
And wine to imbibe.

Posted by: Deb | April 2, 2008 02:17 PM

Tomorrow will mark the 4 month anniversary of Miss Doxie's absence. I think it's time to give up people. I mean seriously, she doesn't even care enough to come here and write a comment saying she just doesn't have time to post. And we're all here just waiting around like we have nothing else to do with our lives... Let's give each other addresses to other good funny blogs. Jen

Posted by: Jen | April 3, 2008 04:39 PM

I think she is playing some sort of sick psychological experiment on her readers -- how long can she hold out until we either give up or implode.

That said, hope all is well in Doxieland.

Posted by: Sara | April 3, 2008 07:49 PM

OK, time for a poll:
What happened to Miss Doxie?
Top 5 from me
(1) Bo holding her hostage until he gets his virgin
(2) She is now legally blind from Dukay's red pants
(3)Turns out Gimmee IS gay, had to relocate to San Francisco
(4) Georgia bans wine consumption...Miss Doxie now comatose
(5)She's fallen & can't get up!!


Posted by: wanker | April 3, 2008 08:05 PM

Gang, I came back to see if I missed anything... and found that I hadn't.

I did a search on her IRL name and she is doing some other projects — that I won't mention here because I think it would be rude of me to go into details of her personal "real" life. I think she's simply busy with lawyer stuff and this new project. I still think she should come here and post a new entry letting people know that she's got other things going on. (I know she's gotten e-mails from many of you, so she knows that she has a concerned following of loyal readers.)

I agree with Jen that posted earlier today about sharing the Web site addresses of other funny bloggers. I just wish I knew of some!

Posted by: Patience: Not a Virtue of Mine | April 3, 2008 08:16 PM

These are some blogs I like. They are all written by parent's, but they are funny nontheless


Posted by: Lori | April 3, 2008 10:19 PM

Wanker, if Georgia ever banned wine consumption, then I can't relocate there. I need my wine like I need breath!
I think you are right on the nose about MD going blind from those red pants.

Posted by: Deb | April 4, 2008 08:51 AM

Some of my favs:


I do know Doxie is busy - but I'm a little resentful of the way she's blown off all her fans. I'm taking her off my favorites list.

Posted by: Judy | April 4, 2008 05:05 PM

I can't bring myself to remove this from My Bookmarks. Oh Doxie, how can you do this to us?

Posted by: dgm | April 5, 2008 06:35 PM

Perhaps we can organize an intervention? How many of her readers are in Atlanta? Can y'all just go over to her office and tap on her door and remind her about the internet? Kthxbai.

Posted by: Andrea | April 7, 2008 07:42 AM

You want funny female bloggers? There are others out there - try




Posted by: mouthybabe | April 7, 2008 08:49 AM

Since we're sharing good blogs here are 2 of my current favorites



cheers fellow miss doxie fans!

Posted by: Heather | April 7, 2008 11:17 AM


No dogs and no Dukay, but funny stories about dating (aka "fake relationships"). Also, medical-ing instead of lawyer-ing. But best of all:

Miss Doxie - klutzy, gets drunk and falls down a lot, occasionally ends up naked.
Meg - klutzy, gets drunk and falls down a lot, occasionally ends up naked.


Meg - also has verbal diarrhea

"Dear jesus. Please give me laryngitis immediately. Please. Or at least take away my ability to form sentences. Something, anything to end my shame. Love meg.

Dear meg. Please stop praying for me to bail you out of ridiculously stupid situations that are blatantly all your fault. I am really busy dealing with wars and things. You're on your own. Love jesus. PS- lay off the sauce"


"somebody's got a case of the mondays", and "the time I was almost violated at that restaurant once" are of course, classic, but "weird shit I done did for money once #1" is matchless in the history of things that are so funny I peed myself while reading them.

You're welcome.

Miss Doxie, wherever you are, I hope whatever work and projects you have going on are going great for you. We miss you, yeah, but you don't owe us anything. Sorry people are mean to you on your very own blog.
*heart*, McKate

Posted by: McKate | April 7, 2008 02:26 PM

Ok I'm tryin' for 300 comment posts...
La, la la-la

PS I read "Dad gone mad" based on a suggestion above and I launched about 2 feet of Diet Coke out of my nose after reading the one about "crop dusting" thanks for the recommendation!

Posted by: wanker | April 7, 2008 10:07 PM

Other blog suggestions:

Posted by: Andrea | April 8, 2008 07:40 AM

http://jiveturkey.wordpress.com. Funny. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: RLS | April 8, 2008 10:34 AM

I just had to come back and say THANK YOU to McKate. I have spent the last 2 days reading Meg's archives--she's a hoot!

I still wish Miss Doxie would post more, or should I say AGAIN! still miss you doxie...

Posted by: Heather | April 9, 2008 10:01 AM


Her stories are hysterical and she has the sharpest, sarcastic sense of humor! Miss Doxie is my absolute FAV, but Mimi Smartypants is a close second!

Posted by: jp | April 9, 2008 02:02 PM

I will click daily, it's a habit now. I'm 10 days off the damn cigarettes that I've smoked for 35 years but I'll be damned if I'll stop clicking my bookmark for Mz D!

Half the fun now comes from our comments anyway :) Ok, Ok, a third of the fun.

Posted by: NevergiveuponMzD | April 9, 2008 02:45 PM

We should totally start a board/page for miss doxie fans to chat ;) I keep checking back on the conversation in the comments here, this is kinda fun!

@ JP Mimi is one of my favorites too. I read ALL of her archives when I first discovered her.

y'all keep the links coming, I love discovering new sites!

Posted by: Heather | April 9, 2008 05:57 PM

Yeah, Heather, that is a good idea! But I'd sure hate to have her think we're a bunch of weirdo stalkers.
I'm afraid the website will be gone forever soon.

Come back! Come back, Miss D!!!!! OK, ya'll. At 6:00 CST today, Thursday, lets all send her mental telepathy thoughts and MAKE her come back to us.

Posted by: Deb | April 10, 2008 08:07 AM

RSL, just checked out http://jiveturkey.wordpress.com and you're right... very funny stuff.

Posted by: Karen | April 10, 2008 08:56 AM


Loved JIVE Turkey, too.

Posted by: wanker | April 10, 2008 03:20 PM

I'm right there with ya Wanker 300 posts!!!! I'm clicking over here now to follow the conversation in the comments. The day I find a new entry will be great (never give up!), but until then it's nice talking to all of y'all.

Posted by: Heather | April 10, 2008 07:51 PM

My comments got put into moderation, probably because I put too many urls in the text, I guess. But hey, you guys, check out Sweetney, Misszoot, and nopasanada (all followed by .com) for good blogging.

Posted by: Andrea | April 11, 2008 08:23 AM

Miss Doxie makes me laugh so hard I cry just like The Hot Librarian used to. She went away for a while, but apparently she is back, this time without comments. Really people, if you want funny check out thehotlibrarian.blogspot.com. Poke around the archives; if it does not bring you to (laughing) tears, I'll eat my hat. Or I would if I had one. Instead, I'll eat bacon.

Posted by: dgm | April 11, 2008 07:55 PM

Y'all check out damnhellasskings.com it's a site that houses links/updates to a bunch of blogs that are sort of in the Miss Doxie universe by 6 degrees of separation or something. As in it's run by Glark (of TWoP fame)and contributers include Ab Chao who designs this site (and who Miss Doxie gets drunk on wine with on occasion) but there are a TON more, Pamie of pamie.com (internet maven and wonder killer) but seriously everyone who has links on that site rock, in fact I think Doxie is one of the only blogs I read that isn't a part of DHAK...

Posted by: Lis | April 12, 2008 10:03 AM

Bo, this message is for you: Bark bark, yip, bark, ruff.

Posted by: Andrea | April 15, 2008 07:40 AM

[sob] Still no new Doxie. I am bereft!

Am consoling myself with frequent doses of Bossy, now on her Bloggy Road Trip across the country. She's at iambossy dot com.

Posted by: Caroline | April 15, 2008 02:21 PM

DAMMIT woman!! We know you have to eat, sleep, buy stock in a vinyard, have a roof over your head and all, but what about US? Your loyal fans miss you terribly.
Just kidding. But not about the loyal fans.
Please be doing well in your life.
Love to the weiners!!!!!!

Posted by: Deb | April 18, 2008 07:36 AM

DAMMIT woman!! We know you have to eat, sleep, buy stock in a vinyard, have a roof over your head and all, but what about US? Your loyal fans miss you terribly.
Just kidding. But not about the loyal fans.
Please be doing well in your life.
Love to the weiners!!!!!!

Posted by: Deb | April 18, 2008 07:36 AM

Miss Doxie, did the IRS eat you?

Posted by: Andrea | April 18, 2008 07:37 AM

Um yeah. Does anyone else think that it's odd that a post (or two) is still up? Usually the posts will go away after a couple of non-posting months and be a website of blankness.

I bet Miss Doxie is testing our resolve. She is updating to keep the blog posts up but seeing how far we can go w/the comments.

Sigh....I just don't know if I can take the rejection......

Posted by: Karen | April 18, 2008 09:44 AM

Remember the good old days, way back in 'ought 7, when Miss Doxie had a blog? Good times.

Posted by: Andrea | April 18, 2008 02:01 PM

This guy is still blogging.......and cracking me up. http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/

Posted by: House of Suz | April 18, 2008 06:54 PM

This guy is still blogging.......and cracking me up. http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/

Posted by: House of Suz | April 18, 2008 06:55 PM

I want to have my DNA taken to the far ends of the Milkyway. Someone should order small plastic vials from the manufacturer using the green Thomas industrial catolog at the public library, look up vials /plastic. Next have someone make a kids rubber helium party baloon that is 1 inch bigger when its inflated so it goes higher in the sky. Have it made with glow in the dark stuff that shines at night. It will take two rubber baloons tied together to carry up the plastic vial taped to one of the baloons. Proceed to get poke-em lancets from the drug store to prick your finger. Now Space-Aliens flying in invisible craft in Earths skies could retrieve a drop of your blood when you release the baloons over the desert or nature park. Go ahead and dab a drop of blood onto the surface of the baloon instead if you want, then only one baloon is needed. Your baloon might be recognized by the Aliens up there. Or you might find the whole idea a bad thing. Should people who believe there is Aliens visiting our solor system send out a spacecraft way past Pluto that has a supply of fruit tree, vegetable and berry seeds so the Extra-terrestial star travellers can take it home?

Posted by: Scott H Florance | April 19, 2008 11:48 AM

Alien post above?
Although I find your little story entertaining, I have to ask...What are you talking about?

Posted by: Lori | April 19, 2008 08:33 PM

Miss Doxie. Miss you. No one tells stories like you do. And Bo, what can I say about Bo. Hope you come back soon.

Posted by: Kim | April 20, 2008 05:31 PM

I am keeping hope alive! I think the alien post above is actually Gimmme posting some thoughts. :)

Posted by: Andrea | April 22, 2008 07:58 AM


Posted by: Marcia | April 22, 2008 07:59 AM

Hmm... I'm wondering if all the double posted and spam comments mean there's something wrong with the blog?

Miss Doxie, if you're out there, we can help. We have navigated these treacherous Internets before. There is no need to be afraid of the pr0nz or long lost uncles from Nigeria who need to send you money.

Posted by: Jane | April 22, 2008 10:43 PM

Jane...on my double posted, I just pulled a Big Stupid and hit "post" twice. Can't delete the extra. Dang.

We miss you MD!

Posted by: Deb | April 23, 2008 07:54 AM

Dang. I thought I had it figured out. Oh well.

Posted by: Jane | April 24, 2008 01:39 PM

Still here. . . still waiting for an update. . .

Posted by: Andrea | April 25, 2008 08:27 AM

I could handle her not wanting to do the blog any more. I wouldn't be happy, but I could handle it.

I just don't get it that she never said goodbye.

Posted by: Syko | April 25, 2008 12:49 PM

Holy Crap! I was hoping that you weren't gone for good. Welcome back!

Posted by: Michelle | April 25, 2008 12:54 PM

Holy Crap! I was hoping that you weren't gone for good. Welcome back!

Posted by: Michelle | April 25, 2008 12:54 PM

Michelle...what are you talking about?? I saw your comment..Holy Crap you are back?? And I thought...Holy Crap she is back!! BUT she isn't...is she?? Help me!

Posted by: Casey | April 27, 2008 03:33 PM

Maybe Michelle saw my comment that I was still here and waiting and misunderstood. Anyway, if MissDoxie were around, I would want her to see this link: http://www.statesman.com/ap/mediahub/media/slideshow/index.jsp?tId=103887

Posted by: Andrea | April 29, 2008 11:59 AM

I guess I should have said what the link is to - it's a weiner dog race! http://www.statesman.com/ap/mediahub/media/slideshow/index.jsp?tId=103887

Posted by: Andrea | April 29, 2008 12:01 PM

Yay Andrea! I love the wiener dog races!

In other news, *I* am starting to sort of feel like the Internet's Bitch every time I check this page for a new post. Sigh...

Posted by: Jane | April 29, 2008 12:42 PM

I think I will enter my Dos Weiners in the Buda races next year. It's not that far away, but the threatening bad weather kept me away this year. I will start training. Soon.

Posted by: Deb | April 29, 2008 01:21 PM

I feel like such a tramp. Coming back to her day in and day out. And never getting anything out of it.
I weep and drink. Well, maybe just drink.
I will continue, I guess. I may as well.
There are others out there. Just not as...good.

Posted by: Deb | April 29, 2008 03:30 PM

Thanks for making me laugh, I needed that today! and, oddly enough thats the second time today I have seen someone write the phrase "pasty-skinned" and I don't think I've EVER read that before today. How odd! Do you think it's a sign? I know I need a tan but gheez louise. lol

Posted by: Valerie | April 30, 2008 04:28 PM


Posted by: FU | May 1, 2008 12:58 AM


Posted by: fu | May 1, 2008 01:01 AM

FU, By following your link, I see that you may be a professional. So what's with the caps and the sorry spelling. YOU ARE NOT TEXTING! You are posting in the same manner a 14 year old child would.
And for Pete's sake, no one in making you come here. So YOU go away, already. And she does not moderate, you dumb shit. Comments are posted almost immediately.

Posted by: Debbi | May 1, 2008 07:41 AM

Deb, how do you train a weiner dog for a weiner dog race?

Posted by: Andrea | May 1, 2008 07:50 AM

Andrea, is that a joke? :-) If not, it should be. Somebody come up with a good punch line for it, like, "Take away his credit card." Oh, wait, that's "How do you stop an elephant from charging?"

Posted by: RLS | May 1, 2008 09:47 AM

Andrea! I would-if I had the energy- walk with the little Rotund Ones to get them, and me! into shape.
As for now, the "fast" one, Penny, chases balls and stuffed animals. I throw, she runs. She brings it back, spits it at me and barks until the object in question is thrown again. Continuously.
I try to hide the Object in Question, but she sniffs it out.

Posted by: Deb | May 1, 2008 03:09 PM

My neighbor has two really fat little wiener dogs. They are very fierce, but afraid of everything! It's funny when the female is chasing a leaf caught by the wind, and the wind turns towards her, then the leaf is chasing her, and hilarity ensues. Anyway, I don't think those dogs could (or would) run a race if they were being chased by a hundred leaves. (Lazy!)
RLS - I agree, that should be a joke. Like - how do you train a wiener dog for a wiener dog race? Very Carefully!

Posted by: Andrea | May 2, 2008 07:48 AM

No way, the answer to that joke has to be "With relish!"
Sorry, I'm leaving now...

Posted by: Andrea (another one) | May 2, 2008 11:17 PM

I have a theory on where Miss Doxie - I googled her real name (hint, Leigh T.) and found an online article about how she redecorated her house 4 years ago. In the article it mentions she has nude paintings hanging thru out the house, including a bondage scene in the dining room. So my guess is that El Dukay has her tied up in a dungeon someplace.

Posted by: Christine | May 4, 2008 11:24 AM

Hey, other Andrea, that's brilliant!! "With relish!" I'm laughing out loud over here.

Posted by: Andrea | May 7, 2008 07:47 AM

Another wiener dog joke:


Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old dachshund asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Posted by: Andrea | May 9, 2008 07:42 AM

Wiener races in Buda:
Deb, I live near Driftwood. If you enter your wee dudes next year I'll come watch! :)
blabsalot aka babs

p.s. I miss the Divine Miss D and her brood of vertically challenged pups. SIGH!!! But we seem to have created a strange little community here with these posts. When she reads them she may take pity on us and grace our lives with a new post....one can always hope.

Posted by: blabsalot | May 11, 2008 12:02 AM

Planet Unicorn is now selling t-shirts. I kind of like the one that says "Gay Boy" myself.

I wonder what will come first: new Planet Unicorn episode, or new Miss Doxie post?

Posted by: Jane | May 11, 2008 03:02 PM

Like one of the other commenters, I had googled Miss Doxie a while back. I have found her work information including a phone number. Is it too creepy-stalkery to call her - all professional of course - and ask her to pretty please update her blog?

Posted by: Andrea | May 12, 2008 03:44 PM

Andrea - yes. that is really creepy. please don't do that.

Posted by: Melinda | May 12, 2008 06:48 PM

Melinda, yeah I thought so. . . I definitely won't call her. Is it just too sad that I'm worried about her. I mean, the only things I know about Miss Doxie come from reading her website and looking at her flickr sets.

Posted by: Andrea | May 13, 2008 08:45 AM

aww! not sad to be worried, the internet is weird and powerful in that way. :) but calling just makes it, you know, weird.

Posted by: Melinda | May 13, 2008 01:09 PM

I think she's okay...her law firm's website still has her picture up and all that, so she's alive.

Personally I have managed to wean myself down to only checking her blog twice a week instead of six to eight times a day.

Posted by: Syko | May 14, 2008 09:38 AM

Y'know, it must suck to be so busy. I bet she's so caught up in work she doesn't even have a personal life, much less time to work on her blog. Or maybe, she's busy writing a book. Or maybe she and Dukay got married, or are having a baby. So many possibilities.

Posted by: Andrea | May 14, 2008 03:48 PM

Whatever is going on in her life, I know we all wish her the best. I for one would love to see her married to Dukay and happily honeymooning at some exotic location where there is no web access and lots of wine.
I do know from an email to Ziz that she is VERY busy. And that Ziz is after her to blog.
I did let Z know that I was not some wierd stalker and that I was not pressing for exactly what was going on with our Miss D, but that we were very concerned about her.

Posted by: Deb | May 14, 2008 05:47 PM

Whatever is going on in her life, I know we all wish her the best. I for one would love to see her married to Dukay and happily honeymooning at some exotic location where there is no web access and lots of wine.
I do know from an email to Ziz that she is VERY busy. And that Ziz is after her to blog.
I did let Z know that I was not some wierd stalker and that I was not pressing for exactly what was going on with our Miss D, but that we were very concerned about her.

Posted by: Deb | May 14, 2008 05:47 PM

So excuse the double post.
Blabsalot gave me an idea for a Yahoo group. The title? Miss D's Strange Little Community of Weinerphiles.

Posted by: Deb | May 14, 2008 05:51 PM

OK I did it

I am going to keep it closed to Miss D fans for now. She is not mentioned by name in there.
This is a "just in case" she does shut down the site. We can all keep in touch.

Hope this is not too wierd.

Posted by: Deb | May 14, 2008 06:07 PM

Deb, that is very clever! Thanks for getting in touch with Ziz. Glad to know that Miss Doxie's just busy, and not having a crisis or something.

Posted by: Andrea | May 15, 2008 07:08 AM

It's getting a lot creepy in here.

Posted by: Miss Kate | May 16, 2008 12:28 AM

Why do you think that, Miss Kate? Is it because of the Yahoo group? If so, there is certainly no harm meant. Logically, Miss D's site could very well go away forever. There are a lot of fans here that have a lot in common (other than our fan-ship) and it would be nice to keep in touch that way.
I'm certainly no stalker. Hell, my daughter is older than Miss D. I have 6 grandkids. Two weinerdogs. I live a perfectly semi-normal life.
It's not creepy. We are caring fans.

Posted by: Deb | May 16, 2008 07:36 AM

No, the Yahoo group isn't what I find creepy, it's the calling her at work thing. I want her to return to posting as well, but considering calling her at work? Y'ALL!

Posted by: Miss Kate | May 17, 2008 08:54 PM

dude. kate. don't pretend like it never crossed your mind.
as the bible says, judge not...

Posted by: Dahlia | May 18, 2008 07:35 PM

C'mon now, I know it was a creepy-stalkerish thing to be contemplating, that's why I wrote about it here instead of actually doing it. Gimme a break, Miss Kate.

Posted by: Andrea | May 20, 2008 08:27 AM

Miss Doxie needs to come back and give us some more Doxie stories!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Anna Schwartz | May 20, 2008 05:48 PM

I hard through the grapevine that all the Miss Doxie Fans were getting together and starting a riot in her commenting section, I could not bare to not be a part of this glorious disaster. MRS. DOXIE COME HOME!!!

/sews lace on "Save Miss Doxie" T-Shirt

Posted by: Jen | May 21, 2008 10:45 AM

Yikes I wouldn't come back either with people being all stalkery and stuff. One thing to contemplate something another to post about it and give others the idea!

Posted by: wanker | May 21, 2008 02:26 PM

Wanker- ergh, I didn't think of that.

Posted by: Andrea | May 21, 2008 03:54 PM

I wasn't intending to bonk you on the head, Andrea...just making a point about the fact that there are people out there that actually would take it too far... thats all.
I'm a bit a a wnaker, hence my name :0)

Posted by: wanker | May 21, 2008 11:40 PM

Wanker - hopefully my crazy didn't scare Miss Doxie, or any of the commenters off completely. Um, maybe I should change the subject now. . . So, how about those $localsportsteam aren't they great?

Posted by: Andrea | May 22, 2008 07:07 AM

GO Penguins!! Stanley cup is almost ours!

Posted by: wanker | May 22, 2008 08:26 AM

I think that everybody is just voicing how badly they loved Miss Doxie, everybody here seems to be a very nice sort. I don't get the stalker vibe from anyone, just idle chatter.

Posted by: Sarah | May 22, 2008 10:43 AM

Here for your enjoyment. An ASCII doxie:

(___________________________()6 `-,
( ______________________ /''"`
//\\ //\\
"" "" "" ""

Posted by: Andrea | May 23, 2008 07:06 AM

Hehe, I messed up the spacing and now its legs are way too close together and the top of his head fell off. Lame! I fail at the internet!

Posted by: Andrea | May 23, 2008 07:09 AM

LOL! Yeah, but it gave me a real good morning chuckle!

Posted by: Deb | May 23, 2008 07:38 AM

Aww... I hope the puppies are alright. D: I'm sure Doxie's still alive and kicking (It takes a lot to kill a southern woman) but what if something happened to one of her babiieeees?


Posted by: Iggeh | May 25, 2008 07:40 PM

I am still checking everyday damn it, what if I go on a hunger strike, then will Miss Doxie come back?

/thinking about going on a hunger strike
//eating a donut (chocolate frosted)

Posted by: Jen | May 27, 2008 08:21 AM

Holy Cannoli! Almost at 300!!!
Who will be the lucky poster & what will they win?????

Posted by: wanker | May 27, 2008 12:36 PM

Since we are resorting to ASCII here's one for you.

........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........''...\.......... _.·´

Posted by: Jen | May 27, 2008 01:15 PM

Oh...My...God.... I laughed so hard that I cried... here at my desk... at work... with people staring. The Mister Gimmme story is priceless! I can vividly picture the look of terror on the little guys face. Great post!

Posted by: Tanya | May 27, 2008 02:53 PM

Hi. You should definitely come back. Please.

Posted by: Erin | May 28, 2008 03:55 AM

I am sad.
But I am glad because I think I am the 300th poster!
Come back to us, Miss D!

Posted by: Deb | May 28, 2008 07:41 AM

Deb you are the 300th you bitch! I was so hoping to make it, guess I will have to shoot for 4oo instead. I am preggers therefor i cannot start a hunger strike, but I will be starving myself on the inside, COME BACK MISS DOXIE!

Posted by: Jen | May 28, 2008 11:32 AM

Deb you are the 300th you bitch! I was so hoping to make it, guess I will have to shoot for 4oo instead. I am preggers therefor i cannot start a hunger strike, but I will be starving myself on the inside, COME BACK MISS DOXIE!

Posted by: Jen | May 28, 2008 11:33 AM

Jen! I have one word for you! BWAHHHAAAHAAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!
So, if you don't mind, since you are pregmo...I will eat AND drink wine for you! All in your name of course.

Posted by: Deb | May 28, 2008 01:49 PM

Hey Wanker, if you're still around, your Penguins did great last night!

Posted by: Andrea | May 29, 2008 07:04 AM

Day two of my mental hunger strike, I hope your happy miss Doxie, I don't have that many brain cells to spare.

Posted by: Jen | May 29, 2008 11:02 AM

I miss you and your uber funniness Miss Doxie!!! Please come back!

Posted by: MazingAmy | May 29, 2008 10:04 PM

Diary of a bloggers Hunger strike: Day 3

Dear Diary,
Welcome to the suck. I have deprived myself of anything mentally stimulating for three days, I have accomplish a copious amount of non-stimulating busy work at my job and I am beginning to crack, I believe I may receive a four on my next work review under performance, dear god no! I have not visted my favoritest of blogs and I have not read or learned anything new aside from pregnancy stuff which I feel obligated to do, had this been a physical hunger strike that would be my water. I wish this were just a regular hunger strike because not eating would be far easier.

Please Doxie don't let me starve...

Posted by: Jen | May 30, 2008 10:05 AM

No weiners involved by this is overrun by Cuteness!

Posted by: Deb | May 30, 2008 12:43 PM

Why God why?

Posted by: Jen | June 3, 2008 10:42 AM

Alas and alack!
I am...sad.

Posted by: Deb | June 3, 2008 10:46 AM

A Haiku for Miss D

Oh she of the round
Hounds of the ground
Has gone to weiner neverland

Posted by: Deb | June 3, 2008 10:55 AM

I think I may be bored, as well.

Posted by: Deb | June 3, 2008 10:56 AM

Hmm. It has been months, and yet, I still compulsively check her blog daily for new content.

Posted by: Andrea | June 3, 2008 04:28 PM

NOOOOOOO! You have to come back -- I just discovered you, and risked imminent firing by compulsively reading through all the archives, because the funniness was too great to NOT do so -- and you can't just up and vanish!

Posted by: Baby Lawyer | June 3, 2008 04:54 PM

Tomorrow makes six months since the last post. At this point, I guess I'm going to give up.

Posted by: Ess | June 3, 2008 09:30 PM

Dang. She's so obviously BETTER THAN A LAW CAREER!!! If I could write like THAT, I wouldn't do anything else!

Posted by: Caroline | June 3, 2008 11:43 PM

I am considering starting a "save Miss Doxie " Club, whose in? There will be T-shirts, benefit concerts featuring all Miss Doxie's favorite bands (special guest star McJagger), there will also be fun runs, polar bear dips, and free punch and cake.

/Free hat
//I can't live without you please come back

Posted by: Jen | June 5, 2008 10:10 AM

We miss you Miss Doxie!

I wonder if the Innernets have taken her site hostage from her again while she was busy with life?

If this is so, maybe she could drop us a note in this here comments section just to let us know she is ok.

She could also be overwhelmed and not really have time to do the blogging thing anymore. I hope nothing tragic has happened ::worries::

Posted by: Momcat | June 5, 2008 10:19 AM

I wonder...just how many entries a guest book will allow. Is it to infinity? And Beyond?

Posted by: Deb | June 9, 2008 07:29 AM

I finally figured out what happened to Miss Doxie! It turns out that Miss. Doxie has gone on the hunt for Osama Bin laden, she's knee deep in sand searching the caves in the desert looking for Americas most wanted. Why you ask? Because Miss Doxie f*cking loves America thats why! I imagine her dogs wearing little wraps around their heads while sniffing into the sand and barking in the general direction of terrorists.

What it could totally happen, You have a better idea!

Posted by: Jen | June 10, 2008 08:57 AM

Yes! I can see that! She is in a burka! With spikey-heeled black boots! She is going to use those spikey heels to kick Osama Bin Booty! He will sing soprano when she is through!
She crawls through the sand in her spikey boots with a botabag filled with Wine. Because She Must have Her Wine!
And the weiners are belly crawling behind her! Because the are so fat, the can't help but bellycrawl!
And Bo knows that there will be no diet dog chow at the Osama Palace. So he is driven!
And Gimmme's blind self can sniff out Osama Bin Butthead and be a Hero for Mankind!
And Pugsley, dear Puglsey is fearless. Because there is no water for baths!
She will come home a Hero-ess!
And get back to her blogging, where she belongs.

And that is my story.

Posted by: Deb | June 10, 2008 02:01 PM

lol! You guys are awesome.

Posted by: Andrea | June 11, 2008 07:41 AM

Are Deb and I the only ones who come here everyday? I think that on that special day when I do come back and see that the title on the main page is not "I am the internet's bitch"I may just simultaneously piss, shiat, vomit, burp and fart all at once. Did I mention I always check the blog from work, most of my blogging is done via my desk here at work, I imagine that day will also be my last day here. I do know one thing for sure, I will scream. I will post on my blog AGAIN that Miss Doxie is back. I will pray everyday that she never leaves us again. Speaking of praying, does anyone else find this faith we have all kept going on here religious-like in it self, think about it, deep huh...

Posted by: Jen | June 11, 2008 09:29 AM

Jen! Loyal companion! (I guess we are the resident quasi-stalkers)
Hmm..Would this religion be kind of like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Posted by: Deb | June 11, 2008 11:32 AM

heh, twice in one day. Everyday I ask myself WWFSMD, that's right What Would Flying Spaghetti Monster Do? He would reach out and touch Miss Doxie with his noodly appendage to let her know that people out there need her and she must come back soon.

Posted by: Jen | June 11, 2008 03:56 PM

I have to admit that I do not comment often but I too check this page regularly and wait to see the main post change to something new. Sometimes I feel dirty for checking so often after all this time :)

Posted by: Wendy | June 11, 2008 07:35 PM

*sigh* I check daily as well.

Posted by: Andrea | June 12, 2008 07:15 AM

I wonder if I bribe Miss Doxie if she would come back, I don't have much to offer, I work for a toy company, I could send her lot's of free transformers, marvel action figures, minimates, and Star Wars. Oh I know! Im preggers so maybe I could name the Baby Doxie! We already have names picked out but if it turns out to be twins and they are girls I do need another girls name! (20th is twin check again, it was too early to tell last time)

Posted by: Jen | June 12, 2008 08:30 AM


For all those who are still compulsively looking for information, wonderment, and laughs...I just checked shopdoxie.com, just curious if she was still rockin' that site. This is the message received: Shop Doxie is undergoing all sorts of technical maintenance, but will be back in September. Thanks for stopping by!"

I'm now curious if that "back in September" will translate to this site too...???

cheers to all

Posted by: Chad | June 12, 2008 12:44 PM

Actually, Chad, that message has been up on Shopdoxie.com since last summer:) No such luck...


Posted by: Alyssa | June 12, 2008 05:07 PM

I too check this site EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

It's like a heroin addiction, but less satisfying. Or so I've heard.

Posted by: Sad Doxie-lover | June 12, 2008 05:42 PM

I don't come here every day anymore. I think I've got it down to once a week or so. Weaning myself, you understand. And occasional lonnnnng, wistful visits to the archives. Thank Dog for the archives!

Honestly, this is--was? [sob]--the best blog ever. EVER. Some of the funniest, most irreverent, best written, craziest, most entertaining shit I have ever read, RIGHT HERE in this wackowideweb. I adore Dooce, chuckle over Amalah, loooove Bossy--but damn. Nobody's quite as good as this'un ra-cheer.

Miss ya, Miss D.

Posted by: Caroline | June 13, 2008 03:31 AM

I have to wean myself as well. I just don' quite have the..strength!

Posted by: Deb | June 13, 2008 07:57 AM

Can we at least get Miss Doxie to hire a ghost writer or something? (lol, I loved that show on Nik when I was younger) Seriously I may just die if someone doesn't do something, we're all stalkers right, Right? Isn't there a way to start sending fan letters and begging elsewhere because if she had checked the blog anytime in the last six months she would know we are going threw some serious withdraw.

Posted by: Jen | June 13, 2008 08:44 AM

Wah. I was thinking, Friday the 13th! It must be the day MD returns! But no. Now I have nothing to do but WORK...

Posted by: So Saaaaaaad | June 13, 2008 10:20 AM

Thanks to the commenter above who suggested going through the archives. This entry is my favorite: www.missdoxie.com/2006/01/everything_fall.html

Posted by: Andrea | June 13, 2008 10:24 AM

Miss Doxie - please please break your vow of silence to tell us if this is Bo on the main page of the Atlanta Journal Constitution website today (www.ajc.com/)above the headline "Is your dog bad enough for TV?"

Posted by: Andrea | June 13, 2008 10:34 AM

Congrats Jen! I also loved "Ghostwriter."

I just can't quit Miss Doxie.

Posted by: Jane | June 13, 2008 05:57 PM

So, here I am. Again.
It was easier to quit smoking cigs.

Posted by: Deb | June 16, 2008 11:45 AM

Anyone want to start a round of three word story telling? What else would Miss Doxie have us do? I am so lonely without her, this sucks!

ok here goes:

Long ago in...

Posted by: Jen | June 16, 2008 02:40 PM

....a planet where only dachshunds lived a strange thing happened....

Posted by: Sharon | June 16, 2008 04:57 PM

a young blonde

Posted by: Deb | June 16, 2008 06:11 PM


Posted by: doxiemisser | June 16, 2008 08:46 PM

Millions mourned. "Fuuuuuuck!!!"

Posted by: Caroline | June 16, 2008 08:58 PM

Little did they know...

Posted by: Momcat | June 16, 2008 11:38 PM

that rules are hard to follow.

Posted by: Andrea | June 17, 2008 07:30 AM

But alas, the people...

Posted by: Jen | June 17, 2008 08:14 AM

would never give up hope.

Posted by: Marcia | June 17, 2008 08:34 AM

...and so we must ask ourselves, that immortal question...WWJBD?

Posted by: Momcat | June 17, 2008 08:40 AM

And in the meantime, in a law office far, far away...

Posted by: deb | June 17, 2008 11:22 AM

And in the meantime, in a law office far, far away

Posted by: deb | June 17, 2008 11:23 AM

a lovely young woman sits, laughing like a loon at the comment folks on her former blog...

Posted by: karen | June 17, 2008 02:58 PM

post everyday. She riffles threw a stack of papers from a folder labeled...

Posted by: Jen | June 18, 2008 08:01 AM

"Funny stories I could tell the Internets." She wonders aloud...

Posted by: Jane | June 18, 2008 01:51 PM

::sneaks in and sets down a case of Fat Bastard Chardonnay as Doxie bribery and runs away::

Posted by: Momcat | June 18, 2008 10:11 PM

In the meantime, one of her loyal followers who shall (not) remain nameless, ran in and GRABBED the Fat Bastard as she LOOOOVES it and

Posted by: deb | June 19, 2008 07:36 AM

Sabered the bottle using only a CDR (seen this done with beer) and after pouring one out for her homies begins to guzzle. Miss Doxie, looking perplexed can only sit and say "...

Posted by: Jen | June 19, 2008 08:07 AM

"Darn these psuedo-stalkers! Not only are they lushes, they can't follow the 3-word rule!" I must run to my....

Posted by: deb | June 19, 2008 12:44 PM

Dachshund-drawn sled and

Posted by: doxiemisser | June 19, 2008 02:35 PM

Whoa. What's going on in here.

Just popped in to say I miss this blog, too, and think Miss D ought to just tell us goodbye or something; it's the respectful thing to do. Honors her readers, who deserve to be honored, after giving her such support and props over the years. Just stopping ain't right.

Posted by: flossie | June 20, 2008 06:45 AM

Pause for a brief commercial interruption....

Posted by: deb | June 20, 2008 07:38 AM

..we now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by: Marcia | June 20, 2008 07:55 AM

Sped! Sped fast, I tell you! Straight towards the Lair of the Evil Innernets, where she vowed to...

Posted by: deb | June 20, 2008 12:53 PM

take back control...

Posted by: Alyssa | June 20, 2008 05:46 PM

and fell upon her keyboard.

Posted by: LurkyLurker | June 21, 2008 12:43 AM

:::I check here every day as well...once a month I catch up on all the comments. I wonder if she gets the comments via email like other bloggers do. Anyway, back to your "not three words an entry shared story". OH! And one more thing...earlier on, someone started the "share other funny blogs" thing. Because of that, I found a truly hilarious writer and I thank you all for sharing the links.

Ok, now back to the story while we continue to wait for the return of Miss Doxie, I suppose:::

Posted by: Serenity | June 21, 2008 07:10 PM

With an evil glint in his eye; Bo took clever advantage of the situation and stole the ham sandwich off of her desk....

Posted by: Momcat | June 22, 2008 02:45 AM

We miss you!!! Come back and entertain us!!!

Posted by: j | June 22, 2008 08:30 PM

...immediately speeding away towards...

Posted by: Fish | June 22, 2008 11:31 PM

...A nearby church wherein held the basement dwellers who called themselves the "we miss miss Doxie Support group"...

Posted by: Jen | June 23, 2008 12:13 PM

...and ran under the table which held the coffee urn and wine boxes, with which the MD mourners sustained themselves...
(I'm not very good at this but fun fun!)

Posted by: Melissa | June 23, 2008 02:14 PM

....by drinking anything and everything they could get their hands on, whereupon they.....

Posted by: Karen | June 24, 2008 02:37 AM

sacrificed a pair of spiky-heeled boots to the dachshund gods.....

Posted by: Sharon | June 24, 2008 06:11 AM

I just discovered a Saved By The Bell marathon, and I'm suddenly full of Doxie-lacking sadness.
(Also, it turns out that I was born /just as the final episode aired./ How's that for being born under bad stars?)

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

...Who expressed their appreciation for her gift by snarling and peeing upon...

Posted by: Sharon the Second | June 24, 2008 08:28 AM

I just discovered a Saved By The Bell marathon, and I'm suddenly full of Doxie-lacking sadness.
(Also, it turns out that I was born /just as the final episode aired./ How's that for being born under bad stars?)

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

...Who expressed their appreciation for her gift by snarling and peeing upon...

Posted by: Sharon the Second | June 24, 2008 08:28 AM

the leg of Gay House Boy, because Gimmme is so NOT gay! Unless you are talking about HAPPY gay!

Posted by: deb | June 24, 2008 01:59 PM

So I am sitting here at work, boss is in his office right behind me with the freakin' door open! And I am bored, so I read archives.
And now my stomach hurts, my mascara is runny, I need to pee and the closest bathroom is Way Down The Hall and it is BROKEN!
October 5, 2005 archives are a riot! It is damned difficult to LOL quietly when you are supposed to be working.

Posted by: deb | June 24, 2008 03:01 PM

Another funny blog to read while we await Miss Doxie's return: widelawns.blogspot.com/

Posted by: Andrea | June 25, 2008 07:59 AM

Speaking of being Happy Gay, Bo, Gimmme and Pugsley needed some cheeriness in their lives because they were picking up via osmosis the sadness in the hearts of Miss Doxie fans worldwide.
So they watched
and became very glad.

Posted by: deb | June 26, 2008 01:27 PM

Aww, you ain't back yet? Guess I'd just have to content myself with re-reading the archives. Anyway, I hope all is well with you.

Posted by: Missing Ya | June 26, 2008 09:25 PM

OH!OH!OH! I can't believe what I just found. I just stumbled onto this. It feels like CHRISTMAS. Some of you already know this, but Miss Doxie has a SECRET ARCHIVE! of posts from 2004!!!

Probably not so secret, actually; more likely, she just didn't get around to storing these posts with her regular archives, which are at http://www.missdoxie.com/archives.html

BUT posts from April through September 2004--maybe two or three dozen delightful entries--are all stored HERE:

http://www.missdoxie.com/archive.html (note that 'archive' is singular here)

Posted by: Caroline | June 27, 2008 07:27 PM

Hey, where's the comment I just posted?!? They used to appear immediately!

I was trying to tell y'all that I found an old archive of Miss Doxie entries from April through September 2004. Maybe it's not letting me poste the URL?

Anyhow... click on ALL ARCHIVES above right. Then go to the URL and remove the 'S' from the word ARCHIVES in the address (so it says ARCHIVE.HTML instead of ARCHIVES.HTML, duh). There's all KINDS of groovy stuff here, including plenty of falling down, some doorknob misadventures, and how she tried to kill Ziz with her spit and a Playskool saw.

Posted by: Caroline | June 27, 2008 07:49 PM

Did you know, that unless you have a direct link to the comments here, you can't see anything beyond December? If Miss Doxie has lost control of her internets again, she might not know that we, the faithful, have been keeping hope alive for the past 7 months.

Posted by: Momcat | June 30, 2008 12:49 AM

and..if you try to post a comment from the comments you can get to from the front page, it says comments are closed. Oh that would be so sad, if she did not know we miss her so much...it would also explain a lot...like maybe she thinks we don't care :(

Posted by: Momcat | June 30, 2008 12:56 AM

so where's the story??

Posted by: tifRN | June 30, 2008 04:09 AM

and realized that Miss Doxie fans have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to telling a story, but that is perfectly OK!

Posted by: deb | June 30, 2008 07:59 AM

Momcat, I don't get what you are saying. Obviously people are getting here and commenting just fine! Even obsessively! And also obviously Miss D can get on the internet and go to her own site and see the comments any time she wants, just like everybody here does. There is not a force shield barring her and her alone from the internet, for heaven's sake! :)

Posted by: ellen | June 30, 2008 07:59 AM

Maybe it's something odd on my end then. Try clicking on the link to the main page. When I do that, I can see the post itself, but not the comments. To view the comments, I then have to click the "comments" link at the bottom of the post. The last comment that is viewable for me from there is dated December 4th, 2007. If I try to leave a comment from the comment text field on that page, I get a notice that comments are closed for this article. I am only able to access *this* page because it is bookmarked via my Firefox blog bookmarking. If something were to go kablooey on my computer, and I somehow lost this bookmark; I would be unable to access this page.

Posted by: Momcat | June 30, 2008 12:47 PM

Oh GOds, I'm a dumb bunny sometimes ::thwaks head on keyboard:: I was scrolling down too far and getting the comments from a different post ::hides::

Posted by: Momcat | June 30, 2008 12:50 PM

Caroline - those archives are how I found Miss Doxie! For some reason one of the articles from that archive came up in some google search I did.

I think it was "Mean Girls" (my favorite entry EVER. EVER!!!) and I laughed until I peed myself, then clicked ahead until I got to the new site. Aw. Memories.

Posted by: McKate | June 30, 2008 01:21 PM

Maybe Miss Doxie will get to take a break from lawyering this weekend. And maybe she will write us a blog. It is what our forefathers would want.

Posted by: Jane | July 1, 2008 09:59 AM

I only have 2 fathers but it's definitely what I want.

Posted by: doxiemisser | July 1, 2008 05:46 PM

and then we all laughed at Momcat whilst crying in vain for a Bo story involving another phrase like "poops when livid"...

Posted by: tifRN | July 1, 2008 09:49 PM

*Begins Chant* 4th of July Post! 4th of July Post! 4th of July Post!!

Posted by: Sarah | July 2, 2008 12:13 AM

Sorry I was away on business, I updated *MY* blog!!! why don't you miss doxie? My fear and concern has turned into anger and rage.

Posted by: Jen | July 2, 2008 08:35 AM

Jen! Email me asap! I mean..really!

Posted by: deb | July 2, 2008 12:46 PM

Andrea: You recommended, "Wide Lawns, Narrow Minds". Loved it. Spent the entire weekend in a very productive manner...I sat in my pajamas and read through all of the archives.

Good call on that blog.

Posted by: Serenity | July 3, 2008 08:07 PM

...Does anyone know, for sure, that she's not dead?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how creepy would it be to search through this blog for the sites of people who know her and ask them if she and the puppies are still alive?

Posted by: Iggeh | July 5, 2008 12:46 PM

Well, I know she is still alive, there would be something on the law firm website.
Creepy factor? I must confess. I thought of contacting AB or someone. Does that make me a wanna-be stalker???????

Posted by: deb | July 5, 2008 02:34 PM

Miss D's friends and family read this blog, so if anything were seriously wrong, I'm sure one of them would let us know in the comments or via guest post. She's probably just really, really busy. Maybe if we all act really aloof, she will come back to us in the manner of a deadbeat boyfriend? Or maybe she's just not that into us anymore... At any rate, I'm thinking internet stalking might not be the way to go.

Posted by: Jane | July 7, 2008 11:25 AM

Okay, I believe that I'm the 400th comment here right? She hasn't posted since last year people. I mean, I've checked periodically too but at some point this should stop. It is similar to a show going off air, an author not writing any more books....

I personnally find it very, very creepy that people want to find her and force her to write. If I think it's creepy she might too. People are mentioning checking her work website and contacting her friends through their pages?! CREEPTASTIC!

You guys, it is a BLOG. It isn't like any of us knew her personnally. Sure, you feel like you do after reading her blog but we aren't her friends and we shouldn't invade her personal life like that.

I think it's time to move on. I know for me it is.

Goodbye Doxie. It was fun while it lasted but it is over now. Thanks for the laughs.


Posted by: KD | July 7, 2008 02:34 PM

I completely agree w/KD. I would bet 99% of the people who read this blog do not know doxie personally, and similarly, she does not know her readers personally. I have checked this site from time to time because I find it fascinating that people are so wrapped up in HER life, and seemingly can't go on without knowing what happened to her. She has no accountability to anyone, and anyone who reads this site should respect that. Blogging gets old, and like any normal person, things like working, living and hanging out with her friends and family are probably waaaaay more important than coming back here to tell a story or two to a bunch of people she doesn't even know. I think people who are obsessed with *knowing* her need to get a life and move on.

Posted by: AC | July 7, 2008 03:20 PM

For Pete's sake, I would NEVER EVER EVER stalk her, contact her OR her friends OR anything else for that matter, It was a freaking JOKE.
Sure, it crossed my mind, but I would NEVER cross that line. That is going too far.
I am not obsessed. For christ's sake, she is the same age as my daughter.
I have mentioned several times that I thought she was just burned out and very busy.
Several months ago, someone mentioned her work website and boredom and curiosity drew me to it. That is it. I personally have a life. I have a job, I am helping my daughter raise my grandkids. THAT is my life right now, such as it is.
So if someone just mentions something in passing, take it at face value. Don't try reading something into it.

Posted by: deb | July 7, 2008 09:31 PM

Pfft pfft

Posted by: wanker | July 7, 2008 11:06 PM

Nah, Wanker, no cat fight, althought that was funny!
I do have to apologize for my snarkiness. OK, maybe bitchiness is a better word. I had just spent nearly 3 hours on the phone with Conn's service department and corporate office about the mess they made of my laptop when I sent it in to be repaired.
No excuses there for my retort, but I was in a horrible mood.
I am not a stalker, never was, never will be. No one in the world is worth stalking.
To me, Miss Doxie is a very talented, funny and lovely young lady. ANd that is all she will ever be to me.

Posted by: deb | July 8, 2008 07:50 AM

I happen to believe that miss doxie would find our stalkerish comments rather hilarious, why did those guys have to come in here and drop a deuce on our party, gawd!

Deb, I don't have your email.

Posted by: Jen | July 8, 2008 08:27 AM

Jen..click on the link for URL

Posted by: deb | July 8, 2008 10:17 AM

Wow. Has it gotten so out of hand that we are screaming and swearing in all caps?

Deb I really don't think people were attacking you personnally. I think it really was more about people checking up on her on work websites or wondering if contacting her friends is a good idea. That is the part (I think) that KD was referring to (not that I can say for certain mind you).

I read your comment too and didn't notice the "joke". Not saying you weren't but it didn't seem like it to someone who doesn't know you. That's all I'm saying.

The thing is, hasn't MD talked about not putting personal information on here for that reason? Like, the Dukay post where she deleted stuff and the Q&A post where she wouldn't mention the college she went to because she wanted certain things to remain private.....?

I don't know. Someone said that MD would find this all funny but I disagree. I think just the opposite. Maybe she stopped because her readers were getting too personal. Again, I don't know but I kinda agree that it is a little creepy the number of references there are from multiple people searching for her online. I am weirded out by that stuff so maybe she is too.

I guess the main thing is that we respect each others opinions. There isn't any reason we can't have different opinions and still get along. I don't mean to sound corny but there is so much in this world that we deal with on a day to day basis in our lives that may not be positive. Why turn something silly (such as people not agreeing with each other over a blog) into a situation where there is swearing and yelling? Life is so short. I lost my son, who would have been 13 next week, years ago. Take every moment and relish it and be kind. You never know when your life will change or who will be in it or out of it.

Take care


Posted by: Karen | July 8, 2008 01:02 PM

40+ comments from DEB since December on this post alone. Just sayin'...

Posted by: BC | July 8, 2008 02:01 PM

Leave DEB alone, right NOW! (said in leave Britney alone emo kid vioce)

cant we all just agree that if we come here we obviously ALL have a problem. Miss doxie support groups are hard to come by after all.

Posted by: Jen | July 8, 2008 03:56 PM

Well, when tv shows end I still watch the reruns.
ok.. so isn't it also creepy and stalkery to pay so much attention to the others who in turn pay so much attention to Ms Doxie and actually go back and count who posted what...? Which I guess makes me creepy & stalkery too since I was paying attention to those who were paying atention to those who were paying attention to errrgh uh, wait what was i saying?? LOL :o)
Lets keep this in the spirit of Ms Doxie: as light & humerous, shall we?
Admittedly I peruse this like a dysfunctional message board and its a decent 5 minute break from work for some comedic value. To those with strong opinions from either side of the fence ... God bless america for the freedom of speech.
I'm off to stalk Al Gore

Posted by: wanker | July 9, 2008 02:24 PM

Yes Wanker, you are totally right, if you're here calling out stalkers and calling people creepy you are indeed quiet a hypocrite, but lets not get all wishy washy, lets just agree that we all have the same problem and that Miss Doxie, REALLY needs to come back soon.

Posted by: Jen | July 10, 2008 11:04 AM

Actually I wasn't calling out stalkers or calling people creepy.... it was a joke... which was hysterically funny to me & those I know who had read it....Geez!!
This board has lost its sense of humor along with Miss Doxie.


Posted by: wanker | July 10, 2008 11:30 AM

Perhaps Miss Doxie was attempting a Lord of the Flies experiment. Apparently it worked as she has left her readers to govern themselves and it has indeed turned nasty.

Posted by: Maria | July 11, 2008 08:48 AM

I was agreeing with you, and the person I was sarcastically making fun of was Karen, perhaps you read my post in the wrong tone, oh well, that stuff happens on line when you can't hear a persons voice. Please don't leave or get pissy, I actually liked reading what you had written. Please to read my post again but make sure the inflection doesn't make fun of you but rather Karen, who has gotten way to serious (god I hope this spawns another internet fight).

Deb, are you going to email me?

Posted by: Jen | July 11, 2008 08:58 AM


Yes, I see how it's funny that I tried to diffuse the disagreements occurring on here by using respect, reason and personal experience. I mean HA! HA! it's hysterical that I even tried as I do not know any of you. Yes, I was serious when everone else seemed to be acting like a child by SWEARING IN ALL CAPS at people. Who wouldn't rather listen to that than listen to people being respectful to Deb and anyone else on this site?

And, I guess for my own benefit, I was not calling out stalkers. Rather, explaining to Deb why someone else may have not understood what she was saying. Apparently I have a soft spot for people who are being attacked and I was trying to make her feel better.

It is nasty here and that makes me sad. I came here because I enjoyed getting a laugh out of the blog. But now? Now it is (basically) 3 people who are snarky for no reason at people who come here and have opinions. Jen, you don't know me and I don't know you but I gave you respect that apparently you don't deserve. I did not make fun of anyone, attack anyone or be rude to anyone. I only offered my take on things (which, isn't that what you are doing?).

I guess I should apologize to the other readers as I do not mean to have a virtual argument with someone I do not know. But neither will I sit here and read that "Karen, who has gotten way to serious" when she defended Deb who SWORE IN ALL CAPS (which, again, that is taking things SERIOUSLY).

So to everyone else, I apologize for the tirade. For Jen, well, I am serious. That is my nature. I try to make people understand that there is more to life than nonsense. That you never know when it is the last time you will see someone or have the chance to talk to them. I'm not sorry for that.

I AM sorry though, that you are not intelligent enough to see that.

Take care.


Posted by: Karen | July 11, 2008 09:39 AM

Sweet! Internet fight!!! You fell right into my trap. In response to your life comments: It's not that I look for the sense in life but rather I seek out the nonsense, it's more fun that way; hence me coming here. You right you don't know me, so don't try to act like I don't understand what you were attempting to do. I simply was lighting a metaphorical fire under the ass of all the people who were taking what this is (a comment section on a blog that hasn't been posted on in quite a long time). This place is quite the enigma and I am so glad to be a part of it, even if you think my presence here is just dumbing the place down. This:

is picture that encompasses how I feel about you.

This is a picture of how it will end should it continue: http://civilizer.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/middle-finger-of-the-apocalypse.jpg

so in conclusion I wish we could go back to the good old days of Doxie, but we can't right now, and as suggested by someone earlier, this has totally gone "Lord of the Flies" on us. In conclusion: I hope in the end to overcome this and possibly eat your brains to gain you powers (reason,sympathy, and general humorlessness) should we run out of food on this island.

I AM sorry though, that you think you are more intelligent than any of us.

Also take care.


Posted by: Jen | July 11, 2008 09:55 AM

Go. Read this now.


Posted by: Maria | July 11, 2008 10:00 AM

Wow! I come back from the coast to this. Honestly, I did apologize for what I said. I did have a particularly bad day and I really am sorry for what I said...and for how I put it.
So let's consider this water under the bridge. I will still apologize as that is not me. I am really a pretty nice person. And I do have a sense of humor (I SWEAR!) ;-)
And I'm feeling much better now, having caught and released a shark! What a rush!
And thank you, Jen for sticking up for me.

Posted by: deb | July 11, 2008 07:19 PM

What a beautiful woman. How very sad for her family.

As an aside, I did what to post the below. These are words I TRY to live by, but sometimes fail to.

There once was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will
never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. "A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one".

Posted by: deb | July 11, 2008 07:29 PM

I wrote a big long snappy comment that mirrored karen's and made her look very foolish. For some reason I find that when I preview here the comment once posted seems to be lost. Oh well, I found that later I wasn't as angry at her remarks and she has indeed made herself look foolish enough without me pointing out all of her inconsistencies. Does anyone want to start a pool as to when/if the next blog post will be?

Posted by: Jen | July 14, 2008 09:29 AM

and don't you all feel like jackasses now that doxie is back?

i would.

shame on you.

Posted by: vitesse | July 31, 2008 05:46 PM

OMG! Planet Unicorn! I have that posted as a fav. on YOUTUBE! The dogs would have been PERFECT as the 3 unicorns too! HAHAHAHA

Posted by: Spyder | August 5, 2008 09:21 PM

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