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It's Friday Night! Do you know where your Viking Baby is?

February 01, 2007

So, what I was going to do, was that I was going to write a long entry about our New Year's Eve celebration. I was going to explain, in significant detail, how we ended up inadvertently littering, and how we failed to give a hoot on that occasion, and how we proceeded to break (a) laws, (b) moral codes, and (c) our mothers' hearts, all in the course of approximately six minutes, and how that pretty much rocked in a very rocking fashion. And I was also going to describe all of the people present, and I was going to tell backstories, and I was going to do these things in an attempt to make some SENSE of why nine fully grown adults decided to spend their New Year's Eve staging a Viking Funeral for a small, pink babydoll. I was going to try to explain all of that, but know what? I am beginning to think that I should just let the video speak for itself. And, using my magical powers, I have even added captions to the video. So now, in addition to speaking for itself, the video practically reads to you! Like Mom does!

Anyway. In case you are still stuck up there in paragraph one, sounding out the part where I mention the phrase "Viking Funeral" in conjunction with "small pink babydoll", let me tell you now: I know. Listen, I cannot help you make sense of this. The best I can tell you is that our lovely friend Spam -- who is the same person who set up the Trap For Vermin last year -- decided that this year, we would say goodbye to 2006 in a nontraditional manner, namely, by:

1. Purchasing a little pink babydoll;

2. Writing "2006" all over the little pink babydoll in colorful marker;

3. Packing babydoll in a styrofoam cooler;

4. Placing an atlas in the cooler with the babydoll ("It represents the weight of the world," Spam explained to us, clearly exasperated by our lack of vision);

5. Duct-taping beer bottles to the side of the cooler for buoyancy (who among us guessed that this was Dukay's idea? Yes);

6. Packing the entire cooler with explosives;

7. Dousing the cooler with LIGHTER FLUID;

8. Releasing little 2006 off the end of my parents' dock, while simultaneously setting her aflame; and

9. Watching 2006 blow the HELL up, and float, burning, into the night. Like our Viking forefathers probably did NOT do, but we are not here to pick apart history, people. That is what National Geographic does. We just blow shit up sometimes.

In case you need some clarification of the items described above, allow me to illustrate my points by showing you:

1. Babydoll (Doomed)

2. Shit Blowing Up

3. What Bo's Ears Were Up To Before The Explosion

4. What Bo's Ears Did When The Explosion Happened

So! Now that you have a sufficient background, and because today is a truly disgusting, nasty, gray day here in Atlanta, and because I am in no fucking mood to spend one more second doing any of the ten trillion things I need to be doing, I hereby share with you our New Year's Eve video. But, wait, I am lying, because first! Please bear in mind two things before you view it, which are INCREDIBLY SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS:

1. People, this video is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Not because we are all running around all buckassed naked (possibly we are!), but rather, because there is a lot of profanity involved. That profanity is screamy. Seriously, you need sound to appreciate this video, but you will appreciate yourself all the way down to the unemployment line if you try watching it in a typical office, so do so where you can turn up the volume and truly embrace the fascination that was Viking Funeral.

2. It's a windows media file, because that is just about all I am capable of in my life. Any other type of conversion will make me whimper, and this is not what you want, I do not think. If you cannot see it, I guess you will have to just hit me with something heavy. Like a Viking.

So! All that being said, please enjoy:

Viking Funeral, 2006: BURN, VIKING BABY, BURN!

...and its drunk cousin, the Flickr Photoset.

Y'all have a good day, and try not to set anything on fire. Especially if it is a Viking.

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink


Oh Good Googly Moogly...that poor baby doll! I think there's something psychologically wrong with that and yet it's too funny for me to care! And your doggies ears are too cute for words!

I'm too scared to watch the video. I might loose all respect for ya. *wink*

Posted by: Megan | February 2, 2007 08:37 PM

That was awesome. What would be even more phenomenal is a dingo-shaped explosive attached to the cooler which would warrant the phrase, "A dingo blew up my baby."

Posted by: hello insomnia | February 2, 2007 09:15 PM

Oh, dear. Can *I* run away with you? Although we'd have to run away to NE BFE, NC, and that is not much fun, let me tell you.

You have totally made Friday in this teensie Southern town. A thousand thank yous. Our whole family just loves you (the smallish child, who cannot read yet, loves you for the dogs- us, the parents, well, we love you for everything else.)

Thank you. Again.

Posted by: gabby | February 2, 2007 09:16 PM

Oh my lord. That was hilarious! And you sync-ed (um? spelling? I don't even have any noxious fumes to blame it on...) the music up so nicely.

Any plans for cinematography (again, spelling?) if the whole ragingly-successful-lawyer-thing gets old?

Posted by: Cat | February 2, 2007 09:25 PM

Oh, thank you for the Friday night entertainment! My husband lifts his glass of zin to y'all . . . and to the BABY, of course.

We love Viking funerals. That is definitely the way I want to go out.

Posted by: Gretchen | February 2, 2007 09:47 PM

And yet another spectacular talent - cinematography! With sound editing!

Who knew? Wasted, wasted, I say, on legaling. The courts will never appreciate you the way we do.

That was great. Happy New Year, indeed.

Posted by: Matt | February 2, 2007 10:15 PM

Best NYE video EVER. Why or why do my parents not have a dock? Or a lake? On which to blow shit up? If they did, I would have TOTALLY put down my mimosa(SSSSS) and gotten my ass up off the couch. Can't guarantee I would have changed out of my pajamas, though...

BTW, you sound exactly like I thought you would...not that I have thought too hard about that or anything...

Posted by: a horrible warning | February 2, 2007 10:16 PM

Hi, that video? It might be the best thing I've ever seen. AWESOME!!

Posted by: Erin | February 2, 2007 10:20 PM

You people are hilarious. I'm thinking youtube for the video btw. Everyone at my house, even the dog and the little bad kitties think that is the funniest thing they ever saw. Of course, I had to explain some parts, and I left out the language because the dog's ears go up just like Bo's when he hears language.

Posted by: carolyn | February 2, 2007 10:31 PM

Thank you for the entertainment! Being of Viking ancestry, I'm so sorry I never thought of that! I agree that you're wasting your time lawyering. Bo's ears were a very nice touch!

Posted by: Lisa | February 2, 2007 10:32 PM

Yup, Leigh - you sound just like the southern woman you are ...... I heard 'Baaaaaybay'and lost it.

I am going to pay homage to your idea this next NYE.

So, where I can send the retainer, so that when my drunk and obnoxious friends and I get busted by the law for doing this....I can make my one phone call to my attorney, Miss Doxie?

Posted by: Jerilyn | February 2, 2007 11:05 PM

Look what I made you--a compliment and some complimentiness one after the other! First, the good stuff: Fantstic video, even if I lost track of who was what. (Big D is Dukay? Maybe? I forgot the cast of characters pretty quickly. Strictly a defect at this end, mind you.)

Second, the backhanded compliment to the point that it's possibly not really a compliment at all: Your voice isn't nearly as dippy as I would have thought. (No, thank you!)

Posted by: Laurabelle | February 2, 2007 11:10 PM

I saw the photos and thought that those might have been the most hilarious things I have ever seen...and then I watched the video. Best.Film.Ever. So, when do we get to see Viking Funeral 2: Baby's Revenge? You know, the one were the baby washed ashore after all and had evil plots filling its melted head.

Posted by: Kanigget | February 2, 2007 11:20 PM

I really really wanna be your friend. You had way more fun that I did on New Year's Eve. That was totally awesome.

Posted by: Beachgal | February 3, 2007 12:06 AM

I don't think I'll ever be the same after Viking Baby Funeral. But in a GOOD way. Really. I now have a hankerin' to set something a'float and then a'fire next time I go visit my parents (since they're the only people I know who live on the water). It will be called "Viking Baby Funeral 2 - Curse of the dock that has a tendancy of collapsing into the creek or being just lopsided enough that drunk people kind of walk right off it". Comedy? We'll see.

Hysterical video! And don't tell Bo I said so (because he might want to eat my face), but I think he's adorable!

Posted by: mouse | February 3, 2007 12:15 AM

You are having way more fun than me!

Posted by: Angela | February 3, 2007 01:13 AM

OMG, those pictures of Bo are hilarious! I laughed right out loud when I saw them. :) Thanks for the giggle. If it weren't 1:38 in the morning I would totally watch the video. Totally.

But you know, the dog's already asleep and I wouldn't want to wake her up or anything. And, you know, it's late. But I swear to watch tomorrow. Because blowing shit up? That rawks.

Posted by: Zee | February 3, 2007 04:39 AM

You have the cutest accent. I have a Nova Scotian accent which in Toronto equates with stupidity. People here look at me funny. Often.

That video was really funny. I did a simliar thing with a friend in high school - but it wasn't a baby, it was an old book bag and instead of fireworks we used kerosene. Good times.

I really like the pictures of Bo's ears...he's so cute. :) And I am pleased to see that Bo didn't get into any fights with larger dogs this year.

Posted by: Lani | February 3, 2007 08:31 AM

Pleeeeeeeze put it on You Tube - I cannot get it to work in tht format!!!!!

Posted by: Brian | February 3, 2007 08:45 AM

my son who is 12 is now rooting in his sisters room to try and recreate this, do you think i should let him? well one less doll she will never know!

Posted by: cat | February 3, 2007 08:58 AM

That's the funniest damn thing I've seen in a long time.


And--Bo's ears. 'nuff said.

Posted by: shaxgirl | February 3, 2007 09:38 AM

Holy Mother. That video was hilarious! I have sent the link to this post to about 10 friends that will also think this is hysterical. Loved.it.

Posted by: Princess of Power | February 3, 2007 10:08 AM

Valhalla bound?

Posted by: Melissa | February 3, 2007 11:07 AM

hilarious...a great way to spend your New Year's-will this become an annual event?

Posted by: Kristy | February 3, 2007 11:28 AM

That was SPECTACULAR. The music, the captions - genius! And now I can put a voice to the funny I've been enjoying for so long. I'm not sure how you can top that for 2007, but I have no doubt that you'll come up with something.

Posted by: Catherino | February 3, 2007 11:47 AM

Miss Doxie, that was GREAT! If only I had known how to send 2006 off in such a spectacular manner. But having been shown the proper ritual, I will file it away for future reference and hope that I am never again so happy to see a New Year come my way.
LMAO at your entire post, per usual.
Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: Bick | February 3, 2007 12:18 PM

This movie, more than anything else in the world, makes me so incredibly sad to have left the South. More than pimiento cheese, even!

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | February 3, 2007 12:48 PM

That was awesome!

Posted by: Ivie | February 3, 2007 02:15 PM

You see, the thing is, I can imagine doing this, which I feel may be some cause for concern. Maybe not the baby doll part (it takes a certain genius beyond my own to come up with the baby doll, to say nothing of the ATLAS), but definitely the blowing shit up on a lake part.

In fact, some many New Years Eves ago, I found myself out on a dock on a secluded section of a lake in Georgia, and my friends and I, too, set off fireworks from said dock. If only -- OH! if only -- we had thought to douse some of them in lighter fluids and float them ONTO the lake in a beer cooler first.

But that's why we love you -- you come up with the additional parts that make the whole thing worthwhile.

Posted by: Lawyerish | February 3, 2007 02:52 PM

Oh. My. God!!!!

Brilliant. Apparently it is traditional to give a gift in wood for a 5 year anniversary, not use wood as part of a massive funeral pyre with explosives and everything.

Apparently the 6th anniversary is iron...

Posted by: Clareh | February 3, 2007 02:55 PM

Jesus Christ on a cracker, that was fucking HILARIOUS!

Posted by: fw sunshine | February 3, 2007 03:11 PM

Oh dear, are you TRYING to make thousands of folks all simultanously wet their knickers in hopeless hilarity? Is it some evil plot Bo masterminded? A plan for total Dachshund Domination of the universe? Why am I asking so many questions? Anyway, thanks for the giggles! Lordy, I can't wait to see what you do on July 4th. Blessed be.

Posted by: Sharon | February 3, 2007 04:58 PM

Weeee! Viking funerals are the BEST!

Posted by: Louly | February 3, 2007 05:08 PM

I tried it on a different computer and it worked just fine!!!
You have a very sexy voice, Miss Doxie - not squeaky like I imagined.

Posted by: brian | February 3, 2007 05:09 PM

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA - that is the funniest damn thing I've ever seen!
Y'all are having *way* too much fun (can I join you next year? can I? please?)

p.s. lest anyone is thinking of watching at work, heed Leigh's excellent advice - you do not want to do so

Posted by: Linda | February 3, 2007 05:14 PM

I just watched the video. Twice even. I am still giggling. My kids loved it too though they were a tad disappointed that there was no footage of the baby post-pyre. Very funny, Doxie. Your group of friends are a bit twisted too and I admire that. I would enjoy hanging out with you guys.

Posted by: shelley | February 3, 2007 05:16 PM

I will reinforce once again that you are, in fact, my idol. And so pretty.

I have decided that I am moving to Atlanta, where we will become friends and drink wine and blow things up.

Or, you will avoid me with fear and trepidation. Or move.

One of those. Whatever! Your NYE was fun!

Posted by: Kate | February 3, 2007 07:12 PM

So, did little 2006 wash up on shore? Is she currently exacting her revenge, horror-movie style? I think you're the protaganist in this little adventure, so you're probably safe, but to be extra sure, DON'T HAVE SEX (!!!) until the Viking Baby has been defeated. Chicks who have sex in horror movies ALWAYS DIE. Also, don't be satisfied with just burning her and burying her in a field somewhere. You need to burn it, then have the ashes compress into a diamond, which you then use as the centre of another diamond made from the ashes of Jesus and Mother Theresa. Then you seal the diamond in 4 iron boxes, bury it on mars, change your name, and move far far away (I hear Pluto's feeling kinda lonely and left out lately, he'll probably take you in). Otherwise it'll be 4 years later and the baby doll you thought you had defeated will be back to finish the job it didn't do in Melty Viking Baby Doll I.

Posted by: Lisa | February 3, 2007 08:11 PM

Hi there Miss Doxie!

So, I spent New Year´s Eve in Peru, right? And can I just explain the shock/horror I felt when I looked up to the stage to discover that the band had been displaced by a burning body. Yep. Burning. Body. No one bothered to tell the the little Gringita that in Latin America it´s tradition to burn/explode a life-size doll symbolizing the old year.

So really, you and your posse are simply taking it to the next logic level and burning baby-dolls... I don´t know what to say. Congrats?

Posted by: Johanna | February 3, 2007 08:22 PM

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. That was too fuckin' funny for words! I sooooo wish we had seen y'all running away from the dock as the vapor-cloud doll spirit chased you into the house for more beer and such!
When exactly did y'all quit laughing? And more importantly, why is my damn life so boring?
You are a constant source of merriment and should be writing books about your life, your friends lives and all the chaos and arrests that ensue.
I would buy a copy for every member of my family and all my friends!
Thanks for sharing your NYE with us!

Posted by: blabsalot | February 3, 2007 10:30 PM

..wow. That truly IS the shit of nightmares. Or however you so eloquently phrased that.

Seriously? I've had nightmares about being on a boat that catches fire...coincidince? Ringing of the apocalypse? Hm.

Posted by: Sue | February 3, 2007 11:26 PM

Miss Doxie, that was the funniest damn thing I have seen in quite some time. Thanks for sharing your wonderfully sick party game with us!

Posted by: sharon | February 4, 2007 02:29 AM

Ha! That video was made of awesome!

But come on, all that talk and not a single 'Hope Floats' joke? ;)

Posted by: Allyson | February 4, 2007 02:45 AM

I can't see the video cuz I have a Mac AAAAND Flickr says they're having a 'massage'.. which sounds rather creepy actually so sucks to be me over here. Please youtube it! I'm dying, DYING, I tell you to see it all! I'm certain it's awesome.

Also.. do I tell you now that I still haven't rec'd my last Miss Doxie purchase? Do you want me to consider it a donation? Cuz I can do that.. I don't mind. I just wanted to check. Honest!

Posted by: Angel | February 4, 2007 04:12 AM

Good LAWD, child. I agree with the poster above who said that video was made of awesome. And I have decided that you and Dukay and all your friends and all the dogs need to visit Savannah post-haste so we can all become BFF. I can even get access to a dock!

Posted by: missbanshee | February 4, 2007 08:55 AM

Hmmm! Disturbing, yet more fun than I have had in a looooong time.

I am very impressed with the subtitles. Quite the project.

Posted by: Barbara | February 4, 2007 12:00 PM

Haha, that was great...I totally don't fucking get it but great nonetheless! Bo's ears best part!

Posted by: Bethany Coffey | February 4, 2007 12:30 PM

That was absolutely THE funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. I was laughing out loud! I even woke up my youngest bebe from his nap accidentally with my hysterics-or should I say y'all's?!

You always make me laugh...don't ever leave me.

Posted by: Jenny H. | February 4, 2007 01:33 PM


Great video!! Couldn't drink my coffee, it would have been squirting out my nose!!

Posted by: Joseph | February 4, 2007 05:05 PM

Every year, at Pookie's fraternity reunion (which is held so deep in the woods that you can't get cell coverage for the love of God and all that is holy) a chair is sacrificed to the gods of flammable objects and beer. The worst ones are those old plastic chairs. They just melt, poor things.

This is how I know I'm not Doxie Cool: I went to that reunion ONCE and now make it a point to Never Do That Again. Doxie would be organizing the whole thing and bringing the chair (from Ikea, because nothing burns like MDF).

Posted by: Contrary | February 4, 2007 09:40 PM

I had to watch it again!!

Posted by: Jenny H. | February 4, 2007 11:29 PM

Good golly, Miss Doxie, the pics of Bo's ears are hysterical all on their own. I'll wait and watch the entire video at home where I can snort my coffee martini out my nose and generally laugh so insanely that Sam the Magnificent and Tim the Goofy will flee the room, as only 2 kitties can do!

In an attempt to generally give you something to be happy about - it's 7 degrees BELOW zero here in Columbus, Ohio today and the cold spell isn't due to abate until Thursday at the earliest when it will go up to a sub-tropical 24 degrees! I had to keep the bedroom blinds down today - Tim (the goofy for good reason) keeps wanting to put his wet nose on the cold glass of the bedroom window and I've had to pry him off twice in 2 days! He's gorgeous (bluepoint Siamese) but not terribly smart!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | February 5, 2007 10:27 AM

at my new years eve party we had chicken wings.

Posted by: honestyrain | February 5, 2007 11:43 AM

You had a much more fun NYE than I did. Heck, I was asleep on the couch with the dogs before the ball dropped. But there you were, torching baby dolls. I want to go to YOUR New Year's Eve party next year!

Give up lawyering -- head to Hollywood RIGHT NOW!!!

One more thing...is there anything more kissable than dachshund ears? Really, now! I heart Bo!

Posted by: Leesavee | February 5, 2007 01:38 PM

I would like to make a few observations, if I may. First, you people are NOT grownups! No, you are not. Secondly, you frankly sounded (technically speaking) as if you had been drinking. I cannot say this conclusively without all the evidence, but, yes, it appears to the casual observer that intoxication played a role in this….this…farcical affront to Vikings and their many gods. OK, I laughed rather loudly during the actual ceremony, but this was not intentional. But still . . . . And you, Doxie, an Officer of the Court! The horror, the horror . . . .

Posted by: Michael | February 5, 2007 03:18 PM

Doxie, you simply MUST warn people that they cannot drink or eat anything when on your blog!! I had to clean off my monitor twice during the first reading of the entry and multiple times during the viewing of the movie. HEE HEE HEEH HEEEE! Totally depraved and totally hillarious!

Lucy, the all black doxie diva sends love.

Melissa O in NYC

Posted by: Melissa O in NYC | February 5, 2007 03:50 PM

Miss Doxie, sounds like one heck of a hoot nanny New Years! Video was awesome! Why is Bo so adorable? I want to eat him up!

Posted by: jamie | February 5, 2007 07:21 PM

Ok.. I'm writing in again to tell you that even on my PC I can't view the movie. :( I cry and cry over here. It says it can't find the file. Did you hide it? Is it just too funny for me?

Also, you are a peach even if I never get to see the movie! Love my shopdoxie stuff! Yay!

Posted by: Angel | February 5, 2007 07:26 PM

Just had to post this for you...I clicked on the link and nothing seemed to be happening. My computer is old and cranky (like its owner) and doesn't play well with other programs. I waited a while and then just figured my computer decided to forget about Windows Media. So, I went on my way, playing on other sites. About ten minutes later as I was perusing notmartha, all of a sudden I heard "dun dun dun DUN dun, dun dun dun DUN dun" and was like, "What in the hell are the neighbors doing now?!?!?" Yep, my computer decided the absolute best time for me to hear the audio of a Viking Baby Funeral was while I was clicking a link to view a knitting site. Completely freaked me out until I finally figured out what was going on.

Posted by: Jennifer | February 5, 2007 08:42 PM

I am officially de-lurking (yep, I missed the special week) to ask--were you and your Doxie buds on Smith Lake near Birmingham, perhaps? That TOTALLY sounds like something my friends (and I) would do after several adult beverages. Weekends in Highlands, NC bring several episodes to mind! And (of course) everything is done with the utmost seriousness only MANY glasses of wine (or your favorite adult beverage) can produce!

Posted by: Susan | February 5, 2007 08:51 PM

If you're not thinking "Baby's On Fire", well um, better start thinking about it then.

Posted by: davido | February 6, 2007 03:44 PM

hahahaha. super funny. super duper funny video there :)

Posted by: laura | February 6, 2007 07:25 PM

That was fucking great! Hilarious! I never would have thought of doing that. I was laughing out loud, really! My dog was looking at me sideways. God, that seemed fun.

Posted by: adambomb1973 | February 7, 2007 09:57 AM

Is Spam single? Does he want to come to Savannah? Cause...yeah. Tattoo-ey goodness.

Posted by: missbanshee | February 7, 2007 09:59 AM

Um, Doxie? I'm confused. Traditionally, isn't the outgoing year supposed to be an old man and isn't the baby supposed to represent the NEW year? Hilarious video anyhoo. You kids go on and have fun. I'll just nap here on the couch with the dog.

Posted by: DaffytheDachshund | February 7, 2007 10:49 AM

Aw, dang. Just noticed the ring. SIGH. NEVER DAMN MIND. (Send any hot SINGLE tattoo-ey boys to Savannah, though, by all means.)

Posted by: missbanshee | February 7, 2007 12:11 PM

awesome. the wagner, the explosives, the wailing--i loved it all. how can you top that next year?

Posted by: kilowatthour | February 7, 2007 01:51 PM

My doxies would have been FLIPPING out. They hate fireworks and usually cry and do that awful "OMGSOMEONEISKILLINGME" yipping.

Hilarious video and I love the 'ears' photo of Bo.

Posted by: Lilith | February 7, 2007 06:33 PM

That was so very entertaining...Thank you. Hey you know how when you read a book and you get in your head how the characters voice sounds? You sound nothing like the voice in my head. Huh.

Posted by: Doo | February 8, 2007 06:06 PM

This is just pure genius 110%

Posted by: Davey Cole | February 10, 2007 03:43 PM

(cue New England accent) Don't know if you'll be wantin' that babah to come back - sometimes day-id is bettah.

Posted by: Steve | February 22, 2007 09:00 PM

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