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OMG THAT'S RIGHT I HAVE A WEBSITE YOU GUYS

July 12, 2006

Well, hello! I...have been gone a while! It hasn't been like I have been doing something fabulous. I've been off working, because that is my thing, and in these last few weeks, I have been doing a lot of work. A lot lot of work. I have been doing actually so much work that I was averaging three nights of sleep per week and it got to the point where I had the big old crazy runaway-bride eyes all the time, and even my BOSS was hiding from me, whispering "she scares me!" whenever I'd stumble past, and finally a partner came into my office and grabbed my shoulders and hollered YOU REALLY NEED TO JUST GO HOME AND SLEEP FOR ABOUT SIXTEEN DAYS. And...well, I haven't done that, yet, but I did finish the project, and I have now officially written A Book, but I promise you that you will never, ever, ever want to read it. I do not even want to read it. It is the most boring book in boringtown, but it's written, dammit, so if you are just fucking dying to know about the judicial review procedures for an Occupational Safety and Health Stazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah. So, that's where I've been. Brought to you by a series of semi-coherent, run-on sentences. Aren't you glad I'm back?

In other news, I am so far behind in answering emails that my inbox has a comma in it, and so if you are trying to get in touch with me for something, I am sorry. I have been very, very worky lately, and have been exactly zero fun. Seriously, just ask Dukay! Or, anyone! I blow! They're planning on having me killed!

But, that is neither here nor there, because: hey! Speaking of email, I have to now complain that there is this whole new spam thing that the internet seems to have sprung on me while I was working, and it is pissing me off, because I keep on getting emails with interesting subject lines, from people with seemingly normal names that are not BIGPEN1SSSSMASTER, and so I open them, only then I am irritated because they are actually just spam ads telling me about my long lost relatives in Nambia, who have apparently died but they still need to borrow my bank account and social security number real quick. This is pissing me off, people. It is taking valuable seconds away from my life. Those seconds could be spent doing productive things, like making out or cleaning up dog pee, but instead, I am reading such questions as, "ARRE THe LADIES SsayinG THAT It IS NOT BiG ENuFF???" and that just makes me cranky.

I mean, wouldn't you be a litttle excited to get an email from someone named "Righteousness L. Abrams"? Wouldn't you even be a little bit more excited when you saw that the subject line was "Fuzz abdication!"? I was! I was really excited! And then I opened it, and: advertisement for a weight loss supplement. Fucking Righteousness! What are you saying, Righteousness? Are you saying I'm fat, Righteousness? That is very passive-aggressive of you, Righteousness. Frankly, I would have expected better from Righteousness.

I keep on falling for this, because I am used to getting email from people whose names I don't recognize, and a lot of the time, these emails have funny subject lines (actual example: "Man Panties!"), so I just open my mail automatically. And so my little heart just keeps on breaking, because I'm like, "Ooo! Mr. Ireland F. Calloway wants me to know about 'upside down weightlifers!' That promises hours of fun!" and then: herbal viagra for my SHOCKKINGLLY TINNY PEN1S. Honestly. Why do you build me up, Buttercup? Is it just to let me down?

But, there has been an upside to all this crushing disappointment, and I have decided that if I ever have a child, I am probably going to have to name him/her one of these spam names, because...holy shit. They are brilliant. I had always kind of wanted to take a wide variety of drugs and them name my child after household objects, Zappa style ("This is little Lightbulb Moon Oven! And her brother, Coca-Cola Fork Sphincter!"), but now I am thinking that the spam name is the way to go. I mean, I'm not going to have an actual kid for many years and all, but maybe I'll manage to produce one in the next half an hour or so -- like, possibly I can bud one, in the manner of yeast -- just entirely so I can give him a name like:

Cougar P. Sanchez

Intoxicant D. Degas

Lena Luffmister

Inmate C. Alumnae

Antonia Moody

Jeremiah Bourgeois

Condensation S. Horowitz

Inquiringly Todd

Menelaius J. Detail

Conversation L. Pauper

Booty D. Licious

Othello Wanderpants

Brad

All of these are actual names taken from my inbox right now. Now that I am finished writing that book about judicial reviezzzzzzzzzzzzzz, maybe I should turn my attention to a new writing project. I could put together the best baby name book in the world! As it is, I already kind of want to just print these out and start giving the list to pregnant women, all, "Hey, have you considered naming it 'Condensation'? Is your family name 'Wanderpants'? Why not? Well, you can have it legally changed to 'Wanderpants,' you know. Here's the phone number for the court." It would be like a public service!

Seeing, however, that the idea of writing so much as a post-it right now makes my brain cry, I am probably not going to compile such a list; instead, I think I will make you do it, as I am a slave driver in the manner of Cornelius F. Waggerbottom, who has popped into my life four times already shouting at me to LOOSE THE FAT TODAY!, after asking me quite innocently, in his subject line: "Does this look like a frog to you?"

(And, I admit it. I keep on having to check. Maybe this time it will look like a frog to me! Also, I am intrigued by the notion of something that might, or might not, look like a frog. What could it mean? Is it a fake frog? Is it a mold that has taken the countenance of a frog, like the Virgin Mary sometimes does on toast? Ever so many possibilities!)

And...oh, I was talking. So, anyway, I am a slave driver, and so, you do it! Y'all tell me the awesomest names you have ever heard, particularly from your spam, and then know what we will have? A huge ass list that we can give to pregnant women. And if just one of them -- just one -- names her baby "Inquiringly"? Then, people: our work here will be done, and our lives will be complete.

Everyone have a good week; I've missed all of y'all! But I may have missed Constipation D. Hooligan the most.


Posted by doxie in The Innernet | permalink

144 Comments

Right now in my inbox I have festive and interesting missives from:

Efrain Pagan
Ladonna Funk
Varinius Manzella

Also, this http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/ is a fantastic site that makes fun of babynaming trends.

Posted by: citycat | July 12, 2006 02:58 PM

Aw shuck! I deleted the contents of my spam folder about an hour ago, so I only have two.

Lindsie Aubry
Helga Chandler

And let me quote for you what Helga has to say:

"The sorrow, he thought, was like a rock on the shoreline of the ocean. conjugate desiderata or.

"The movement ended the uneasy truce with the pain in his legs and the drug-need in his nerves, but it also diffused his terror a little. But when Shinny came in. The distance between here and Denver was like. "Paul did. inst. That is crazy, he told himself, and then he heard thought he did — a little rustling sound, the sound of a woman's starched skirt, perhaps, brushing lightly against the wall. What he saw crouched back against the all in a dusty shaft of sunlight was not a rat but a great big black cat with the bushiest tail he had ever seen. bucket"

I am now dying to know what Helga is trying to sell me. Possibly some very strong hallucinogens.

Posted by: Maggie | July 12, 2006 03:14 PM

My husband has had about 6 emails from Beaver Clockwise. Is it a man? Or a woman? The world may never know.

Posted by: Em | July 12, 2006 03:14 PM

Oooh oooh, these names are a major topic of convo around here! (BTW, I have noticed a sudden GIGANTIC increase in spam over the past month.)

In my inbox right now:
Antwan Costa
Myrtle Quintero
Rosendo Givens
Deandre Hissons
Hunter Hampton

and the best for last:
Hunter confessed
whose subject was the tantalizing "if with someone" and whose content was a really hot stock pick.

Posted by: Cat, Galloping | July 12, 2006 03:22 PM

Paganmonstersuz. If you get a pagamonstersuz e-mail don't delet it.

Posted by: Suz | July 12, 2006 03:24 PM

Sabrina Zehnder, Subject: huee VIAGeRA
Gbemisola Aberle, Subject: siveo VIAGeRA
Diana Hudson, Subject: stoicism shaggy (Hmm?)

Posted by: Ash | July 12, 2006 03:32 PM

A couple more for the collection:

Alexandria Sargent
Zelpah Tindel
Irving Osborn
Betram Hurt
Hung Louis
Laverne Klein
Jeane Peed

Posted by: Cat | July 12, 2006 03:33 PM

Xenon Goldblatt is a personal favorite of mine.

Or how about Straggliest S. Abound?

No... I've got it...

Pradeep Betancourt. Yep. That's the one.

Posted by: Molly | July 12, 2006 03:35 PM

You make me laugh. I never pay attention to the names anymore, but you were right, these are good! Here are a few from my inbox.

Jacobus Carino
Liviana Lundholm
Enosh Lukowski
Fairuza Pruett
Rain Mcdougle
Cicero Stockman
Eglantine Beckert
Britannia Ferrill

and my favorite...

Maribel Lynch--Merrill's twin sis I'm sure. :)

Posted by: Lindy | July 12, 2006 03:44 PM

Here are the few in my spam box at the moment:

Rory Staples (I actually kind of like this one!)

Dillon Chappell who's subject line tells me to "travel my bleed" -- uhh, no thanks! Do you think he's related to Dave Chappell and can get me some of that $50 million he's giving up??

Lenard Winninger (not much to say about the untraditional spelling...)

Posted by: Mona | July 12, 2006 04:01 PM

Some of those are amazing. I'm laughing inappropriately loudly at my desk at work (Inquiringly Todd!) Here are a few from my spam, which thankfully I haven't deleted in ages (not quite as funny but for the sake of adding to the list - and finally delurking - here they are):

Anticon Involve
Ingeborg Sunni
Maurice Jolynn
Alleen Casandra
Leisha Charise
Marin Marlyn
Lesha Deidra
Georgie Ramonita
Adah Elenora
Sharlene Huynh

Posted by: Faith | July 12, 2006 04:09 PM

My current favorite is from Gustavo Head, and the subject is "progression prance," which honestly sounds like a hot dance craze I might like to try.

On the other hand, Aureliot Skinner wants to tell me all about "that possible quasi," which sounds indeterminately interesting... maybe.

Posted by: Mir | July 12, 2006 04:09 PM

First of all, that TOTALLY looks like a frog.

Second, I don't really have any good fake names right off the bat, even in my spam, but I recently heard about someone with the following name but without the hyphens in the first name to protect the awkwardly named but innocent:

A-q-u-a-n-e-t Bush

She goes by A-q-u-a, reasonably enough. There MUST be some story behind that name, though, beause my brain is unable to process that it would be either accidental OR on purpose.

So yeah. Common brands make excellent baby names EXCEPT when done as part of an actual advertising plan.

Posted by: Laurabelle | July 12, 2006 04:14 PM

Oh Maggie! I'm getting the same snippets from wanna be novelists! I don't know if gmail automatically makes them "safe" by removing all the links, but I never see anything to click on... Maybe they're just trying to torment me... I will never know how the story ends, just be left wondering.

Emil Gold tells me:
--------------------------------------------------
off the track and ended up between two ditches. He couldn't go right or things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, The emergency first-aid team, and firemen, and our aliant guards, our quietly with them all, exhorting them never to stop their learning and
-------------------------------------------------
I'm hooked! But where can I find out more? Who is this person having the epiphany in the ditch? Does s/he make it out of the ditch (with the assistance of the first aid team and the aliant guards) and drive away? Does s/he continue on, exhorting others to never stop their learning? What am I supposed to learn from this? Or rather, in what way is this (presumed) advertisement supposed to draw attention to some lack in my life... a lack that could be remedied with penile enlargement pills or a little known stock offering? I'm baffled. All I want to buy after reading this is a book! But they won't tell me which one!

Posted by: Kathleen | July 12, 2006 04:14 PM

And I love Lonnie Hester:

couldn't control himself. I think it's like a runny nose with them. It
The clouds broke apart, his escorts called, "Happy landings, borders in Rexopolis. The flying boot was waiting for us, brought by the a faint cloud of dust motes, circling.

------------

*snif, snif* it's so beautiful. The dust motes, the flying boot. Can't you all just see it?

Really, who are these people?

Posted by: Kathleen | July 12, 2006 04:18 PM

So then I immediately get a spam from "Fanny." Another successful naming tactic: body parts!

Posted by: Laurabelle | July 12, 2006 04:19 PM

Hey! Cougar P. Sanchez writes me at least once a week! It looks like you and I run in the same social spam circles!

I have in my inbox right now a missive from one Flakiness K. Cosmopolita.. That seemingly extraneous period after "Cosmopolita" is actually not my typo, it's part of the name - like Flakiness' last name is actually "Cosmopolitan," but when (s)he registered for his/her email account, (s)he just plum didn't have the energy to reach for that final "n." So: "Fuck it, I'll abbreviate." Heh.

Posted by: scarlettbgonya | July 12, 2006 04:20 PM

not spam, someone my friend knew in college:

Suckteth Poonjestical

I invoke his name at least bi-weekly.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban | July 12, 2006 04:20 PM

How about Torborg Budd. It would be a totally great name for the Trekky-type family with a nod to the "good" stuff in life.

Posted by: Karen | July 12, 2006 04:23 PM

hehe this shall be fun. I have been annoyed by these spam emails for a while now - but this might actually be worth it.
Ok so we have the following:
Lileas Gilyard - "hudyl VIAGeRA"
Bruce A Berman - "What the RICH don't want you to know" Hmm maybe I should read this one, haha.
Alice Neal - "Your new property"
Myrtle Juarexz

Oh and my favorite -
Samson Holden - "mutant role model"

Posted by: Bryce | July 12, 2006 04:24 PM

Oh my gosh I was crying reading this. Here are a few gems for your list:

Susumu Claypoole
Ottilia Cantrell
Lionel Vernon
Ean Mabon
Turid Coffman (Turid!)
Omar Jaramillo
DORETTA

Posted by: Amber | July 12, 2006 04:45 PM

I too have received some of these novel extracts.

This is from Trinidad Lawson:

"Greenbacks, that's always good. I opened the door. He was standing Cassidy is not Shane or True Grit. And the best of science fiction is quite My Kirill was cured. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. friendly in the high night air. But most lovely of all was the skill with "

Now I will forever be in suspense.

Posted by: Faith | July 12, 2006 04:48 PM

Hey, I have a lot of rich dead Nigerian relatives too! Maybe we're related or something.

Today, they've been named
Butterfield Abel
Boyyd Craft
Horus Tappan
Elnora Hannon
TP Packing
Prevasive Creating
Grief Guilt
Heavily Cares
Lakeisha Cano
Sweat

The last one is my personal favorite. It's like Madonna -- so cool, it's first names only.

Posted by: jennifer | July 12, 2006 04:50 PM

Algernon Weymouth
Latisha Chase
Scotty Coon
Pearlie Shields
and Lance Castle, who beseeches you to "thought of them smelling his helplessness."

Posted by: Cara | July 12, 2006 04:51 PM

Kathleen - Thank you for helping me to recognize True Art when it falls into my mailbox.

CityCat - That website was hilarious, and I can no longer discern between actual baby names and made-up spam aliases.

MissDoxie - Hows'about you pay more attention to your loyal following? When left to our own devices, we begin to network. With our combined powers we could no doubt hack into your computer and begin posting snippets of your e-mail conversations as blog posts.

Posted by: Maggie | July 12, 2006 04:57 PM

Virrilium B. Hoont- Enlarge you Penis

Samarco Vandersnoot- Women wants bigger penis

Heaton Crackleneck- Get bigger Erekshions

Arctura L Moon- Penis Enlargerer that relly works

Somber Early- Namibian relative

I wonder if I should tell them I don't have a penis.

Posted by: Mrs X | July 12, 2006 05:08 PM

Oh, I love these.

Repel K. Helsinki
Behring F. Weathercocking
Dairymaid M. You
Colon L. Fantasy (love that one!)
Presentable G. Banditry (ditto!)
and Exultations D. Shoguns

Posted by: brth | July 12, 2006 05:13 PM

My favorite of late is Tuna J. Piggishness. I love the recent onset of randomly-generated First Name Middle Initial Last Name spam. My husband and I compete now to see who gets the weirdest of this type of spam name name of the day in their inbox, and then we imagine what the middle initials stand for.

Posted by: Misty | July 12, 2006 05:14 PM

My dad's father used to call my dad Eggbert P. Stinkle. I always liked that one...

Posted by: El Dukay | July 12, 2006 05:20 PM

Wasp L. Farsightedness
Hardcovers Q. Capillaries
Jekyll E. Twang
Gemstone R. Frogman
Jamestown T. Threescore
Alphabets B. Spar

just a few of the entertaining names I've received lately...

Posted by: Susan | July 12, 2006 05:28 PM

Katrine Batten has this to say:
Hi,

CIALxIS from 3, 75 $
VIAGvRA from 3, 35 $
VALIvUM from 1, 20 $
AMBIvEN

the air was chill, but soon the sun rose red in the East and the mists
vanished, and while the shadows were still long they were off again. So
they rode now for two more days, and all the while they saw nothing save


Does it not almost make your heart weep with it's sheer poignancy? Good lord, what unrealized talent!!!!

Posted by: Hillary | July 12, 2006 06:06 PM

My favorites from my spam folder:

Stingily H. Entropy
Tulle T. Earthwork
Alisha F. Lasciviousness
Barbarism I. Fluxing
Coordinator C. Unpremeditated
Squabbling M. Radon
Bestseller T. Unselfishness

I think the middle initials are a nice touch.

Posted by: Anne | July 12, 2006 06:27 PM

Sadly, I do not have any spam to report, but I offer the following Real, Actual People Names That Their Apparently Cruel Parents Gave Them:

Buckmaster DeWolf
Porpoise Adams
Stormy Weathers

Posted by: Lawyerish | July 12, 2006 06:51 PM

Some amusing SPAM names in my inbox:

Chipmunks S. Mir
Theobald Reid
Chi Lynch
Bryson Peterson
Gabrielle Griggs
Newton Bruno
Alba

and Robert/Walter/Joe/Jim/Earl from Canada wants to say (all in rec'd within 5 minutes):
Want to be perfect lover?
You don't remember when was the last time you had perfect sex?
Bring back that time when girls were yours.
Buy Viagra or Cialis pills at My Canadian Pharmacy store! Cheapest prices, Instant shipping!

Click here to become sex giant !!!

No one will know that you are using medications.


Ugh.

Posted by: Jules | July 12, 2006 07:11 PM

I don't get much spam e-mail. It's obvious that I'm missing out on a lifetime's worth of entertainment.

Posted by: Nancy | July 12, 2006 07:19 PM

For some reason I read those sentences as:

"Seriously, just ask Dukay! Or anyone I blow!

Are you sure, Doxie, that you haven't been like working the streets working? It is okay if you have been. You gotta pay the flickr account bill somehow.

Love the post and I'm glad you're back. Now get some sleep!

Posted by: Ashley | July 12, 2006 07:19 PM

My favorites:

Sedovic Parrish (Have m0re special moments!)
Damian Humberto (Enj0y magic love!)
Frankie Gilbert (Pay attention to this message!)

And now a poem.

Amazing Your Passion by Abdul Octavio

Did those bus drivers regret singing?
A man comes from the dust and in the dust he will end
- and in the meantime it is good to drink a sip of vodka.
Let bygones be bygones.
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb,
and her mouth is smoother than oil.
The Devil rides upon a fiddlestick.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friends forehead.
Too many people in a dustbin means there not much room in side.
The politicians dislike playing all day long.
Turtle can't walk if he nah push he head outa he shell.
From tenor host toward grand piano, or warranty related to graduate
From tuba player toward cigar.
Steam engine around eggplant rejoices, and ruffian inside minivan returns home;


Bravo, Abdul Octavio. Bravo.

Posted by: Sally | July 12, 2006 07:40 PM

Mine are pretty normal, unfortunately....
Preston Wright
Blair Epps
Chase Jackson
Tate Rogers
Annika Rosaline (I kind of like Annika. I know a little girl named Danika...)
Carlene
And
Teddy Herron (this one sounds familiar, but I don't know why.)

Posted by: Heather | July 12, 2006 07:58 PM

Damn! I don't have any spam right now so I can't give you any spam names. But I keep getting this subject line that says something like "Incrrease y0ur lload pillz." Dude, I'm not a man, but like, who outside of the porn industry wants to "increase their load"?? Revolting.

Posted by: Beth | July 12, 2006 08:04 PM

Theodore Wagner temps me with details of a "Ditty Armband", and Ida Morse promises to regale us with details of a "Dining Room Half-Baked".

I want to know more ...

Posted by: Han | July 12, 2006 08:13 PM

I think that I might possibly be the only person who doesn't have ANY fun spam names. I Mine are all normal and stupid.

Like
The Freebies Forum.
What the hell?

Seriously, getting a new Doxie post is the best birthday present ever.
Besides the Ipod.
Or the money.

Umm. Still, it's VERY VERY good.

Posted by: SWSNBN | July 12, 2006 08:43 PM

Ooh! Ooh! My work e-mail is on our company website, so I get dozens and dozens of these. Within the last week:

Insecurity H. Bessemer
Almighty M. Vermonter
Buying Selling (at least he's got it all covered.)
Ravishment U. Ambiguously (then I think you're doing it wrong...)
Vollyballs J. Asparagus
Backstretches O. Simon

The last cracks me up. I imagine the following conversation: (With Irish accent:)

Man 1: Did ye hear what happend to Backstretches O'Simon? He's stretched his last!
Man 2: Jesus Mary and Joseph. Ah, well, God rest 'im.

Posted by: AudreyKate | July 12, 2006 09:06 PM

This popped up today on a site I read - someone was asking how they can make the spam poetry: http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/42011.

Sadly(?), all of my spammers have totally normal names, like Carl Roberts and Ivan Cook. But the researcher in me quickly figured out that the "normal" sounding names in my inbox are all peddling software, while the slightly more offbeat people would prefer that I buy a watch or save on meds.

Posted by: lurker | July 12, 2006 09:14 PM

This wasn't from spam, but the awesomest name I've ever seen was a listing in a local phonebook for a guy named Rastus Melonsnatcher.

Posted by: Tracy | July 12, 2006 09:17 PM

mine aren't as funny as they have been (like yours), but here you go:

Coffe.Belmondo
Frida Stanford (whose subject line reads: "adorn structural")
Tristan Ramirez

the rest are only so-so. i shall wait for more funny spam! so i can post it here!

Posted by: rachael | July 12, 2006 09:31 PM

This one's not a spam name but I just finished reading an article where a chef's name is Crescent Dragonwagon (formerly known as Ellen Zolotow). What a name change...

Posted by: Allyson | July 12, 2006 09:47 PM

"Hugh G. Rection" !!!!!

Need I say what he was selling?
Didn't think so.

Posted by: Tip | July 12, 2006 10:26 PM

Not from spam, but still must share...

A parent in our preschool program didn't have a name for her newborn son so she named him after the first thing she laid eyes on after he was born:

Nosmo King

(No Smoking)

True story.

Posted by: Bethany | July 12, 2006 10:55 PM

Oh, I KNEW I was keeping those 979 emails in my inbox for SOMETHING. I happen to be close personal penpals with the following:

Wiggins Tuttle
Kermit Painter (I have to admit, I kind of wondered if this was actually someone I knew. Back in the 1980s, my dad had an assistant who was NO SHIT named Kermit.)
Fawnia Lakshminarayan
Champagne Flynn ("have you thought about naming her Champagne if she's a girl? It would be so CLASSY.")
Riddle Bacon
Olsen Ashlee (what, like I would think some combination of Ashley Olsen and Ashlee Simpson was emailing me?)
Padraic Hirakawa (I suppose if you have an Irish mother and a Japanese father, this is what you'll get.)
Udell Norfleet
Yung Cassidy ("he looks just like a young Cassidy!")

I actually get funnier things in the subject line:

"Metaphysical antipathy? The girl was looking full."
"Or diversion, it's European."
"Agony can counteract this problem."
"Wigwam."
"Dolores called about Rachel."
"Evangelina told Freddy about sourberry."
"Monday will be available on Tuesday night." (Awesome! I really wanted to get that Monday back!)

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | July 12, 2006 11:02 PM

Let's see what's in the spam box today:

Belgin Gangestad
Phocas Nevels
Knut Spann
Dollie Smiley
Get A. Grant
Germicide Eclogue

LOL Love the Germicide one. Glad to see you back Miss Doxie!!!

Posted by: Ivie | July 12, 2006 11:18 PM

No good spam, but there is a married couple who are artists named Brett and Whitney Superstar. I wish I had thought to change my last name to something that cool.

Posted by: Jamie | July 12, 2006 11:34 PM

Hoo boy! Well, I've got 87 spams, so let me narrow down the best names.

Winnie Scruggs
Mona Sands
Bernie Colon
Mabel Dunbar
Harli Ladd (interestingly, selling me "luxury time pieces" - how did he know!?)
Roland Winkler (brother of Henry?)
Kenton Snell (talking about "large growths on pink sheets" - huh?)
Wiggins (no last name required, natch)
Wanids Benoit (this is one for the official baby name list)
Kirbee Chin
Penbrook Fry
Lazarus Hayes
Ian Wolf
Elmo Muniz
Prince Vance (a real prince!)
Olympia Rangel
and Normand Mooney who promises "rock hard manhood, multiple explosions and several times more semen volume". Um, great.

Posted by: Olivia | July 13, 2006 12:18 AM

Issac P. Lackey has a home loan I should be interested in.

And Thickness J. Goldener has some pharmacy recommendations for me.

The "novellas" emails are cracking me up!

Posted by: Jennifer | July 13, 2006 12:19 AM

A couple from my spambox:

Logjam R. Ridiculous
Plurality U. Bookmobiles
Cheesecake K. Brontosauri
Somebodies P. Pie

Posted by: T | July 13, 2006 12:30 AM

This one is kind of sad. When I worked in a hospital I had a patient whose name was pronouced Fa-Mall-ee Brown. This poor woman said her mother couldn't read and when they gave her the birth certificate info sheet to fill out she thought they had already named her baby. Female Brown.
Knew a woman who had 7 kids and named the last one (a boy) Absolute. Said she was Not going to have any more children, damn it!

Posted by: mackmomma | July 13, 2006 12:51 AM

Mr. Riddle would like me to know that I have "Feelings of Guilt and Embarrassment."


...HOW DID HE KNOW???

Posted by: mom on a wire | July 13, 2006 01:58 AM

You always crack me up, gotta love that. I have to say, I to would have wondered about the frog. What the heck could possibly look like a frog and not be a frog. Strange and yet intriguing.. haha.

My lists of Spam I dug out of the trash so to speak:

Florence Beard
Sebastian Cline
Ed Herrera
Peggy Peters
Andromache Welch
Tradiciones de Boda
Florence Huber
Max Logan
Oswald Skinner
Doris Wilder

Posted by: Rochelle | July 13, 2006 02:53 AM

Just from today alone:

logical
dgTarratiute
Amanuensis F. Government
Goalpost V. Smidgin
Stradivarius H. Bedroom
Matleena Delp
Sloughed S. Speedways
Stable C. Titles
Reaming U. Cites
Bugged U. Slouch
Happy Wikoff
Parvati Buskirk
SnakeBite Space
Dollar Cheeseburger
Crowning C. Sauciest

And to favorites from the same list, because I'm now all about the punctuation:

dollar feel.
lauded comedy.

I am now considering new punctuation for my own name, I just can't decide if I'm a period or an ellipsis....

Posted by: Boulder | July 13, 2006 03:52 AM

Hmm have only got sent one spam e-mail...guess they just don't like me..mind you it was from

Cummings Quanikavedin

Posted by: Andrew | July 13, 2006 04:17 AM

Sadly, the most interesting spam name in my inbox is Herbert and that...isn't.

However, the woman who sites next to me at work is married to a man named Angus Blower. Surprisingly, he goes by his middle name Jim.

Later
Brad

Posted by: Brad | July 13, 2006 08:24 AM

Oh Miss Doxie, I just emptied my deleted items folder right before I came for a visit. But I did have these few new arrivals for the naming of new arrivals.
Voitto Lookabaugh
Marcellino Loll
Jepson Tejeda
acorn
Patsy Lott
Cnaeus Pecora

I'm surely torn between "acorn" (no need for capitalization there) and "Cnaeus Pecora", both such strong, distinguished monikers.

Thanks for brightening up my day, now don't you go working to hard!


Posted by: meddy | July 13, 2006 08:55 AM

three - offering "racing horse boxing" - apparently a new sport I'm unaware of

Delmer Prince - offering "life, white frocked"

each raQuoants - offering "chills climate ocean"

and Kept E. Loners offering a link to a pharmacy!

Posted by: Maggie105 | July 13, 2006 09:53 AM

Oh as long as we're naming REAL names....there was a guy here whose name was "Dick Puffer".

He was a town administrator or something... No lie - he was being interviewed on the news one night & there it was!

There's so many "whys" there I dont know where to start.

Posted by: Tip | July 13, 2006 09:57 AM

so, did you like the "man panties" I sent? Glad to have you back, your book sounds fascinating, am sure it will be on NY times list asap...

Posted by: jes | July 13, 2006 10:09 AM

Hmm, I have a serious spam filter on, so I have exactly 0 spam messages in my inbox right now. But I worked in the Admissions office in college (because I am a goody-two-shoes) and I will never forget the application we got from Ima Edet Greens.

Seriously.

Posted by: Peyton | July 13, 2006 10:13 AM

The best spam name I ever got was Fanny Stern. I promptly adopted that as my stripper name.

Don't lawyers have to do a certain amount of pro bono work? I'm thinking that helping people legally change their names to Wanderpants and the like would be a good direction for you to go.

Posted by: laura | July 13, 2006 10:44 AM

OK, this is not from spam, but I was in techie training this morning here at "work" and they posted an org chart on the screen. Here is the name of a developer guy(??) here at "work":

Czar Smith

Posted by: Luck O' the Irish | July 13, 2006 10:47 AM

I worked in a bank, and processed some paperwork for a man named Cum Lipps. No, really. NO. REALLY. We were in hysterics for days!

We also saw paperwork for a woman whose first name was Toy. What the hell were her parents thinking?

Posted by: Catherine | July 13, 2006 10:55 AM

I haven't finished reading this entry yet, but I have to stop and share that I thought the last line of the second paragraph said,
"Ask Dukay! Or anyone I blow!". Which was very...surprising.

But that's not what you wrote. So I'll finish reading it now.

Posted by: HollyRhea | July 13, 2006 10:57 AM

Titus Bowman -- I totally fell for that one, and use it as my screen-name sometimes.

Constantine L'heureux (fancy!)
Infallible H. Readiest

Posted by: christine | July 13, 2006 11:13 AM

Okay, my entry is not from a spam email but it would so totally rock as a spam name. When I was a cable tech we had a customer named Hymen Doodlesack. Enough said.

Posted by: Izzi | July 13, 2006 11:17 AM

I wasn't going to comment. I was sure that everyone would have more interesting names than I did. And then I got a spam from Young Flores. It's no Beaver Clockwise but it has such a lovely fairy tale sort of ring to it. "Young Flores toils night and day to increase the girth of the old King."

Posted by: Kizz | July 13, 2006 11:19 AM

Currently in my 'junk mail' folder:
Bricked B. Stunt
Travel R. Rickets

Posted by: jamy | July 13, 2006 11:23 AM

Ava Oakley : "No," I said. "Nothing happened. Yesterday I blew twenty bills at sleep in the air, setting a course at night across the offshore wind, the reminding. No stalker, unless he was completely off his rocker, would go whipping over them all.


Well Ok then.


Antonine Pierre had this to say:
hauled him up by his shoulder belt and told him in precise detail just what anchovy to a hungry old gull chasing him. I could be spending all this eye on me again, that they hadn't forgotten me, or if they had forgotten, night. He was dizzy and terribly tired. Yet in delight he flew a loop to

oh now i shall never now the end of this tale....sigh.

From my many stock advisors,
Chinese/Middle Eastern/ Nigerian contacts/long lost relations:

Leu Cheng
Nathanial Kincaid
Jessica Pryor
Hassan Mohammad
Linda Egobia
Fred Ogu
Madam Nenita Villaran
Mitchell Enry
Bonita DUmas
Amin Al-Sharani
Juan Shan
Drake Martinez
Aiko
Yarobabba

and my favorite: MRS PHODEN GAY ACENAS

Posted by: Angela | July 13, 2006 12:47 PM

"Ask Dukay! Or Anyone! I blow!" Take out the exclamation points as I did the first time I read this sentence. Laugh laugh laugh laugh.

Agamemnon Dunaway
Elvis Kimble
Andy Butts
Ophelia Gilliam who is urging me to act quickly on pink sheets, which is quite terrifying.

Posted by: mulqueeny | July 13, 2006 12:51 PM

Prisilla Werberserchpiffel. I read that name in a readers digest when I was about 10 and it has stuck in my brain ever since. However, when I was pregnant with my firstborn, a friend begged me to name him 'Sparticus'. I think I would have considered it if I could have thought of a way to shorten it other than 'Spart'.

Posted by: Susan | July 13, 2006 12:51 PM

I know a guy named Cougar!

Meanwhile, Teobaldo Bracco tells me to "dylui VIeAGRA" and Gaggle P. Bobolink - I kid not, how do they mke this stuff up?? - reckons the best pharmacy is at www.werunkaxertin.com. Am almost curious enough to click. Almost.

Posted by: Sheila | July 13, 2006 01:14 PM

Bass Castro
Marian Kessler
Groves Hearn

Vasquez Guerra tabs and capsules
What are Vasquez Guerra tabs and capsules?

Mcdonough Deloris 30 year old heaters
Is there a market for 30 year old heaters?

Whitley Della
Alvarez Washington
Dale Cristina

Dempsey Juarez
A foine, young Irish-Mexican laddie

Randall Sandra 30 year old heaters
Again with the 30 year old heaters!!!

Pearlie Archie
Bernice Lyons
Beulah Courtney
Gustavo Barrett
Clara Velma
Kareem Berger
Alexandra Roslyn
Timothy Munoz
Holmes Boyer
Witherspoon Coker
Jefferson Corine
Bruno Askew
Marcus Grady
Alma Montes
Mac Yoder

Virgie Simms
A cousin to Virginia Slims???

Posted by: Cindy | July 13, 2006 01:20 PM

Crap - my company just kicked up the SPAM filter to a whole new blocking level and I don't get the interesting stuff anymore. Glad to have you back Miss Doxie!!!

Posted by: Diane | July 13, 2006 01:32 PM

I don't get much spam so I figured I'd go clean out the significant other's spam box and see what might be in there. I found these:

Eratosthenes D. Balsaming
Conversely E. Platitude
Diastolic S. Amadeus
Nebuchadnezzar G. Semifinalist
Adequate S. Wells
Exaltation K. Ballsy
Herminia Gamble
Paperhanger K. Wrathing
Criminally I. Praxiteles
Misspell J. Undergarment

I really think Exaltation K. Ballsy and Misspell J. Undergarment ought to get married and hyphenate their last names names and then produce a baby named Nebuchadnezzar J. Ballsy-Undergarment.

Posted by: Daisy | July 13, 2006 01:51 PM

well, a Miss Polly Wong would like to help me learn to satisfy my man...Hell, I would like her to just help me find him!

Posted by: KaraMia | July 13, 2006 02:47 PM

I don't get any interesting spam, for whatever reason, but the best name I ever found in a phone book in rural Kentucky was Wilgus Wolfenbarger.

My friend also went to high school with a guy named Mason Dixon.

Posted by: Eleanor | July 13, 2006 02:54 PM

Patrick Pam
Sweet Cheeky
And there is just "Beth" but she says " Iam A-CumMachine"

Posted by: jag | July 13, 2006 03:44 PM

I hereby submit:

Dixie

Apollonios Rozar

Posted by: Laziza | July 13, 2006 03:56 PM

Blaine Spradling says:

Hi,

VALIvUM from 1, 20 $
AMBIvEN
VIAGvRA from 3, 35 $
CIALxIS from 3, 75 $

of this palace. Then he hailed the others, and they gathered together,
and holding their torches above their heads they passed through the
gaping doors, not without many a backward glance of longing.

Posted by: Beccaface | July 13, 2006 04:07 PM

Wow, it's been a long time since I emptied my junk folder. I have a whole survey of spammer names, demonstrating the various naming trends. First there were the normalish (if somewhat soap-operatic) names, of which a sampling follows:

Blair Leblanc
Marcello Hammer
Cornelius Larson
Menes Wojtowitz
mr Espinosa
Reda Benhouhou (my personal favorite)

Then we went through a single-name phase:

Dominick
Welsh
Angela (eek!)

Then a nonsensical phase:
zycrg0hxaxx

And now we seem to be back to soap opera names. My most recent favorite (dated 2074--it's spam from the FUTURE, where apparently they have cheap watches!) is Lolita Gold.

Posted by: Angela | July 13, 2006 04:19 PM

Hey, I'm pregnant so maybe these will come in useful afterall (ha!)

Nigel M. Pitchfork
Biopsy H. Meteoroid
Evade Infect
democraticstuff
Spews I. Wingspread
Conclusively C. Disaffection
Actioning A. Retardant
Estrogen U. Enduring
Fleurette Peacock
Ester Hooker
Discreditable O. Sleeve

and that's only going back 2 weeks!

Posted by: Andy | July 13, 2006 04:36 PM

My favorite spam of all time was from:

Jesus

Yes, Jesus! It said, from: Jesus -- and there was no message title, so, seriously, I got an e-mail from Jesus. I don't know what it said, because I didn't open it because I was at work and that's dangerous (someone crashed our system once doing that, thank Jesus it wasn't me).

Anyway, I've always wondered just what Jesus had to say to me. I mean, maybe it was the beginning of the second coming and all, and I was supposed to forward it to ten friends and make a wish and I would not be left behind, right? Oh well, I lost my chance! ;)

Posted by: Susan | July 13, 2006 05:36 PM

Snezana Molinaro uaaoa VIeAGRA


'Introducing the next President of the United States..........
Snezana Molinaro!!'

Posted by: Mrs X | July 13, 2006 05:48 PM

Just today I got "Krystal Bene" and "Martins Terry (Terry Law Firm)"

Posted by: Erica | July 13, 2006 06:27 PM

Roosevelt Gonzalez
Horace Harris
Consuela Shipley
Trinidad Irving
PVZ not.
Maleah Morvant
Beatle Boswell

Posted by: Cori | July 13, 2006 06:52 PM

I know of two students. One is named Anh Phuc Luong, and the other one is Phuc Ngo.

Phuc Ngo starts in September. I can't WAIT to run into him.

Also, the nursing teachers tell me all the time about babies named Shit'head and Fem-AL-e. And one fortunate pair of twins named Poppy and Pansy - fortunate because the father, who didn't speak any English except what he'd learned from the free cable porn channel, wanted to originally name Pansy...

Pussy.

You heard me.

Posted by: Coleen | July 13, 2006 08:00 PM

Currently in my deleted email:

Milagros Babcock
Canberra K. Graveyard
Melva Lloyd
Emery Enoch
Mabel Hobbs
Marian Belcher
Inexhaustibly A. Loaning
German Scipioni

Posted by: Callie | July 13, 2006 09:29 PM

Well, I too have a great spam filter, so no good stuff in *my* inbox...BUT- I worked for some time with a benefit program and saw about 150 applications per day, plus the names of the beneficiaries on these apps. We kept a list of our favorite names, since we came across so many terrifically horrific ones. Here are a few (keep in mind these are the names of real people):

L'Oreal
Maybelline
Revlon
(No, seriously...)
Babygirl (this was the name of an applicant's WIFE)
And my personal favorite- Mrs. Puteena Feely.

Wow. I hadn't thought about that in years. Thanks for making me laugh (as usual!)

Posted by: gabby | July 13, 2006 09:54 PM

And we have...
Terri Thacker
Fran Wiggins
Peter Piperbad
Antoshka Snookie
Winnie Hannah
Princesse Rose
Rodolfo Livingston
Anastasia LaPorte
...and my favorite, no kidding: SnookieDarkAngel.
Geez, that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Posted by: Anne L. | July 13, 2006 11:16 PM

Milligan Blackbird has this important piece of news to share with the world:

Dear member, While millions complain, you can benefit from an all-covering solution. Gain confidence with Extra-Time, a ground-breaking thing making your life better. Is not again the phrase you hear too often in bed with your partner? All you need is here: http://grubernol.com/dll/get/ She won't want to get out of your bedroom, hoping other girls don't find out about you.

Tolly Behrens has this to say:

Hi,

VALIvUM from 1, 20 $
VIAGvRA from 3, 35 $
AMBIvEN
CIALxIS from 3, 75 $

http://www.siothear.com


they left the Last Homely House in the West and said good-bye to Elrond. The light of the torches and the fire flickered about them, and on the table were two tall red beeswax candles. All the time they ate, Beorn in

It's all very, very odd!

Also:

Pasqualino Elsberry
Karel Erxleben
Aureole Sandiford
Bodil Coppinger
Motorcycles E. Throttle

Posted by: Jessic | July 13, 2006 11:37 PM

Alowicious P. McGarnagle wants me to "Have fun with lube"
Need I say more?

Posted by: itsabecky | July 14, 2006 08:30 AM

And from today's inbox, we have:

Numbers Myers (that's his mob name)

Mercedes Monroe (that's her porn name)

Posted by: Laziza | July 14, 2006 09:57 AM

I still like the real name 'Magnolia Thunderpussy' best.

Posted by: Allyson | July 14, 2006 10:19 AM

Tico Sierra

Posted by: Cheryl Hansel | July 14, 2006 11:16 AM

Colleen - My dad is also a teacher, and he told me about a Shit'head AND a Fe-MAL-e... Hopefully he runs in the same teacher circle as your teacher friends, and there aren't really lots of unfortunate people with those names running around.

Posted by: sortasandy | July 14, 2006 01:13 PM

I've got spam mails from "Jennifer Aniston" :D

Posted by: inori | July 14, 2006 01:36 PM

Sophia Stafford while not that memorable had a subject line which was "Puberty Flute." I realize that puberty was a long time ago but have I missed something?

Posted by: Andra | July 14, 2006 02:54 PM

From: Office Products
Subject: Soul Sexuality
Message: diameter they didnt store well
users easily year planning heartbeat
HIGH ALTITUDE CANDY!!!


I'm confused! Is it office products? Is it porn? Is it candy? Is it edible office supplies for the naughty secretary?

Posted by: Sally | July 14, 2006 04:40 PM

So, how the heck do we stop it? It is sending me mad - I have short fuse when sat in front of a computer.

You are not the only one blogging about this:

http://www.chasemeladies.blogspot.com/

Posted by: wendywoo | July 14, 2006 06:03 PM

My spammers all suck. I wanted to participate, but all my spam was from "Improve Your Digestive" or "You Need a Big" or "Mom"...hmmm...maybe I should read that last one.

I had no fun names.

I feel like a spam reject.

I think I will go cry a little right now.

Posted by: Amy | July 14, 2006 07:58 PM

I dated Michael Jackson. He (thankfully) went by his middle name, Chase, and apparently he's emailing Heather now!

One of my favorite spam names was "Girlser Eezy" advertising free Canadian drugs!

I also went to freshman orientation with a girl named La Sonya (say it out loud).

Posted by: Valerie | July 14, 2006 08:11 PM

Decentralization T. Hebrews

Posted by: slynnro | July 14, 2006 09:27 PM

Pip Gamble
Friede Wiseman
Shehrevar Carbonaro
Cort Peskin

Posted by: Angela | July 15, 2006 12:58 AM

not from spam in my inbox - but a bench at the bus stop advertising a realtor... i couldn't make this up if i tried... Wolfgang Furtwengler. I will send proof.

the only interesting spam name from today's inbox, is Gerry Bughind.

Posted by: kimmikim | July 15, 2006 02:37 AM

This week my inbox has received profound advice from the following spam gurus:

Hendel Linscott
Jokin Champney
Kamela Sedlock
Valeria Bosse
Narcissa Miers
Eemeli Grimes (i proclaim this to be the new spelling of Emily, if that is your name you must legally change it, immediately... ask Miss Doxie for the number)
Loraine Gagnon


as Miss Narcissa Miers has so elequently said:

them, he told his men to unbind them, for they were ragged and weary.
Besides they need no ropes in here, said he. There is no escape from
my magic doors for those who are once brought inside.

i think this might be a passage from a lost Bible book... the Book of Narcissa perhaps?

Posted by: jenny | July 15, 2006 08:18 AM

Sadly, I only seemed to get those with the really brilliant names at my old office e-mail address, which is now gloriously wiped out of existence. But I used to enjoy the HELL out of them! Vicariously T. Wanderlust and all them. Hee. HEE! It would be great to persuade someone to give their baby one of those names. (Which reminds me, when I was in the hospital having Erika I tried really hard to persuade my roommate to name her baby boy Vinny, just to see if I could do it. I'm such an asshole! She named him Justin. Phooey.)

Posted by: Gretchen | July 16, 2006 06:10 AM

Some of them seem like bizarre social or policital commentary:

Asia P. Splintering
Homemakers A. Wailing
Underneath E. Catholics
Masochism S. Tints

And some simply seem like someone was doing some serious drugs:

Inspiration M. Kindles
Sorcery C. Choler
Squires F. Frozen
Subtitle R. Rug
Ronnie L. Persecution (a badly chosen wrestling name, perhaps?)
Preamble R. Serend

And my very favorite:

Jellyfishes K. Panda

Posted by: Stir Fry Kitty | July 16, 2006 09:26 AM

Ha ha! I got one for ya: How about Deepak Chopra? Oh wait, never mind... Glad to know you were just off lawyerin' and not mauled to death by Bo.

Posted by: The Painted Lily | July 16, 2006 07:33 PM

In my last job, I was so bored that I wrote down a list of the best spam names. By the time I left that job, the list was 4 pages long (2 columns). I still have the list, but it is unfortunately in another city. My favorite one is Zedekiah F. Gonorrhea.

I have another baby name, but it's unrelated to spam. It's partly named after a pitcher, partly a children's song, and partly a friend's fake name. It is:

Estebanloaiza Jingleheimerschmidt Dromthwackett XXVII

The XXVII is completely necessary, as there are obviously 26 other Estebanloaiza Jingleheimerschimdt Dromthwacketts in the world.

Posted by: msmack | July 16, 2006 09:59 PM

I emptied my junk mail a while ago, but I did have some in there. The most interesting name this time was Zwinky.

Posted by: ishouldbeworking | July 17, 2006 10:10 AM

Favorite Names:
Rolland
Ervin Knight
Billy Burris
Aurora Fountain
Fio Trick
Clark Hoover (the Superman of vacuum cleaners?)

Favorite Subject Lines:
miner putrid (perhaps could use your occupational safety and health document)
petty
you cumm very quickly and without any control! (poor guy)

Post more of your illustrations / stories--they really are fantastic. Cheers!

Posted by: Missy | July 17, 2006 10:54 AM

Bjorn Ragde with the subject line, "Bounce, in madame", wrote to me twice today. And I think I have a little spammy crush on him, 'cause he keeps asking me if I want cash immdediately, and I totally do because there's a new Coach bag that I really, really want. He wants me to have pretty things! Maybe I'll see if he wants to come for dinner.

Posted by: Liz | July 17, 2006 02:00 PM

Been missing you - glad it was just all that lawyer junk (oh and email junk too!)

Posted by: Heather | July 17, 2006 02:34 PM

I actually heard of someone naming their twins Orangejello and Lemonjello. Truly.

My husband's drill sergeant was named Trefuss Lee. No shit.

Posted by: Laura | July 17, 2006 03:27 PM

www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames

whoooo, boy! an AWESOME website, and these are REAL people asking for REAL advice on whether or not they should name their child: (ah, cut and paste...where would we be without you...)

May I suggest:
Calaya Tanith
Calaya Branwen
Calaya Delphine
Calaya Faerin
Calaya Gwendolen
Calaya Maeve
Calaya Magdalen
Calaya Mairead
Calaya Niamh
Calaya Nimue
Calaya Roisin (ro-SHEEN)
Calaya Siobhan (sha-VON)
Calaya Talwen
Fainne Maeve
Fainne Roisin
Fainne Tanith
No. No, you bloody well may not suggest them. Please leave us alone and resume reading "The Annotated Legends of the Runes of the Mystical Arthurian Knighthood of the Sacred Circle of the Shield of the Spell-Casting Princess Faeries of the Grail of Blackwynne Castle. Book II."

Posted by: kelly | July 17, 2006 04:36 PM

I know you probably already know about this but it so cute. I think you need to buy some.

http://rockscissorpaper.stores.yahoo.net/ilovedoxies.html

Posted by: Lyn | July 18, 2006 01:04 PM

A friend of mine actually used the pseudonym Mitsui "Buzz" Nagata on a regular basis - usually when pulling pranks on his unsuspecting friends. I've often wondered (since we've since lost touch) whether he named any of his children that way!

Posted by: Gayle Miller | July 18, 2006 04:23 PM

Damn! Lyn beat me to it. I also saw that page and was about to comment about it.
Maybe you can use your amazing tablet and make some stationary with your illustrations.

Posted by: z. | July 18, 2006 08:29 PM

okay, i couldn't help but come back here and tell you guys that right this very second, i have sitting in my inbox, an email from...

adamsa cock.

that's right, adamsa cock.

i'm certainly not going to challenge that!

Posted by: kelly | July 19, 2006 01:08 PM

So recently RayBlanton sent me an email entirely in bright yellow, oh joy! One of those random word sentences, except RayBlanton seems to have forgotten how to use his spacebar so you end up with words like parallelepipedlatitudinary... ow.

Posted by: Chrissy | July 19, 2006 01:25 PM

I once new a guy named richard munch. only if you called him richard, he'd say, "no, call me dick"

(for real, this was someone's dad at my high school)

Posted by: liz | July 20, 2006 03:57 AM

Hmm actually knew a guy who was called
Wayne Kerr.....seriously your parents would have to hate you to call you that !

Posted by: Andrew | July 20, 2006 04:00 AM

Sorta Sandy wrote:
"Colleen - My dad is also a teacher, and he told me about a Shit'head AND a Fe-MAL-e... Hopefully he runs in the same teacher circle as your teacher friends, and there aren't really lots of unfortunate people with those names running around."

Sandy, the teachers I know are mostly former healthcare workers in hospitals and the like, so the stories they have to tell about naming conventions are ENDLESS. I've only cracked the top of the barrel's bottom, apparently.

Posted by: Coleen | July 20, 2006 11:16 AM

While I don't get the exciting generated names, I am clearly on a list for men who either have sperm problems OR are looking for bored horny women. OR I need a luxury watch really badly. Examples:

Increased Sperm Count subject: Spur 'Em On
MaXxXL0ads : Sh00t L0ads Like a Cannon
LAST LONGER : (none)
Friendly Housewife : looking to get laid
HubbyCan't : satisfyMeAnymore
Harley Davidon (not a typo) : RolexWatch
Tiger Woods Golf : Tiger Woods Tag Heuer

and then there is this:

GSA : General Public Not Aware of This Program

What amazes me is that these used to be filtered, and are now slipping through the spam filters into my main box.....

Okay, one other note, that Bad Bad Baby Names site is so completely hilarious. Thanks for posting that one.

Posted by: Thryth | July 20, 2006 02:26 PM

Excerpt from an email entitled "zoology bold" from Mortimer Yarbrough:

retrieve sympathy artificial respiration a marinade longingly at illegitimacy.

Sounds like Beck lyrics.

Posted by: Jennifer | July 21, 2006 12:55 AM

Courtesy of today's inbox:
Carla Robles wants me to know about a 'Daughter suckinng Dad's dickkk!'
Yesenia Niuwudekx says, 't Penelope ^ inside bx.'
and Bennett has some 'hardcoore inccest Pictures!'

I don't mind how offensive they get, but do they need to make my eyes bleed with their bad grammar?

Posted by: SuMMer | July 21, 2006 10:55 AM

I think I get poetry in my inbox
search various
maintain lot located different places. intended
Feedback
quality speed fast. Visual
gateways case cannot deliver
heating degree due

I wish I would get this GOLD in my mailbox when I was in high school poetry class. My hippie teacher would probably have swooned at my clever use of verbiage :)

Posted by: Banana Esq | July 21, 2006 04:01 PM

Artemisios Kukowski!

Posted by: cyn | July 22, 2006 03:37 PM

Saint-alphonse-de-caplan wants to send me to the movies for a year! He IS a saint!

Posted by: daisy | July 22, 2006 06:08 PM

Testy Grove is concerned that I am worried that I did not get on the alumni list......

Posted by: thryth | July 24, 2006 09:18 AM

Oh, I think I have some that can contend with dear old auntie Condensation. Here you go:
Cheryl Roach
Ronda Hooker
Superena Lotto
Chasity K. Winston
and last but not least, the tall and dellusional
Quincy Cervantes

Posted by: Shrinkmamma | July 27, 2006 04:19 PM

From today:
Keepvid Vivid
Benedict Mccoy
Tub Water (worse than above mentioned Aquanet Bush, I'd wager)
Theobald Moses
Theodore Quintana (apparently, Theo names seem trustworthy)
Tapio Barcelo (hope the middle name isn't Ca/Ka/Kah)
... and the ever regal: "MRS. Whetzel"

Posted by: Kelly | July 28, 2006 04:09 PM

Ashen Breadroot, Subject: Large Doge

Huh? Of course I opened it just to figure out what a large doge was. Apparently it has something to do with penny stocks.

All of this talk about these names makes me think of a recent episode of South Park where they find out the writing staff of Family Guy is made up of manatees who randomly put together strings of words (printed on balls they push around on their noses) to make the nonsense situations Peter (Family Guy) flashes back to. Maybe Internet spammers use a similar process for coming up with names and subject lines.

Posted by: Kurt | July 30, 2006 07:07 PM

Had to add this new one:
Tabular Fetools ...with the intriguing subject line: "The."

Can't wait until I can have a kid so I can name it Tabular! Then we could call it Tabu... or Tabi.. ;) ha.

Posted by: Kelly | July 31, 2006 12:57 PM

Had to add this new one:
Tabular Fetools ...with the intriguing subject line: "The."

Can't wait until I can have a kid so I can name it Tabular! Then we could call it Tabu... or Tabi.. ;) ha.

Posted by: Kelly | July 31, 2006 12:58 PM

Had to add this new one:
Tabular Fetools ...with the intriguing subject line: "The."

Can't wait until I can have a kid so I can name it Tabular! Then we could call it Tabu... or Tabi.. ;) ha.

Posted by: Kelly | July 31, 2006 12:59 PM

Ack! Sorry guys! This wouldn't post, and then 3 at once popped up! Miss Doxie ... can you delete the repeats?

Posted by: Kelly | July 31, 2006 01:00 PM

Ooo! So late to the game, but I have been on a month long vacation, so it is only fair that I still get to play. Right this very moment, I have an email from one Vaporize M. Mustache. Vaporize gives me a stock pick but then adds:

"me at least an explanation.
Were dreadfully sorry. But it is strictly forbidden to pass on
information to temporal aborigines."

Well! I never!

Posted by: ammogirl | August 8, 2006 05:44 AM

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