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Who Died And Made It Wednesday?

February 13, 2007

(The title of this entry was way funnier when I wrote it yesterday. Which was Tuesday. But now it is 12:51, and it's not funny anymore. And, I guess I could fix it, but...wait, are those druids on tv right now? GOTTA GO.)

Hi, y'all! So, hey, remember that time I did Bad Limerick Wednesday, and waxed poeticish about choosing to spend the night with four wiener dogs, and how that did not exactly turn out well? And remember also how when I did that, I apologized profusely and said y'all could come to my house and steal all my liquor?

Maybe? Or has everyone blocked it from their collective consciousness? Because, I would not blame you.

But, um. Guess what anyway! I am about to assault you all anew, with even more bad poetry about the dogs. Because, this is what happens when I am stuck in traffic for too long: I start to rhyme. I do not really know why, exactly. I think it has something to do with rocking to the rhythm of crazy, which I have also discussed here on a previous occasion.

(Which, now that I think about it...you guys? Please do not tell anyone what I put on this website. Turns out, I am maybe a little bit crazypants. Shh!)

So, anyway. Rhyming! And all about an evening we had not too long ago. Don't y'all shoot me too much.

Also, be warned that this poem is kind of gross, but apparently, I can't just come out and embrace scatological humor; I have to rhyme it. And, y'all, that probably has a deep meaning. Possibly even deeper than, "If I rhyme, maybe my mom will not notice that this poem is kind of about poop."

Why I Will Not Spend The Night Out Ever Again
Or: Medieval Times, You Are On The LIST.

One evening not too long ago,
My friends all decided to go
A very long way
So that we could pay
To see a ridiculous show.

But Dukay and I are not bright.
Because, on this ill-fated night,
We left wieners alone
In my once-pleasant home,
As if that could turn out all right.

But we put down food for the boys,
Plus water and blankets and toys,
And three little beds
For their three evil heads.
(We even played music for noise!)

And just before leaving them all,
We lay piddle pads down, wall to wall.
(A crucial precaution,
Because just one dachshund
Can piss like a tropical squall.)

But as I was closing the door,
I saw Bo staring up from the floor;
And his eyes said to me,
"If you leave, it shall be
A clear declaration of war."

"DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" said
The voice that lives inside my head.
But I chose to ignore,
And so I closed the door,
While inside, Bo thought, ""Oh, she's dead."

But I put that thought out of my mind,
And then, with my friends, tried to find
The famed destination
With our reservation
For drama and dinner, combined.

Maybe you already know,
But in Georgia, not too long ago,
Something opened which we
Had discovered with glee:
The Medieval Times Dinner Show.

And though we were all rather vague
About what might occur on the stage,
We all said, hell yes,
It'd be a success
If we didn't catch head lice or plague.

While certainly, back in our youth,
We learned things "medieval," in truth,
Now, all we know
Is, "It was long ago,
In castle somewhere in...Duluth."

And so, we drove halfway to Gaul,
To this place that was sure to enthrall;
When at last, it appears!
Tucked next to a Sears.
That "castle" is part of a mall.

We were met by a wench once inside,
Who pointed towards doors on one side;
She said, with a yawn,
"Yeah, the horse show is on."
"Horses?" we asked, horrified.

We went through the doors, most unsure
And though it may seem immature,
We all recoiled and cried
Upon walking inside:
That whole place smelled just like manure.

For, dressed in medieval costume,
The horses performed 'round the room,
Pausing just to emit
A great mountain of shit
And then the horse show would resume.

Spam looked at us all, quite pale faced;
and said, "Maybe it's personal taste,
But I do deeply feel
That one should eat his meal
Some distance from animal waste."

But the show was about to begin,
So we sighed and we all settled in;.
And I think it is best,
If I sum up the rest,
By saying we won't go again.

(I will say we wondered out loud
Why no forks or knives are allowed,
And yet they brought me
a "Ye Olde Daiquiri"
That would make a historian proud.)

(And also, y'all? Jousting is boring
When there's not going to be any goring.
Which made me say the words,
"It's like wrestling, for nerds!"
Over the sounds of our snoring.)

Finally, it was all done
And we left to find actual fun.
As we scavenged for food,
I remembered my brood,
And wondered what all Bo had done.

After many more hours had passed,
We went home to the doggies at last.
We thought they'd be sleeping,
So we went in creeping,
But that plan was given up fast.

'Cause I'd had all the poop I was able.
I'd eaten with turds in a stable.
So I was not of the mind
To come home an find
Bo shitting on my coffee table.

But sure enough, it was adorned,
With Boris, Most Wrongfully Scorned,
Who finished his work,
And jumped down with a smirk,
That clearly said, "Bitch, you were warned."

Then he sauntered right out of the den,
Across piddle pads laid end to end;
For all my protection,
He'd found an exception
And now he was rubbing it in.

And I stood there, shocked and unstable,
When I suddenly thought of a fable:
While I've heard it told,
"It's a dish best served cold,"
Bo served his revenge at the table.

As I later sat scrubbing the den,
I mused on the wages of sin;
Between befouled stables
And pooped-upon tables,
Y'all go out -- I'm staying in.

***

Hee. Yay! And, in case you wanted the short, non-stanza version of that story: Bo pooped on the coffee table one time. Then I had a conniption fit. The end.

P.S.: Medieval Times smells like horse poop.

In other, non-rhyming news, tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Which is one of my favorite holidays, for no particular reason whatsoever. It just is.

Although, now that I think about it, Valentine's Day probably should make me all bitter, and should remind me of the countless February 14ths spent in middle or high school. Every year, the school set up booths where the boys bought carnations for a dollar, and the money would go to a good cause, such as "buying more glitter pens for homecoming." When a boy bought a carnation, he would write down a girl's name, and the carnation would be secretly affixed to her locker while we were all in class.

So, at the end of every class period, I'd be filled with a secret, burning hope that maybe, maybe THIS year, there would be a carnation on my locker! And I would hold my breath as I walked down the hall, heart pounding, hoping hoping hoping, until I'd finally turn the corner, and see...

Nothing. No carnation; just a shiny, blank locker, reflecting my fizzling disappointment, and reminding me that, ONCE AGAIN, NOBODY LOVES ME.

NOT THAT I AM BITTER. But honestly, do y'all know that in all my many years, nobody ever put one of those fucking carnations on my locker? Not one! Even when I had boyfriends, the little degenerates didn't get me any carnations. And, hello! This is some kind of travesty! A travesty which apparently I forgot about for the last twelve years, but now that I remember it? Dude! That carnation thing sucked! We should start a petition!

But, you know. Despite all that crushing disappointment and heartbreak, I still turned into a grown-up person with a job, who can operate some machinery with a minimum of death. And also, I ended up with a very cute boyfriend who brings me flowers that are much nicer than wilted old carnations. HA.

So, hey! Kids out there who are sad about not getting carnations? Listen to me! I am about to go all after-school-special on you, and say, buck up, little camper! Do not lose hope! Because, things will get better. And also, I heard somewhere that carnations give you genital warts, so...whew! Well done, escaping from that.

...I think I am done talking about carnations now.

Now, uh, because this entry has apparently turned into an experiment in how many words I can actually type in one sitting, I am going to stop writing now, before we get into the horror of middle school dances, which would be the logical progression from my last rant, an then I might start hating Valentine's Day, and we don't want that. No! Especially because, I have got something for you!

So, I just redesigned my entire shop, and added a whole bunch of new stuff, including a lot of original paintings (fancy!); however, because I've been so busy lately, I never managed to order the Valentine's cards I'd been designing. So I thought, hey! I can make it so you can download them! And then y'all can print them out yourselves, and have free Valentines! That is called sharing.

You can get the cards by following the "Free Valentines!" link from the homepage, or you can go straight to the new free downloads page. Print them out on letter size paper (use cardstock if you want them to be all card-like, but I bet you'd figured that out) and give them to someone adorable. It may not be a carnation, but it's a hell of a lot better than shitting on their coffee table.

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all! Everybody have a good one!

Oh, but look -- one last thing, because I just checked my email, and there was this from Dukay, with the subject line, BO SAY HI. And, so he does:

bosayhithere.jpg
Bo got some teeths! Maybe he poop on table later.

And I would also like to mention that I am a generous and saintly person, because I cropped Cookie out of this picture, the reason being that she is clutching a glass of wine in one hand, and a large bottle of Rebel Yell in the other, and this picture was taken before lunchtime, and I care about her reputation.

Even though she's a big old drunk. Happy Valentine's to you!

Posted by doxie in The Dogs (Or, Poop) | permalink

60 Comments

Spam looked at us all, quite pale faced;
and said, "Maybe it's personal taste,
But I do deeply feel
That one should eat his meal
Some distance from animal waste."

I love you, I love you, I love you. And now I *really* have to pee :P

Posted by: Heather | February 14, 2007 01:58 AM

Happy Valentines day! Have a wonderful day and Thanks for all the laughs! (ps special thanks to Bo as well for providing such great material. :-)

Posted by: Jay | February 14, 2007 07:07 AM

Poop...On the table....Oh My!

That may beat the #1 worst place to find poop, your bed.

Happy Valentines Day!

Posted by: Mrs.Mga | February 14, 2007 08:11 AM

Oh those evil teen-boy! Phew! I've *almost* forgot about the carnations and Valentines. Our shame was worst though: someone dressed in cupid would passed in each class to distribute the flowers, so us non-loved would envy the bubbly-so-happy-girls who got some half dead flower. Perfect combinaison of wanting/waiting/desappointing/hating!

Ah and thanks for the poop-story-poem :D

Posted by: Valerie | February 14, 2007 08:44 AM

They are STILL doing the carnation thing in school. And my kids go to a K-8 school, so they get nine years of carnation rejection before they hit high school for four more years!! Not to mention they have now also added candygrams. So candy AND flowers can be delivered to people other than you! While you get to watch!

And yes, even the first graders (Kira's in grade 1) have kids who get fistsful of flowers and candygrams, mostly sent at that point by their parents. WHO SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BETTER FROM THEIR EXPERIENCE.

My son, who is in sixth grade and on the student council, was actually on the candygram committee, so he was allowed to order a free candygram if he so desired. He declined, although when questioned later admitted that if he sent it to anyone, it would have been himself. Go Mark! mk

Posted by: markira | February 14, 2007 09:05 AM

But sure enough, it was adorned,
With Boris, Most Wrongfully Scorned,
Who finished his work,
And jumped down with a smirk,
That clearly said, "Bitch, you were warned."

You should get stuck in traffic more often..

Posted by: Jazz | February 14, 2007 09:21 AM

You are truly the greatest -- what the heck are you doing working in a law office? Those places just make you lose your soul! I should know - I lost mine already in my law office...blah.

Posted by: Scott | February 14, 2007 09:56 AM

"Carnations give you genital warts". Made me snort. You are a rhyming wizard and I bow to your mad skillz.

Posted by: Sara | February 14, 2007 10:34 AM

Thank goodness there are other people out there with plotting, vindictive doxies. I would be so sad if I was the only one...
By the way, I received a beautiful Miss Doxie dachshund necklace for Chrismtas from a dear friend. And I strung it up on a fabulous sparkly, jade green, necklace ...I will email you a pic at some point. It is beautiful and everytime I wear it people demand to know where the fab pendant came from. Miss Doxie rocks!

Posted by: Hillary | February 14, 2007 10:57 AM

You should have captioned this post: Revenge of the doxies............poop on the coffee table - I've yet to experience that. (but, it's still early)

Posted by: christine | February 14, 2007 11:04 AM

Awww...poop. I am bummed out to hear that the new Medieval Times did not meet expectations for fun. I was planning on taking the guy I'm married to for his birthday in a few weeks. Because he got all excited when he heard it was opening and also because I am mean like that and I want the red knight to announce that he's 28 to all in attendance. But Mall of Georgia is a long, long, long way to drive from my house for not so much fun. Maybe I will rethink.

Posted by: Meegan | February 14, 2007 11:14 AM

Funny you should mention those carnations. I was your typical non-recipient and ours were passed out in fourth period in class...making them all that much more of a spectacle. Anyway, one year (my junior year, I think) I was actually a recipient. An anonymous carnation...for me! Never did find out who sent it (no one ever came forward and professed their undying love) but 15 years later I still think about that carnation and how, for that day, I didn't feel like such a damn angst-ridden ro-tard. I'm sure whoever sent it had no idea how important that one damn flower would end up being.

Posted by: mh | February 14, 2007 11:15 AM

Once again, I'm awed by your rhyming brilliance. You should get stuck in traffic more often. Happy Valentine's Day sweetie. I bet all those boys who knew you in middle school are now *kicking* themselves!

Posted by: Catherino | February 14, 2007 11:22 AM

Bwahahahaha, Valentine's Day just sucked a whole lot less!

That mall of which you wax poetic is literally next to my brother's house. Like, a mile away from their neighborhood. Not even kidding. With the big Coke polar bear kiddie play land thing? And the Bass Pro shop? Yep, awesome.

Ever see Garden State? My favorite movie ever, which I highly reccomend...and there's a knight from Medieval Times. Funny, funny stuff.

Thanks for this :D

Posted by: Sue | February 14, 2007 11:33 AM

HA! HA HA HA!

My dog, who nevernevernever pees in the house was recently ticked off at my mother because she brought her boyfriend's beagle to visit instead of his Very Best Friend, my mom's Golden. So he lifted his leg and peed on her jacket. It was a direct 'F U, woman' and I almost couldn't stop laughing.

I love Bad Limericks Wednesdays. Rhyming is goood.

Posted by: Ky | February 14, 2007 11:35 AM

Oh lord - I had managed to forget about the carnations-on-Valentine's-Day tradition, until now. Glad I don't have to worry about it anymore. Oh wait, the girl in the office next to mine just got a Cookie Bouquet.

Bitch.

Posted by: Roadchick | February 14, 2007 12:04 PM

Happy Valentine's to you, Dukay and the boys! I am still aghast that Bo decided to use the coffee table as a toilet. However, loved the poem and am now going to check your store for the new items.

Posted by: Diane | February 14, 2007 12:05 PM

Hee!
Oh, Medieval Times. I never got up the nerve to actually go there when we lived close to one. I'm glad you took one for the team so I now know what I was missing (not much).

Oh, and I never got a STUPID, FUCKING CARNATION either. But carnations smell like funeral homes, so who wants the little fuckers anyway.

Shop Doxie looks great! Love the new art!

Posted by: jive turkey | February 14, 2007 12:21 PM

I will have you know that if I could have reached my cell, I was going to text you last night and tell you I cheered very hard for the doxies during the Westminster show. Not as loudly as I cheered for James the springer spaniel or the Basset, of course, but I *did* cheer.

Posted by: Coleen | February 14, 2007 12:35 PM

Hmmm...where to begin. LOL


For Bo, I have two words. Crate Training! If he's going to poop out of spite, he may as well have to deal with it instead of pooping on the coffee table where he can run away from it.

For the record, one of my cats shit on my coffee table once. It was his way of telling me to contend with the mess in his litterbox. Since then, we haven't come home to a pile of cat poop pretending to be a smelly paper weight.

In Boston there is a place called The Midevil Manor. They also put on shows like you mentioned only with no horses, hence no piles of poop while one is dining with their hands. The only turds in the place are the ones that had one too many beers.

I wouldn't stick a carnation on your locker, I'd stick a daisy on there instead. =)

Thanks for the freebie cards and hopefully Bo won't leave you anymore homemade fudge.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Posted by: Stacy | February 14, 2007 12:44 PM

That poem was hysterical! I wrote one about my cats around Christmas entitled "Oh Holy Crap"...or was it "Unholy Night"? I don't remember. Also, not sure I posted it on a Wednesday, but oh well. I do the same thing when I'm bored (writing poems in my head). That's actually how the cat one got started. It turned out so funny that I also composed one for the dog, one for the hubby, and one for the people who made the hair dye that I tried out (hint: rhymes with Plairol) that was supposed to make my blonde hair a pretty brown, but turned it red instead.

Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Posted by: mouse | February 14, 2007 01:17 PM

I'm glad I'm not the only one who rhymes when I'm tired/frustrated/stuck in traffic. The other night I was writing a story for my English class and I kept coming up with couplets, much to the frustration of my teacher.
Also, thank you for giving me carnation hope.
Have a nice Valentine's day!

Posted by: Zuzu | February 14, 2007 01:41 PM

I know he doesn't care, but I love Bo! He makes you write some very funny stuff.

Posted by: Mrs X | February 14, 2007 03:50 PM

Was anyone else able to stop the lilting rhymic reading of this story after the poeme?

Posted by: Scottsdale Girl | February 14, 2007 04:03 PM

Hmmm. Maybe that's why I hate carnations - I never got one on my locker either!

Posted by: Madame Pocklock | February 14, 2007 04:18 PM

I never got a carnation from my high school "Valentines Annual Popularity Contest" either. And I still secretly hate all of my imagined secret admirers who never secretly bought me a secret carnation.

After the poem (brilliant!), I couldn't read the rest of the post because it didn't flow with the beat and it didn't rhyme. And now I am at work trying to type these safety minutes into limerick form:

Rob works at Nicomen Slough
He has 49 guys on his crew
They all wear safety glasses
And are now taking classes
To learn how to clean the portable loo

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!

Posted by: Vicky | February 14, 2007 04:31 PM

You poem is awesome.

Junior high candygrams and wilted carnations, on the other hand, are not.

Posted by: Fraulein N | February 14, 2007 04:50 PM

Yeah, I was also carnation free for several years as a teenager, but now I have Pookie, who sends me big fat bouquets that make carnations look like a pile of dachsund poop on a coffee table. So it's all good now.

Also, did you know that Bo is a really bad dog? Because he totally is. Just don't tell him I said so, because I am kind of scared of him.

Posted by: Contrary | February 14, 2007 05:11 PM

Man I love me some Rebel Yell. I thought I was the only one who drank that stuff.

Posted by: Carrisa | February 14, 2007 05:16 PM

Oh, Miss Doxie. It is so unfair that you are pretty, and talented, and arty, and a lawyer, and have many dogs, and currently living where snow isn't trying to kill you in your sleep.

The jealousy is oozing out of my pores like really cheap moisturizer.

Posted by: Holly | February 14, 2007 05:48 PM

five years ago I was the treasurer of my high school's student council, and thus was in charge of the sales of carnations. I sent a carnation to a guy friend who I kinda-sorta liked. nobody sent me a carnation. a week later the guy I sent the flower to asked me out. 5 years later I live with him.


and some time in the next 2-3 years he'll get his act together and we'll get married. or something.

Posted by: moonablaze | February 14, 2007 06:17 PM

Wow. Laughed so hard, my asthma flared up and I coughed up a lung. But not on the coffee table.

Read poem to hubby, who also laughed, and will give to my Mom, and so the poem goes on and on.....

Keep going, Doxie!!!

Your NP friend in FL

Posted by: shimfee | February 14, 2007 07:19 PM

You're hilarious! And awesome!

And, NO CARNATIONS for me either. I'm still traumatized. I'll sign your petition dude.

Posted by: shy me | February 14, 2007 08:11 PM

Oh. Table poop. The worst.

But LOVE the thank you cards! Already sent some out! Couldn't help myself! Thank YOU!

Posted by: Angel | February 14, 2007 08:30 PM

This is some fucking bullshit right here. How can one person be that hot and that brilliant at the same time? It's unfair. I demand an investigation.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, MD: you're the best writer in blogland. For reals.

Posted by: Dad Gone Mad | February 14, 2007 08:34 PM

"Bitch, you were warned."

Posted by: Amanda | February 14, 2007 10:29 PM

Oh how I hated Valentine's day. Well, hated in the way that I looked forward to it for weeks and bought those horrible tear apart cards and chalky candy hearts. Which I stuffed diligently in the envelopes for every student in the class - and subtly choosing those heart messages for the cute boys who I prayed would look at me one day. And hoping against hope that I'd get lots of cards - which I rarely did. *sigh* Maybe that's why I now ask hubby to not buy me anything for Valentine's day. No flowers. No candy. No card.

See what all those horrible teachers and Valentine's day "celebrations" did to me? Scarred for life!

Posted by: Megan | February 14, 2007 11:44 PM

OMG! I an soooooo glad I'm not the only person emotionally scarred for life by never getting one of those bloody carnations in high school. I hate V-day to this very day. (boo-hoo, sniff, sniff) Anyway, I can't believe the wretched taste of of ninnies at the Westminster picking a PBGV over the dachshund. It's rigged, I tell you. Since 1924 only three hounds ( NO Dachshunds!) have ever won BIS, the last in 1983. I think we ought to send Bo over to poop on the judge's coffee table.

Posted by: Sharon | February 15, 2007 02:36 AM

Delurking to thank you for the Valentine's Day cards that you made. They cracked me up and brought back a lovely memory of an unfortunate incident our doggie had with chocolate covered strawberries a couple of years ago. When the vet was inducing vomiting she said that her office had never smelled so good. Yum.

So, thanks, and sorry about the poop.

Posted by: Timi | February 15, 2007 05:08 AM

That poem was life-altering- it allowed me to stare at my computer and giggle whilst some radical dude in my office continued to crack bad jokes thinking that I was laughing at him. I'm passing it to my friend who just got two adorable, long haired doxie puppies (you can see pics of them on my blog =) and is suffering thru deciphering each one's poop face right now (is she, is she gonna poop? she's smelling around a lot, is she gonna poop? should I put her out? I think she's gonna poop...man, why hasn't she pooped yet?) Your wonderful poem brought me out of lurker status and I thank you for that. Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day!

Posted by: jena | February 15, 2007 10:50 AM

I knew Valentine's Day was going to suck (I'm recently single after many years and still a very bitter singleton) but I was a little wrong! I cannot thank you enough for A: the hysterical laughter, and B: a reason to associate V-Day with poo. Perfection!!! Oh yeah, I've never been the teeniest bit happy that I went to an all-girls school, but that carnation-in-the-locker bullshit? Are you for serious??? SHUDDER.

Posted by: missbanshee | February 15, 2007 11:07 AM

Yet another who never received a carnation in school.

Bo is evil. How do you live with him? Mine will pee on the corner of things, but to jump on the table to poop? That is one seriously evil dog.

Posted by: Josie | February 15, 2007 11:42 AM

Love, love, love the poem!!

Now just imagine, no carnations, and Valentine's Day is your birthday!!!

Or better yet, being single for many years on Valentines Day, with your Valentine's Day birthday. Except when you are of drinking age and all of your wonderful single friends will more than happily go out and party with you all night long!!

This year was an exception, the wonderful boyfriend gave me lots of wonderful things...and better yet, yesterday was Valentines Day for me, and today is my birthday celebration!

Posted by: Wendy | February 15, 2007 01:33 PM

What a great day to find your blog! My pal Cat recommended I come over to visit since I love doxies and I just sent in a deposit for a baby black and tan mini we're calling Lucy. We had to put down my baby Harley who was a red mini. I had him for 12 1/2 years and I just loved him. I am still sad and miss him every day.

I'll definitely be back! Loved the rap! And I agree, Midieval Times sucks.

Posted by: mandy | February 15, 2007 05:28 PM

"piss like a tropical squall"...haha love it!
love the new store layout too...i featured it on my blog last week :)

Posted by: jamie | February 15, 2007 07:54 PM

Oh man, thanks a lot for reminding me about those horrible carnations! It was pure torture.

I have a good poop-on-a-table story. When I was 18, I worked at JC Penneys as a "sales associate". We used to find all kinds of stuff in the dressing rooms. Pissy diapers, tampons, spooge... (Is that how you spell that? I always pictured spooge having a "Z" in it for some reason.) Anyway, the funniest and gross-est thing I saw working there was this... You know those round clothing racks with the round display table on top? Well, somebody actually pooped up there on the display table. We figured it must have been a disgruntled security guard or cleaning person. (I'm laughing as I type "disgruntled" because sometimes people grunt when they poop. I know. I'm not normal.)

Posted by: DippyChick | February 15, 2007 09:34 PM

Thank you, thank you and thank you, Miss Doxie, just for being your almighty freakin' wonderful self. I read your limerick at work and LOVED it. Then stayed up late last night, and when I dragged my weary self into bed about 1:30, I found that my longhaired mini dox Jimmy, whom I thought to be trained well enough to cease such behavior, had turned my pillows, blankets, sheets and mattress into not just a soppy smelly mess, but a virtual waterbed of piss. (I should have known, because he is, after all, a dachshund.) Dealing with the aftermath kept me up considerably later. Where else but here could I bring such a tale of woe? I know you, and indeed all of Doxiedom, understand.

Posted by: sharon | February 15, 2007 11:34 PM

Ah, I can't believe the frequency with which we're getting Doxie posts these days? It's as if she loves us!

I had this cycle for the longest time where I would break up a relationship right BEFORE valentines day, and end up in another a bit AFTER, so I was always single on VD. It was cool though..the past two years I've been with my farthead, and they've been uneventful, but nice.

You got Bo pictures for VD! That trumps all our silly gifts =/

And from me, for St. Valentine's, I give you, Miss Doxie.....well. Nothing, but it's totally the thought that counts! Don't judge me.

Posted by: Kate | February 16, 2007 06:42 AM

Ah! Poop on the table is no way to serve a meal... silly Bo. He needs Etiquette school!

Posted by: Amie | February 16, 2007 09:20 AM

Miss Doxie, LOVE your posts.........always! My 2 doxies poop whenever and wherever they want, but they ALWAYS pee on our bed when I forget to tell/ask them when we will be out for an extended period of time.
My old crabby cat once peed in my crabby, old Father in Laws suitcase.......just for fun! Actually that still cracks me up!
Not to brag or anything, but I always got flowers from secret admirers in High School, my husband still yells at me about that!! Like I planned it or something.......jeez!
Went to Medevile Manor in Boston yrs ago, waste of $$$ and virtually no fun to be had.
I wrote a poem about "What I learned about painting the bathroom, with help from 2 Doxies", I'll send it to you if you want!
HAHA
Thanks again for the laughs
jp

Posted by: Judy | February 16, 2007 09:43 AM

You are so insanely funny. Thanks for sharing. :c)

1) That Medieval Times is, like, 14 inches from my house. I can't believe you were so close to my house! It feels kind of like being a line cook and getting to eat the garnish off Peter O'Toole's unfinished plate.

2) We went to the same high school! That said...

3) The carnation thing? They changed it, apparently! I graduated in 2002, and in my day everyone sent carnations to whomever, and they got delivered in homeroom. So pretty much everyone got one, because a carnation meant "you have a friend, good for you!" and not so much "you are a particularly sexy fifteen-year-old with whom I would like to procreate, just as soon as I learn how."


As for junior high dances...don't even PRETEND that Mr. Moseley's gym didn't Do It For You. You know what I'm sayin.

Posted by: Cassiopeia | February 16, 2007 04:02 PM

You are so insanely funny. Thanks for sharing. :c)

1) That Medieval Times is, like, 14 inches from my house. I can't believe you were so close to my house! It feels kind of like being a line cook and getting to eat the garnish off Peter O'Toole's unfinished plate.

2) We went to the same high school! That said...

3) The carnation thing? They changed it, apparently! I graduated in 2002, and in my day everyone sent carnations to whomever, and they got delivered in homeroom. So pretty much everyone got one, because a carnation meant "you have a friend, good for you!" and not so much "you are a particularly sexy fifteen-year-old with whom I would like to procreate, just as soon as I learn how."


As for junior high dances...don't even PRETEND that Mr. Moseley's gym didn't Do It For You. You know what I'm sayin.

Posted by: Cassiopeia | February 16, 2007 04:14 PM

You know, if this lawyer thing doesn't work out, I bet Medieval Times would hire you on as a wandering minstrel. You should put the limerick to some lute music and record it.

Posted by: Kanigget | February 17, 2007 05:28 PM

OMG -- I laughed until I had tears streaming down my face. You are too freakin' funny, and you are brilliant with the rhymes. Also, I'm with you on the carnation front. I never got one. You may not be bitter, but I AM!!! BITTERBITTERBITTER!

Bo and my dachshund, Roscoe, are clearly related. He frequently pees out of spite, and if I let him read your site, he'd take Bo's lead and start pooping on coffee tables, too. This morning, Roscoe was upset at my other dog (Leo) so he lifted his short little leg and relieved himself right on Leo's foot.

Posted by: Leesavee | February 17, 2007 09:45 PM

Once back in the Dark Ages when I was in high school, I was running late while getting dressed to go out with my friends. Grabbed my purse and coat then ran to the closet to cram my feet into my shoes...left one was too short? My dog had pooped in my shoe! Totally grossed me out. Had to throw out shoes, stockings, and wanted to amputate my foot.
Loved the poem. To bad Dukay didn't know you back then. He could have bought you a carnation.

Posted by: mackmomma | February 18, 2007 05:31 PM

At least you didn't step in it!!!

Posted by: Amie | February 19, 2007 09:50 AM

Not only are you hysterically funny (and smart) but you are also ridiculously pretty too. And Bo is a very handsome fellow.

Now for an important question: Does the poop Bo leaves on the coffee table compare in olfactory intensity with that ejected at the vet's office?

Just for the record, doncha know!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | February 20, 2007 02:05 PM

Ok, so after reading all the comments, I just have to say: who the hell DID get all the damn carnations? I sure didn't, and it doesn't sound like anyone else in the comments did either. Where are the carnation-getting, attention-whoring, snotty beyotches that ruined everyone else's V-day? Apparenly, they are not cool enough nowadays to read Miss Doxie, mores the pity. I am thinking carnation-y thoughts to all you faithful Miss Doxie readers! Happy belated Valentines Day!

Posted by: parp! | February 21, 2007 01:22 AM

Also, "apparenly" I can't spell. Apparently.

Posted by: parp! | February 21, 2007 01:23 AM

Those little white paper hole thingys are called "paper assholes"....that's okay to say here isn't it???? Okay - good job kids! Go Bo.

Posted by: Cakes | February 21, 2007 06:50 PM

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