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Coming! Coming!

January 08, 2007

I know, I know! It is blank, and I am awful, and I haven't even told y'all about Christmas, or New Year's, or whether Bo got his virgins (no) or anything else in the world that is important, but I've been out of town for forEVER doing an investigation. And I'm about to head out again, but this time it is only for a day, so we are glad.

I've been working on an entry about all the festivities, and I will have it up just as soon as I can, but I didn't want y'all to think I'd up and died or something. And then I had this really strange dream last night where my whole website caught some crazy artificial-life internet virus and took on a personality all its own, and entries started showing up that I hadn't even written, and in those entries I was portrayed as sort of a mix of Joan Collins and Che Guevara (i.e., a revolutionary bitch). And it was very perplexing to me. As it would have been to anyone, really.

In addition to the investigation, I have also been trying really hard to figure out how to edit a video from our New Year's Eve party. This video is hugely entertaining to me, but I think it is maybe a little bit hard to hear, so I thought, "Well, I will just add captions to this video, which will not be hard, and then I will post it on my site and it will continue to be hugely entertaining to me, while only vaguely entertaining to others, but, hey." Only, that sentence there is evidently the height of folly, because "adding captions to mpg" has turned out to be the most complicated endeavor ever attempted by modern man, on par with air traffic control and dismantling a nuclear warhead. So, one of these days maybe I will figure it out and then we can all witness the climax of our New Year's Eve festivities, which involved (1) fire (2) the breaking of several laws, ordinances and moral codes, including the golden rule of "give a hoot, don't pollute" (but, we only sort of accidentally polluted! Don't tell...Smoky the Bear? I forget which animal enforces that particular rule. Is it an owl? Is it the same owl from the Tootsie Roll commercial? You know, the owl with the mortar board and...glasses, I think? Is that the polluting owl? If it isn't, do you think they are related? Do you think I should move on and not think so much about cartoon owls?) and (3) the Ride of the Valkyries, on a boom box, God help us all.

So, that is that, and now I am off for extended investigation fun. Y'all have a good afternoon, and if Che Guevara, Joan Collins, or a woodland creature wearing a park ranger's hat comes looking for me, please tell them I moved to Finland. To ride with those Valkyries.

Posted by doxie in General Whining | permalink


As long as Bo gets to meet the owl(s)...that would make for a fun story book...complete with Bo teeth and drawings! And mortar boards! Happy investigating. In Alaska. Or at the air tower. Either one...

Posted by: Luck O' the Irish | January 8, 2007 11:51 AM

Okay, I changed my mind. No more Alaska! Now I am going to Finland to be with the Valkyries, which is where I assume Valkyries live.

I have updated the entry accordingly. Alaska is just too Valkyrie-less.

Posted by: Miss Doxiem | January 8, 2007 11:55 AM

Wasn't it Woodsy the Owl who had the "give a hoot" tagline? I think he was second cousins (twice removed) from the tootsie roll owl.

Posted by: paganmonstersuz | January 8, 2007 12:23 PM

Yes, it's Woodsy the Owl (http://www.fs.fed.us/spf/woodsy/) and, apparently, his new motto is "Lend a Hand--Care for the Land".

You say that's enough useless information for the day? OK, I'll go now.

Posted by: Linda | January 8, 2007 12:30 PM

I had a dream last night that I played Cranium with the Olsen twins.

Posted by: mom on a wire | January 8, 2007 12:31 PM

Wait - one more comment. I wonder what someone who's visiting Miss Doxie for the first time thinks about "whether Bo got his virgins (no)". The possibilities are endless!

I'm really going now (really).

Posted by: Linda | January 8, 2007 12:34 PM

I really, really hope you can figure out those captions because witnessing a Doxie New Year's Eve would have to be VERY entertaining. As a matter of fact, I think for next year you should do some sort of live-streaming thing so we could all get in on the action. And the beauty of that (for me) is that, living in California, I could still celebrate 'east coast new year' at 9pm and continue my tradition - since the kids were born - of getting to bed well before 11pm on that night. Vicarious partying!

Posted by: catherino | January 8, 2007 01:00 PM

YAY! Miss Doxie is back :D I almost keeled over in my chair the page was BLANK! Been dying to know if Bo got his virgins or not...haha Mom gave me the same brown trow for Christmas and that's how Boyfriend treats it...LOL

Posted by: MISS JAMIE | January 8, 2007 01:04 PM

If you have a friend with a Mac, adding captions is super easy in iMovie. I bet Ziz knows a bunch of people who could do it for you, since owning a Mac and knowing basic editing is practically a requirement for residence out here.

Posted by: Gwen | January 8, 2007 01:34 PM

What about the crying Indian dude? You probably made him very sad.

But it's okay because I accidentally threw a pear out my car window the other day...I won't even try to explain why, but it involved a mushy spot and a spider.

Posted by: Sue | January 8, 2007 02:28 PM

Um, wait. The Indian is sad when we litter. Which is what I did. And what you did not do. So we have together offended two of the friends of the woodland...gah. Surely we will burn in hell.

Posted by: Sue | January 8, 2007 02:30 PM

I think all owls are related, aren't they? Hmmm. Now I want a Tootsie Pop.

Posted by: DippyChris | January 8, 2007 02:34 PM

Joan Collins is actually in San Diego for her Legends musical this week. I think she plays a bitch, minus the revolutionary part, which I personally think is a great spin! Should be fun! Happy 2007...

Posted by: VeeBeeWhy? | January 8, 2007 02:41 PM

Now all I can picture is the famous Che Guevara silhouette … but drawn with Joan Collins’ face. And that is just creepy on so many levels.

Posted by: Maria | January 8, 2007 03:04 PM

You can throw food out the car window because birds and furry creatures will eat it. Just be sure it is 100% food and no wrappers or things that won't decay. Also check back in 5 years there might be a pear tree growing there. When I was 14 I threw a peach pit out the window on the way to my Grandmother's burial. There is now a beautiful peach tree on the side of the road to cemetery. I think of my Grandmother every time I pass it.

Posted by: mackmomma | January 8, 2007 03:28 PM

I'm going to be waiting on pins and needles for the video; I could totally use a good laugh, and you always make me laugh until tears are springing from the corners of my eyes.

Posted by: Jessie | January 8, 2007 03:37 PM

Hello! I hear that it's De-Lurking Week, so therefore, I have decided to do just that. In addition to finally showing my face, I thought I would also add that I absolutely looooove your writing style and hearing about your bad weiner dogs. I hope you're having a fantastic 2007!

Posted by: dianabanana | January 8, 2007 04:41 PM

Yep, that's true about the pollution. In college we always used to say you could only commit suicide by leaping out of the window if you first removed all your clothes-- only "articles of nature." Woodsy would approve. Also Bo.

Posted by: pennyhoney | January 8, 2007 04:57 PM

Miss Doxie, I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now, and it always cracks me up! You're a wonderful writer and an excellent story-teller at that. I'm sorry Bo didn't find any virgins, and I do believe the two owls are related, a friend of mine and I debated this topic for an hour once, and we figured out they're cousins or something. I'm looking forward to your next post and to the NYE video.

Posted by: daveycole | January 8, 2007 05:24 PM

Mackmomma, I just love your Grandmother peach tree story. It almost made me cry. Or, maybe it's hormones.

Just delurking to say that. Carry on.

Posted by: Cilantro | January 8, 2007 06:19 PM

OMG, ME! ME! Pick ME!

I can't believe no one else has chimed in about this yet: It's WOODSIE Owl who says that!! The poluting phrase. Smokey the Bear's schtick is "Only you can prevent forest fires." (He never was as much fun. Really.)

Ahem. Yes, I watched WAY too much television as a child in the 80s... sigh.

Posted by: Zee | January 8, 2007 11:19 PM

Ok. So are any of these owls related to the one that was on H&R PuffnStuff?? What about the owl from bambi? And big mama the owl from Fox and Hound. Oh hell who knows maybe we all should just sit back and puffsomestuff.
Glad to see you back Ms. Doxie. I was begining to wonder if Bo had taken over the computer to surf for virgins and wouldnt let you have access.

Posted by: Tami | January 8, 2007 11:38 PM

YAY!!!!!! My excitement knows no bounds!

Posted by: Louly | January 9, 2007 11:12 AM

Try Windows movie maker. It's very easy to put captions in and it gives you a storyboard preview at the bottom of the screen so you can even time how long each caption is on the screen. Also, you can add your own music for the festiveness :) Hope I helped a wee bit

Posted by: Kimber | January 9, 2007 11:40 AM

Pretty sure it's the glasses owl...I think....Can't wait for you to get that video figured out so we can see the Dox in real time...Awesomeness would be the word i'm sure!

Posted by: Bethany Coffey | January 9, 2007 11:44 AM

Just a thought to all y'all: My late mother - who was very smart - said it took TALENT to be a bitch. Since I am now older than my late mother was when she died, I have lived a looonnnnnnng time and have found it to be true. Therefore, like me, Miss Doxie, you are VERY talented.

About the Che Guevera part - probably not so much.

You never answered my question - would Bo know what to do with a virgin if he got one?

Posted by: Gayle Miller | January 9, 2007 11:48 AM

I'd guess that if Bo got himself some virgins, he would sacrifice them in a complicated ritual to Nemesis, the Ancient God of Divine Vengeance, in hope that I will finally be turned into a little grease spot on the floor because I keep on refusing to give him Snickers bars.

Either that, or he would pee on them. Delightedly.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 9, 2007 11:56 AM

I have spent several minutes trying to determine why you would be thinking of both Joan Collins and Che Guevara and can only surmise that this has been some sort of episode brought on by the cancellation of The OC and recent viewings of Dynasty, Footballer's Wives and/or the Lifetime Movie Network. All of which blend bitches fighting for social freedom, usually via bedazzled clothes and fabulous insults. That's gotta bit it, right?

Posted by: Morgan | January 9, 2007 12:15 PM

"Help Woodsie spread the wooorrrd: Never be a dirty bird! In the city or in the woods, help keep Americaaaaa looking good!"

My husband and I reenacted the "you got chocolate in my peanut butter!" commercial for my son last night at dinner, also. I knew all that TV watching would pay off eventually.

Posted by: laura | January 9, 2007 01:28 PM

The Tootsie Roll owl appear to have a large arrow shooting out the top of his head. Is that supposed to be a mortar board?


For some reason, when you said the owl with the mortar board, I thought of the Little Professor calculator (yes, I am old), but it appears that the L.P. calculators did not have owls on them, but rather old white men with glasses and a mortar board.


This comment has no point. Thank you.

Posted by: Lawyerish | January 9, 2007 07:56 PM

If you download Avid Free DV you should be able to upload your video and use the title tool to put captions on it. Then you can export it as a quicktime that you can upload to the internet.

Good luck! lol


Posted by: sumsunshyne | January 9, 2007 10:02 PM

Peeing on virgins? There's probably a fetish site somewhere on the internet where Bo could get his kicks, if that is his "thing"!

Thank you, Lawyerish, for reminding me of the fact that I, too, am old. I had a Little Professor calculator also.

Good luck in your investigating, Leigh!


Posted by: Leesavee | January 10, 2007 12:26 PM

Sigh. Sad for Bo. We must soon take up a collection to find Bo a virgin... hee!

I don't know which is more entertaining - Miss Doxie's posts [love ya!] or reading the comments - y'all crack me up and I have found so many fun blogs to read from just visiting here.

Favorite line today? "I dreamt I played Cranium with the Olsen Twins" ....bwahahahahahahahaha....

....I just know I am going to dream that tonight!

Hugs to all!

Posted by: SkippyMom | January 10, 2007 12:48 PM

Bo getting a virgin truely would have made for a great entry...sigh, too bad.
However, I did nominate you for the 2007 bloggie awards! Here's hoping you win!

Posted by: KaraMia | January 10, 2007 07:09 PM

In lieu of it being "DELURKING" week (or so I've heard, over in blog land) You are supposed to comment on blogs you read all the time but never say anything. I have commented maybe ONCE, but I wanted to take the time and let you know even though I don't comment, I READ you all the time, and LOVE THIS BLOG! so, um, thanks.

Posted by: meleahrebeccah | January 10, 2007 07:59 PM

OK, one of you good-at-Photoshop types needs to create a "Bo-kyrie"

Posted by: jive turkey | January 11, 2007 11:27 AM

I nominated you for a 2007 Bloggie Awards too Leigh. Good luck!

Posted by: insidesign | January 11, 2007 11:41 AM

Now you know you shouldn't have said anything about that video. People will email you constantly now, asking where it is. Like the time you posted that thing about El Dukay writing the story of how you met. That took months.

Posted by: Meagan | January 11, 2007 05:33 PM

Miss Doxie...Miss Doxie

Email me...stat.

It's oh so important!

Posted by: Boomer | January 14, 2007 12:20 AM

Hope you are enjoying the MLK, Jr. holiday and working on your vid-ay-o!

We are still waiting. More or less patiently.

Still. Waiting.

Posted by: Frog Princess | January 15, 2007 02:35 PM

awesome link about jack bauer

Posted by: tr | January 16, 2007 11:09 PM

Non sequitur: Cutie purse you might like. :)

Posted by: Mymsie | January 17, 2007 10:36 AM

Leigh, you MUST post about 24. Jack killing a man with his teeth??? NEEDS DOXIE ANALYSIS.

Posted by: Danielle | January 17, 2007 10:53 AM

WAITING.......... WAITING.............

Posted by: Judy | January 17, 2007 11:58 AM

So which laws, ordinances and moral codes were broken?

Posted by: invinible | January 17, 2007 05:04 PM

Where....are.....you. Seriously. I. Need. More. Bo. and movies. I have good movies on my blog. We could have a "who looks dumberer in a movie" contest. It would be way cool.

Posted by: Kate | January 17, 2007 09:53 PM

Blank! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!!! Girl, did you up and die? Save me from these Southerners feeding me grits!!!!!

Posted by: missbanshee | January 18, 2007 02:15 PM

Blank. It's now blank. And we are sad. ^^^^^^ SEE?!?! That girl above me thinks you DIED! Is that fair?!?!?! Is it really fair to make us wait so long?

We're gonna start acting like Bo with the water glass. We, all of us, are going to wait outside your door on our haunches and whine in a "I'm-dying-and-it's-all-your-fault" type fashion until you post again.

Really. We discussed it.

Or. You know. I made it up. Whichever.

Posted by: Kate | January 18, 2007 03:14 PM

Gosh, one of the best things about visiting here are the cool comments by us Doxie groupies. We are a rather quirky bunch, are we not? I expect the oddness rubs off when one comes in contact with Bad Wieners.....Best wishes from me and Ginger the Reasonably Good Wiener.

Posted by: Sharon | January 19, 2007 05:08 PM

Does the white screen of death ever make you all think that maybe Miss Doxie has grown up and put away such childish things as being the SOLE REASON SOME OF US GET UP IN THE MORNING? What are we going to do on that black day when she doesn't post anymore? Is that today? Miss Doxie? HELLO?

I can't take it! I have to go re-read the archives for the forty-billionth time.

Posted by: parp! | January 19, 2007 05:32 PM

haha Sharon..."Doxie Groupies", that's awesome! Yes, we're in this together; guess we'll just have to wait until she throws us a bone..."sigh"...Come on Miss Doxie, we miss you, Dukay and the wieners!!

Posted by: JAMIE | January 20, 2007 08:26 AM


Posted by: ANON | January 21, 2007 08:02 PM

alright. It's time for a search party.

Posted by: Louly | January 22, 2007 02:47 PM

Seriously, Leigh, it's search party time. And I'm not talking fun-time party with wine. I'm talking big non-Doxie dogs and CSI shit, here.

Posted by: missbanshee | January 22, 2007 03:48 PM

Search party? I think this is a job for JACK BAUER!

Leigh, we're starting to get worried about you...

Posted by: Leesavee | January 23, 2007 11:55 AM

Did...did you get eaten by a Valkyrie?

Posted by: Kate | January 23, 2007 04:25 PM

do we smell?

Posted by: ylime | January 23, 2007 10:55 PM

Is there something nasty in our teeth?

Posted by: Louly | January 24, 2007 08:38 AM


Posted by: Kate | January 24, 2007 10:14 AM

Are you okay?

Posted by: Susan | January 24, 2007 01:01 PM

I'm feeling very weinerless here. Miss you!

Posted by: DippyChick | January 24, 2007 05:43 PM

Well, I am glad I stumbled into this part of the Miss Doxie site http://www.missdoxie.com/Culture.html for those of you who haven't been there, it's her 'old dogs' blog and it's been tiding me over for now...[thank god!]

Posted by: jamie | January 24, 2007 10:41 PM

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