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And Then Kubla Khan Said We Should All Just Look At A Puppy

July 25, 2006

If you have to work for a very long time, and then you finish everything and realize that, oh: now I kind of have nothing to do for a few days, then maybe you will do something productive with your random abundance of time. Maybe you will volunteer for the Peace Corps, or learn how to cook, or commune with nature in an outdoor fashion. Maybe you will take that opportunity to catch up on your pathetic emailing, because every time you even look at your inbox, the weight of the unanswered and unread mail makes your brain go hazy with terror. Or, hello, maybe you will just do some fucking laundry already, as you have pretty much reached the point where you are clothed only in a loincloth and hair, because nothing is clean, exactly NOTHING, and you are seriously considering just BUYING some socks and underwear instead of actually washing those which you already own, because that is the kind of laundry-backlog we are discussing. Maybe that is what you will do with your unexpected downtime.

Or. On the other hand, you could just sit on your ass and stare vacantly at the television set. You could cover yourself in a blanket of weiner dogs and eat Ben and Jerry's "Pistachio Pistachio" ice cream while watching the abomination that is the personage of Tori Spelling trying, in vain, to get her dumb self killed in the cinematic masterpiece that is Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? And, being that you know a thing or two about the Spelling family's recent drama (thanks, Us Weekly!), you kind of imagine that Candy Spelling would be all, "What, Tori? May you sleep with danger? Absolutely. Have a party. Sleep with a lot of danger, O Child Who Has Brought Shame Upon This Household, And I Am Not Just Talking About That Time You Played Screech's Girlfriend On Saved By The Bell." And that kind of makes you giggle, while you readjust your loincloth and weave pistachio shells into your unkempt hair. Maybe THAT is what you will do. Y'all just go and guess which one I chose.

Anyway, so sitting on my ass has been pretty uneventful, and so I don't really have much to share, but I am trying to resolve not to have any more Blank. It's like a New Year's resolution, even though it is currently July. Whatever. I am turning over a new leaf! Even if I have to write about Tori Damn Spelling, I'm posting something. I am sure everyone is breathless with glee over this prospect, because yes, that is what we have all desired: to see what random shit is lurking in my brain. Superb! Sounds like a fantastic plan! Off we go!

And actually, on that entirely self-absorbed note, have y'all ever just...gotten a phrase stuck in your head? Like, it is not really a phrase that makes sense at all, but just, like -- I don't know, some words? And you keep thinking them, and they keep popping into your head for no discernable reason, and you really, really wish that you had some excuse to say whatever it is out loud, because it just seems like that would be really, really satisfying?

...Y'all? Hello?

Okay, so maybe this has not happened to you, but it's been happening to me quite a bit lately. A few weeks ago, I couldn't stop quoting Samuel Taylor Coleridge, of all fucking people, and spent waaaaaay too many hours silently reciting "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan/ A stately pleasure-dome decree," which is actually a pretty good rhythm for Crazy, particularly if you kind of rock your body in sync to the words. While twitching. And when someone says, "Did you just say something under your breath?" you get to say, "Uh, I said 'In Xanadu did Kubla Khan/A Stately Pleasure Dome Decree', and then I kind of...you know, rocked," and maybe you will end up with medication. Score!

So, that was before. Now, the new phrase, which is far less literary, but equally pernicious, is: Participating Eyebrow. These are the words I cannot get out of my head. Participating eyebrow.

This phrase does not make any sense whatsoever, and I would venture to guess that nobody in the history of the world has placed these two words next to each other in such a fashion as to describe an eyebrow as "participating" (in what? Bocce?), but I am blazing new trails here. I have also decided that the phrase needs a definition, so I determined that when someone can raise an eyebrow in surprise, or in performing an impersonation of one-half of Jack Nicholson, the "Participating Eyebrow" is the brow that takes part in the action. It's the raising brow. It is the participating eyebrow.

Sadly, I have not had the opportunity to use the phrase, and it's annoying me. I think it would be peculiar to just walk up to someone on the street and say "Participating eyebrow!" but oddly, that is exactly what I feel like doing. I will probably get arrested.

I was trying to explain this phenomenon to our best friends, when one of them said that he'd had a similar phrase stuck in his head. After a trip to Whole Foods, he had found himself unable to stop thinking the words "throbbing purple eggplant." To which I said: Ew. And also: Excuse me while I share your dirty brain with the internet.

Now, that is just...disturbing. I mean, I might rock in rhythm to my mantra of eighteenth century poetry, but at least I am not some kind of vegetable pervert. I've got some standards, people! I mean, obviously I do. Lots of standards. Indeed, let's see what happens when I spill the contents of my brain on y'all poor unsuspecting people. In the prior paragraphs, I have discussed:

Participating Eyebrows
Throbbing purple eggplants
Tori Spelling

Yes. That is some deep shit, right there. Welcome to my brain: Less Bell Jar, and more Melting Pot.

So anyway, because this has been fucking fascinating, I am sure, I will leave you with this last bit of delightfulness, and maybe that will prevent angry people from sticking my head on a stake or something. Because, I have pictures to show you! They are not drawrings, but photographs (remember those? Photo entry!) and, frankly, y'all are maybe not ready for all this adorableness that is about to be all up on your computer screen. I mean, people -- are you ready for the snoogly? Because, I have brought you some snoogly.

But, first: minor backstory. I have to tell you about Darlene. Darlene is a charter member of the 24 Viewing Crew. As such, she comes to my house every Monday, drinks along at all the necessary words, laughs with the rest of us troublemakers until a very late and irresponsible hour, and sometimes has to sleep in a guest room. That is a pretty standard Monday for the 24 crew.

Now that 24 is over, though, we have all started watching Lost. None of us had seen it before, so I picked up Season 1, and we began at the beginning, as one does. That way, we can continue to hang out on Mondays, because really, the company is more important than the show.

(And oh, ew. Isn't that just such a mushy and saccharine little thing for me to say, here on this Tuesday morning? It totally is. 'The company is more important than the show!' Ugh. Listen, what I meant was, "the company is more important than the show, because Bo and I are working on a plan to skin them all and bake them into an enormous pot pie. Personally, I’m on this 'Ed Gein-meets-Martha Stewart' kick, and want to use their skulls as soup bowls (which I will then stencil!), but Bo thinks that we should make them into some lovely ceremonial hats. Anyway, will eat all the guests soon.")

(Or, possibly that is taking things too far in the other direction. Maybe threatening to eat your guests and make their skulls into soup bowls is really not nice. But maybe I am just not a very nice person. Tori Spelling, for example, probably thinks I am an enormous bitch.)

(Actually, now that I think about it, maybe none of this backstory was necessary. Hmm.)


So, we love Darlene, and Darlene loves us, and Darlene loves dogs, and Darlene’s awesome dachshund Benson died in May and it was horrible and bad, but then she had herself a birthday, and so…meet Jackson. And he is named for Jack Bauer, as it should be.


Hello. My hobbies include being squooshy, taking naps, and world domination.


Hello, human mother. I now own you, and you shall be a pawn in my master plan.


AHHH! WAIT. Put me down immediately! I have a master plan for world domination! I am not for cuddling!


Free at last, to roam the den like my wild dachshund ancestors! No cage can hold me!




ROAM ROA-well, helloooo, interesting greenish person.


Dammit! Captured! Stop picking me up, people! You are interfering with the master plan!


Although...perhaps a small snuggly.


But, no! I will not give in! Instead, I shall use violence to escape!




...and, snatched again. But NOT FOR LONG, SIR.


You shall now be distracted by my tiny adorable kisses!


HA HA MAN CAPTOR! You too have been fooled by my trickery! AGAIN I ROAM FREELY.


World domination, here I come! Jackson OUT.

(Five minutes later)


Or, I could just sleep on these boobs here. Whichever. Master planzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And thus ends the smooshy, the Xanadu, and the Tori Spelling. Let's hope those elements never again combine.

Y'all have a good week!

Posted by doxie in General Whining | permalink


This frequent posting shit has got to stop. Seriously. I was all set to support your baby name project with this link to Baby's named a Bad, Bad Thing, but when I flung myself through cyberspace to the place where all things Doxie are, I found some other post.

And then I just got sucked into the Tori Damn Spelling and those participating eyebrows and I was gonna have some witty comment about the whole smooshable mess but then you went and unleashed the Jackson. And now I can't remember anything beyond the part where Sweet Mother of Dog that pup is cute!

Sigh. You're killing me sweetheart ;-)

Posted by: sardogwill | July 25, 2006 03:13 PM

for the longest time i thought that i was the only freak (read: awesome person) that got phrases stuck in my head. the first time i can remember it happening was right after i saw the aweful move "the cell" and all the occupied my brain for weeks (weeks!) was "Vincent D'Onofrio" over and over and over and... more interestingly (is that a real word? it is now) was this catchy phrase: purple. because ice cream doesn't have fish bones. i have no idea where it came from but it has resided in my head for years popping it's freakish little head into my life every now and then just to make me wonder: what is going on?!

Posted by: itsabecky | July 25, 2006 03:23 PM

very cute puppy. but, more importantly, I, too, have had Kubla Khan stuck in my head....but, more recently, I spent all day telling my lovely and tolerant boytoy:
"Anchovies, anchovies, you're so delicious
I love you more than all the other fishes."

Which I think might come from an episode of "Buffy." I hope it's not from my head, because I actually hate anchovies.

Posted by: Amy | July 25, 2006 03:26 PM

How did the cavalcade of ancestor dachshunds deal with the new addition?

Was Bo all: "Don't worry, little man, I'm just a soft cuddly frie...GULP." (Ha ha, I ate the annoying puppy).

I ask because that is totally what my schnauzers would do. It's a part of their master plan for world domination.

Posted by: Ashley | July 25, 2006 03:28 PM

Officially, I now want a puppy. What was I thinking having a BABY?!? Dang, puppies are way cuter.

Posted by: HollyRhea | July 25, 2006 03:29 PM

Whatever you do, don't start thinking about Julie Andrews because then you'll remember Mary Poppins and the jolly Mr. Bert and then from the back of your mind you'll start hearing someone whisper chim chimery chim chimery and then it'll all over for you and you'll wander around the grocery store whispering chim chimery and people will throw their potatoes at you.

Posted by: mom on a wire | July 25, 2006 03:30 PM

I am completely dead of the cute. Want. Puppy. Now.

Posted by: Kiernan | July 25, 2006 03:33 PM

How funny that you had lines from a poem, allegedly written out of an opium-induced dream, obsessively stuck in your head. My obsessively-stuck-in-the-head phrases are less literary, and often rhyme with "cooter."

By the by, that puppy has no right to be that cute.

Posted by: karenology | July 25, 2006 03:39 PM

Is that little dog related to the mouse on that cartoon, "Pinky and the brain?" He was always searching for world domination as well...

Very cute. I have to stop coming here because it makes me want a dog. And I am a cat person!

When do we get to see more cartoons?

Posted by: Lani | July 25, 2006 03:40 PM

Omigod! Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp (the sound reserved for when one sees something so incredibely, heart-stoppingly, adorable, one can not actually express it in "real" words...!
You must check out this site I found this a.m.:
The best quote so far is, "My Doxie is wise...like a small furry buddha."

Posted by: Hillary | July 25, 2006 03:50 PM

You put a camera on Bo's head to get some of those shots, didn't you?

As you know, most of the world is experiencing a horrible heat wave. Our neighborhood dog park is empty since there is no running water, and it's basically right next to the very hot highway. No fun for the doggies.

Anyways, I just saw this totally hot guy walking down the street in some cheap ass khakis. They were so cheap, and it's so hot, that his ass sweat has made his pants transparent. It's horrible! I think he was either going commando or wearing a thong. I'll never know with out asking.

Just had to share that with you.

Mrs. MGA

Posted by: Mrs.MGA | July 25, 2006 04:00 PM

Your recent post too funny had me smiling at work....

I Love that you talk about the best show 24! Jackson aka Jack Bauer too cute!

Posted by: TV | July 25, 2006 04:16 PM

2 questions:

1) If it so hot, why do you need to wear socks?

2) Why do you make your guests sit in the fireplace?

Posted by: wendywoo | July 25, 2006 04:20 PM

Oh dear God, the puppy cuteness is too much. Just got a new Lab baby myself and can't. stop. taking. pictures. My dogs (and, actually, myself) wish I had that kind of rack to nap on! So, how did your dogs take to the little one?

Posted by: Fuzz | July 25, 2006 04:20 PM

At long last! A Miss Doxie post!! I was wondering if you got eaten or something. Good to see/hear you, and those Jackson pictures were too cute for words.

Posted by: Jo | July 25, 2006 04:32 PM

HOLY CRAP, that is one adorable dog. I want to put him on a bun and eat him.

I also get phrases stuck in my head. I found these delightfully hilarious talking monkeys at CareerBuilder.com and made them say a greeting to "my readers" (ha!). (You can check it out here if you want to.) So I kept saying "Hello Banana readers." in a British accent while walking around my condo. Over and over. Over and over. Thank god I live alone!

Posted by: Liberal Banana | July 25, 2006 04:45 PM

Next time I'm trying to fill that awkward silence during an eyebrow waxing (or to mask my squeals of pain), I could try :
"great job...the arch on my PARTICIPATING EYEBROW is looking good."

Posted by: lnxsquare | July 25, 2006 04:46 PM

I just want you to know that I have highly participatory eyebrows, and sometimes I post pictures of them.

And AWWW, JACKSON! Awwwww.

Posted by: laura | July 25, 2006 04:49 PM

He is so tiny! Love him to pieces!

Posted by: RSM | July 25, 2006 05:00 PM

That is just about the cutest little smooshy dog I have ever seen.

The one I get stuck in my head is a line from Waiting for Guffman: "California be a sight for THESE weary eyes!" said in appropriate screechy voice and all.

Posted by: Jen | July 25, 2006 05:06 PM

Adorable photo essay. So smooshable.

Posted by: stella | July 25, 2006 05:24 PM

Wow, okay, you need to meet one of my other fave bloggers, mimi smartypants. Doxie, Mimi. Mimi, Doxie. She just happens to have written something that COULD fall in the category of "participating eyebrow" here .

A while back I went to Empty Bottle to get my rock on and drink beer served by Eyebrow Girl, the bartender there who rarely speaks but just sort of raises her eyebrow at you. I guess that means "what do you want to drink," or at least I am going to pretend it does and continue to ask for beer when she does her eyebrow thing. In fact, from now on whenever anyone makes a gesture or sign that I don't fully understand, I will pretend that it means "what do you want to drink." And I will answer them cheerfully. And they will either give me beer or walk away shaking their heads. THUS I SPAKE.

P.S. to itsabecky: Vincent D'Onofrio! I had that one too! And now it's back, dagnabbit!

Posted by: marybindc | July 25, 2006 05:32 PM

I don't get phrases stuck in my head, just the stupidest damn songs on the planet such as the Dollop of Daisy sour cream commercial which is just a wee bit annoying after a couple of days - why oh why is it always that song? Possibly my sour cream needs to pair up with the throbbing purple eggplant? Now that right there would be a super sucky combination to have running through your mind repeatedly.

For the love of god could Jackson be one ounce cuter?

Posted by: Bevvy | July 25, 2006 05:33 PM

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, LOVE! Love for the squishy puppiness! I almost felt wistful for my doggie's puppy days, until I thought of all the peeing, pooping and wire-chewing. But still: SQUEE! For Jackson.

I totally get phrases stuck in my head. Like "Pennoyer v. Neff!" or "flugelbinder" (that one? is from "Cocktail" - woo!). I also often have a running narrative in my head about what I'm doing. It gets kind of freaky, and sometimes I think I have told people things but really I have just been thinking them a lot.

I'm nuts.

Posted by: Lawyerish | July 25, 2006 05:34 PM

I am a new convert. I love reading your stuff. You remind me a lot of my sister. She had a similar writing style before she became a corporate schill. *bows head in memory of pre-coprorate schill sister*

Posted by: CamelToeJones | July 25, 2006 05:35 PM

It never dawned on me how enjoyable it is to laugh at Tori Spelling. I think I've found a new hobby. Loincloth and Ben & Jerry's included, of course.

Posted by: kristachio | July 25, 2006 06:04 PM

K, fer serious, I should not be allowed to look upon baaaaaabby animals, ever, 'cos then I wants them.

I wants them BAD.

And this is Ungood, for I already live in a menagerie of three (large) dogs, one cat (who is admittedly lonely...), a SNAKE of all things, and also one rat [that the frelling snake refuses to eat].

And yet, I am now madly desirous of a teeny little doxie pupper. Despite being fully aware of the fact that my (large) dogs would eat it slap up.

Posted by: Pave.Gurl | July 25, 2006 06:25 PM

I tried that whole boob-sitting this with my cocker spaniel WAY BACK WHEN (prior to his untimely death). And it works "less well" with a 40 pound dog than it does a teeny daschound. Either way, I thiink the little guy looks more like an Edgar :) Extra squishy!

Posted by: Banana Esq | July 25, 2006 06:41 PM

I have been waiting approximately FOREVER for those puppy pictures. They were totally worth it. And just so you know, the "random shit lurking in your brain" is always worth posting. Any brain that can both write OSHA law books AND sit through Mother, May I Sleep With Danger has GOT to be an interesting place.

Posted by: Catherino | July 25, 2006 06:53 PM

OMG that's way more adorableness that you people deserve! I NEED to capture little Jack B and steal some of those adorably attentions myself. Your breaking my heart here...

Posted by: Becky F. | July 25, 2006 06:56 PM

AHHHHH!! The snoogliness!!!

You KNOW by the time we come up with a good way to unload "participating eyebrow" on the unsuspecting public for you, you'll have the lyrics to a King Missile song or some such stuck in your head instead.

Off to go find a British Lit book and figure out what Kubla what up to with those pleasure domes...

Posted by: holley | July 25, 2006 07:12 PM

OMG; have to go pick up my child before school closes but had to write very very quickly that I just peed my pants thanks to reading this: "CAMELTOEJONES." See entry five up from this one.


Will be back later to heap praise, admiration, and ahhhs for Doxie's latest post!

Posted by: nowwaitjustaminizzle | July 25, 2006 07:14 PM

So, are you saying there is something WRONG with buying new underthings to avoid doing laundry? Well, ARE you?

Also: Cutest. Puppy. Ever.

Posted by: Alexa | July 25, 2006 07:17 PM

A couple of years ago I walked around for several days with "Bobo Fett" stuck in my head. I could not get rid of it and, worst of all, didn't even know what it meant. Finally, I emailed all of my favourite nerds and was informed that BF is something / someone from Star Wars. Who knew?

There have been many, many other brain poisonous phrases, songlines and words...I just can't think of them.

Shhhhh! I don't want to wake them.

(Now who's mayor of Crazytown?)

Posted by: canknitian | July 25, 2006 07:39 PM

OH, no! I just walked through the living room where hubby is watching the military channel. The phrase, "newly-created japanese pacific empire" is now stuck in my head for who knows how long. It is rhythmical, you know. I hope it was referring to WWII.

Posted by: shimfee | July 25, 2006 07:40 PM

Okay. The snoogly made my head explode. THAT should totally be his master plan.

Posted by: Pammer | July 25, 2006 08:08 PM

Ooooooooooomygoodness! Sooooooooo cute and squooshy! Could Jackson be any cuter? I think so but I don't know how!

And woman.. you are the only person I know who can talk about absolutely nothing and make it that funny. Love it!

Posted by: Angel | July 25, 2006 08:10 PM

What a post! You put the "s" in syntax.

Posted by: daniel | July 25, 2006 08:26 PM

I usually end up with Lewis Carroll in my head:

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax. Of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings."

LOVE the new puppy! Wonder if he'll try to team up with Bo on that world domination thing?!?

Posted by: Ivie | July 25, 2006 08:59 PM

I lost my dog (her name.. Speedy) this past Spring. It was a horrible .... and I am pretty sure I cried harder then when Granma died. No offense to Granma... it's just well.. she was old, and we expected it. My dog, not so old... her death, not so expected. And Granma didn't give me sugars everyday when I came home and snuggle me like I was just THAT irresistable. So... my heart... broken. No replacement for me... NO I don't want a new puppy

Me now... OMG! Darlene has the male version of my new little girl daschund. She's adorable.. and dominates out Chocolate lab.

So.. let Jackson know.. the South.. is covered for world dominance. Word.

Her name? Well.. since you asked... Her name is Roxie.. Roxie the Doxie.

R.I.P. Speedy.

Posted by: Jo Baby | July 25, 2006 10:02 PM

OOOH! Soooo cute. You've out cuted cuteoverload with unbelievably precious dachshund puppiness.

Posted by: J. | July 26, 2006 12:09 AM

What a pretty puppy! They should bottle puppy breath smell and sell it at the mall. I can smell Jackson's puppy breath from here!

Posted by: Angela | July 26, 2006 01:36 AM

You know, it is SO funny about getting a phrase stuck in your head, because that happened to me just a little while ago. I'd been to my headshrinker, and the drug company reps must have been by a little while before, because he showered me with samples, sort of like the Tooth Fairy of Psychoactive Drugs. And so I came home to Ben singing:


(Ha, because now it's stuck in your head too. Her name was LOLAAAAAAAAA!)

Posted by: Gretchen | July 26, 2006 04:22 AM

Everyone at my house has a new phrase stuck in their head....it's been there all week: "Hubert Cumberdale, you taste like soot and poo!" It's from a freaky as shit internet cartoon called "Salad Fingers". It's awful! So of course I showed it to my best friend. She called me while I was sitting on the beach yesterday and screamed, "Hubert Cumberdale, ytlsap!" Then, what did I find in my inbox this morning? An email. With no subject. From her. Wanna guess what the first line was??? You got it! "Hubert......" It is the most addictive line I've ever heard. Are you repeating it yet? We've tried to figure out how to incorporate this idiocy into the name of the newly found kitten....black nose "Soot"?....Or just Hubert Cumberdale, but call him Mango for short....Ahhhhh, tis a puzzlement....

Posted by: kayrenleigh | July 26, 2006 07:36 AM

Oh, I had "Olympia Dukakis" stuck in my head for THE LONGEST TIME. And recently I just COULDN'T stop repeating to myself the phrase "The peace of the lord be always with you. And also with you." But I would say both parts, like:
"Self, the peace of the lord be always with you."
"Thank you, self. And also with you."

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | July 26, 2006 08:10 AM

Jackson is just the CUTEST puppy. The CUTEST!!

Posted by: spell_me | July 26, 2006 08:47 AM

Well, I was going to make a great comment, all funny and stuff, but now I have the sudden urge to go buy a puppy. Weird. Jackson is just too cute for words and I have to figure out how to keep my neighbors from ratting me out since we're not allowed pets in our apartment, but don't you think a small puppy would be cute enough to convince them to keep their mouths shut? I sure hope so!

Posted by: Jessie | July 26, 2006 08:48 AM

Oh my GOSH. Jackson is so eensy! And squishy! And adorable! And...and...oh, Lord help me, I think I want a puppy!

Posted by: LadyBug | July 26, 2006 09:41 AM

Okay, I know that post is over now, but I had to share one more spam name and subject line: Action PodRoll news quietly acquiring evil

PS That dog? Dang cute!

Posted by: daisy | July 26, 2006 09:53 AM

I don't get phrases but I get TV theme show songs or commercials stuck in my head. Currently the 'Dollop of Daisy' jingle is rolling through. Prior to the that - it was the theme to the Price is Right and before that I was humming the theme song to Fame (and in my car, singing it out loud).

The Tori Spelling item made me laugh out loud - she is now a Canadian citizen due to her recent 2nd marriage to Dean whats-his-name and is here all the damn time. Frankly - I would like her to go home but I think she hides from her mom up here. Her hiding involves being on ET Canada as often as possible and hanging out in trendy bars.

Love the smooshy puppy pics. There is nothing better than a new puppy! He is so cute that you just want to kiss that adorable face (which is why my screen now has lipgloss all over it!). Good to see that Jackson is following the Doxie protocol of world domintation! Love, love, love the puppy pictures!

Posted by: Diane | July 26, 2006 10:10 AM

My dominant participating eyebrow is now raised in salute to you!

Also, I would like to have that puppy please. Not to keep. Just a few days. Mostly for napping.

Posted by: Contrary | July 26, 2006 10:38 AM

I would think that many of Peter Gallagher's reviews could involved the use of the phrase 'participating eyebrow' or even 'eyebrows' as everyone knows that is the best part of his ability to emote. If those things aren't participating, he pretty much sucks. As for other phrases, I suffer from a similar experience except my repeated mantra usually involves what I like to term as word sound effects. Like bing bong dong or something similar. I know, I need serious help.

Posted by: Morgan | July 26, 2006 11:12 AM

I usually wake up in the morning with a random song stuck in my head, but every once in a while, it'll be a random phrase. The latest? "Single, solitary spinach ball." No idea where that came from. Actually, I think I vaguely remember dreaming about spinach balls... or rather, A spinach ball. A single, solitary spinach ball.

Posted by: Allison | July 26, 2006 11:17 AM

Cutest puppy! May I steal him?! All the stuff that gets stuck in my head are from comedy stand up routines.

My current phrase-that-won't-leave-brain is: Bimblebert Slaptyback (from an Eddie Izzard stand up routine playing off of Engelbert Humperdinck's name)

Posted by: Nicole P. | July 26, 2006 11:21 AM

I get the "My Buddy" song stuck in my head.

You know? That commercial with the ugly Chuckie-esque doll in it.


Or else Oscar Meyer commercials.

That puppy reminds me of my old puppy.. Sooo cute...but mine was a long haired squishy doxie puppy.

Posted by: Circe | July 26, 2006 11:54 AM

Wow. This was an eye-opener for me. I SERIOUSLY was considering therapy because I too get a word or phrase stuck in my head and it's there for days. I thought it was just me.

Mine? "Shit from Shinolah" and "mustard".

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

And now I'm mad at Circe because I tend to get that horrible 'My Buddy' song in my head too.

That and the o.b. tampon song. -- o.b., that's the way it should be, keep it simple and set yourself free...


Posted by: joaaanna | July 26, 2006 12:07 PM

That might possibly be the CUTEST doggie on the entire planet!!! I mean....ahem....after Bo---he's the cutest. :)

Posted by: Raybelle | July 26, 2006 12:13 PM

Oh! Smooshy!

I luv wee Jackson!

Posted by: jag | July 26, 2006 12:35 PM

Umm, apparently the Daisy people should win an award b/c I had that in my head for at least a week...so obnoxious.
Am impervious to puppy charms b/c I'm picking up my boxer pup this weekend!! I am pretty sure it is the worst possible time, since I start law school in three weeks but I just lost my live-in- bf of three years and along with him, our dog (75 pounds of lap-dog, a true fur-baby). So I have to create a new family right? right guys?

Posted by: Jes | July 26, 2006 12:53 PM

JOAAANNA: Holy shit, I cannot believe you remember the o.b. song too. "Just try o.b., and you'll see."


And I also remember "My Buddy." And the equally annoying companion song, "Kid Sister."

Doxie: Those pics of Jackson just about made a blood vessel burst in my head as a direct result of the intense cuteness...

Posted by: jive turkey | July 26, 2006 01:24 PM

Perhaps it is actually Nicole Kidman you are REALLY thinking about, and not Tori Spelling. Nicole Kidman's eyebrows definitely do NOT participate. I think your subconscience is messing with you. You desperately WANT her eyebrows to participate. Step away from the botox, Nicole. Step away.

Posted by: Shano | July 26, 2006 02:20 PM

hi miss doxie. found you through rock star mommy.

i have two mini doxies and they are very cute, perhaps not as cute as jackson the puppy, but, really what's cuter than a puppy? we just had a litter in january and plan to have another after the next heat.

you will love LOST. i did. now i may have to start watching 24 (from the beginning because that's what one does.)

thank you bye!

p.s. thanks a lot for the copacobana stuck in my head (blerh argh rawr!)

Posted by: kali | July 26, 2006 02:21 PM

Awww, man... That puppy is so adorable it really makes me miss the puppy phase (except for the carpet peeing). That wee critter is about the size of my dog's nose.

I am thrilled at the idea of reading the random shit that lurks in you brain on a more regular basis, because it validates the the random shit that lurks in my brain. Also it makes me giggle, which is good.

It is now my mission to try to use "participating eyebrow" in a sentance today. You might not ever hear from me again, should I accomplish this mission... I don't think they have access to the innernets in the mental hospital.

Posted by: Sabine | July 26, 2006 02:23 PM

Ahhhhh Jackson cuteness overload! I love the biting picture.

And I understand the words-stuck-in-head phenomenon. When I first signed up for myspace this girl that was on my top 8 or whatever had some weird ass spelling of "poetically versed" it was like "p0etikly vehrzed" and I could not get the damn thing out of my brain, I thought I'd turn into Rain Man or something.

Po-et-ick-ly vehr-sedd.
Po-et-ick-ly vehr-sedd.
Po-et-ick-ly vehr-sedd.
Tori Spelling.

Posted by: Amber | July 26, 2006 02:31 PM

I have had that vile "Copacabana" song stuck in my head for DAYS. Nothing will get rid of it. So I'm giving it to you and hoping it doesn't migrate north anytime soon. Sorry-desperate times and measures and all that. Jackson is adorable. World Domination Dairyland Delegates Daisy and Lilly wish to school him in his technique. Both promise not to eat him. Well, Lilly does anyway...;)

Posted by: Melissa | July 26, 2006 03:34 PM

I've had the phrase "lord I am sorry for having offend thee" running through my head for a week. Just keeps popping in at the weirdest times...while I'm cooking, peeing, loading the washer. I think someone is trying to tell me I need to go to confession!

Posted by: SuzeQ | July 26, 2006 04:52 PM

There's this horrible radio commercial up here for these car dealerships (and the bad thing is, there are several of them -- Toyota of Greer, Kia of Greer, etc. and they'll run the commercials one right after another) and they're all done by the same guy, who starts off every commercial with the phrase "Oh, friends!" But it's more like "OOOOOOOH, FRIENDS!!!!!" because he is SCREAMING it at you and it is AWFUL because you have been enjoying the music and all and now you're being auditorially assaulted by this man who is most emphatically NOT your FRIEND.... Anyway, my husband and I hate it, but it does tend to get stuck in your head. So I'll call him up in the middle of the day and when he answers, I'll yell, "OOOOOH, FRIENDS!!!" Much fun.

That has to be the smooshiest puppy ever.

Posted by: Jenny | July 26, 2006 05:25 PM

Adorable, Jackson is so so so cute. Puppies, I wonder if they know they rule the world?

Posted by: Priscilla | July 26, 2006 06:37 PM

That dog looks mean when it bites and WFT?!?!?!?! It goose steps! Nazi attack dog, that's what that thing is. He definitely has a master plan.

And speaking of words you can't get out of your head, I once described my ex-husband's penis as being "purple and angry". That one is always in my head because my friends won't stop saying it.

Posted by: Suz | July 26, 2006 06:52 PM

Oh, and I always get Jabberwalk or The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner stuck in my head. I may not be able to spell but I can remember an epic poem.

Posted by: Suz | July 26, 2006 07:08 PM

I am just so glad that y'all get crap stuck in your own heads, I cannot even tell you. And, uh...Suz, I am feeling you right now, because I can actually quote a very significant chunk of Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner from memory. I don't know how; something about Coleridge just sticks with me, apparently (maybe I should do some opium!). Anyway, it's my only party trick, provided that the party is filled with nerds who will sit there and listen to me quoting the fucking Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.

And now that I think about it, y'all, just...please don't invite me to that party. Seriously.

Posted by: miss doxie | July 26, 2006 10:35 PM

I am just imagining all the interesting hits you are going to get through Google thanks to 'Throbbing purple eggplant'.

All I get are people with worms in them.

Posted by: Mrs X | July 27, 2006 01:06 AM

I, for one, am utterly astonished at the sheer number of you that get words and phrases stuck in your heads and not just music. Glory be! Like Leigh, I kind of thought I was alone and perhaps just a wee bit kooky and it worried me... well, no more. Especially since my "can't stop saying it in my head... must say it out loud" phrases are kind of benign and innocent compared to some of these. ;-)

When I was a kid in school, I had a pencil case that had random English phrases all over it, but none of them made sense. It was made in Greece, so... anyway, one of the phrases was, "This can't be all the". That was it. It drove me CRAZY. It got so stuck in my brain that to this day if I see black with a yellow and green pattern on it I start to freak out. I eventually burned the pencil case. I was just slightly melodramatic when I was a child.

Most recent phrase? "Caffeine'll KILL YA!" as shrieked by Jim Carrey as the Riddler in one of the Batman movies. The sound of the coffee pot on his head, then the words. Repeatedly. :-)

Posted by: Shari | July 27, 2006 04:00 AM

you totally crack me up!! a recurring string of words for me is something that was on my pencil box when i was still at school (loooooooooong time ago...) "Toke precious of the good times - enjoy the cheery life".

Posted by: spoon | July 27, 2006 04:18 AM

Love the pup, love the pup, love the pup! Coming from an affirmed cat lover, I think that is high praise indeed. I love the pup (oops, I've said that already, huh?) Must have liked the rest of the blog, I've book marked you - but can't remember anything more than that adorable world dominion seeking little..... (run out of adjectives)

Posted by: Lanfear | July 27, 2006 05:09 AM

Leigh, really, you should warn Darlene or let her read this post - getting a dachshund puppy, like having a baby, will make you crazy!!!!! Guaranteed. I got one and ever since I have been making up stoopid phrases to tell her in idiot sing-song while cuddling. Example: "Meezie-ee Weezie-ee Puddin' Pi-eye". The dog's name is Mia Pie, okay. Could I get any crazier? Run Darlene! Maybe it's not too late to take him back!

Posted by: Daffy | July 27, 2006 09:59 AM

I would like to propose to you a definition for "participating eyebrow". A Participating Eyebrow is a person in a celebrity's (say Tori Spelling's) entourage who adds absolutely nothing to anything. They just kinda hang out there, following along with whatever the OTHER eyebrow (ie celebrity) is doing.

The dog-lette is waaay too cute! I was oohing and aahing over the pix so much that my cats got jealous.

Posted by: knittingpagan | July 27, 2006 11:52 AM

The puppy! Is so cute. He makes me want a puppy but my 5 cats and 1 dog might hate me forever.

I've never gotten phrases stuck in my head, but SONGS...oh yes. Most recently (for at least a week, maddeningly enough) was:

It was the third of June
Another sleepy, dusty Delta day.
I was out choppin' cotton
and my brother was baling hay.
....(and so on, to the end of the song)

Thank you, Bobbie Gentry, and your addictive "Ode to Billie Jo"!

Posted by: Wendi | July 27, 2006 12:12 PM

I literally GASPED when I saw that smooshyfacedness!!!

And I, sadly, have no participating eyebrow. I have lamented the absence of this ability on many, many an occasion.

And *GASP* i want that puppyhead!

Posted by: ScottsdaleGirl | July 27, 2006 01:31 PM

Jackson wants to live with me. Just look at him. He is saying so with his eyes. When can I pick him up?

Posted by: VeeBeeWhy? | July 27, 2006 01:45 PM

Vincent D"onofrio!!! Shitake, that reminds me that I think EdgarSuit all the time., and say it like that chick did in the film Independence Day...REmember it? Huh? No?

Posted by: Scottsdale Girl | July 27, 2006 02:05 PM

oh...sigh...I want one...A master plan AND a puppy

Posted by: KaraMia | July 27, 2006 03:51 PM

Dear Miss Doxie,

I have been as sick as I can recall in the last ten years this past week or more. This post, its funnies, and that lil' ol' puppy (ones of this size are referred to as "buppies" - baby + puppy in our house.) are the First things that I've laughed at all week long. Thank you again- I wrote about Constipation D. Hoolligan a few dsays back. Cheers!

Posted by: Meepers | July 27, 2006 05:15 PM

I constantly get phrases stuck in my head.

"The Unbearable Lightness of Being" was rolling around in there for DAYS. I don't even know what it means!

Shit. It's back.

Posted by: Jenny | July 27, 2006 07:39 PM

Participating Eyebrows would be a great name for a band! :)

And those are the cutest pictures. Especially the sleeping on the boobs one! I'm assuming Bo wasn't in the room, because I don't see any puppy blood on the floor. ha.

Posted by: carmen | July 27, 2006 07:43 PM

The only literary stuff have ever gotten stuck in my head is the Old English prologue from Canterbury Tales.

Whan that aprill with his shoures soote
The droghte of march hath perced to the roote,
And bathed every veyne in swich licour
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan zephirus eek with his sweete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth...

And then the poem, Annabel Lee...

She was a child and I was a child in that kingdom by the sea...

Posted by: Circe | July 27, 2006 07:47 PM

The cuteness is killing me.

Posted by: liz | July 27, 2006 10:59 PM

Aw, little Jackson is adorable. He looks just like my dog did as a baby.

Also, the phrase "Holstein Heiffer" has been running through my head all day, after I passed a herd of them on a drive. Not as funny as "participating eyebrow," but it sure is driving me craaaaazy!

Posted by: vague | July 28, 2006 12:01 AM

"The Unbearable Lightness of Being." Man I read that in 2nd year in varsity, and for years afterwords it would randomly pop into my head. Eventually I repressed it so deep that I even forgot I'd read it. Then I ran across "The Book of Laughter and Forgetting." The phrase burrowed it's way into my brain, bringing TULoB along for the ride. Damn you Kundera!

My other annoying literary phrase? "Qouth the raven: Nevermore."

Posted by: gb | July 28, 2006 01:41 AM

"The Unbearable Lightness of Being." Man I read that in 2nd year in varsity, and for years afterwards it would randomly pop into my head. Eventually I repressed it so deep that I even forgot I'd read the book. Then I ran across "The Book of Laughter and Forgetting." The phrase burrowed its way into my brain, bringing TULoB along for the ride. Damn you Kundera!

My other annoying literary phrase? "Quoth the raven: Nevermore."

Posted by: GB | July 28, 2006 01:50 AM

For the last week I have been trying to work out a way to get the words "resplendent in beige" into a sentence, but I could find no way of doing it. Then I blogged about it and it has sort of subsided.

That little dog is possibly the sweetest puppy I have ever seen. Ever.

Posted by: Léonie | July 28, 2006 07:27 AM

I did it! I freaking did it!

My 9-year-old daughter and I were having a conversation that was more of a back-and-forth exchange of random silliness than a conversation. Then she said (in her "silly" voice), "Ummm....what were we talking about?" And I said....


She giggled. And I mentally high-fived myself.

Posted by: LadyBug | July 28, 2006 10:18 AM

Ok I too am crazy, but here's the thing, I get songs stuck in my head (not crazy yet I know) the one at the moment is "Walkin in Memphis" but here's the thing, when I get a song in my head it plays through over and over while I am trying to fall asleep and I find myself flexing and unflexing my butt and thigh muscles to the rythem... on purpous... and sometimes waving my feet as well... this really disturbes sleeping partners, as in them: "What the Fuck are you doing????" Me: "Nothing... singing Walkin in Memphis to myself while flexing and unflexing my butt and thigh muscles to the rythem" Then: "Freak" Me: "Yeah... sorry... I do this every night... you can leave now if you need to"

Posted by: Lis | July 28, 2006 10:32 AM

I never have serious stuff floating in my head. It is usually things like:

"Now is time on Sprockets when we dance."
"Rapid intestinal transit."
Most stuff from the baby books by Sandra Boynton. And Goodnight Moon. And did I mention my baby is 9, and I have no business till remembering this stuff???

Goodnight moon. Goodnight room. Goodnight light and the red balloon....

Also - how did Bo take to Jackson and his cuteness?

Posted by: Laura | July 28, 2006 11:13 AM

Ladybug is my new personal hero.

Also, to the certainly-very-lovely individuals who reminded me of:

1) The My Buddy song;

2) The way that the phrase "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" gets stuck in your head, and then you start thinking about Lena Olin in a bowler hat (or maybe you...don't) and THAT cannot be right, because people, that's Sidney's MOM; and

3) Olympia Dukakis (and when I say this I am looking at Holly):


P.S.: Hate you. But, with kisses!

Also P.P.S: Bo thinks Jackson is an appetizer. They are not yet allowed to congregate, so for all of the pictures above, it will be more realistic if you can imagine the faraway sound of Bo having a screaming conniption in my bedroom, where he was safely locked away, enjoying a mental breakdown because someone was actually getting more attention than he. O, the HORROR of it all! You should probably pray for him.

Posted by: missdoxie | July 28, 2006 11:46 AM

Your blog is hilarious! It always puts a smile on my face. Thank you.

Posted by: Jenni | July 28, 2006 06:39 PM

I have phrases that I'm compelled to say outloud every time I see them. A focalized tourette if you like. First the name "Brian Weiss" said with a thick german accent. Second, a scraping store name: It's called Let's scrap but every time I see it I have to say it: Let's crap!

Posted by: z. | July 28, 2006 06:39 PM

Awesome photo entry!

Posted by: victoria | July 28, 2006 07:32 PM

Scottsdalegirl: The "Edgar Suit" was from Men In Black and I say it all the time, too. When the guy that played "Eggar" starred in that cop show, my friend thought he was hot and all I could think was "he's not hot, he's Eggar."

Circe: I, too, constantly recite the prologue to the Canterbury Tales in my head!! I love saying those Olde English words!!! Love it, love it, love it!!!

Miss Doxie: I love you, my kids love you, and if my dogs could read, I know they would love you, too. The illustrated dog bath story was my first experience with your blog and I've been hooked since!

Posted by: kayrenleigh | July 28, 2006 10:29 PM

I have something that will raise your participating eye brows, get crazy phrases out of your head, replacing them with "omg" pictures, and will make you think of puppies all at once. I read an add on freecycle to give away 2 puppies. Mom is a chocolate lab mix and the dad is a miniature doxie. Talk about disturbing.

Posted by: milkmade39 | July 28, 2006 10:41 PM

Hahahahah! That reminds me, my dachshund count is now up to three! I adopted a GORGEOUS red and black long haired little girl named, Abby. She is having a puppy shower in her honor (part of HER plan for world domination) in August. She poops out right before she might actually gain a foothold on world domination. Sad how that works out! LOL

PS...Hot Picante Sauce+cute little dachshund girl=hillarity for about five minutes. Then the pawn in her World Domination Plan (me) finally caves and gives her some cheese to ease the heat in the mouth. Funnily enough, she always heads right back to the picante bowl if she can reach it!

Posted by: sammynella | July 28, 2006 11:28 PM

I had a guy's name stuck in my head for weeks and would repeat it at random while with my husband. "Keith Watson." God, I said it over and over and over again. Yes, Keith is a friend of mine, but saying his name, all trance-like and stuff while perusing the aisles of Stop 'n Shop with your husband? It doesn't go over well.

Incidentally, I blithely cruised through this entry all light and happy and then BAM! Jackson asleep on the boobs, and I just fucking LOST IT. And then I cackled and shouted, "KEITH WATSON!" just for old times' sake.

Posted by: jonniker | July 29, 2006 09:20 PM

oh that is truly the cutest dog EVER.


San Francisco has been conquered!

Posted by: sfk | July 30, 2006 12:07 PM

I have been reciting the following to myself forever. Its becoming a mantra.

The phrase only consists of 2 words. "Nacho" & "Cheese". It's how you say it that matters.

As if its not your cheese. Or mine for that matter.

Hmmmm. Weird.

Posted by: El Dukay | July 30, 2006 02:30 PM

cute, cute, cute, cuuuuuute!! I Jackson!

Posted by: Linda | July 30, 2006 02:56 PM

So not fair posting adorable doxie puppy pics!! JUST. NOT. FAIR!
Jackson is PRESHUSS!

Posted by: brighton | July 30, 2006 10:51 PM

I ... really could have used more time to prepare for the snoogly. Because that puppy? Walking? Is killing me his powers of cuteness. I think I need to lie down now.

Posted by: Fraulein N | July 31, 2006 08:43 AM

I am SO GLAD to hear that other people get words stuck in their heads! I've also had that "does this happen to you? no? ooookay." conversation with people. Thanks for validating me, Doxie!

Also, I would like to know how general roaming will advance Jackson's world domination plan....

Posted by: Cassiopeia | July 31, 2006 09:03 AM

I came across this and I don't think I have ever actually laughed outloud and so hard while staring at a computer screen. I'm definitely adding you to my links. Now, I have to go because I think I tinkled a little in my panties.

Posted by: amber | August 1, 2006 03:14 AM

What a cute puppy. So how did Jackson and Mr. Bo get along?

Posted by: Frank | August 1, 2006 08:06 AM

My mini doxie Weener Dog (note the spelling with two ee's) has developed his own plan for world domination...he has reminded me of THE worst song to ever get stuck in your head...are you ready?? Be prepared...


"This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever, just because.....This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever, just because.....THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END...."

and so on and so forth. Needless to say, Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop are purely evil for creating that song. Weener Dog got that song stuck in my head just so I wouldn't be paying attention when he attempted to eat all of the Pupperoni, including the bag. Smart dog...hmph...

Posted by: Monica | August 1, 2006 08:25 AM

Two words for you:

Dishevled Q-Tip!

(Did I pass it on to you? Huh? Did I? Maybe it's like a virus...)

Posted by: GTR | August 1, 2006 10:16 PM

ok, do you really want comment #113? i guess you do.

this post taught me something: never read miss doxie with a full bladder. i had to stop reading a couple of times.

that puppy is too effing cute. i could eat him. will you help me stencil his skull??

i linked you. and i'm telling the world about you. because you need more readers. 110+ isn;t enough.

Posted by: Virginia Belle | August 2, 2006 01:04 PM

I'd like to add a phrase to the wonderful dictionary that contains "Participating Eyebrow" -- and that is... "default responsible child". As in, one sibling moves further away from the parents, and now the remaining child becomes The Default Responsible Child".

It makes no difference whether the DRC has ALWAYS been the more responsible of the siblings, it's just a location issue.


Posted by: Rhet | August 3, 2006 05:10 PM

The first two paragraphs of this post are genious.. I've always tried to explain that to people and failed miserably.

Posted by: Jenny | August 4, 2006 04:25 AM

Before my parents had kids, they had show dogs. Keeshonds, to be precise. And then when they decided to have kids (my parents, not the Keeshonds) they thought that they should get "pets dogs" for the kids so as not to confuse the "show dogs" or the "children". So they decided to get Dachsunds. The main result of this decision wasn't the separation of "pet" from "show" dog...it was the Dachsunds teaching the Keeshonds that it was OK to hop up in your lap and romp around on the sectional.

More power to ya, Jackson. The world will one day bow to your mighty snuffling snout and your bold floppy ears.

Posted by: Il Moro di Venezia | August 8, 2006 12:33 AM



oh, and are you fucking kidding me? is that puppy for realz?! i think i'm going to implode with warm and fuzzies. yay!

Posted by: kelly | August 9, 2006 02:21 PM

Talking of getting things stuck in your head, dude, four words.....

Her. Name. Was. Lola........

Posted by: Miss Moneypenny | August 11, 2006 02:10 PM

I get baseball players' names stuck in my head sometimes. And it becomes this constant litany. And sometimes I think I might be truly nuts. And I look at other people and wonder if there's even the most remote possibility they could be thinking "Chipper Jones, Chipper Jones, Chipper Jones" (although it sounds like 'Chippa Jownes') in my head, or maybe they are thinking "C.C. Sabathia. C.C. Sabathia!" Maybe?...

Posted by: Brownie | August 11, 2006 02:51 PM

Look - I just watched the PBS broadcast of South Pacific with Reba McIntire, Brian Stokes Mitchell and assorted other folk and I haven't been able to get "Happy Talk" out of my head for the life of me. And I don't DO happy talk! Cynical talk? You bet! Snarky remarks? Absolutely! That Jackson sure is adorable! I wonder if Sam, m 25# Maine Coon cat masseuse (he really, really does) would like to have a darling little dachsie to play with? I know Tim the Siamese would. He loves dogs (His breeder had 3 dogs and Tim's cool with them)?

Wait - what happened. That puppy bewitched me!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | August 11, 2006 03:32 PM

Okay, I thought I'd survived the funny and the snoogly cute. Barely.

And then Il Moro goes and mentions "Keeshond."

And now my nemesis word, "Keeshonden," is STUCK. In my head. Again. I shall have to drive to my friend's house, where the Keeshonden live, and snorgle them until I sneeze.

By the way, don't ever walk through Kroger's produce section muttering "Keeshonden" to yourself. They will call people.

Let's crap! Hee.

Posted by: grandefille | August 15, 2006 10:36 AM

laughing so hard i have to stop reading and GO OUTSIDE. yes, ma'am. i am leaving my office because of you.

i may be fired.

danny sent me.

Posted by: jennifer | August 17, 2006 10:48 AM

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