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My Internal Has A Dialogue

March 29, 2007

Why It Is A Wonder I Ever Get Anything Done At All: Proceed With Caution

Left Brain of Miss Doxie: Holy shit, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I updated my site. I haven’t even written anything in there since, like…holy SHIT, on my BIRTHDAY. At this point I am practically thirty-one! I must do that! I must write something NOW NOW NOW.

Right Brain of Miss Doxie: Oh, hush, mister practical. You know you can’t force the creative process. Just calm down, and soon, we will hear the sweet song of the muse! She will give us our subject, and then she will take us by the hand, and lead us down a path lined with butterflies and ice cream cones.

Left Brain: …ooookay. Except we don’t have hands.

Right Brain: I am speaking figuratively, Left Brain. You need to think outside of the box.

Left Brain: Or, you know, I could ignore your irritating box-talk, and just write something already. Which is what I am going to do. I am putting it on my to-do list right now. Right under “Finish Legal Stuff,” but before "Laundry, plus spray dogs with something to make them smell less like dead squirrel parts."

Right Brain: But if you just write any old thing, then it will not be beautiful. We should not write now. I think we should sing a song, and then make potholders covered in unicorn glitter.

Left brain: Oh, for the love of GOD, woman, this is a blog. After all this time, it doesn’t need to be beautiful; it just needs to be “not blank.” That is really the only requirement for today: “Not blank.”

Right Brain: You know, when you say things like that, a fairy dies. She just falls down dead.

Left Brain: No fairies die…

Right Brain: FALLS DOWN DEAD SPLAT. Like that. Because of you.

Left Brain: Sigh. Oh, also, we should get some lunch. There’s a salad bar…

Right Brain: TWINKIES.

Left Brain: And, that sandwich shop downstairs has got some spec---

Right Brain: TWINKIES TWINKIES TWINKIES

Left Brain: JESUS CHRIST, FINE. We will HAVE TWINKIES for lunch.

Right Brain: (and potato chips.)

Left Brain: AND POTATO CHIPS. OKAY. THEN WE WORK.

Right Brain: Noooo, then we daydream.

Left Brain: We don’t have time to daydream. We have to write! Write write write.

Right Brain: Hey! Lefty! Did you see that thing on the news? About the Tyco guy throwing the party on the Greek Island?

Left Brain: Yeah, and he is currently in prison thanks to things like parties on that Greek Isle.

Right Brain: But, did you see the pictures? Where they served up all the male models on big platters, as if they were a buffet of glistening man-entrees? And I was all, “Men! On…plates!” and I have been sort of intrigued by the idea ever since. Why doesn’t anyone ever bring me a man on a plate? I’ve been good!

Left Brain: I…what in the world are you talking about?

Right Brain: Do you think Santa brings men on plates?

Left Brain: No. I don’t. Do I. And we have to write now. We should write about…

Right Brain: Men on plates, probably. And Santa.

Left Brain: NO. No, let’s write about how much work we’ve been doing since---

Right Brain: Oh, snore. We are not going to bitch and moan about our workload. That is so, so boring, plus you do that all the time.

Left Brain: Well, all you’ve come up with is “Men on Plates” and Twinkies and potato chips for lunch.

Right Brain: And Santa.

Left Brain: Yes. Exactly. Let us not forget Santa. You are making my point for me, and I thank you.

Right Brain: Hey, Stiffy! know what I really like? That song from the Neverending Story.

Left Brain: No, you don’t.

Right Brain: Oh, indeed I DO. And I shall start singing it right now, until you agree not to write about how busy you are.

Left Brain: Oh, please…please, don’t do that.

Right Brain: Close your eyes…tell me what you SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Left Brain: AIEEE

Right Brain: In…something…the something of your DREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAMS…

Left Brain: JESUS HOLY CHRIST, will you PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP.

Right Brain: (humming).

Left Brain: Sweet, great. Awesome, now I’m singing it. WE HAVE THINGS TO DO.

Right Brain: No, you have things to do. I am going to come up with new names for Girl Scout Cookies.

Left Brain: Fantastic. Do it quietly.

Right Brain: …Mintsalongs.

Left Brain: ….?

Right Brain: Mintsalongs…Samoafoils.

Left Brain: Please. Oh, please, I beg you. I have so much to do…

Right Brain: Thinadoodle.

Left Brain: Right. Great, that’s it. I am getting nothing done, plus I have gotten nothing done all day, and I am a person with deadlines and lists…

Right Brain: Let’s write poetry about how boring you are.

Left Brain: Are you even LISTENING to me? LET’S WRITE A BRIEF.

Right Brain: Ooo! Let’s write a poem about how you live at the bottom of the ocean, but are still totally boring.

Left Brain: I’m not boring, I’m responsible! Someone has to be responsible!

Right Brain: Way down on the floor of the sea;
Covered with anemone;
Sat boring Left Brain,
Who’d loudly complain
That it had to complete subpart (b).

Left Brain: That’s not fair!

Right Brain: Left Brain was so horribly bland, that all of the fish moved to land…

Left Brain: Shut up! I’m not bland!

Right Brain: Snooooore. Oh, hey! Look at that: you talk, and I immediately fall asleep. That’s amazing how that happens, considering that you are so fascinating and all.

Left Brain: I wonder if it is possible to plan a stroke. To plan a stroke that only affects the RIGHT SIDE OF ONE’S BRAIN.

Right Brain: Oh, let’s not fight. Let’s cuddle.

Left Brain: I don’t WANT to cuddle. I WANT to write this brief, and then I WANT to update the website, and then I WANT to do laundry.

Right Brain: Or we could snoogle with the dogs.

Left Brain: …well, they do need snoogling.

Right Brain: And they are just sitting here, all smooshy.

Left Brain: They are smooshy. It is scientifically proven that they are smooshy. Okay, maybe a small break, for snoogling the smooshy.

Right Brain: That’s right, just…ew. Oh, ew. Dude, what’s that smell?

Left Brain: Oh, sweet Jesus. Look, it’s BITS OF DEAD SQUIRREL.

Right Brain: What?! Why do the dogs smell like bits of dead squirrel?

Left Brain: Because a squirrel DIED, and then it somehow ended up in our YARD, and then the dogs FOUND it, and then they ROLLED AROUND IN IT, and NOW THEY SMELL LIKE BITS OF DEAD SQUIRREL. But apparently, you MISSED all of that, because you were too busy drawing RAINBOWS and CENTAURS with the face of MORGAN FUCKING FREEMAN, THAT IS WHY.

Right Brain: Well, why didn’t you, like…clean them, or something?

Left Brain: Why didn’t…? LOOK. LOOK AT THIS LIST. Right there, under “Laundry”, it also says, “plus spray dogs with something to make them smell less like dead squirrel parts."

Right Brain: Well, you should really get to that, you know?

Left Brain: I HATE YOU.

Right Brain: Do not. I sparkle!

Left Brain: (sob.)

Right Brain: Oh, come on, now! Come on, what do you want to do? Do you want to write that brief? Will that make you happy?

Left Brain: No.

Right Brain: Do you want to draw some more pictures of Morgan Freeman as a centaur?

Left Brain: NO.

Right Brain: Okay, okay. Do you want to play solitaire?

Left Brain: I…sort of.

Right Brain: Well, okay! THERE WE GO, LITTLE CAMPER. You go play some solitaire, with all that logical, deductive reasoning of yours.

Left Brain: (sniff). Okay. What are you going to do?

Right Brain: Think about George Clooney on a really big plate.

Left Brain: Is that all?

Right Brain: Well, I’ll also update the website. Okay?

Left Brain: But…you? Nobody will ever come back! If you write it, they’ll see the innermost workings of Leigh’s brain, and they’ll all run away, screaming.

Right Brain: Oh, shush. It’s better than blank, right?

Left Brain: I mean…yeah. Okay, you’re right. Just…

Right Brain: Yes?

Left Brain: Promise not to mention the squirrel.


***

Hi, y’all! Look at how I am not gone! You are still stuck with me.

I need to tell y’all about this, which is a really awesome craft contest where you can win all sorts of prizes from eighty different stores; naturally, it ends in about two days and I am coming in at the tail end, but you know. Still crafty! Still good!

And finally, if you’re in Atlanta and want to buy very cool stuff tonight, the annual Tossed Out Treasures Preview Party is this evening, and it is where you can get lots of previously-owned neato things for not a lot of money. Plus also, you get wine. Wine and discount! And, charity, because the money all goes to the community, which is ever so nice. So check it out if you are so inclined; I think it’s $20 at the door, but usually that includes, like, food and drinks, so that is good. And if you see me, make sure you say hi to my right brain; the left side is staying the heck home.


(P.S.: Thanks to everyone who volunteered about the Thing with the Thing. I've got a bunch now, but thank y'all again!)

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink

78 Comments

DOXIE!!! Doxiedoxiedoxiedoxie!!!! NEVER LEAVE US AGAIN. I'd join the festivities in Atlanta, but that's like...many miles from Savannah.

PS: Seriously, NEVER LEAVE US AGAIN. And that goes for both sides of your crazy brain.

Posted by: missbanshee | March 29, 2007 02:22 PM

I will now be stupid internet girl and say "FIRST!" Mostly because I hate that shit, but seriously, mostly because it's never been me. Clearly unemployment and too many "Little House on the Prairie" reruns have warped my brain. Or maybe it was the vodka. Carry on!

Posted by: missbanshee | March 29, 2007 02:25 PM

I swear I already had that conversation with myself except "brief" was "press release" and "george clooney" was...well "george clooney!"

Posted by: JennTally | March 29, 2007 02:32 PM

I am oh so glad that I am not the only person who has these kinds of conversations with myself. Hooray for the overworked brain!!!

PS-- I LOVE my 30's!!

Posted by: Niki P. | March 29, 2007 02:34 PM

About friggin time you're back!! I do NOT envy the "bits of dead squirrel" stuff. Can you Febreeze a dog? No?

Oh, and your brain? - I have those conversations daily, only yours are more interesting (and certainly more readable) - sigh.

Posted by: Linda | March 29, 2007 02:40 PM

That conversation was frickin hilarious! I am glad that you revealed the reasons that fairies die and why George Cloony keeps appearing on plates!

Posted by: Abby | March 29, 2007 02:53 PM

You pretty much just put dialog to my inner thoughts too...which is sort of terrifying because now I’m wondering how you got in there, and all the possibilities, when in fact I should be finishing up this *HUGE deadline I should be working on….or my paper that’s due tonight….or ya know, something important....even the smooshy and squish part was the same, I’m not sure how I feel about this

: /

Are you still down for doxie themed invites for a doxalicious wedding?

Boomer and herd

Posted by: Boomer | March 29, 2007 02:53 PM

Well, damn, even though I'm in Atlanta, I won't get to the tossed out treasures thing tonight. I have some fancy $25 coupon for McCormick & Shmick's, and then I have hockey tickets. I don't think I'll ever meet the Doxie in person.

At least you're back posting again, I was having a hard time to find stuff to do to slack off this afternoon before dinner & hockey.

Posted by: The Mac | March 29, 2007 02:56 PM

God! I thought the 30's did you in for good!

Glad to see both sides of you are back. And thanks for the afternoon giggles.

TWINKIES!!!

Posted by: Procrastamom | March 29, 2007 03:07 PM

Both sides of my brain are jealous of how funny and sparkly the sides of your brain are! The left side is toting up how many times we have been jealous of your amazing writing, and the right side... hmm, well, she WAS sobbing in the corner over there but now she is dreaming about making out with B movie actor Nick Chinlund (who is the same age as George Clooney).

Wishing you a 100% reduction in stinky dog in your near future...

Posted by: Charity | March 29, 2007 03:15 PM

I like both sides of your brain. Very funny!

Posted by: Kendra | March 29, 2007 03:16 PM

Holy crap. That is some hilarious stuff. I'm wiping away tears now. Wow. Hahahaha

Posted by: Kate | March 29, 2007 03:21 PM

I think I'm in love with your Right Brain.

Posted by: beccaface | March 29, 2007 03:27 PM

You can thank me later, girl.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=wPKdTkbSwp4

Posted by: Coleen | March 29, 2007 03:33 PM

Seriously Doxie? A perfectly GOOD sip of Diet Coke just went all *splash* on my keyboard because of you and your brain halves. Hysterical!

My right brain wants to be friends with your right brain and search for very hard math problems to keep the leftys busy so we can frolic in fields of daisies with butterflies and unicorns in peace.

Posted by: Pocklock | March 29, 2007 04:26 PM

Can I place an order for a plate of George Clooney with a side of Twinkies?

Snoogle the dogs for us!!

Posted by: Leesavee | March 29, 2007 04:27 PM

I have whole days channeling your Right Brain. Heh.

Posted by: Jhianna | March 29, 2007 04:27 PM

Wow, now all I can think of is Daniel Craig (the new James Bond) on a very large platter. Naked, of course. With an apple in his mouth and a side of GRAVY.
Yum.

Posted by: Erin | March 29, 2007 04:28 PM

YEAH! You're back...with amusing tidbits ("and Santa") to make me spit water on my computer screen...at work!!!!

I have to tell you that we're taking care of my mother's newest addition, Bete, the Chihuini (pronounced: Chew-weenie!) - half mini doxie, half chihuahua) this week.
And she is wild. 6 months old of puppy-style wild.
Well, it's springtime in MT and she was galavanting about the back yard, doing her look-how-super-speedy-of-a-puppy-I-am figure 8's. The back yard where we have a fabulous, now thawed and full of mucky, decomposed leaves, berries, etc., water-feature.
Bete was very impressed by said water-feature, and, though I yelled for her to stop, went to sniff all the muckiness.
And slid in!
Mwahahaha. Little dog, swimming in little, smelly, water feature.
Very funny, until she ran into the house, soaking in and smelling of the muckiness. I tackled her and scooped her into the bathtub for her first ever big-girl bath! It was perfect, since our tub is 1954 pink. Awww wjjjyeah.
Anyway, thought you'd enjoy tales of Bete's adventures.
-Hillary in MT
PS The two doxies who are actual full-time residents in my home are super long-suffering this week with the Cheweenie forever trying to play with them. Sigh. They just want to sleep. In the sun. With NO Cheweenie's around. Thank.you.very.much.

Posted by: Hillary | March 29, 2007 04:47 PM

I have no idea what in the crap I just read... Hilarious, whatever it was.

Posted by: Brillig | March 29, 2007 05:15 PM

Ewwww on the dead squirrel bits. For savage amusment with a pinch of payback you could always give them a bath with lots of doggie shampoo. While they are in the sink or tub, give them bubbly Santa hats and beards.

That should satisfy the left and right side of the brain as it's creative busy work. LOL

Posted by: Stacy | March 29, 2007 05:30 PM

I am sooo glad I'm not the only one with that right brain - especially the "Twinkies" part "and potato chips" in a teeny tiny voice part LOL

Seriously that whole dialog was way to close to what happens in my brain - well except for the legal stuff :D

Posted by: rho | March 29, 2007 07:13 PM

And I thought I was the only one stuck with the Neverending Story tune in my head... Oh and, seriously, you should go to http://similarminds.com/brain.html and take the left/right brain test and post your result here, so we can know wich of your brain side rules!

Posted by: Valerie | March 29, 2007 07:46 PM

I've just spent hours reading your completely hysterical writing! I was supposed to be doing the idiotic amount of work I have piled up around me, but reading your insanity is a lot more fun! I am a fellow Atlantan (is that a word?)currently fighting to survive the attack of the yellow dust monster. Gag!

Keep up the good work. I really, REALLY needed the laugh today. Oh, and George Clooney on a plate, brilliant! (and delicious...)

Posted by: Jill | March 29, 2007 08:29 PM

OMG. You are a very, very funny lady.

Posted by: js | March 29, 2007 08:40 PM

My right brain found your blog a few weeks ago...and both sides of the brain agree that we like you. (We especially like what you do with stolen office products.)

Off to go see about ordering some men on plates for my 30th bday in June...

Posted by: La Cubana Gringa | March 29, 2007 09:48 PM

My right brain found your blog a few weeks ago...and both sides of the brain agree that we like you. (We especially like what you do with stolen office products.)

Off to go see about ordering some men on plates for my 30th bday in June...

Posted by: La Cubana Gringa | March 29, 2007 09:48 PM

My right brain found your blog a few weeks ago...and both sides of the brain agree that we like you. (We especially like what you do with stolen office products.)

Off to go see about ordering some men on plates for my 30th bday in June...

Posted by: La Cubana Gringa | March 29, 2007 09:49 PM

Oh wow, that was hysterical! And really, I don't even feel bad for you about the stanky pups, because it makes for brilliant blog entries.

Also, if George is unavailable, I'd take a nice platter of Mr. McConaughey anyday. Bongos optional.

Posted by: Cat | March 29, 2007 11:19 PM

Ohmygod. I haven't laughed so hard in SUCH a long time. THANK YOU for the funniest thing I've read in ages!

And please don't stay away for so long, for goodness sakes!

Posted by: Zee | March 30, 2007 12:31 AM

Oh, Thank you, thank you! I AM NOT the only one goes around carrying on a dialog with myself. It's sooooo nice to know one isn't completely barking mad...or at least there are other loonies out there who write blogs confessing such barking madness. Makes me feel in good company, to say the least!
Anyway, how's about Liam Neeson in his Rob Roy kilt on a plate? Yes, that's odd, but what else are fantasies for? And besides I've always been curious about the Scotsmen and the kilts thing.
Oh, and tell both your brains to update more often! PLEASE????

Posted by: Sharon | March 30, 2007 03:52 AM

Not blank! Not blank is good. I didn't even know you'd posted, I just popped in to look at The Blank, and whaddya know, not blank. I have Doxiedar! Which is so much better than, say, being able to tell when the phone is going to ring.

Posted by: Sheryl | March 30, 2007 04:41 AM

Welcome back Leigh!!!

And sorry, but I'll wrestle you to the death to get George Clooney on MY plate!!!

Have a fun weekend w/ wine!

jp

Posted by: jp | March 30, 2007 07:12 AM

Now I have that fucking Neverending Story song in my head. The Neverending StorrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

Arrrgh.

But that was hilarious. Nothing's worse than being in the middle of a good snoogle and smelling dead squirrel parts.

(PSSST -- Clooney is filming a movie here, and John Krasinksi's here too, and I *might* know where to find one or both. You bring the big plates.)

Posted by: JennyM | March 30, 2007 07:47 AM

We welcome you back Leigh! Truly hysterical once again.

Posted by: Scott | March 30, 2007 08:05 AM

I want me a man on a plate. Hell, if we can order that kind of entree, that might get me by until someone takes seriously my constant request. People go off on vacation to an exotic locale, ask me what they can bring me back, I answer: a cabana boy. I'm not even fussy enough to require that he speak English. And yet, have I EVER gotten one? NO.

So glad to see the "not blank." Allllllllmost makes up for how long I had to wait for some more of the Doxie! mk

Posted by: markira | March 30, 2007 08:17 AM

I am a new reader (been catching up) and found you while doing a google search for my brother-in-law (who is also a lawyer in Atlanta).. and I have NEVER laughed so hard.

Thank you so much for the fun!

Posted by: Lydia | March 30, 2007 08:42 AM

MMMMmmm George Clooney on a plate, way to go right brain I am there with ya on that one.
So glad your back I have been missing your insanity.

Posted by: Renee | March 30, 2007 08:45 AM

Deligntful and well worth the wait. Well - almost worth the wait.

I check your site every couple of days in fervent hope. This morning that hope was rewarded.

Thankee kindly Missy Ma'am!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | March 30, 2007 08:54 AM

Hee, that was hilarious! The sides of my brain fight sometimes too, but it's usually like this:

Right side: it's 5:45 in the morning and the kid wants to get up

Left side: but the pillow, it's squooshy and sooooft.

Right side: I'm pretty sure she has a poopy diaper

Left side: but it won't kill her to sit in it for a little bit.

Then the right side kicks the left side out of bed and we all go in and take care of my daughter.

It gets worse when you become a parent, I promise. Pregnancy brain is really, really bad.

Also? My man-on-a-plate would be Ryan Reynolds.

Posted by: Peyton | March 30, 2007 09:15 AM

That conversation is pretty much part of my daily life. Except for the dead squirrel bit stench.

Posted by: Jazz | March 30, 2007 09:16 AM

I am really digging that "man on a platter" thing! Very nice.

Glad to have you back! :-D

Posted by: DippyChick | March 30, 2007 09:35 AM

Wow. It's like you read my mind.

And you're right. The fairies do fall down dead.

Posted by: Jenny Ryan | March 30, 2007 10:58 AM

HA! I posted a thing very much like this recently, except I didn't name my Right and Left Brains, I called them Bitchy Responsible Junk Food Nazi Anti-Whimsy Cheap Bastard Me and Fruit Fly-Length Attention Span And Spectacularly Easily Amused Everything Is Magical La La Laa Me.

And also yours is way funnier. Because you are Miss Doxie.

Sorry the pups are smelly. But smelly puppies are better than no puppies at all! Trust me, I know all about the horror of having No Puppies. But as soon as I have an Abode With Yard And/Or Apartment Where The Pet Deposit Is Less Than Six Figures, I am getting a Bad Weiner of my very own!!! Or maybe twelve.

Also, Hi. I am delurking. I love your site. My favorites EVER are "Wicked" (very old entry) and "Why We Do Not Wash The Dogs More Often - very scary, completely true". Please write some Bad Weiner children's books sometime before I have childrens. ;o) thanks! (I'm only 26; you've got time.)

Posted by: McKate | March 30, 2007 11:14 AM

Hooray!!!

I have to admit that I rather obsessively check your blog every day, and finding a new post is like getting an unexpected present. Please don't leave us alone for so long again.

Posted by: Cobwebs | March 30, 2007 11:32 AM

Ok.. my right-brain man on a plate would be Jake Gyllenhall.. tho tied w/ whomever said Ryan Reynolds.. mm. I think I can slightly appease the left brain w/ thoughts of that today.. at least it's now a good distraction. Thanks for that!! :)

Posted by: Angel | March 30, 2007 11:33 AM

My right brain would like an order of Christian Bale on a plate, no garnish needed.

Posted by: missbanshee | March 30, 2007 11:54 AM

Umm..thank you for having a brain and enough sense to write out your thoughts for the world to share. I got such a kick out of your blog today! I needed that. Keep it up-chuck!

Posted by: amber | March 30, 2007 12:58 PM

New reader here. The left side of my brain is so very, very quiet that I suspect it has...you know...passed on.

Posted by: wordgirl | March 30, 2007 02:18 PM

While we're ordering men on platters, I'd like Matthew Fox with a side of pretty, pretty Boone from Lost. Boone not available, Daniel Dae Kim will do nicely. No garnish needed.

Did you get me email about Dukay's pants? Bathed both cats in the last two days and they weren't even stinky. Good times.

Posted by: Maya | March 30, 2007 03:18 PM

Hi! Missed you! Amused by you! Glad to have you back! Sentence fragments!

Posted by: Heather | March 30, 2007 04:17 PM

YAY! SHE's BAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!! Woo HOOO!!

Take care,

Melissa O in NYC

Posted by: Melissa O in NYC | March 30, 2007 04:29 PM

If I could get man on a platter, I'd even manage to eat the decorative parsley!

Posted by: Luck O' the Irish | March 30, 2007 04:33 PM

Faithful lurker here. Welcome back. This HIGHlarious post was worth the wait.

Posted by: Lori | March 30, 2007 05:11 PM

The inner workings of your brain has totally brightened my day. Although now I do have the Neverending Story song stuck in my head!

Posted by: Ari (Baking and Books) | March 30, 2007 05:50 PM

How it is I've never read your blog before is a crime, a shame & totally pisses me off. This entry is truly one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life, ever. And Morgan Freeman centaurs?? I peed myself & horked up a lung, I laughed so hard.

Thank you. Just.....yeah. Thanks.

Posted by: Christy | March 30, 2007 06:43 PM

Welcome back, this was hilarious! Sorry to hear about the dead squirrel parts. What IS it with dogs anyway? ;-) It's like they see a dead squirrel and think "Oh, Chanel Number 5, let me have a squirt of that..."

Posted by: Mauigirl52 | March 30, 2007 10:55 PM

YOU ARE VERY SILLY, AND BY SILLY I MEAN CRAZY, BUT IN A GOOD WAY. PEOPLE NEED TO REALIZE THAT PROCRASTINATION IS A VERY DRAINING AND TIME CONSUMING ART, ALTHOUGH I AM GLAD YOU FINALLY POSTED SOMETHING.

P.S. TWINKIES MAKE AN EXCELENT LUNCH.

Posted by: LAUREN MORIN | March 31, 2007 01:39 AM

Oh. Wow. Morgan Freeman as a centaur? Really? Where do you come up with this stuff? I'm going to go back to laughing hysterically now.

Posted by: Kanigget | March 31, 2007 03:07 PM

I laughed so hard I drooled, woman. That does not happen more than once a decade. But oh, you so deliciously captured and portrayed the essences of right and left brain thought... it was glorious. Thank you. I am in humble awe of you.

Posted by: Shari | March 31, 2007 04:05 PM

Yes, you do sparkle. OMG, I wish I could download your left and right brain to my ipod. What fun that would be. Glad you are back.

Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | March 31, 2007 06:40 PM

All sites of note have April Fools' entries, and Miss Doxie is certainly of note.

Tease Right Brane [sic] with that one and I bet Left Brain will be happy with the resulting two day, two entry accomplishment (not to mention that I''ll get to read you again...I broke my policy of staying one entry behind, thereby ensuring that I would always have one in reserve, so you need to get out ahead of me again.)

Posted by: Janice | April 1, 2007 07:14 AM

I think you may have stolen that conversation from a friend of mine and me. Being the left brain is so much fun, but it's such hard work.

Posted by: Zuzu | April 1, 2007 10:23 AM

Funny that no one mentioned Morgan Freeman on a plate...

Oh.

Now that I've had the image, it's not so funny after all.

QUICK! Replace the Freeman-on-a-plate image!

Kyle Chandler. On a plate.

*sigh*

Much better.

Posted by: Amie | April 1, 2007 12:04 PM

What thing?
Why do I never know what's going on?

Posted by: shy me | April 1, 2007 01:23 PM

Merry meet, Miss D! Ha ha! With a Hey Nonny Nonny you've just been April E-Fooled. (she giggled histerically while Morris Dancing through the room)

Posted by: Sharon | April 1, 2007 07:18 PM

Har! We missed you, Leigh!

Posted by: Tina | April 1, 2007 08:59 PM

FEBREEZE!! It works in a pinch if you don't have time to wash them! Just don't spray their faces and you'll be set! (Seriously, I've used it on my puppies!)

Posted by: Jacquie | April 1, 2007 09:43 PM

Left brain: Oh, for the love of GOD, woman, this is a blog. After all this time, it doesn’t need to be beautiful; it just needs to be “not blank.” That is really the only requirement for today: “Not blank.”

Best quote about writing EVER.

Posted by: Missy | April 1, 2007 10:43 PM

Crying. CRYING FROM THE LAUGHING!

Posted by: liz | April 2, 2007 12:02 AM

So glad to see that turning 30 hasn't made you all mature and responsible and boring and all that! God forbid! Thank you for that entry, I needed something to cheer me up today and the right/left brain did just that!
Apparently I'm a leftie where my brain is concerned, my right brain is all sad and is drawing sad clown pictures while the left is sitting there all smug...
Order me up Josh Duhamel on a platter please, mmmmmm

Posted by: Miss Moneypenny | April 2, 2007 04:31 AM

Ooooh, I LOVE that song too!! I have the 45! :)

Posted by: Missy | April 2, 2007 09:11 AM

ACK! How did you get inside my head? I thought I was the only one that heard the voices. ;)

Posted by: mouse | April 2, 2007 11:59 PM

Miss Doxie, I won one of the baskets, thanks to you! Whee!! Thanks for letting us know about it!

Posted by: Kathryn | April 3, 2007 08:11 AM

Doxie! It's been almost a WHOLE MONTH! My birthday is in 2 days, and all I want is a new entry. See what a cheap date I am? hehehe. Really, please don't leave us hanging for so long...

Lola

Posted by: Lola | April 22, 2007 11:28 PM

Blaaaaaaaaaaank!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Posted by: missbanshee | April 23, 2007 03:30 PM

Miss D, again with me spitting coffee ALL over my computer screen in a fit of laughter. Both sides of my brain were trying to ooze out of my ears to kiss the screen of your words because it all makes so much sense now. hehehhhe.

Also, so happy to read your posts you funny girl! I tagged you as one of the current "thinking blogs" for an award. You are, with out a doubt, one of the most creative writers I have ever read. Congrats and please get that song to stop in my head or have the right side of your brain meet the right side of my brain for a drink.

Posted by: Kim | April 27, 2007 02:21 PM

Right Brain: Well, why didn’t you, like…clean them, or something?

--[deletia]--

Left Brain: I HATE YOU.

Right Brain: Do not. I sparkle!

Left Brain: (sob.)

My sister and I have had that conversation! Nearly every day.

I'm the sparkly one.

Posted by: Tippy | April 28, 2007 03:47 AM

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