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Day 6: LOL CRAP

October 11, 2007

Hello! I am back! And I am up to my eyeballs in work again. Which rocks, as normal, in my usual manner of being exceedingly lame.

But, hey! I did go to Vail, though. Which was not lame, but not much of a vacation, either, given the insane amount of travelling involved, and the fact that we were only there for a total of...oh, maybe 30 hours. Still the 30 hours was a little break, and was very gorgeous and wonderful. The other parts, with the multiple layovers, and the part where we had to leave the hotel at 4 a.m. to fly home, and everything else that involved either the "getting there" or "coming back" components of the trip, were not gorgeous and wonderful. Those parts also took about 30 hours, and every one of them sucked mightily. But during the happier times, I got to wear my coat AND boots because it was cold in Vail, and that pleased me, as did the fact that we got to see some snow. Not, like, a lot of snow, but let us not forget that I am from Atlanta. In terms of what I am used to, snow flurries = blizzard, and I joked about leaving the wedding so I could go stock up on vodka, Dura-Flame logs, and wine. Which I said with some authority, because that is actually a comprehensive list of what we did stock up on the last time we had a snow situation in Atlanta. Notice how we forgot "food."

(I am really not joking about that. We ended up making chili out of a jar of spaghetti sauce, which is something I would not recommend that you try.) (Ever.)

But, Vail! So, we went, and the wedding was really sweet and personal, and the whole town is just gorgeous now in the Fall. I took a ton of pictures, and if you are looking to get yourself into a Fall kind of mood, I will put them up on my Flickr account just as soon as I figure out how to use the mysterious uploader (Hey, Uploader! You are an Uploader of mystery, with the only working sporadically! So coy). So that is fun for all.

But, an – oh, wait. Want to hear our awesome travel stories? There are two tales of stupid events that could only happen to us. They are as follows:

First, it turns out that our flight was slightly later than I’d thought, but we still left at 4:30 a.m., because the Atlanta airport on a Friday morning is a clusterfuck not to be believed. So Dukay and I figured we would just stay awake all night, which we did, and we got to the airport and parked in Siberia before blearily walking the wrong way for ten minutes, both of us spitting profanity and hollering, "DUDE HOW IS IT THAT WE HAVE LOST THE WHOLE AIRPORT," until we found ourselves looking at an explanatory sign in the airport parking deck. My camera was in my suitcase, so I will have to recreate the image for you using Microsoft Paint, but this I will do in the interest of science:

airport.bmp

Yeah, so. We flipped a coin, found the airport, and went through security, where neither one of us was chosen for a body cavity search, which was really just shiny of TSA given the fact that we were both disheveled to the point of looking like we’d spent the last year living in an isolated cabin somewhere, stockpiling weaponry and furiously typing letters to governmental agencies. And also Dukay was wearing his red pants. Which is just Crazy on legs, right there.

But, all this awake and walking and general confusion meant that by the time we got to our gate, we were starving slap to death. However, it was morning, so all anyone was serving was breakfast. Neither of us is particularly fond of breakfast food; I don’t really eat it, and Dukay can’t even look at an egg without convulsing in disgust, so we were both hoping to discover something a little…lunch-ier. But there wasn’t anything, so we got some coffee and figured, hell, we’ve got a two hour flight and a layover; we’ll just eat something at the next stop.

Only, guess what they have now, in this Brave New World? Time zones. We weren’t really thinking about those, though, and so when we got off the plane in Memphis, we were less than thrilled to be greeted by the smell of rubbery sausage and eggs. Because at that point, it was 9:00 in the morning. Again. And we just had that time.

So then we flew to Denver for another two hours, and again, we got off the plane, and again we were immediately assaulted by the smell of airport-breakfast-fare, because now it was 10:00 in the morning. And we’d just HAD THAT TIME TOO, SEVERAL TIMES IN FACT, and OMG WE ARE STUCK IN THE BREAKFAST WORMHOLE.

The upswing of all this is that we learned something that day, which is that Quiznos workers will take bribes. Especially if you are wearing red pants. Then they just want you to leave as soon as possible, and they will do whatever it takes to get you off the premises. Woo, Quiznos workers! Power to the people, and thanks for the sandwich!

But our never-ending morning just set the stage for our second adventure, because after we’d managed to apprehend some lunchmeats, we had to pick up the rental car for the trip to Vail. Now, the trip from Denver to Vail is about two hours, and Dukay thought it was a straight shot on I-70. Given my abilities to get lost while two blocks away from my office, however (yes), coupled with my tendency to infect and befuddle normal people with my inherently-incorrect instincts, resulting in them being equally lost (example: I recently got our firm’s managing partner so turned around after leaving a funeral that we completely missed the graveside service, despite the fact that the cemetery was within walking distance of both of our houses. This is how great my power) – anyway, I totally got off track there, but point being, we rented one of those Garmin Navigational devices, plopped it on the dash, and headed off to Vail.

We were not, at that point, concerned about the lack of instructions for the operation of the Garmin. We figured it must be self-explanatory, like TiVo, or most refrigerators. You just type in your destination, hit go, and voila, directions happen. So easy, we thought. SURELY WE CAN HANDLE THIS, we thought.

But, no. No, we thought wrong, because we left the parking lot and hopped on I-70 to Vail, and we coasted along without incident for about five minutes before the little Garmin started chirping at us to exit, you GUYS, exit NOW YOU GUYS, HURRY!

And because we are obedient sheep people, we did so, and thus began the most pointless romp around Denver ever experienced by anyone, because we’d drive all over the city, and then the Garmin would tell us to get back on the highway, and we would, only then five minutes later, it would change its tiny mind, and command us to exit, and we would, and then it would lead us through downtown in a sputtering, labyrinthine journey of stops and starts, before screeching at us to get our asses back on the highway to do the whole stupid thing all over again.

And, because neither one of us wanted to argue with technology, it wasn’t until we found ourselves stuck behind a school bus on a residential street for the THIRD time that Dukay finally chimed in with: “Uh.”

After spending the next 20 minutes accosting a gas station attendant, purchasing an enormous map, and pressing every button on the little Garmin’s face, we came to the realization that:

1. So it is a straight shot to Vail. If you stay on I-70, YOU END UP IN VAIL. You can’t HELP it. It is REQUIRED of you. Except:

2. The Garmin had been set to “avoid highways,” so it was trying to get us to Vail without resorting to interstates at all. Which one cannot do when going to Vail (see: “straight shot”, #1, above) and this contradiction had blown Garmin’s mind, much like the computer playing tic-tac-toe at the end of War Games (only with less nuclear war!), and so the machine had decided to just lead us in confused circles all about town, hoping we’d forget our original destination and just decide that KNOW WHAT, SCREW VAIL, DENVER’S FINE; which is why:

3. After one and a half hours of driving, we’d made it a grand total of four miles away from the rental car lot, GO TEAM.

So, you know. That was all very adventurous, in a Lewis-and-Clark Griswold kind of way. And then we drove to Vail on the highway like normal people, and had no further drama until we left the hotel at 4:30 Sunday morning to do the whole business all over again. Only this time we turned off the Garmin. And Dukay did not wear his red pants. And things were somehow much improved.

* * *

CRAP ABBREVIATED

Now that I have spent ten years compiling our travel log, I am all tired of typing. Which is unfortunate, seeing as I am just now getting to the actual point of this entry, which was supposed to be Day 6 of CRAP. But forces are clearly aligning against me, because in addition to leading us all off on a tangent, I also thought I had the disc where I saved all the scanned pictures, but the CD I grabbed has actually turned out to be a burned compilation of the greatest hits of Air Supply. Which…I mean, obviously not a bad thing, and o, happy discovery!, but while they can make love out of nothing at all, I can’t make an awkward teenager out of a power ballad. Not without a shitload of alcohol, anyway.

So instead, we are resorting to a sort of odd assortment of pictures I have found on this laptop. They are kind of amusing to me, but I’ve definitely seen worse. Plus, because I am rapidly running out of cleverness, and also because I am unoriginal, and I continue to be entertained every time I look at I Can Has Cheezburger, I have decided to make today LOL CRAP day. For all of you who have no idea what I am talking about with this LOL business (hi, Aunt Rie!), I apologize. Pretend it is something hilarious, only in another language. Like Sanskrit. And…well, actually, that goes for all of you. Let’s act like this is funny to people other than me! And let’s do it together.

So, here we go, in no particular order and covering no particular time period: LOL CRAP, brought to you by travel, some old photos, and Air Supply. Which, now that I think about it, sounds like a recipe for a bomb.

Why, hello, Tiny Dancer!

my milkshake.JPG

My Milkshake: Failing To Bring All The Boys To The Yard.

My milkshake did, however, bring Ziz to the yard, where it appears that she is getting very handsy with my lady business:

underroos.JPG

Dude, tone down the perv, toddler.

And now, jumping forward to a demonstration of (1) how much I clearly valued my parents’ attempts to broaden our horizons by taking us to foreign lands when we were growing up; and (2) how to match your scrunchy socks with your shroud.

scrunchy socks in paradise.JPG

Bet those tan lines looked pretty.

Know what? This LOL talk is actually kind of hard. This has ended up taking longer than actual entry! Maybe it is easier with dogs.

are not pumkin.JPG

bo hide.JPG

yodel.JPG

Or, I could do a series!

LOL1.JPG

lol2.JPG

lol3.JPG

Or...not. (Hee, though. A little!) But, okay, maybe it is easier if I actually steal one of their pictures from their actual factory and try that. I shall try:

untitled.bmp

Hee. Now, see, THAT is kind of funny. If you speak Sanskrit.

I am off, but will be back ASAP. See you all soon, and KTHXBYE!

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink

119 Comments

i love your posts. i swear, you are the funniest blogger i have ever read. ever. plus, you like dachshunds. this post made my head get laffed off. or something. thanks for posting :D
elyse

Posted by: elyse | October 11, 2007 07:46 PM

OMG I'm crying from the "LOLO - OH CRAP; HEAD GET LAFFED OFF". I'm also pissed now because I had thought of doing something similar with my Boston's and now you stole the creative thunder! Thanks!

Posted by: Justin | October 11, 2007 07:51 PM

I dressed my dog in that same farmer costume a couple of years ago and he had the same pitiful/pained look on his face.
This year he is going to be a scary dinosaur-- be very afraid he has chunked up to 15 pounds!

Posted by: dcfullest | October 11, 2007 07:52 PM

OMG ~ LOL! I really want to see the pics of Dukay's red pants, though. Honestly. He wears red pants? Red? These kids today....

My husband gets so annoyed with me when I read your entries in bed. ;) He's trying to sleep, and I'm all shaking the bed with suppressed giggles, causing him to mumble incoherently about, "WHAT?! What IS it? Are you reading that DOXIE woman AGAIN?!", which of course, causes even more laughter. So, thanks for posting during waking hours today. ;)

My doxie (Buddy) loves Bo, and wants to be just like Bo when he grows up. Seriously. I can't even look at Bo pics while Buddy is near the laptop.

I'm pretty sure I love you, in that non-stalkerish way of love on the internets. :) Thanks for the grins!

Posted by: Kim | October 11, 2007 07:56 PM

ok i give up.


i bow down to your funny. i've been reading you for weeks and i actually LOL'd (i hate "LOL" by the way but seeing as how its a LOL theme...)

Posted by: christel | October 11, 2007 08:02 PM

Try this one too.
http://lolsecretz.blogspot.com/

It is a combination of lol cats and post secret. It is one of the sites, along with yours, that I go to everyday to see what's new.

You are queen of the funny!

Posted by: Tammie | October 11, 2007 08:23 PM

That's quite the make-up you have on in the dancing picture. Do you do make-up application lessons? And while I'm asking, do you also do dance lessons?

and "Dude, tone down the perv, toddler" HILARIOUS!

Posted by: Lani | October 11, 2007 08:23 PM

www.lolsecretz.blogspot.com

Just fixing my link from my previous post.

Posted by: Tammie | October 11, 2007 08:26 PM

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. Seriously.

ROFLMAO. Because i do speak Sanskrit.

Posted by: Kateastrophe | October 11, 2007 08:53 PM

I can't BELIEVE I'm the first one to comment on the 'Lewis-and-Clark Griswold' reference -- genius!

Posted by: Erica | October 11, 2007 09:16 PM

Glad you eventually found Vail. AND got to wear your coat and boots.

Posted by: Kath | October 11, 2007 09:20 PM

Okay, so I was reading a book to my nephew (4) today, and I could not help but think of you and your doggies.

You may want to check out Superdog by Caralyn Buehner in the children's section. Then you can read to your babies the story of Dexter!

Posted by: Lydia | October 11, 2007 09:31 PM

I'm totally addicted to the I Can Has Cheezburger too! cute! :)

Posted by: kristy | October 11, 2007 09:54 PM

I the knees!! They are so knobby!!
(which is way better than... blobby)

I often do that also to keep my face from getting wrinkly. My knees are on their own.

Posted by: Jane | October 11, 2007 10:00 PM

I guess I speak Sanskrit, because I started laughing at "stealin my underoos" and kept on keepin' on from there. You do well with the LOL. Or else the LOL is just so funny, it doesn't matter what you do with it, because it will just. be. funny. Whatever. It works.

Your trip sounds like fun, and I am highly impressed by your navigational skills.

Posted by: superblondgirl | October 11, 2007 10:19 PM

OMG! Your Bo and my Jake need to get together and plot world domination! I'm laughing myself silly!

Posted by: sammynella | October 11, 2007 10:34 PM

Lewis and Clark Griswold AHAHAHAHAHA.

Not only is yours a blog I check every day--it's the one I save for LAST. Like the mashed potatoes! Or the asparagus. O the yumminess here! It's most satisfying.

Posted by: Caroline | October 11, 2007 10:48 PM

The whole garmin saga is just like our recent trip from Montana to Los Angeles. Our GPS didn't like the road construction in Salt Lake City, we thought we were so smart to have the stupid GPS that just gets stuck going in circles around where you really need to go but stupid humans trust the stupid voice thing and can't turn stupid voice thing off....
I love the missdoxiecanhascheeseburger!!
I lol'd and cried about pee'd myself
This entry is officially on my list of all time Doxie favorites..kthxbai

Posted by: Birdaah | October 11, 2007 11:02 PM

Lewis-and-Clark Griswold! How can you be so freaking funny? Seriously, how? And Ziz's hand up in yo' bizness is PRICELESS.

Thank you sweetie. Glad you made it home safely.

Posted by: catherino | October 12, 2007 12:03 AM

Hyserical. Breakfast wormhole! Laffed head off! The whole experience in Vail. I am also reading this in bed laughing out loud and disturbing my sleeping husband. It can't be helped.

Posted by: Mauigirl | October 12, 2007 01:24 AM

Hysterical. Breakfast wormhole! Laffed head off! The whole experience in Vail. I am also reading this in bed laughing out loud and disturbing my sleeping husband. It can't be helped.

Posted by: Mauigirl | October 12, 2007 01:24 AM

Sorry for the double post!

Posted by: Mauigirl | October 12, 2007 01:25 AM

OMG ROFLMAOPIP! No, seriously I had to jump up and get to the toilet!
Can't wait to see the pic's from Vail, that is, if you ever get your coy uploader to stop being such a cuss.
LOL Crap RULES!

Posted by: Mimi | October 12, 2007 01:34 AM

Holy crap you're funny! I tried to shorten that into 'puter sanskrit, but it looked like HoCrY... and I decided it wasn't nice.

Thanks for the pics!

Posted by: Amy katrina | October 12, 2007 01:57 AM

(1) Please notify Dukay that in bits of Asia, wearing red pants is considered proof of being gay. (2) I ADORE that word, clusterfuck. Being parents of young kids, we usually abbreviate it to CF, but it's SO descriptive.

Welcome home. Glad for snow! I never see it either, but I remember very well your tales of snowstorm + booze in Atlanta.

Posted by: Gretchen | October 12, 2007 03:53 AM

Fuckity fuck, that was great comic relief!!! Now, I know there was a wedding to go to in Vail, but be that as it may, you should have gone to Aspen. It's lovely. Especially when wearing red pants. I should know.

Posted by: Jennie | October 12, 2007 04:02 AM

This is glorious. So happy to wake up to a new Miss Doxie post!

Posted by: Twice Five Miles | October 12, 2007 08:14 AM

At least Dukay wasn't wearing his bird-pants.

Posted by: Danielle | October 12, 2007 08:22 AM

I continue to be amazed at how I Can Has Cheezburger can reduce me to hysterics. OH NOES!

Also, I second (third? fourth?) the fact that "Lewis-and-Clark Griswold" is BRILLIANT. I just hope no one spray-painted "Honky Lips" on your car.

Posted by: jive turkey | October 12, 2007 08:34 AM

"Perv Toddler" made me wet my pants. You absolutely kill me.

And yes, "Lewis-and-Clark Griswold" is complete comedic genius.

Posted by: CLD | October 12, 2007 09:02 AM

OMG! I love you more because you laugh at I can has cheezburger!!! I asked my paralegal if "I can has bankruptcy exemption?" and we spent the next half hour laughing and making LOL Cats sentences involving legal terms. Yes, I'm a dork.

And as said above, this post almost made me WET MYSELF!

Posted by: andrea_frets | October 12, 2007 09:02 AM

Note to self. "Do NOT read Doxie while on conference call with company President and forget to MUTE yourself. You dumbshit."

Posted by: Ree | October 12, 2007 09:24 AM

People at work are now looking at me strangely, but it cannot be helped. Nor do I care! Literal tears were streaming down my face by the time Ziz was working at stealing the 'roos, thanks for the LOL!

Posted by: Lori | October 12, 2007 09:29 AM

"I is stealin ur underroos" -- BWAAHHHH! What the heck WAS Ziz doing there? Perv toddler, indeed!

This whole entry, from the breakfast wormhole to the Griswolds to the LOL Doxie (oh, do I love the I Can Has Cheezburger" site)...just freakin' hilarious and perfect. I am rocking back and forth at my computer, tears streaming down my face, hoping I don't pee myself! GENIUS...and Gimmme. LOVE him, love him, love him! I just want to tickle his pink belly.

Posted by: Leesavee | October 12, 2007 10:55 AM

I am a firm believer that all airports should sell breakfast, lunch, and dinner 24/7. Because who knows who will be passing through and what time it will be to them and sometimes you just really need a slice of pizza at 4am because where you just came from it is totally dinner time.

Posted by: audrey | October 12, 2007 11:45 AM

Leigh
Love the Gimmee pictures with or with the head!!! Oh, I also love Bo, but Gimmee is so................pathetic?!?!?
(in the nicest of ways!)

Gimmee more Gimmee more Gimmee..............

hey, I could write a song!!!

thanks for the laughs!!
jp

Posted by: jp | October 12, 2007 12:08 PM

I've never commented before but now feel compelled...

You showed great restraint with the Garmin. I think I would have tossed the bitch out the window!

Funny stuff - very funny! I'm still giggling at the "b/c we are obedient sheep people" line!

Posted by: S.u.s.a.n | October 12, 2007 01:30 PM

there's always the lolcat translator! http://speaklolcat.com/

Posted by: Marie | October 12, 2007 02:01 PM

It is totally the highlight of every crappy workweek when I get to read a new post. Very clever, indeed, Miss Doxie!

(PS: How scary is that trip through the Eisenhower Tunnel? Eeek! I-70 gave me the shakes.)

Posted by: Miss Kate | October 12, 2007 02:18 PM

Bo has the lolrus bukket

Posted by: Birdaah | October 12, 2007 02:24 PM

I am starting a band, if you want to be in it. It is called Breakfast Wormhole, and our first album, which will be released to the delirious screaming of doxies everywhere, will be entitled "Screw Vail, Denver is FINE."

Posted by: ginger | October 12, 2007 04:02 PM

Wow, I so want to travel with you.
Lewis and Clark Griswold - that was too much for me, I was dying.
These LOLanimals are everywhere! And why do I laugh so hard at them? It usually involves tears streaming down my cheeks or drool coming out of my mouth b/c i'm laughing wide-open to the point where I stop breathing a little, and my eyes close and then my face gets hot and numb...
Or maybe I have a serious, serious medical issue...

Posted by: Samantha_K | October 12, 2007 04:51 PM

My friend (who was sent by another friend) just sent me the link to this site, though I don't see her name so maybe she's just trying to make sure all my time is spent on blogging. She's evil that way. Acts nice, but evil inside. (*waves madly* hi diane and zaza)

But you are one extremely funny lady. I hope you do end up writing a book one day. (i read your "about me" page)

and LOLcats...it's addicting.

Posted by: orangehands | October 12, 2007 07:34 PM

Oh Tiny Dancer. Ruth Mitchell would be so proud of you.

Posted by: mommamack | October 12, 2007 10:48 PM

Am I the first person to mention "My milkshake: Failing to bring all the boys to the yard?"

My soul hurts. Oh, you kill me.

Posted by: June Cutoff Cash | October 12, 2007 11:24 PM

Holy fucking shit! I am peeing my (non-existent becuz it is layte) pants over that pic of you and your sis with her hand in your crotch! That is the funniest damn picture I've seen in a loooong time. BWAHHH!

Posted by: Suzy Q | October 12, 2007 11:34 PM

Wow. I have the amazing ability to get lost in my own neighborhood, but I've never managed to get a GPS lost!
I bow to your greater powers of disorientation.

Posted by: lala | October 13, 2007 12:33 AM

I heart you, Doxie! OMG, hilarious.

On a more serious note, I just thought I'd throw out this link, to anyone who may not have seen it: http://lagliv.blogspot.com/. Found out about it via Amalah, and thought that since you were a law student once, you and your readers would be sympathetic to LL's plight (her baby is being taken away from her...it's tragic). I know I am.

Posted by: Marianne | October 13, 2007 12:40 AM

i love your LOLs so much that i actually snorted while laughing.

it wasn't pretty, but it was worth it.

Posted by: tia | October 13, 2007 12:53 AM

Hai!

Thought you might like this...

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Genesis_1

Posted by: Kath | October 13, 2007 01:58 AM

O_O! WOO!

LOLDOXIES! I have my own to contribute. This is Chilie, my brother's three legged Doxie. He was caught in mid-sneeze.

http://www.thecheezburgerfactory.com//completestore/128367174283906250TEHPOWRUVKRYS.jpg

=D

Posted by: The Danny | October 13, 2007 04:15 AM

OMG! What a glorious accident that I tripped over your blog while working so hard at not working. You are funny funny -- well, you get the message.

I've often said that as soon as that "Beam Me Up, Scotty" technology is perfected, I'm going to be first in line.

Posted by: FeeFiFoto | October 13, 2007 12:22 PM

Hi, OH! Will the bad influencing never end???

I adore Gimmme. He's just such a happy little guy, and so cute. Keep track of that head, though.

I'm thinking about getting a Garmin (or something similar) when I get my new car. Nice to know all the tricks I can learn to make it do. ;+)))

Posted by: ZaZa | October 14, 2007 02:33 AM

Truly awe-inspiring entry.

Me loving the Lewis and Clarke Griswolde comment.

And who doesn't love Air Supply? I once wrote a drunken e-mail to a guy I had a crush on about how cool I thought Air Supply was...I think that was when things started going downhill for us.

I'm also diggin the Milkshake reference. I have one of my own wearing a purple satin outfit with lots of black lace(with a bustle train thing) and matching purple satin and black lace gloves..sort of like really tacky lingerie...and oh I was 7.

Makes you wonder about my dance teacher.

And Ziz should have gotten the "Ladies don't..." speech. I got several for going around topless. I was under the impression I was a boy.

Posted by: Circe | October 14, 2007 03:11 AM

Note to self: Wear diaper when reading Miss Doxie.

That Ziz is ALL UP in your bizness! That totally trumps me dressing my little brother in dresses for several years. I feel much better now.

Posted by: missbanshee | October 14, 2007 07:02 AM

Miss Doxie:

As I've mentioned several times in your comments section, I find you to be adorably humorous and I just love reading your stories. You just have a way about you that is so endearing and you make me smile or laugh out loud consistently.

But I must point out that this:

"Dude, tone down the perv, toddler."

Almost killed me. That is downright the funniest thing I've read on your site ever.

Posted by: Serenity | October 15, 2007 05:12 AM

Can't. Stop. Laughing. . . .

Posted by: Matt | October 15, 2007 09:43 AM

I actually had to come back and read this again today because the milkshake line? Won't get out of my head.

Posted by: Twice Five Miles | October 15, 2007 01:44 PM

There's so many things I love about this post I wouldn't even know where to begin.

But, I've been all over your Flickr photos and have yet to behold the red pants. You simply must share.

Posted by: Tip | October 15, 2007 10:54 PM

HEAD GOT LAFFED OFF

Me too, doggie friend, me too.

Posted by: Kristin | October 16, 2007 09:24 AM

You made a reference to WAR GAMES.

LOL!

Posted by: ScottsdaleGirl | October 16, 2007 04:54 PM

You could have gotten to Vail without going on 70 but long before you'd arrived you'd both have been praying for the release only death would bring. Probably just as well you turned the Garmin off.

Posted by: steve | October 17, 2007 12:45 AM

Who even makes red pants for men?

Posted by: Tania Rochelle | October 17, 2007 08:07 AM

Hey Leigh

Are Dukays pants Nantucket Reds!?!??! If so, Rock On Dukay!!!

If not, bad fashion choice!

Posted by: jp | October 17, 2007 01:48 PM

Found my way to your blog via Vaguely Urban and feeling grateful. Far far too funny, your blog!

Three breakfasting time zones - how unfortunate. I've never been a big fan of breakfast food either, that smell in each airport would have done me in.

Posted by: reen | October 17, 2007 03:34 PM

Hey! You two were in my state! (does the happy Doxie/Dukay-fangirl spaz-dance)

Ahem. Yeah. The macros are funny stuff, so you shouldn't sell yourself short. I especially love the dogs. Gimmme and Bo are prime comedy material, as proven in several past articles, naturally. Thank you very much for sharing everything. ^n_n^

Posted by: Multi-Facets | October 17, 2007 05:05 PM

OMG! Too. Freakin'. Funny. I'm over somewhere with Gimmme, looking for my lost head. He is the CUTEST!
I'm glad someone else out there hates eggs as much as I do: how can people eat those nasty-looking vile smelling things? Glad you found your way out of the Breakfast Wormhole, now just please honor us with a new post, OK?

Posted by: Sharon | October 20, 2007 10:16 PM

Hey! Isn't it halloween costume time for Bo? It's got to be close to that time....

Posted by: pacificwieners | October 21, 2007 07:59 PM

Please come back miss doxie

Posted by: Andrea | October 31, 2007 06:45 PM

That's it. I'm staging a Doxie Intervention. This will involve indignantly marching into this "law firm" as you call it and inform your boss that you are NOT a Cambodian six old in a sweat shop, and STOP WITH THE WORK THAT KEEPS YOU FROM TEH INNERNETS. Then I will sic Bo on him/her.

Posted by: missbanshee | November 1, 2007 04:01 PM

O HAI.

WE MISS U.

COM BAK SOON. R U HEERIN ME?

Posted by: Amanda | November 1, 2007 06:46 PM

Maybe be back "ASAP" in missdoxie language means After Sabbatical Angry People!

Posted by: Andrea | November 2, 2007 03:29 PM

Gosh, I am weeping for laughing..too funny!!!

Now I don't want Doxie hate from your readers, but I HAVE TO ASK this...we have two doxies and I swear if my vet saw our doxies as fat as yours are [no offense, I swear] he would report us - Every vet we have ever had has insisted that they keep "form" and that the excess weight is bad for their health and backs, etc.

We feed them twice a day [wet/dry] and a "licking the plate clean" after dinner once in a while - They aren't starved...assuredly...but I would love to treat them more, if I can.

What do you feed your guys and doesn't your vet wig out over it? I swear mine would yank Spot and Penny in a heart beat if he ever saw them as overweight as your guys....

Can I have the number to your vet? Please!

Posted by: SkippyMom | November 5, 2007 07:19 PM

So sad...gloomy dark world with no Miss Doxie...someone hold me.

Pleeeeeeeeze come back Miss Doxie!!

*sob*

Posted by: Desifink | November 6, 2007 07:49 AM

I love lolcats. I love lolmissdoxie more.

I was just reading old entries (like so: http://www.missdoxie.com/Pop.html) and realized something. If Ziz got Lorded, I know where that is, b/c a bunch of my friends got Knighted. and ONE got Lorded senior year but I didn't go to his lording, I just went to the knightings. and if she graduated in May 2004, I TOTALLY WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ZIZ, OMG OMG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! You have to email me and tell me which school she was in and what dorms she lived in and when because AAAH I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ZIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I graduated January 2004. So we overlapped at least a little. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH NO WAAAAAAAAAAY!

okay I realize it is a big school and I probably never actually SAW her. BUT MAYBE I DID, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Also? My sparkly new hubby and I are coming to ATLANTA for Thanksgiving this year!!! eeee! It's at my bro's place. I promise not to stalk you. But I might stalk Bo... ;oD

Posted by: McKate | November 6, 2007 07:35 PM

You are cruel. Or I am a masochist. I am in the hospital recovering from surgery, hopped on a Happy Shot and busting my stitches. I should know better. I dare not go to missdoxie.com for the next few days
Now the nurses will report this to the doc who will cut off my supply.
OWOWLOLOWOWLOLOWOWLOLOWOWOWOWOWLOLOLOLOL!

Posted by: Debbie | November 7, 2007 01:51 PM

please come back miss doxie

all is dark in the land of No New Entries.

*sob*

Posted by: misserofdoxie | November 7, 2007 06:51 PM

Miss D - are you doing, like, the anti-"NoPloBloSumBaDe-whatever" and not gonna post AT ALL in November?

It's cool - I get it.

Posted by: Tip | November 7, 2007 08:17 PM

I know that you are very, very busy and important, but could you please write a new entry soon? I haven't accidentally laughed out loud in Federal Courts while reading your stories in FAR too long!

For everyone else who needs entertainment while Miss Doxie types up a new story, you should check out this little game: http://minijuegos.com/juegos/html/index.php?id=5974 . It took over the law school today and it'll distract you from work/school/whatever.

Posted by: Liz | November 8, 2007 04:10 PM

I think it's time to send out the search and rescue teams to find Miss Doxie

Posted by: Mimi | November 13, 2007 12:14 AM

*****This Just In*****

Christmas will, in fact, be cancelled unless there are updates to Miss Doxie SOON. Santa is PISSED because Mrs. Claus will not stop bitching about the lack of updates.

Consider yourself warned.

Posted by: DeannaBanana | November 13, 2007 11:22 AM

Miss you, Doxie. Please come back.

*sob*

Posted by: Leesavee | November 13, 2007 01:27 PM

Please come back, I don't think we could stand another day without you!!

Posted by: Andrea | November 13, 2007 01:39 PM

Please come back Miss Doxie. I just discivered you and I have now exhausted the archives!

Posted by: Wendy | November 13, 2007 04:49 PM

Yesterday I had a really bad scare.

I clicked Miss Doxie in my favorites and was taken to a site that had NOTHING to do with the real Miss Doxie. WTF?! I got that prickly noodle-y feeling like when my brakes lock up and I almost rear-end someone in traffic.

I'm feeling much better now that the real Miss Doxie site is back and I hope Miss Doxie is well.

Posted by: Martha Jean | November 14, 2007 09:23 AM

If we send out a search party, I would happily have my dogs help sniff her out. If we put all of our canine resources together, I'm sure we'd have a doggie army!

Posted by: Leesavee | November 14, 2007 12:44 PM

Are you EVER coming back?????????????????

Posted by: Marcia | November 14, 2007 03:00 PM

We are worried about you. I am saying now The Hell With My Laugh Du Jour/Lune courtesy of Miss D.
I hope she is well, her doxies, her daddy, her momma, her lawjob and all are Fine. Maybe it's this Dumazz Innernets.
Please let it just be this Dummazz Innernets.

Posted by: Debbie | November 14, 2007 03:04 PM

For DAYS that weirdo site-that-was-not-Miss-Doxie was up. I am guessing that perhaps the annual fee for the name had not been renewed on time? But desperate-not-to-let-go me just kept checking on a daily basis and now yay! she is back!

Well, her not-been-updated-since-OCTOBER-ELEVENTH blog is back.

We missssssssssssssssss you!!!!!!!! mk

Posted by: markira | November 16, 2007 10:06 AM

Ok, I have 5 doxies at my house and I'm not afraid to use them...to track you down that is.
Come back!!!!!

Posted by: Kelly | November 16, 2007 11:30 AM

Are you the only lawyer in Atlanta?

Or the only GOOD lawyer in Atlanta?

We miss you!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: shaxgirl | November 18, 2007 02:45 PM

You're "Hello! I am back!" gets me every time.

Such a tease.

Posted by: Erin | November 20, 2007 03:31 PM

Dammit, I mean, "your" not "you're."

You've got me all flustered I forgot how to spell.

Posted by: Erin | November 20, 2007 03:32 PM

Miss Doxie, you must come back!! Have you gone back to Vail and decided to stay there forever, with no computer?? Maybe you're having trouble posting on your web site again. But can't you at least post a comment here so we know you're ok and will be back soon?

Posted by: Jennifer | November 23, 2007 08:57 AM

Oh Miss Doxie please come back! We miss you! We hope all is well with you!

Posted by: Cheryl | November 23, 2007 09:21 AM

Dear Miss Doxie:

I am joining in the throngs of rabid Doxie-readers who are hoping you've not managed to explode yerself with Halloween candy and subsequent turkey/ stuffin' eatings.

Unless it was combined with the sheer heaven-in-a-casserole-dish goodness of greenbean casserole. In which case: I am totally sure it was worth exploding.
--Pave.Gurl

Posted by: Pave.Gurl | November 23, 2007 02:25 PM

Totally cute Dachshund photos -- glad you're back, keep 'em coming!

Michelle
http://ultimatedachshund.com

Posted by: Ultimate Dachshund | November 25, 2007 11:39 PM

Okay, I'm guessing that after two complete months of silence, Miss Doxie has gone and thrown in the towel. Best of luck to you! I have kept you on my blogroll up until now but I am thinking it is truly wishful thinking anymore!

Posted by: DeannaBanana | November 26, 2007 03:11 PM

Miss you! What the heck? Say SOMETHING!

Posted by: Doxielover! | November 26, 2007 04:19 PM

Is this a bad time to ask if the Holiday Gift Guide is coming soon? Yeah? Okay. I shutup now.

Posted by: Pocklock | November 26, 2007 10:21 PM

Miss Doxie, Amalah linked to one of your archives today. . . . I think she wants you to come back. We all want you to come back. Miss Doxie, we are going in to withdrawals over here! :(

Posted by: Andrea | November 27, 2007 10:31 AM

GAAHH!! I just came over here on a whim after not trying for weekes and weeks and weeks. I was so relieved and then? What? Where are you?

Posted by: Fannie Mae | November 27, 2007 03:20 PM

Missing you muchly, Miss Doxie. Hope you and yours are all well and you're just too busy doing fun stuff to sit down at a computer and compose new hilarity for those of us out on the interwebs. Happy, happy holidays. But please come back to us soon.

Posted by: DoxieMisser | November 27, 2007 08:51 PM

Like Andrea, I came here via a link from Amalah. You're a hilariously funny writer! No fair writing all of that funny stuff and then going away. (It seems like every time I find a funny blogger, they quit shortly thereafter. Wait... Maybe I'm the CAUSE of them quitting! Maybe I should stop reading blogs for the good of mankind! ... Nah.)

Anyway, all is forgiven; please come home. Or at least send a postcard.

Posted by: Wally Hartshorn | November 27, 2007 11:12 PM

Miss Doxie: It is past time for the 2007 ten Dollars or Less Holiday Gift Guide. How will I shop? Sob!

Posted by: Linda | November 28, 2007 01:34 PM

Does anyone know what is going on? Has there ever been such a long break? This really sucks :(

Posted by: Missing Doxie | November 28, 2007 01:53 PM

Please Miss Doxie or friends of Miss Doxie- a little reassuarance that she is ok....ok??

Posted by: Marcia | November 28, 2007 03:22 PM

Ok, troops...should we send out a search party?

Posted by: TamiW | November 28, 2007 07:00 PM

*tries to type comment through tears*

*FAIL*

Weep.

Posted by: missbanshee | November 29, 2007 05:51 AM

This is awful! I'm totally concerned about this person I've never met but adore, whose dogs I love, and whose family I feel like I know, even though I don't. These internets are making things all confusing, aren't they?

Doxie, wherever you are, you are in our thoughts and prayers. Hope all is well.

Posted by: Leesavee | November 29, 2007 10:50 AM

Obviously, you were abducted by a large amount of Dick Cheney supporters, and they're currently experiementing on you to find out how best to destroy democrats. Because...you're a democrat, right? I'm kind of grasping at straws here, in case you didn't notice.

Hope everything's fine.

Posted by: Kate | November 29, 2007 11:17 AM

I'm thinking something bad must have happened. :( Hopefully someone in the know will chime in eventually.

Posted by: Sarah | November 29, 2007 11:49 AM

Hmm. Maybe she got a life? No time to write about the dogs? It happens. (I think.) :)

Posted by: cindie | November 30, 2007 07:03 AM

Just wanted to say that "getting handsy with my lady business" is now a common phrase in my household.

Also, I'll admit that I keep wondering if there will be a Doxie holiday gift guide this year, but I totally understand if there is not.

Hope you are well!

Posted by: Meggan | December 2, 2007 02:34 AM

Miss Doxie,
Please come back. I'm hoping for some OH NO, HEAD LAFFED OFF funny stories, but I'd settle for a, "Hi, I'm alive, just busy. Still. Stupid lawyerness taking all mah timeness"
Or something.
April

Posted by: April | December 2, 2007 01:47 PM

Not giving up. Crying incessantly, but not giving up. COME BACK TO US!!!!!

Posted by: missbanshee | December 3, 2007 09:54 AM

Check out I can has cheezburger --- today the LOLcats make fun of the Amish! Right up your alley!

Posted by: another leigh | December 4, 2007 01:29 PM

okay. You are officially FREAKING ME OUT! where o where are you?!

Posted by: wee | December 4, 2007 02:22 PM

ARF? arf, arf, arf, arf????? HOWWWWWWLLLLLL! EEERRRRRR!
whinewhinewhinewhinewhine!

Posted by: Penny and Pepper | December 4, 2007 02:25 PM

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