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Technical Difficulties, Technically

August 28, 2006

ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH is the sound I have made sixteen jilliion times this week, as I complete writing YET ANOTHER entry for this site, and then I watch as it promptly dies and deletes itself upon uploading, and babies cry and puppies whimper and the world collapses in on itself and we are left in another black hole. Or maybe I am exaggerating, and it is not exactly an event of such catastrophic magnitude, but it is totally pissing me off anyway. Also pissing me off: the damn comments are totally not working again. PAIN.

So, I am going to have to try to figure out what the hell is wrong with these various issues (oh, and, also screwed: e-mails, apparently, but I think I've got that fixed), but in the meantime, the comments are dead, and maybe this is about to delete itself, but frankly, I think I will survive all of that because know what, Internet? Know what? I'm on damn VACATION. SO SCREW IT.

Hello! Hi you guys! I am at the beach! I am not working for two whole weeks, and instead I am going to drink tropical beverages and try to get some tan on my fish-belly-white legs, and I am not going to think about briefs or filings or motions or anything, and Dukay is coming to meet me here soon, and so is Ziz, and for now I am with my parents and every once in a while I kind of whimper and hold out my glass and say, "Eeeeeemmmpty," and someone (hi Dad!) pours more wine in there, and it's totally awesome.

Equally awesome is the fact that this year, unlike last year, there is no deadly hurricane hanging out with us at the beach. This year it is all sunny, and the dreaded sea ook is safely inside the ocean, not crawling around on the beach all Night of the Blob-like, swallowing up pomeranians and toddlers and being generally unpleasant. This year, we just have sand. It is WAY better this way.

SO. I'm at the beach, and I'm with my parents at the moment, and it is sunny and gorgeous, and I will probably post sixty million pictures of the beach and all of our really rocking and important tasks here (Tasks for This Afternoon: Lie there. Turn; lie there. Hiccup.) and that will be super fun for all of us, I am sure. I do not have any rocking and important tasks or pictures or stories yet, though, because so far, all I have done is woken up. And, yes, I am aware of the fact that it is currently like 11:00 in the morning, but I do not think I am getting your point.

Although, I will say that yesterday I drove from Atlanta to Gulf Shores with my parents, in their car, in the backseat like a surly nine year-old who likes complaining, won't eat Krystal burgers, and who enjoys thinking lusty, probably sinful thoughts about Jon Bon Jovi (sigh), and I use this example because I totally remember having THAT exact vacation, circa 1986. That was the year I actually cut out JonJon's picture from my copy of Bop magazine, scotch-taped it onto the back of the driver's seat in the car, and proceeded to stare at it, transfixed, all the way from Atlanta to Florida. And, all the way, I refused sustinence in the form of Krystal burgers (whose child was I? Seriously), and all the way, I gazed lovingly at Jon, and then somewhere around the Keys, all love and lust turned to abject disgust when my mother absently looked at the picture, remarked, without joking, that "You know, I have always thought that guy had your father's face, and my haircut," and while I was rolling my eyes (Because, Eyerolling: The Official Passtime of a Nine-Year-Old Leigh) I caught a glimpse of Jon-Jon's eyes, and then Jon'-Jon's feathered, blonde hair, and at that second, something about his picture just...shifted, and holy God, yes. He DID look like my father, and that WAS my mother's haircut, and it was all...feathered and momish, and this ruined Jon, the beach, Livin' on a Prayer, and Bop Magazine for me for the rest of my life.

That...had nothing to do with the trip of yesterday, actually. That was...well, apparently, it was another example of a time I rode in the car. Relevant! Timely! I am just here to share.

Alright, I am going to try to post this, and I will be back ASAP, but right now, my mother is standing over me, saying, "But we need to goooooooo. We have to go to the groooooocery store. I don't wanna waaaaaaait anymore. I need to eat! I've gotta take my back pills!" etc., and I just told her that I was going to tell the whole entire internet that she eats fun for breakfast, and so she stuck her tongue out at me and said something really offensive about my origins on this planet, and now I kind of have to go.

I will be back soon, internet! And I will drink a lot of things with umbrellas, and seriously, I will do it just for you.

Updated, to say:

Look! Comments are working now. I left myself one and everything! Yay!

So, we have had dinner, and I have, for the third meal in a row, eaten and enjoyed a big old basket filled with fried shrimp, and have, for the second time in two days, ordered something that is called, on the actual menu, "The Big 'Un," which means that there are enough fried shrimp on the chosen platter to choke a horse, or gag a maggot, or some other metaphor/simile which ultimately leads you to understand that "there were a lot of fried shrimp that I ate." Please send me some larger pants.

Posted by doxie in The Innernet | permalink


Look who is working now, Mister Comment!

Posted by: miss doxie | August 29, 2006 12:45 AM

Well, I'm glad to see that you're getting some time off! Enjoy muchly, mmmk? And definitely drink an umbrella drink on my behalf, since I start classes again next week and no umbrellas for me.

Posted by: Heather | August 29, 2006 01:05 AM

Yay, Doxie on vacation! Drink a mai tai. And a pina colada. Those are my favorite umbrella drinks.

Posted by: Cara | August 29, 2006 01:10 AM

And Miss Doxie said "LET THERE BE COMMENTS."
And there were Comments.
And they were good.

Have fun on vacation. For you deserve it Miss Wreck Cars And No Longer Posts About Ikea And All Of It's Amazing Parts...Honestlyness.

AND WTF ARE THE DOGS? Are they at the Doggie Board? Or did you eat them? Or send them off to live with the Pallets of Doom? DID YOU TRADE THEM IN FOR FATTY FRIED SEAFOOD AND WINE?

Enquiring minds need to know.

Posted by: The Danny | August 29, 2006 01:25 AM

The dogs? I deep fried 'em, ate them with tartar sauce! Bo was a Big 'Un.

Actually, they are at the doggie boarding place (which, I would like to add, costs more per night than the condo where we are staying, hi), where they are snuggled and held by people who have snuggled and held them since they were born, and I am sure they are all not missing me in the slightest, but I am kind of mopey about the whole thing, because I MISS THE DOGS, OKAY?

Also, despite the fact that they are treated like fucking wiener royalty at this place, when we got there, Bo was still pissed as a motherfucker. Trouble awaits me when I return. I am buying supplemental insurance in preparation.

Posted by: miss doxie | August 29, 2006 01:45 AM


You don't want a repeat of LAST TIME...do you?

Posted by: The Danny | August 29, 2006 01:47 AM

"I left myself one and everything! Yay!"


Beach sounds good. Winter is drawing to a close here... roll on summer!

Posted by: daniel | August 29, 2006 01:59 AM

I really like the sound of 'wiener royalty'.
oh! Yes! Where was I? Happy holidays - you certainly deserve it.

Posted by: Chryseis | August 29, 2006 05:07 AM

Miss Doxie
Have a wonderful vacation! It's nice you can stand to be around your parents for 2 whole weeks, if I was w/ mine, I'd be having umbrella drinks for Breakfast!!! And I'm NOT kidding!
What killed my crush in 10th grade was when my Dad came home w/ a bottle of English Leather.........the same cologne my crush wore! UGH! and ICK!
Hope the weather holds for your entrie trip!

Posted by: jp | August 29, 2006 08:10 AM

I would send larger pants, but I am currently being far too jealous that someone other than me is on vacation. Have a fruity drink on the beach for me!

Posted by: Jessie | August 29, 2006 08:25 AM

Yaaay - vacations rock! And isn't the purpose to eat and drink stuff one doesn't normally consume? That's why *I* travel. Have a fabulous time and post often (please).

Posted by: Linda | August 29, 2006 08:58 AM

Why would your mom crush your JonJon love in such a horrid, horrid way? Evil Mom!

Want to feel old? Livin' on a Prayer was released about 20 years ago.

I will now go hide far, far away.

Posted by: tippy | August 29, 2006 09:00 AM

My DH works for Purina and sent me this link:


We thought you might get a kick out of the doxie video...Have a great vay-k!

Posted by: Lynnette | August 29, 2006 10:02 AM

Beach, drinks and fried foods. Three main ingredients to a sweet vacation!

Posted by: Morgan | August 29, 2006 10:22 AM

Have a great vacation!!

Posted by: Lilie | August 29, 2006 11:29 AM

I have been going through Miss Doxie withdrawals - so happy you are back to it.
I envision Bo drinking his own umbrella drinks while cursing you and plotting his poop revenge upon your return.

Posted by: Attention Whore | August 29, 2006 11:34 AM

Yay for beach vacations and Miss Doxie posts! Looking forward to pictures, although I'm not sure how you could top last year's.

Posted by: Catherino | August 29, 2006 12:12 PM

Welcome Back! I would send larger pants, but I think I need them here even though I'm not on vaca.

Posted by: Miss | August 29, 2006 12:48 PM

You are at the beach but I am here at work and every few minutes I get corporate e-mail warning me about Ernesto. I live in Oregon. I'm packing my shit.

Hope Ernesto comes up here and doesn't ruin your vacation. We need the rain (rampant wild fires).

Posted by: Suz | August 29, 2006 01:24 PM

So how did you fix your comments? Cause mine are all still busted.

Have fun! Don't rescue any pelicans!

Posted by: Hannah | August 29, 2006 01:41 PM

I was horrified at your JonJon crush-no-more-story! That has to be the saddest thing to happen to a 9 year-old since losing a molar! My teens without JBJ would've been a sad, sad time. In fact, being almost 30 and still a huge fan (and avid concert goer) is pretty much just as sad. (Sigh)

Happy Vacation!

Posted by: Allyson | August 29, 2006 02:24 PM

Hey, enjoy your vacation! I'm envious of your trip with your parents. I really enjoyed travelling with my folks as I got older--we had a great relationship as you seem to with your 'rents.

Here's hoping Bo's "growl-talks" aren't too hateful.

Posted by: shaxgirl | August 29, 2006 03:33 PM

Ok, so no hilarious bird saving post this year, but please tell me there will be another shark post, because, well, I've enjoyed that one more than is strictly reasonable. I can make myself snort just thinking about it. So, please, for my sake, endanger you and your dad again so that Ziz can get good and freaked out.

Posted by: Contrary | August 29, 2006 03:50 PM

I believe that's "fucking weiner royalty."

And, I'm starting to miss Bo myself. That durn dog.

Posted by: culotte | August 29, 2006 04:37 PM


I haven't thought about the phrase, "gag a maggot" in YEARS. Seriously, that just brought back my childhood.

Posted by: Allyson | August 29, 2006 06:17 PM

Glad you are having a good time!

Posted by: sammynella | August 30, 2006 12:10 AM

What is this Krytal Burger in which you speak? Is it as good as In N Out or Sonic (I think Sonic was good...I've only had it once, when I was in Tennessee a couple of years ago...)?

Burger stops are how you get through those long trips as a kid. OK, maybe JBJ is a better alternative...less calories!

Or not. Depends on what you do with him, I guess.

Posted by: a horrible warning | August 30, 2006 01:01 AM

Note to Leigh: Hi! Welcome back! Tell AB fix Doxie site!

Note to self: Read Leigh's blog entry before you e-mail her to say hey, what up, where are you?

Posted by: Gretchen | August 30, 2006 06:32 AM

Oh and I must add that whimpering and holding out one's glass is the accepted method of requesting a wine pour or a fresh cocktail at our house. One may also make vague scrabbling motions with the other hand while doing this. We don't even bother to speak a word -- WE JUST WHINE.

Posted by: Gretchen | August 30, 2006 06:33 AM

I am sending you some elastic for your vacation pants, so you can eat more shrimp!

Posted by: carmen | August 30, 2006 08:23 AM

Happy vacation! I just got back from Gulf Shores Sunday.

Posted by: Ronda | August 30, 2006 10:00 AM

DONT LET your mom NEAR Johnny Depp or she'll ruin me for life.....

Posted by: turtlesbirds | August 30, 2006 10:14 AM

Yay for vacations! Yay for Doxie on vacations - that makes for better stories than anyone else on vacations. Enjoy! Drink lots (not that you need me to tell you that) and have fun!

Our little family is doing a fundraiser for the Cancer Society @ http://www.muchmorethanamom.com/?p=328

As with most bloggers, you have, like, 299 875 more readers than I do, so I thought this would be a good place to pimp it ;-)

Posted by: Much More Than A Mom | August 30, 2006 11:03 AM

Could BO slip anthrax into your umbrella drink? I would be worried...just a little.

Posted by: Boomer | August 30, 2006 12:29 PM

I was soooooooo waiting on this Jon Bon Jovi story to turn into a Bershon post like dooce and Sarah B.

I wanna see Doxie Bershon!!

Posted by: Meezealeeze | August 30, 2006 12:58 PM

beach food = the best food!

when you lay out in the sun and start sweating away, you totally burn off all the calories from the bucket of fried stuff you had the night before so it is a totally win win situation.

Posted by: divinemissk | August 30, 2006 01:04 PM

You can get these for Bo upon your return!

When I heard about these I laughed my ass off. I'm surprised there hasn't been a cat and dog revolt!

Enjoy your umbrella drinks! Maybe I ought to stick an umbrella in my can of Sprite and pretend I'm on a beach instead of secretly surfing the internet at work.

Posted by: Sunni | August 30, 2006 02:42 PM

Hi Doxie-
Hope that you enjoy your vacay! Glad to see that the site is working!

Posted by: Jolene | August 30, 2006 03:31 PM

I'd be jealous but in just a little over a month this Ohio dweller will be meeting Sis (from Virginia) and some friends from L.A. in Las Vegas where we fully intend to embarrass ourselves on a minute-by-minute basis. When we aren't shopping for shoes!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | August 30, 2006 03:57 PM

Want (or need) more 80's flashback???? i saw Poison in concert last night, and I rocked out so hard that I think I permantly injured necessary bits of my body. Sigh.

Posted by: Erin | August 30, 2006 04:00 PM

You could try the rubber-band-on-the-pants trick. Attach it to your button & button hole. Or so I was told when I was pregnant, but then I was just too eager to wear my cute maternity pants.

Posted by: Peyton | August 31, 2006 02:18 PM

stop being so funny. it hurts.

Posted by: kate | August 31, 2006 06:55 PM

Truth be told, I don't think you'll ever need bigger pants.

Posted by: adambomb1973 | August 31, 2006 08:12 PM

hope your malady is chronic!

Confession: I would have eaten that one peach, down in the corner furthest from the bait germs.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban | September 1, 2006 02:56 PM

Dude, one of those Bop-type magazines totally ruined Brad Pitt for me all those years ago. I still remember the photo: a full-length shot, wherein stood Brad, in all his pouty, teenage, long-bangs-gazin', acid-washed-jeans-wearin' glory, captioned by the following phrase:

"Check it out - Brad's bod is rad!"

It was just so painfully contrived, even to twelve-year-old me, that I lost all respect for the guy, and turned my affections to Johnny Depp from 21 Jump Street. Ah, those were the days. *sigh*

Posted by: LSR | September 7, 2006 02:56 AM

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