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Also Cookie Was Almost Killed By A Gaggle of Geese, But We'll Talk About That Later.

April 23, 2007

Gaggle of geese? Goose? No combination of the words in that sentence look anything close to right. Also, hello!

This is sort of a listy entry, with no actual "point", per se. So let's kick things off with:

Things that were incredibly funny to me at the time when I should have been reviewing my presentation for a really big room filled with people drinking iced tea:

narcissus.JPG


bobs tie.JPG


ugg.JPG


leggings.JPG

Things that were incredibly funny to me when I grabbed the wrong pad and went to the podium, looked down for my speech and found the Leggings Dachshund instead:

(Zero.)

And, that has pretty much been my week. Also funny, in a kind of horrifying way: When I actually said, during my speech, "Okay, we're...we're going to skip this slide with all the words on it." Please, start engraving a plaque in my honor now. Don't wait! The profound nature of my thought process should be memorialized! And together, we'll just skip the memorials with all the words on them.

Other items of note: We had our firm retreat, at which we were made to stay in cabins, which were located inside of Nature, which is not so much my thing, based on the proliferation of Wildlife living in such areas. Wildlife, y'all! Like squirrels and wild turkeys and unicorns and the terrifying chupacabra, which lies in wait to eat attorneys wearing highly impractical footwear in the woods. And, I would like to point out the additional fact that our firm retreat actually fell over the weekend of the 13th through the 15th, which meant that I had to stay in a CABIN, by MYSELF, on the night of Friday the Thirteenth. Where I waited in horror to be carved into sushi-sized pieces by an angry zombie in a hockey mask, because THAT would be just my luck. When I expressed my concerns to Dukay, however, he assured me that I would be safe from the slow-moving undead so long as I avoided the following undead-baiting activities (some of which were made famous by the movie Scream, I have been informed), and which of course are:

1. Sex;
2. Drug use; and
3. Babysitting.

Seeing as I was in the Woods of Potential Death And Confirmed Existence of Wildlife with all of my co-workers, these possibilities seemed highly unlikely, so I felt a little bit better then. And, sure enough, I lived. Woo! And, now that I think about it, I think that calls for another plaque! Which we will call, "Official Established Rules For Surviving An Attack Of The Slow-Moving, Knife Wielding Undead." That engraver is going to be busy!

But, as I just done said, I survived my time in the mountains, and then I survived my presentation to all the iced-tea people, and then I got to finally come home and sit still for fifteen minutes. And this is why I feel like I should be given a cocktail, a sedative, and some quiet time to reflect upon my own little chupacabra crew, which are about ten times scarier than any damn thing living in those woods:

chupa.jpg
GIMMME SUCK BLOOD OF GOATS! Then take nap.

gimmmenap.jpg
(Gimmme nap now. Suck blood of goats so tiring.)

And, that's what I've been up to! Woods, doodles, and goat suckers. And everyone who has sent me an email wondering where I have been is probably very, very sorry that they asked.

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink

55 Comments

You're back! Thank God!! And a dog picture--thanks.

Posted by: shaxgirl | April 23, 2007 05:54 PM

Gimme takes an awfully cute picture for a pup who sucks blood from goats. (I'm just saying)

Posted by: Angela | April 23, 2007 06:07 PM

Woot! Once again a reminder that reading Miss Doxie's blog while drinking water is definitely ranked high on the list of dangerous things! =)

That last picture you drew had me in laughing fits for a good ten minutes.

Posted by: Lydia | April 23, 2007 06:08 PM

HA! That was worth waiting for! I loved the cartoons.

...

Seriously, when is your book coming out?

Posted by: Cat | April 23, 2007 06:14 PM

Yippee for firm retreats! That "No, you can't bring your significant other" rule kind of sucks, though. The last firm retreat I went to was in Vegas. Now that's my kind of camping.

Posted by: Gretchen | April 23, 2007 06:30 PM

"Seriously, screw you for even drawing me"

I like to try to pick my favorite phrase from your posts and it's always hard to narrow it down. That one wins today.

Glad you didn't get carved up in the woods. I wish you'd cut back on the work though. It's cutting into the time you need to entertain all of us.

Posted by: catherino | April 23, 2007 07:15 PM

You really shouldn't take a shower, go down to the basement, or "split up to see if we can find out what that noise is," either.

Posted by: Swistle | April 23, 2007 07:20 PM

All those puncture wounds on goats, I imagined came from UPPER fangs. But now I see that the chupacagimme fangs up from the lower teeth. Who knew!?!

Posted by: Vaguely Urban | April 23, 2007 08:13 PM

also on the list of no-no when chased by a zombie in mask: run UP the stairs to the dead-end...

glad your back with your doodling, cabin-scary stories and all! :)

Posted by: Valerie | April 23, 2007 08:53 PM

Dang. I wish I could draw. My dogs keep coming out looking like cows (or so my hubby says...thanks hubby). I've got to come up with a little mascot for my dog treat biz and am having absolutely no luck. Hmm. Maybe I should try drawing a cow.

Also, the leggings dogs? Funniest thing EVAH!

Posted by: mouse | April 23, 2007 09:29 PM

LMAO--I'm a new reader so I've been reading through your archives and I'm happy to see a new post!

Posted by: Kristy | April 23, 2007 10:07 PM

I love your doodles :-) I wish I could doodle. I have also concluded that doodle is a funny word.

Posted by: Heather | April 23, 2007 10:11 PM

Ha!You wanna see scarey? Try Friday the 13th realizing you have not even started your taxes. Hmmmmm, maybe the IRS could hire Bo as an enforcer or something. I can't imagine anything scarier than an angry Dachshund with a full bladder showing up on your doorstep for an audit, can you?
Anyway, if Gimmme runs out of goats to suck, he can just come over here and snooze on my lap any old time.....he's gotta be the cutest little chupacabra ever.

Posted by: Sharon | April 23, 2007 10:12 PM

Yes! Gimmme as a chupacabra? Adorable. Black and white is so classy, yet I'm still afraid.

Posted by: Kanigget | April 23, 2007 10:21 PM

I am new to your blog, but I LOVE you! I do nothing but laugh when I see your new entries. Thanks for making my day a little funnier!

Posted by: Kateastrophe | April 24, 2007 12:23 AM

Skipping the slide with "all the words" seemed to be a very strategic business move. Hope that worked out for ya. :)

hee

Posted by: Aimee | April 24, 2007 01:10 AM

Hi, I only recently discovered your site, and have been patiently awaiting an update. I uh.. I read all through your archives, but please don't think I'm a crazy stalker girl or something. I swear I'm not. No, really. *creepy eyes* Anyway... I just happened upon these, and thought of you and your puppies: http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=2743&cat=103

Take care :)

Posted by: Emma | April 24, 2007 04:44 AM

Rearding the photos of Gimme - Wow, how can something be so totally evil and still be so darn cute?
Glad you're back! :)

Posted by: DippyChick | April 24, 2007 06:36 AM

You know what's worse than a chupacabra? Ticks, they are the spawn of the devil and live in the woods too.....

Posted by: Boomer | April 24, 2007 08:27 AM

SOOOOOOOO glad you have returned from the woods. The pictures of Gimmme are do darned cute!

I'm very relieved to know that you survived your nature adventure (Egad! The HORROR of nature!) without being cut up into sushi-sized pieces.

Posted by: Leesavee | April 24, 2007 09:04 AM

Hey, Leigh girl. I was starting to worry about ya. If you ever get tired of that blind dapple doxie, you know, just gimmie the word. Tee-hee. Take it easy(er). Luv ya.

Posted by: DaffytheDachshund | April 24, 2007 09:28 AM

Holy Crap! The woods on friday the 13th? Yikes! I was freaked out enough myself, and I live in the middle of downtown Charleston! (of course, it is the ghetto middle of downtown charleston, so I wasn't so much worried about zombies...well, maybe drugged up hooker zombies. Quick, someone call Wes Craven!)

Posted by: Taylor | April 24, 2007 10:46 AM

Funny! :-) Those drawings are great, and I bet if you had passed them around instead of doing your presentation, everyone would have loved it.

Posted by: Peyton | April 24, 2007 11:17 AM

I got over the astounding proliferation of Wildlife when I lived in Panama for three years. The beetles and moths there get to be about the size of your head. OH, and the 'skeeters! And don't even GET me started on the size of the terrifying chupacabra down there!

Doesn't mean I didn't wear impractical footwear while I was down there. Highly, indeed.

Posted by: La Cubana Gringa | April 24, 2007 12:35 PM

Yay! You are back!
And again with the awesome drawings - are you sure you want to be a lawyer? You'd make some awesome comics/children's books/ironic t-shirts, et al.

love the gimme photos too - not sure how i never saw the connection before but your captioned doggie photos remind me alot of www.icanhascheezburger.com

Posted by: katie | April 24, 2007 02:26 PM

Yay for Bob's tie! And yay for Ugg dachsunds! So funny! You made my evening!

Posted by: Angel | April 24, 2007 08:50 PM

I SO ADORE everything you post, but I also adore the comments section. Swistle's:

"You really shouldn't take a shower, go down to the basement, or 'split up to see if we can find out what that noise is,' either"

about put me out on the floor! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so very grateful for Miss Doxie and her followers! I, too, found you and read ALL of your archives. Pure pleasure!

Posted by: Jessica | April 24, 2007 11:45 PM

Darn you, Katie! You beat me to it!

Miss Doxie....you MUST look at this picture:

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/04/21/oh-hai-i-uprgaded-ur-banazaz/

Looks to me like the makings of next October.

Posted by: Maya | April 25, 2007 01:24 AM

People, I...am obsessed with Icanhascheezburger. I am particularly obsessed with the walrus and his bucket, which I believe to be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And which has caused me to send a number of emails to Cookie, all of which say, "MAH BUCKET!"

Which is now code for: "Let's go get a drink now. Seriously, this fucking instant."

Posted by: miss doxie | April 25, 2007 02:40 AM

Holy hell.
I will NEVER stop laughing at the Leggings Dachshunds.

I remember back in 1982, when all the Leggings Dachshunds had feathered hair. Life was so beautiful then...

Posted by: Eve | April 25, 2007 02:56 AM

is this the meeting room where Icanhascheezburger addicts anonymouse? Seriously, they should be putting new pictures up every other minute, because that's how often I check.

Yay Doxie doodles! How's your "other" project working out Leigh?

Posted by: Theresa | April 25, 2007 09:03 AM

wait, I just reread the title of this entry...killed by a gaggle of geese! That's the true horror here! None of this Friday the 13th bullshit, geese are what is truly terrifying in this world.

Seriously, killed by geese? Please update soon so I don't spend my nights wide awake imagining terrible scenarios.

Posted by: Theresa | April 25, 2007 09:05 AM

My attitude toward unbridled nature was formed when I was a Girl Scout and went to camp for 2 weeks - in tents, in the woods. I didn't like it and was unafraid to say so! Which didn't especially endear me to the scouting goddesses!

My idea of "roughing it" is black and white TV and no room service! I will NOT forego air conditioning or indoor plumbing.

But seriously - I'm madly in love with Gimme. Any dog that can sleep in that position is MY kind of dog. I was awakened this morning to (a) a thunderstorm, (b) a 9 pound Siamese sleeping in that approximate position and (c) a 25# Maine Coon cat trying to burrow his way all the way into my armpit for safety! He is about as far from fond of thunder and rainstorms as an animal can get!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | April 25, 2007 02:29 PM

Well ....is it to early to say "Mah Bucket"? Can I pretend I'm in your time zone? My name is Maya and I'm addicted to C.I.H.C.? Invisible buttsecks!

Posted by: Maya | April 25, 2007 03:35 PM

I NEED the "screw the haters, Bob" drawing on a T shirt. it is AMAZING. also, you are back! yay!

Posted by: McKate | April 25, 2007 05:00 PM

Skinny dipping is also another undead-baiting activity

Posted by: MSW | April 25, 2007 05:21 PM

You? Are genius.

Posted by: Martha | April 25, 2007 10:33 PM

I've recently begun to read your blog, and all I have to say is that it's brilliant.

If you ever decide to leave law, you DEFINITELY have a career in writing.

Thanks for the enjoyable reads!

Posted by: jen | April 25, 2007 10:34 PM

I would be so dead. I babysit my co-workers all day long.

And you should also stay away from bunk beds, if I remember correctly.

Posted by: Maria | April 26, 2007 11:39 AM

I love that last picture! I just want to rub the little doggy belly. :)

OH, and I'm so glad to read that someone else is obsessed with I Can Has Cheezeburger and the Bucket Saga, too. Sometimes I turn to my husband and, out of the blue, say, "Not mah bucket :[." It really *should* be code for something, but it's not. I'm just weird like that.

And, as always, it's good to hear from you!

Posted by: Kathleen | April 26, 2007 01:25 PM

Yay! Pictures of Gimmme!

Posted by: glf | April 26, 2007 02:44 PM

MAH BUCKET!!! God, it never gets old. Neither do doodles of doxies. Yay!!!

So how did the stiletto boots hold up in the (shudder) woods? You are even more my hero for putting up with that shizzat. Nature is, like, DIRTY, people. There are BUGS. And SNAKES. And maybe the evil UNDEAD. And NO WINE!!!

My proverbial hat is off to you, Leigh. And to Gimmme, cause I don't want him to suck my blood, even though I am not, at last check, a goat.

Posted by: missbanshee | April 26, 2007 03:42 PM

More pictures of your dachsies. Too cute for words. So funny. You have a digital camera right? Which means you should be able to take hundreds of pics with no love lost - right? So ----- More pics please.

Ordered some cards - blue with dog outline. Love them. Thank you.

Posted by: Marene Hanson | April 26, 2007 08:02 PM

My sister (msmack--also a reader) just introduced me to the song "Ikea" by Jonathan Coulton. It's FABULOUS, and it reminded us of you. :c) I mean, homeboy rhymes "Norse men" with "college kids and divorced men"....

Posted by: Cassiopeia | April 27, 2007 05:46 PM

Would like to thank you for giving me the winning word (triple word score, thankyouverymuch) at Scrabble last night:

D-O-X-I-E.

Posted by: Maya | April 27, 2007 11:10 PM

Well, if I was that capable of entertaining myself, I would have been an attorney too. As it is, I have to rely on internet type attorneys to entertain me.

(also, I will be looking in my Official Scrabble Dictionary to see if Doxie is indeed a word. Then I will use it in the next game and then someone will challenge me (foolish humans) and then I will laugh my evil laugh. Then I will go to bed.)

Posted by: Contrary | April 28, 2007 10:46 AM

Also, who the hell is Cookie and what did they do to piss off the geese?

Posted by: Contrary | April 28, 2007 10:48 AM

May I echo the earlier poster and say that I would buy a "screw the haters, Bob" t-shirt and wear it most proudly?

Posted by: Liz | April 28, 2007 04:39 PM

I would NEVER be sorry for asking where you are...except that I didn't. :)

Your life seems about as crazy as mine right now, except for the undead.

I love your doggy photos. They are just freaking awesome! You definitely have a back up job in case this being a lawyer doesn't work out. =D

Posted by: Megan | April 28, 2007 07:22 PM

Girl you are a freakin riot! LOVE the cartoons and dachshund language in third person, er, dog..Ha, kills me. So do you watch American Idol. If you do then I feel that you may be the kind of person that will agree with me on this. Does Phil Stacy not look JUST like Nosferatu??

Posted by: Bethany Coffey | April 29, 2007 12:11 AM

So I might have forwarded "Bob" and his tie to everyone I know.

Posted by: Haley | April 30, 2007 05:23 PM

I too would order a "screw the haters Bob" t-shirt! LUUUUV IT!

Glad you're back.

May I also suggest to avoid any checking out of strange noises when out in nature on Friday the 13th.

Glad to see you made it through the nature retreat (I envision more of a spa atmosphere when I say that)and VERY, VERY GLAD to see a post from you--I needed a laugh so very much.

Posted by: mama speak | May 2, 2007 02:06 PM

The fact that you stood up in front of all of those people and didn't pee your pants laughing at that leggings cartoon is beyond me. But if you ever do, and you lose your lawyer job, just be glad you have many talents to fall back on. just sayin...

Posted by: Shari | May 2, 2007 03:20 PM

It's simply always worth coming back to your blog - for that last dog photo alone.

Posted by: labohemienne | May 2, 2007 03:48 PM

Oh, Miss Doxie! I've been there...gotten up with totally wrong notes & caught doodling. Sigh. Still, it was fun, right?! Please keep the humor coming!

Posted by: Melissa O in NYC | May 2, 2007 11:11 PM

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