Also Cookie Was Almost Killed By A Gaggle of Geese, But We'll Talk About That Later.
Gaggle of geese? Goose? No combination of the words in that sentence look anything close to right. Also, hello!
This is sort of a listy entry, with no actual "point", per se. So let's kick things off with:
Things that were incredibly funny to me at the time when I should have been reviewing my presentation for a really big room filled with people drinking iced tea:
Things that were incredibly funny to me when I grabbed the wrong pad and went to the podium, looked down for my speech and found the Leggings Dachshund instead:
And, that has pretty much been my week. Also funny, in a kind of horrifying way: When I actually said, during my speech, "Okay, we're...we're going to skip this slide with all the words on it." Please, start engraving a plaque in my honor now. Don't wait! The profound nature of my thought process should be memorialized! And together, we'll just skip the memorials with all the words on them.
Other items of note: We had our firm retreat, at which we were made to stay in cabins, which were located inside of Nature, which is not so much my thing, based on the proliferation of Wildlife living in such areas. Wildlife, y'all! Like squirrels and wild turkeys and unicorns and the terrifying chupacabra, which lies in wait to eat attorneys wearing highly impractical footwear in the woods. And, I would like to point out the additional fact that our firm retreat actually fell over the weekend of the 13th through the 15th, which meant that I had to stay in a CABIN, by MYSELF, on the night of Friday the Thirteenth. Where I waited in horror to be carved into sushi-sized pieces by an angry zombie in a hockey mask, because THAT would be just my luck. When I expressed my concerns to Dukay, however, he assured me that I would be safe from the slow-moving undead so long as I avoided the following undead-baiting activities (some of which were made famous by the movie Scream, I have been informed), and which of course are:
2. Drug use; and
Seeing as I was in the Woods of Potential Death And Confirmed Existence of Wildlife with all of my co-workers, these possibilities seemed highly unlikely, so I felt a little bit better then. And, sure enough, I lived. Woo! And, now that I think about it, I think that calls for another plaque! Which we will call, "Official Established Rules For Surviving An Attack Of The Slow-Moving, Knife Wielding Undead." That engraver is going to be busy!
But, as I just done said, I survived my time in the mountains, and then I survived my presentation to all the iced-tea people, and then I got to finally come home and sit still for fifteen minutes. And this is why I feel like I should be given a cocktail, a sedative, and some quiet time to reflect upon my own little chupacabra crew, which are about ten times scarier than any damn thing living in those woods:
GIMMME SUCK BLOOD OF GOATS! Then take nap.
(Gimmme nap now. Suck blood of goats so tiring.)
And, that's what I've been up to! Woods, doodles, and goat suckers. And everyone who has sent me an email wondering where I have been is probably very, very sorry that they asked.