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And I Lived Happily Ever After, Too, But That Is Probably Thanks To The Wine.

June 05, 2006

(Okay, before we get started with the current business, I just have to say that: Y'all. Those comments to the last entry? Were absolutely some of the best things to ever hit the internet. Ever! Better than illegally downloadable music! Better than Zappos shoe store! Even better than porn! They were hilarious, and thank everyone for participating. Y'all are the coolest, and you crack me up inordinately.)

Anyway, today's business is something different, and I really hope you like it. Today, y'all are all going to see, for the first time ever, A Whole Nother Side of Miss Doxie. Basically, and do not laugh, but my most secret, most favorite desire is...to write and illustrate children’s books. Yes. And, I would not say "fuck" in them or anything! I swear! I would just really like to do a whole series of stories about the bad dogs, and I've worked on a couple, and it is my dream that maybe one day I can get them published. And I know that it is a difficult market, and children’s book publishing is all competitive and crazy and you can't find an agent and la de da buzzkillers-abound, but...still. It is nice to think about. Because, maybe then I would write books, and maybe write fewer briefs, and then I would be a happier person all around! Isn't that a nice plan? It is a nice plan. And so, it is my secret little dream.

Anyway, I've written and illustrated a few funny little kids’ stories, but I haven't done anything with them. But then on Friday, I was stuck on the phone, on hold with the cable company, and I got to thinking about how I needed to wash the dogs this weekend. And then I started doodling (I am always doodling) about how I needed to wash the dogs this weekend. And then I decided that what the hell, I will doodle a whole entry for y'all about why washing the dogs is absolutely not any fun whatsoever, and is typically made even less fun by the twin demons of "Bo" and "Plotting," and why that completely sucks and leads to bloodshed and involuntary stays in mental asylums.

So, essentially, that's what this is. These are all doodles that I did while I waited on the phone, on a pad of lined, crappy paper. Of course, because I am a nerd, I ended up having to colorize some of the pictures this weekend (using Microsoft PAINT, no less, which was an interesting task) so they would be pretty. Because even with doodles, I am kind of a perfectionist.

And so, in honor of Monday, it is hereby Story Time, and we will all learn the Story of Why We Do Not Wash The Dogs More Often, and you will all be filled with terror. And, while this particular story is certainly not a children’s book, it will give you an idea of the kind of thing I have been working on, all secrety-like. (The children's stories do not involve wine, for example.) And frankly, I'm all embarrassed about even posting this here, because I am a geek, and what if you think it is the crowning point of Lame, but you know. Hopefully, you will not.

Anyway, I hope you like it, and agree that, at the very least, it is better than reading a damn brief, and don't y'all think I should do this with my life? Of course you do! Because it is probably what God intended. And also, it makes ALL of us much, much better looking. I am pretty sure.

1 title.JPG

After a long day of legaling, I come home from work. And, as I open the front door, I immediately begin to sniff. I smell...dog. I smell dog everywhere. It is super gross.

The odor of Dog is so prevalent, in fact, that it has pretty much taken on a visible cloud form, and I follow this cloud through the house, holding my nose. It leads me directly to the perpetrators, who are fast asleep on the sofa, basking in the glow of their ooky, green stank.

2 sofa smaller.JPG

"Perpetrators," I announce, "I think it is time for a B-A-T-H."

But the perpetrators can spell. Their reaction is immediate. And they are not pleased.

3 sofa smaller.JPG

Now, as a cardinal rule of washing the dogs, it is important that you do not start with Bo. You never want to start with Bo. If you start with Bo, none of the other dogs will actually get washed, because you will be too busy looking for the Bactine or a telephone so that you can call 911 and get a refresher course in tourniquet-making before you collapse on the floor from blood loss. Consequently, Bo has to be last. This is a helpful rule to remember.

4 gun.JPG

So, bearing this rule in mind, I start with the weakest link of the chain, and lift Pugsley from the sofa. Pugsley is terrified of baths. He is also terrified of "quick movements" and "any type of sound" and also "air." Knowing that he is about to have a B-A-T-H, Puglsey is immediately petrified, and is rendered stiff and plank-like with fear.

5 lift color.JPG

I place Puglsey in the sink, and gather the necessary supplies. Necessary supplies include towels, soap, and wine.

6 sink smaller.JPG

Back in the den, the remaining dogs watch the proceedings with great intensity, to the best of their respective abilities. This is never a good sign.

7 watching smaller.JPG

Still, I turn on the water, and start to bathe Pugsley. He is now comatose with terror, and is looking at me like I am preparing to make him into a stew.

8 Wet blue.JPG

As I lather, I glance back at the others. But they have myseriously vanished.

9 spookier.JPG

Uh oh, I think. I know what is going on here. This is plotting. And plotting is never, ever good. Plotting is what makes the bleeding happen. Plotting makes the fire department come.

10 planning small.JPG

So, leaving the paralyzed Pugsley in the sink, I run to the couch and look for the remaining dogs. They are discovered. Clearly, I am now witnessing Plan A, which again, each dog is carrying out to the best of their respective abilities.

11 under color small.JPG

Well, I think. Ha HA. I can handle this particular plan. When I need a dog for washing, I can just thwock him out from under the sofa by a tail. This particular plan blows.

So, pleased with myself, I dash back to the sink. Only someone is not IN the sink anymore. Also, in the last ten seconds, the kitchen has been magically transformed into something resembling a demilitarized zone.

12 wet counter blue pink yellow.JPG

I locate Pugsley in his hiding place, and try to gently coax him back to the sink. But Puglsey is not having it. Seizing every IQ point in his head (four), and every ounce of self-preservation in his terrified, wet body, he leaps from the counter...

13 jump.JPG

And runs like all hell.

14 flee small.JPG

The remaining dogs, seeing a soaking Puglsey barreling towards them at top dachshund speed (13,287 mph), scatter in horror, knowing all too well that "wet" is highly contagious. All of a sudden, the whole room is filled with water and panic. The dogs are barking hysterically, Puglsey is leaving a trail of water everywhere, and I am knocked on my keister in the kerfuffle. I am beginning to think that the dogs did not smell so bad after all.

15 other flee color.JPG

Gimmme, meanwhile, having lost interest in the whole affair, is fast asleep.

16 sleepy.JPG

Pugsley, overcome by all the excitement and fear, suddenly stops running, and, in the middle of the den, engages poop hunchback stance.

17 hunch.JPG

AAHHHH I scream. NO WE DO NOT DO THAT IN HERE NO! NO! NO!

And so I grab him up quick quick quick...

18 grab dog.JPG

And run for the door quick quick quick

19 running me.JPG

Which causes the other dogs to run for the door quick quick quick, because Outside = Freedom, and also, far greater opportunity for hiding from a B-A-T-H than the stupid sofa, HA HA HA, LADY.

20 bo tash color.JPG

As the other dogs fly past me, Pugsley is placed in the grass, whereupon I expect pooping to occur.

21 pugs go out.JPG

However, Puglsey, immediately upon being released, promptly forgets all about (a) pooping, and (b) the bath. Pugsley is outside! Where it is fun! Hi, outside!

22 pugs happy outside.JPG

The other dogs, meanwhile, who have forgotten nothing, have hidden themselves deep within the rose bushes, and are looking at me with complete disgust. Hate you, they say. Are not coming out of rosebushes ever, they say.

23 under bushes color.JPG

Inside, Gimmme has started to snore.

24 gimme sleep upside down.JPG

I get down on my knees, and try to coax Bo and Tasha from out of the bushes, wondering whether I could just spray them with Febreeze and avoid any future catastrophe. As I am coaxing, however, I notice, in the far corner or the yard, something that fills me with dread.

25 mud.JPG

At the exact same moment, Pugsley's eyes light up with delight. Hello! he says.

26 pugs sees it.JPG

Accordingly, he bolts.

27 bolt.JPG

And, before I can grab his wet, skinny butt, he is orgasmically rolling in the mud, enjoying himself far more than is legally allowed by either the FDA or OSHA. Officially, the dogs are now ten thousand times dirtier than they were at the beginning of bathtime.

28 love mud.JPG

And this is precisely the moment when I give up, and decide that there is absolutely nothing wrong with buying air freshener in bulk, or maybe I will just move, and consequently, I call it a damn day. And the dogs, of course, win again, and live happily, and smellily, ever after.

29 dirty on couch all color smaller.JPG

30.JPG

Happy Monday, everyone! Hope y'all enjoyed, and hope you all have great weeks. I'll be here, hanging out with all my smelly dogs. And hopefully, with plenty of wine.

Posted by doxie in | permalink

218 Comments

I enjoyed it immensely. My brother and his girlfriend found out their mini-dachsund was born this Saturday and they are so excited....I'm sending them this link so they know what they're in for! I think you've found your calling; besides legaling, that is. Thanks for sharing!!!

Posted by: sam | June 5, 2006 04:44 PM

Ha! That was awesome!!

Posted by: Megan | June 5, 2006 04:46 PM

Oh my god, that was terrific! You'd be surprised how many adults buy illustrated children's books. I would totally buy your story from above if it were in book because I love all things dachshund.

My 3 yr old doxie, Lulu, hates baths. This weekend I took her to the groomer. She did have long hair. Now she is shaved. She hates me just a little bit.

Posted by: Elizabeth K | June 5, 2006 04:57 PM

Ha! That's absolutely wonderful.

Posted by: Anna | June 5, 2006 05:00 PM

Frankly, if this post is any indication, I think you could have a book contract quickly. The drawings were clean with good detail and your "voice" was distinctive and clear. I would buy that book...

Posted by: Debra | June 5, 2006 05:00 PM

This is awesome. I'll be first in line to buy your book!

Posted by: canknitian | June 5, 2006 05:02 PM

That was a HOOT! I think you need more wine!

Posted by: nitney | June 5, 2006 05:04 PM

Wow! I really like your illustrations and the story is hilarious! I hope you do write children's books (or any other type of book)someday. I would buy them for myself and maybe a few for gifts too.

Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: staci | June 5, 2006 05:04 PM

Aw, y'all are so nice to me. Thank you for not being all naysay-y. Know what is naysay-y? All the books ever written about publishing for children, but those books can go suck an egg.

Besides, Bo would rock as an villian of mystery and intrigue, which is totally what he would be. I mean, could it be any other way? No.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 5, 2006 05:07 PM

Hi-larious. LOVE it, Doxie!

Posted by: Jen | June 5, 2006 05:08 PM

Not so unlike giving my ten month old daughter a bath. Although I never make it outside before the poop explosion. Must take notes.

Posted by: Stacy | June 5, 2006 05:11 PM

That was incredible! It must be published. Must!

Posted by: European | June 5, 2006 05:13 PM

AWESOME, Doxie, absolutely awesome! Blind Gimmme = awesome! Pugsley in the sink = awesome! Dogs plotting = awesome! And your pink flats = so pretty!

Posted by: Anna | June 5, 2006 05:22 PM

Oh. My. God.

Funniest dog drawings EVAR!!!

I would so buy any books you made for my nephew and my baby cousins. I would buy any stuffed animals you made from the drawings for my own damn self.

I am so linking this from my journal, so be prepared for an onslaught of at least 10 or 20 new readers!

Posted by: Eh... not so much | June 5, 2006 05:27 PM

I sent the link to a friend and it turns out she has a sister in the book publishing business. So if you get a book deal, I want an autographed copy!

Posted by: Elizabeth K | June 5, 2006 05:29 PM

Oh please do another one. I want another one! This was so awesome!

Posted by: mom on a wire | June 5, 2006 05:34 PM

My friend Carley introduced me to your site because a) she loves it and b) I have a dachshund. Your story and drawings totally rocked! I feel your pain on bath days as Mr. Stuart Sausagebelly (my dachshund) curls into a ball of frozen terror when I remove his collar (the first indication of bath time) then becomes a rigid plank of terror in the sink but absolutely loves to dried with the blow dryer after his bath. Best of luck in your book publishing, not that you need it :)

Posted by: jolie | June 5, 2006 05:35 PM

Oh my! Snorting out laughter at work is just not the thing to do, but I couldn't help it! The Pugsley in the bath picture is too perfect!
Dachshund bathtime in our house is not so much about fear as sadness: I get the sad eyes of Fritz looking at me to ask, "Isn't there a baby in Namibia that needs a bath more than I do? Sigh, if I must, then I must." Then from Sophie I get, "ooooh, the pain, water, it burns mee.....how will I live without my protective stink layer????"

Posted by: Heidi | June 5, 2006 05:35 PM

Love it love it love it love it!!!!!!!

Posted by: BB | June 5, 2006 05:49 PM

Wow! I knew you were talented but this was just amazing. I hope the cable company puts you on hold more often!

Posted by: Liz | June 5, 2006 05:56 PM

So awesome! Your story hits that ultra-desirable-but-elusive category of children's book that adults love, too!

Here's hoping one of your readers hooks you up with an agent and a 7-figure deal!

Posted by: Vaguely Urban | June 5, 2006 05:59 PM

I felt I must delurk to say: That was hilarious!! Loved the illustrations A LOT :)

Posted by: Louise | June 5, 2006 06:01 PM

Love it! I would totally buy that book. Favorite picture - poor wet Pugsley comatose with terror. Scared dog with big eyes = funny. Hehehehehehee!

Posted by: Laylabean | June 5, 2006 06:12 PM

That was the best read EVER.

And I am very impressed by the use of color in Microsoft Paint to create the shading effect on your arms. Very impressed. If I tried anything like that, it'd look more like a skin disease than actual arms.

Posted by: Gloria | June 5, 2006 06:24 PM

Doxie,

I WOULD buy that book, right now. However, I would not read it to Avery (my 5 year old) because, though you don't say "fuck," you do say "orgasmically" and she needs no encouragement there. She "exercises" (humps a blanket, towel, pillow, anything lumpy, really--it's a good thing we don't have any blind dachshunds) pretty much constantly. The other day I took her to the pool. When she got out of the water and lay on the chaise next to me I hurriedly read a few pages of the book I foolishly brought along. When I glanced over at her a few minutes later, yep, there she was, "exercising" away, in full view of the other interested/appalled/horrified/amused pool patrons.

Ohhh, Lawsy, I laughed SO LOUD at the picture of the dogs hiding, to the best of their abilities. You=genius.

Posted by: nowwaitjustaminizzle | June 5, 2006 06:46 PM

As someone who is familiar with the greater hirearchy of computer coloring programs, that's pretty damned good coloring for MS paint.

Posted by: Nopenname | June 5, 2006 06:48 PM

I wish I had something clever to add, but instead I will just say that your story is not only WAY better than legal briefs, it is cute and hilarious! I love the dogs piled up on the couch!

Posted by: -R- | June 5, 2006 06:57 PM

Oh god...I was actually crying. Seriously. Am forwarding this link forthwith to my parents, who are saddled with a small cloud of halitosis that just happens to be centered on a small black and tan dog. That in no way resembles the dogs in the above story. Not at all.
Very fun to read...

Posted by: parp! | June 5, 2006 07:08 PM

P.S. Yes, stuffed toy Doxie doxies! When you're published you must also secure a merchandising deal.
And the Bo toy should come with a gun.

Posted by: nowwaitjustaminizzle | June 5, 2006 07:11 PM

Love it!!

Posted by: Kristin | June 5, 2006 07:20 PM

That was awesome. We should have stories EVERY Monday. Because that would help you relax from the briefs. So, really, it would be for you, and not for us at all.

Seriously, I like the story line, and except for teh inclusion of "wine" and "orgasmically" it was very kid-appropriate. In fact, if you used the word "fuck" more, it could be picture books for adults, and we would buy them up.

Posted by: Amy | June 5, 2006 07:21 PM

Do it again! Wonderful! Ignore the naysaying and nurture that dream of yours. Not only can you write, you can draw a truly amusing picture. Why are you wasting yourself with law?

Posted by: Jane | June 5, 2006 07:34 PM

Absolutely hysterical - I snarfed aloud. When I have children I will buy them the expensive hardcover version of every single one of your books.

Also, I think you must avoid all books that discourage one from leaving the extra glamorous world of law firm associate-ness in pursuit of a writing career; they are all written by bitter not-at-all-funny people.

Posted by: MeBeth | June 5, 2006 07:42 PM

Smellily!!! Haaa! Doxie, that was awesome. Do more! Do more!!!

Posted by: Anne L. | June 5, 2006 07:46 PM

Very cute. I like your doodle style. And I would totally buy your books for my nonexistant kids.
Incedentally, I find the only way to acheive the goal of washing dogs is to haul all their asses at once into the shower, close the door so escape is impossible, and lather every creature within reach. If the dogs wear themselves out with self-pitying whining, then tooth-brushing can commence also.

Posted by: Laura | June 5, 2006 07:47 PM

A-freakin-DORABLE.
HEE-freakin-LARIOUS.

I would buy that for every kid I know, and half the grown-ups too. More, please!

Posted by: lucy | June 5, 2006 07:49 PM

Brrrrrilliant!

Posted by: vague | June 5, 2006 07:56 PM

Grrrrrrrrllll! The talent that oooooooooozes forth from you would be intimidating if you weren't so damn funny! I love the story, I ADORE your drawings...and BTW, PEOPLE GET THEIR BOOKS PUBLISHED ALL THE TIME. Don't listen to the cynics, they're all miserable anyway! LIVE, LIVE LIVE--get out there and SHARE your genius! We need you! And I agree with Elizabeth K, there are tons of adults that COLLECT childrens' books. PLEASE GET FAMOUS ALREADY!

Posted by: Elijah | June 5, 2006 08:04 PM

Ok lady, if you weren't so damn likable I would totally hate you. You are a) beautiful b)TALENTED as shit c)smart d) funny, oh so funny and E)way more popular on the internet than I....
I loved it I thought it was the best thing i've seen in a long time!! You should totally write childrens books...but for adults cause really, we need the "fucks" and mad drinking binges to complete the story.

Posted by: Bethany Coffey | June 5, 2006 08:09 PM

That was AWESOME. I have no doubt whatsoever that you could sell boatloads of children's books. I myself would buy several.

You know - seeing those illustrations reminded me of a painting you once did of Gimmme that I admired so much and still dream of one day seeing on a wall in my own home. In the meantime, I'll just print this entry and hang it on the fridge.

(Heh - I kid, because I love.) Seriously though - very impressive!

Posted by: Catherino | June 5, 2006 08:16 PM

I would definitely buy this book!
Loved it! Needs more Bo .......

Posted by: Aggie's mom | June 5, 2006 08:44 PM

This was so funny! REminded me of a little animated series called "The Family Dog" I saw on tv years ago! Great artworK!

Posted by: Becky F. | June 5, 2006 08:52 PM

Impossible! I jsut can't believe how good your work is! Really, that was actually super cool. The illustrations are as charming as the writing. :-)

Posted by: victoria | June 5, 2006 08:57 PM

LOVE the Pugsley comatose with terror drawing!

Posted by: sortasandy | June 5, 2006 09:05 PM

Bo in Rage! Love him! Just the one eye move on the couch and the plotting scene had me.

Posted by: B.J. | June 5, 2006 09:23 PM

Too freakin' funny! My favorite picture is the one on the couch with the terror, terror, blind terror, and rage expressions. I cast my vote with the person who said we need stories every Monday!

Posted by: Poodlebugz | June 5, 2006 09:24 PM

Miss Doxie, you are a girl of many, many talents. Not only do you write well, not only are you humorous, not only do you make us all realize that even pretty girls do silly things, you illustrate nicely.

I LIKE those illustrations a LOT! They are simple yet complex. They are amazing. When I grow up? I want to be just like you.

Posted by: Serenity | June 5, 2006 09:43 PM

I'm commenting BEFORE I even read the story (and I totally can't wait to go back and read the story) because I want you to understand that you are my favorite person-I-do-not-know-at-all on the whole internet and, now that I know your filthy little secret, I big pink puffy heart you now, only with sparkly bits, too.

Posted by: holley | June 5, 2006 09:43 PM

granted, i'm no publiser, but honey, you've got some talent! we all knew you could write, but those drawings, especially the color ones, are fantastic!

Posted by: vespa rosso | June 5, 2006 09:49 PM

Laughed so much my damn wheels fell off again. I need more sparkly bits.

Posted by: holley | June 5, 2006 09:55 PM

This has been a super sucky Monday.Literally a- stick a fork in your eyeball and twist it around- kind of day, but your post made me laugh so hard that I completly forgot the heinousness (um, is that a word?) of the day!I adore you Miss. Doxie!

Posted by: Louly | June 5, 2006 09:56 PM

Your funniness (a word?) and talentness (surely not a word) is boundless!

Posted by: Do | June 5, 2006 10:27 PM

LAUGHING. OUT LOUD. LOUDLY. PUBLISH NOW!

Posted by: Gabbiana | June 5, 2006 11:10 PM

super, super funny! I could totally see this book being sold at urban outfitters.

is it just me or did anyone else think that one of the dogs looked rather well-endowed in the first frames, where they are all on the couch together? i am probably the only one with such a dirty mind.

Posted by: dcfullest | June 5, 2006 11:16 PM

Well, you have an entry that made me delurk . . . as I just couldn't resist. I'm a children's librarian and while I wouldn't read this in storytime, your ability to write (and illustrate) makes me wish I could use your stories with my children. Much better than some of the other "bad dog" stories that are so popular these days -- Walter the Farting Dog comes to mind (ICK ICK ICK) -- but Bo & Tasha plotting to escape their baths, blind Gimmme falling asleep, Pugsley finding the mud . . . Miss Doxie, you have talent, lots of it apparently, and bring such joy to your readers. Please start looking for an agent and a publisher, the sooner the better!

Posted by: miss moneypenny | June 5, 2006 11:26 PM

That was the funniest thing I have ever, ever, ever read. Ever. I would totally buy my baby your children's books. I would totally buy her THIS book.


Awesome.

Posted by: Kate | June 5, 2006 11:33 PM

You crack me up - not only is your writting funny (we missed you during the FEDERAL CASE) but the dog washing book will be a huge hit.

I wish I knew you and we lived closer b/c the first of many rounds would be on me!

(Of course, would want to meet El Dukey and the dogs too....)

Posted by: Kate | June 6, 2006 12:14 AM

Delurking to beg for MORE MORE MORE. This was brilliant and so caught the personality of Doxies, especially the poop stance. I've so BTDT. Please, do this again, and again, and then again still

Posted by: margalit | June 6, 2006 12:32 AM

Not since Mercer Mayer has there been a children's author of such talent. Nothing cutesie to say - just awestruck admiration for this entry. In addition to all the other things I like about you, the drawings are first rate and funny.

(Pugsley the frozen plank of terror - it rocks, it kills, it's perfect in every way.)

Posted by: daffythedachshund | June 6, 2006 01:08 AM

What a funny story! I have a picture of my golden's first bath, in which he is staring up at me plaintively, miserably, as if to say "Why do you hurt me, mommy? Why do you try to break my wriggly, puppy spirit?"

And quit showin' us all up with your awesome illustrations. ;p A lawyering artiste? It's just too much.

Posted by: l | June 6, 2006 01:31 AM

HEE! I love the picture of the two dogs running; I would frame that and put it above my fireplace. Now I know why I always liked you so much: we're two kindred souls trying to write our respective ways out of the legal profession. Did you ever notice that most lawyers don't really want to be lawyers? My husband really wants to be a winemaker.

Posted by: Gretchen | June 6, 2006 01:35 AM

I la-ha-hoved the drawing of Pugsley under the faucet. You really have something there!

Posted by: a horrible warning | June 6, 2006 02:34 AM

Ooh ooh, and the one of him attempting to poop...with the beads of sweat. That is sooo my Pug, Tugboat. Let's just say he's been caught mid-poop many many times!!

Posted by: a horrible warning | June 6, 2006 02:36 AM

I grew up in a household that included SIX miniature dachshunds. SIX. That is, in case you hadn't done the math, SIX of them stinking it up. My parents had a tub with sliding glass doors. It was perfect. I'd coat the bathroom with towels, put them all in there, slide the door closed to just a slit, peek through, and squirt them with the shower massage. Then I'd step inside with them and shampoo them one by one, then step out and squirt, squirt, squirt. Then I'd open the door wide and stand the hell back, because they'd come out of there like bats out of hell, roll on the towels, and take turns getting rubbed down. The stench of wet dog would be INCREDIBLE in that tiny room. I still have nightmares. And a dachshund. Who never gets baths, because we have shower curtains here.

Posted by: Pygmalion's Wife | June 6, 2006 03:01 AM

OMG I'm going to add my two cents and say that was completely awesome! You should definitely be an author/illustrator!!! And you colorized those in MS PAINT?!? You totally rock!! Thanks for sharing your story with us!

Posted by: Ivie | June 6, 2006 03:20 AM

Ohmygod, that was the funniest thing I have witnessed in some time. You have a career in childrens' books ahead of you ... or books about your dogs that include wine (strength!) and I look forward to reading them. And I'll get copies for my nieces, who should know about this stuff as well. Thanks for the alone-in-my-apartment-at-12:30a.m.-out-loud-laughter.

Posted by: Kristin | June 6, 2006 03:37 AM

Oh! Wow! I'm a long time reader, and... this is the first comment I've ever made. I'm very pleased with myself! hee!
Oh! but back to the point: you would make a wicked awesome author for children's books. Seriously! Your self-described "doodles" were actually darned amazing.
I hope you pursue this dream!
you have to, in fact, now that all the Miss Doxie readers of the world know of your genius! you go girl!
~Mercury

Posted by: Moi | June 6, 2006 04:26 AM

I would buy that entire series of books and read them to my son to make him laugh until he actually goes pee before he falls asleep.

Posted by: Kate | June 6, 2006 04:42 AM

Brilliant.

I think your missing your calling. You should do ADULT children's books. Y'know, they have morals and cute pictures, but include much wine drinking and swearing.

Posted by: Brad | June 6, 2006 08:25 AM

HIL-FRICKIN'-LARIOUS!
Bo with the tiny gun? I'm going to be laughing about that one all damn day.
I totally agree with Amy up above that Monday's should hence forth be story day!

Posted by: Carley | June 6, 2006 08:33 AM

Long time lurker, first time comment-er.

This post had me in stitches, and I almost cried I was laughing so hard. I would honestly buy that book - good luck!

Posted by: Kells | June 6, 2006 08:42 AM

AWESOME.

I totally second (third?) the adult picture book idea. And the thought that if you didn't come across as such an awesome and lovely-type person, I would totally e-hate you.

Stay on top of that publishing thing; I don't know from children's books, but I know funny, and that? Was HILARIOUS.

Posted by: scarlettbgonya | June 6, 2006 08:46 AM

Thanks for this awesome story! I was laughing all the time - especially about the "fear in the dog's eyes". Now my stomache hurts...

I hope Pugsley is not traumatized anymore.

Posted by: stanco | June 6, 2006 08:51 AM

I've sprayed my dog with Fabreeze, and let me tell you, it does not work that great.

Posted by: Catherine | June 6, 2006 08:55 AM

Stories about four bad daschunds will be even better than Clifford the Big Red Dog! And you know what, you could probably leave the pictures of the wine in, just not write about it. the kids wouldn't get it, but the parents would. And if a parent if going to have to read the same book to their kid every night for years (because that's how awesome yours would be, of course), don't you think they should have a little something in there for themselves, a secret, private adult joke to get them through the day? I do.

Thanks for the entertainment.

Posted by: jennifer | June 6, 2006 09:09 AM

That was so fantastic! You absolutely must pursue this career.

And also? Our dog Walker loves bathtime. He's insane. He obviously is missing some crucial dog gene, because every time we get in the shower he wants to come, too. Sometimes he hops right in. In fact, this one time I was running a bath and went into the living room to grab a magazine, and when I got back Walker was in my tub, splashing in the water.

Oh, and if you really just can't work up the energy to bathe the dogs, they do make dog wipes. They work in a pinch.

Posted by: Gypsy | June 6, 2006 09:26 AM

That was awesome. I would totally buy your books. You should look up the little book called, 'The Curious Sofa'. It's similiar to your story of bathing dogs but with more inuendo. And there is a dog involved.

Why don't you toss all the dogs into the bath tub and hose them down in there? That seems easier. Or you could hose them down in the backyard in a turtle pool. There are so many bathing options out there. :)

Posted by: Lani | June 6, 2006 09:30 AM

This has totally made my day - you need to make a book out of these stories!! Absolutely hilarious!!

Posted by: Esther | June 6, 2006 09:38 AM

Oh my lordy. That? Funniest thing ever!! You are so so very talented. And the sad puddle of strength was hee-larious.

I'm going back to read it again. Seriously!! lol

Posted by: FourThumbsUp | June 6, 2006 09:44 AM

Loved it! Totally made my morning! Your illustrations are the best! I loved the plotting one (to the best of their abilities). FUNNY!

Posted by: Laurie | June 6, 2006 09:46 AM

"wondering whether I could just spray them with Febreeze"

Laughed out loud at my desk - all around are now nodding their heads in unison and thinking it has finally happened - she has gone insane.

I think you should your book "The Tao of Bo" - he can teach everyone so much - Self defense, how to wear a hat correctly, how to gain revenge yet still be cute, and so much more.

Love the post - bring on the kids books and more Doxie for us!

Posted by: Diane | June 6, 2006 09:50 AM

Love it. LOVE. IT. Abso-freaking-lutely hilarious, Miss Doxie.

Posted by: LadyBug | June 6, 2006 09:58 AM

Hands down - best.story.EVER :)

Posted by: Claudia | June 6, 2006 10:01 AM

doxie! i love it! you are gifted. write the children's stories. write them. or, possibly, write funny stories that look like children's books but are actually for adults because they involve wine.

Posted by: kt77 | June 6, 2006 10:19 AM

Girl, you can draw too! You are the bestest.

Posted by: Em | June 6, 2006 10:24 AM

your entries always make me laugh out loud. which isn't always a good thing to do at work. but i digress.

loved the story and the illustrations! you should post more books for us. :)

Posted by: Judy | June 6, 2006 10:29 AM

OMG! You totally had me laughing out loud, at work. Loved it!

Posted by: thewritegirl | June 6, 2006 10:44 AM

I like Bo's "angry eyebrows'!

Posted by: Kristin | June 6, 2006 11:31 AM

Wonderful story!! You should try to get it published. Children and adults would LOVE it.

Posted by: Lilie | June 6, 2006 11:50 AM

That was f-ing great. I hope you illustrate a bunch more of your posts in the future. I loved it.

Posted by: melissa | June 6, 2006 12:16 PM

haha I loved it!! You should make this a weekly ritual. Yes I said weekly - now get to work on the next illustrations!

Posted by: Bryce | June 6, 2006 12:20 PM

Hey Sweet Girl,

Loved the new article. I want a high resolution jpeg of Pugsley under your faucet. I have decided to use one of those new-fangled online printing companies to put it on a t-shirt. I also just noticed your copywright line at the bottom that reads, "if you steal from me, bo will kill you and pee on your corpse." i like that. its nice. love you. good luck today. see you tonight.

Posted by: El Dukay | June 6, 2006 12:32 PM

I hardly ever laugh out loud at what I am reading. But you? Are Queen of Making Me Laugh Out Loud. Watch out Harry Potter!

Posted by: Jess | June 6, 2006 12:54 PM

That was absoluetly AWESOME. Also, funny. You could totally do this for a living.

Posted by: Sabine | June 6, 2006 01:13 PM

So unbelieveably adorable!

I love the plotting scene with Bo dictating what will happen and Tasha writing it all down. So great!

Posted by: corey | June 6, 2006 01:37 PM

Holy shit! That was fabulous, and your illustrations are perfection! They absolutely capture the essence of Miss Doxie in her storytelling glory! You are one funny woman!

Posted by: Jessica | June 6, 2006 01:39 PM

OMG!!! That is hysterical. Coffee through the nose the minute I saw rage and BO's scary eye. I read it yesterday and am still laughing. If I tell you the story of my life, will you draw it?

Posted by: VeeBeeWhy | June 6, 2006 01:46 PM

My kids think I've lost my mind, I'm laughing so hard. I'd buy your books any day.

Posted by: milkmade39 | June 6, 2006 02:02 PM

That was awesome! I laughed out loud at work as well, but luckily everyone already knows that I am a loon.

Great artwork! Tell me when they hit the stores!

Posted by: Angela | June 6, 2006 03:02 PM

The cutest little drawings ever! I loved it.. and that one you could really publish w/ a few small edits, maybe the wine and oh, the 'damn'.. or leave it there for the adults. :) Supercute girl! I wish you luck! And wine! Hilarious as usual.

Posted by: Angel | June 6, 2006 03:29 PM

FUCKING AWESOME.

Screw children's books, Leigh, you could be a nationally syndicated cartoonist. LOVE IT.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Garfield.

Posted by: Trance | June 6, 2006 03:31 PM

That was so hilarious, loved it. Your drawings are fantastic too! I can't believe you shaded all that with MS Paint. Awesome job, and I agree with everyone else that you should post many more, and I would totally buy them if they were books. :)I think you've found your calling. Not that you aren't good at the lawyering thing, I'm sure you rock at that too.
Ironically, I read this just as I was considering giving my dachshund a bath. Lucky for me that throwing a few toys in the water usually keeps her occupied. No toys = cranky dog.

P.S... If you like Zappos, you really must check out www.solestruck.com

Posted by: Radiantsky | June 6, 2006 03:33 PM

Hehhehhehhe. LOVED it. Yes YOU should write kids books. Just look how we adults (hehhehhe) love it!!!

Posted by: Kim | June 6, 2006 03:50 PM

OMG! I would spend many dollars to buy such a thing as I just read.

*realizes all things doxie may now come with a price*

but I REALLY enjoy reading them for free!


awesome! you are just awesome!

Posted by: kristina | June 6, 2006 04:41 PM

OMG! I would spend many dollars to buy such a thing as I just read.

*realizes all things doxie may now come with a price*

but I REALLY enjoy reading them for free!


awesome! you are just awesome!

Posted by: kristina | June 6, 2006 04:48 PM

OMG! I would spend many dollars to buy such a thing as I just read.

*realizes all things doxie may now come with a price*

but I REALLY enjoy reading them for free!


awesome! you are just awesome!

Posted by: kristina | June 6, 2006 04:48 PM

Please, please, please create some CafePress Doxie swag with those illustrations.

Posted by: Veeg | June 6, 2006 05:24 PM

I feel like you should be able to submit that to The New Yorker, or The Funny Times, or...something! And also maybe produce and market some cartoon Doxie paraphenalia. I would wear a Wet Pugsley t-shirt, for sure.

Posted by: Cait | June 6, 2006 05:26 PM

YES! The adventures of the 4 danger dogs would be awesome. Think of how many crazy dog people there are in the world - they would totally buy the stories with wine! And I'm sure that you'd be able to do stories without wine, too, but the sad little puddle of strength was awesome.

I have known people who got (fiction) book contracts, and folks all said that it was impossible for them, too. It's hard, but it ain't impossible, especially when you're GOOD. And you are. More, *please*! (And didn't you say that you were going to take pictures of your paintings and put them up someday? Did I miss it, have you been holding out on us, or am I making shit up again? If this is what you can do in MS word, then I want to see what you can do with a brush!)

Posted by: alice | June 6, 2006 05:32 PM

That was so great! I'd love to see more of your stories.

Posted by: Stephanie | June 6, 2006 05:35 PM

That was fantastic, but pleeeeze take care to protect yourself - plagiarism is a huge thing on the net now and you deserve all of the credit for what you have done and (I hope) will do in the future.

Posted by: Windy | June 6, 2006 05:42 PM

You represent to the internet the funny, intelligent and pretty wine-drinking gals, who could right-well be bitchy snobs, but remain yet decent and likeable in every way!

My favourite part? When the framed photo on the sofa sideboard table of 'Sweet and Innocuous Bo' becomes 'Bo's Eyebrows of Rage' two images later. Subtle brilliance.

Thank-you, Doxie - you made my Monday with your wit and style.

Posted by: Maria | June 6, 2006 05:44 PM

Yay Doxie! Fabulous and brilliant. Now go put a copyright on all of that fabulous shizzle.

Posted by: Cara | June 6, 2006 05:53 PM

Bravo! I'm totally applauding, you just can't hear me. Or see me. But trust me, I'm clapping so hard my hands hurt.

Posted by: Noelle | June 6, 2006 06:19 PM

that was awesome! and i can't believe you did that coloring in mspaint of all things.

Posted by: chuck | June 6, 2006 07:08 PM

You're so hysterical. Print it up and sell it. We'd all buy one or three I'm sure.

And your artwork on Flickr is super fun too. Perfect for kid's books.

Posted by: hannah | June 6, 2006 07:15 PM

Wow! You are super talented! The story was hilarious and the drawings so amazing! :)

Posted by: Sarah | June 6, 2006 07:41 PM

With the captions, this kind of reminds me of Richard Scarry, but for grown-ups. In other words, I love it! I hope you post more - you know, building a solid fan base on the Internet can be a good start to making your case with a publisher...

Posted by: Tracy | June 6, 2006 07:59 PM

Did you mean to make the back of the sofa look evil? It kind of looks like a scary face. I do like how the picture on the table keeps changing. Very clever indeed. Almost like the Bernstein Bears and the spider...wait...maybe that's a Canadian thing...

Anyway, I still love it. I keep going back to read it again. :)

Posted by: Lani | June 6, 2006 08:25 PM

This may be the oddest compliment you've ever received, but I think I may have cracked a rib due to the coughing fit caused by excessive laughter.

Posted by: Marchelle | June 6, 2006 08:35 PM

Hi Miss Doxie. I already left you a comment earlier but I loved this one so much that I came back to read it again. I realized I had forgotten to add something in my last comment:

I LOVE how you changed the "photo" of the dog that sits on the table behind the couch to reflect the mood of the dogs.

That is hilarious! Very subtle...it's the subtle humor that gets me the most.

Posted by: Serenity | June 6, 2006 09:32 PM

Too cute.

Posted by: Kristen | June 6, 2006 10:52 PM

Re-posting to add...I LOVE the idea of a Doxie t-shirt. I would totally buy one...and one for my evil pupster too. (He would wear it with pride...)

Posted by: Jess | June 6, 2006 10:55 PM

Ok...been there, done that...have the scars and stained furniture....did you know that a 104 lb German shepard can break the sound barrier at the mention of B-A-T-H-?

Posted by: Ken | June 6, 2006 11:20 PM

Thank you for utterly making my day. Add me to the chorus of those who would buy your artwork in any form.

Posted by: Kiernan | June 6, 2006 11:54 PM

Best. story. ever. Seriously, I've reread it several times, just sitting here, laughing to myself.

Also, you can never complain that El Dukay does not read your site!

Posted by: Lauren | June 7, 2006 12:19 AM

Yay you!! This is fantastic!
Good for you for sharing it--scary but look at you now.
Keep 'em coming--you have a whole new career ahead of you!

Posted by: Victoria | June 7, 2006 01:15 AM

Genius! How about telling us about something you can't do, just to keep the jealousy level manageable?

Hi Dukay! Hooray!

Posted by: Chryseis | June 7, 2006 06:01 AM

Freakin'. hilarious. I just emailed this to all the dog owners I know! So TRUE! You are talented!

Posted by: Carrie | June 7, 2006 09:37 AM

Yep, love the sad puddle of strength. I hope one of your fans has connections and can get something going, you could be bigger than the Simpsons! What a talent-- Bo IS the new Bart. (Eat my shorts, anyone?) And the doxies are cuter! Love ya.

Posted by: pennyhoney | June 7, 2006 09:43 AM

I am ROLLING (not in mud) on the floor of my office with tears streaming down my face. As an owner of two masterminds, ahem, I mean dogs, I know exactly what you mean. I have to tie mine outside to the porch railing and attempt to spray them with the hose of death. Meanwhile, the one not being "washed" is calculating, with precision, exactly how to get revenge. Using such things as algebra, mime, ESP, and satellite technology. It's always entertainment for my neighbors...

Posted by: Luck O' the Irish | June 7, 2006 09:57 AM

Love it love it love it. Really. Loved it.

This is the real world kind of book that kids need! Harsh realities! Cruel truths! And that wine makes everything better! When you're 21.

Posted by: Emily | June 7, 2006 09:59 AM

I laughed so hard at that yesterday but couldn't comment because the laughing resulted in my being almost busted by my boss who heard me through my closed door and popped her head in to see what was so funny! So I came back and read it again today - laughing again!

nowwaitjustaminizzle - I thought I was the only one with a girl dog that does those "exercises"! Her favorite equipment is a stuffed cat that's almost as big as she is and her brother!

Posted by: ishouldbeworking | June 7, 2006 10:12 AM

I am laughing out loud here (at work, very unprofessional, but something I can't help). Our dachshunds always just shook at the thought of a bath, but never wreaked such havoc, and my Boykin Spaniel is incredibly good about baths, so we don't have these kinds of problems, but, oh, this was too, too funny!

Posted by: --Deb | June 7, 2006 10:30 AM

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! We have 3 dogs - 1 doxie (Fierce Frank the Furry Weiner Dog), 1 golden and 1 lab.

Of the 3, the lab (supposed to be a water dog - they have webbed feet don't you know?) HATES the water. She'll do anything to get out of a bath.

The golden LOVES a bath - well, maybe not so much the bath but the towelling off afterward. Frank? He just stares plaintively at me the whole time.

Posted by: Maggie105 | June 7, 2006 10:54 AM

I absolutly LOVE your blog! It's my reading highlight of the week and you always make me laugh out loud!

Your story=brilliant!

Posted by: Valerie | June 7, 2006 12:17 PM

That was the funniest thing I have ever read. Parents around the world will LOVE you, Doxie, because you will make reading to chirren FUN and ENTERTAINING without even needing to have WINE first to make it funny!

I am now going to snap up this entry and put it in a chain email (yes those ones that tell you "forward this to 50 people or Bo will come to your house and bite you" emails) with full credit and linkage.

Because I must share the joy and the funny.

Posted by: Kathleen | June 7, 2006 12:19 PM

Oh my GOD that was hilarious. You have to post more, and immediately get on the phone with some sort of publisher type people, because, so funny!

Posted by: Jackie Joy | June 7, 2006 12:20 PM

GREAT story.

2 German Shepherds. Bathing is a MAJOR chore. Twice a year is a full day of work. Outside, on paved driveway, try to keep out of the grass/dirt, never easy.

Thanks for the laugh and good luck.

By the way, how was the wine?

David

Posted by: Echo9er - aka David | June 7, 2006 12:28 PM

Wow, you've got it all. Brains, Beauty, and heaps and heaps of Talent. Your drawings were wonderful and the story was fantastic. You definately should do a series. You've got a fan club here already.

Posted by: Lydia | June 7, 2006 01:06 PM

Please don't sue!!! But I had to test it for you - I copied and printed your story and read it to my son (3 years old) last night and he loves it! I changed a couple of words, for sure... but he loved the pictures, and the story is high energy, so he gets right into it!

Keep trying! You're great!

Posted by: sumsunshyne | June 7, 2006 01:17 PM

I love this! You MUST do a kids book. I would buy it.

I think my favorite is when the photo of the dog on the table turns to an angry face on the spooky silence page.

Posted by: bad penguin | June 7, 2006 01:33 PM

I love it! If you speak of a B-A-T-H in our house, you must do it: A) After said dog has been let out to empty his bladder; B) After he is sequestered in the bedroom; and C) Be willing and able to pick up a struggling 60 pound dog and carry him to the bathtub.

Posted by: Sue | June 7, 2006 01:36 PM

Sadly, I did not read this on Monday when I was in dire need of amusement. However, Wednesday giggles are just as good (or at least almost as good) as Monday giggles & hey, it's Wednesday, practically the weekend, which is further cause for enjoyment. So much happiness all around.

Trying to keep a lid on my envy because honestly, is there anything you can't do well? But in the spirit of honesty, I loved the story & illustrations & hope to see a Miss Doxie original on the shelves of my local B&N soon!

Posted by: melieux` | June 7, 2006 02:17 PM

Can you draw cats? Because man, do I have a catwashing story that you would do amazing justice to.

Seriously, stop making me laugh out loud and look crazy at work.

Posted by: Melinda | June 7, 2006 02:22 PM

Y'all, I have been crazy busy at work and haven't had any chance to respond to all my emails or to your comments, but I just have to pop in here and thank everyone so much. Your support is completely overwhelming, and all of your kind words make me feel so much better about this whole thing. I mean...maybe I could actually pull it off! And, damn, wouldn't that be something? It really would.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you. You've always been wonderful to me, and I appreciate it so much.


Posted by: Miss Doxie | June 7, 2006 02:36 PM

Extremely funny, especially since the weinerdogs at my house are beginning to smell a bit........

Love the illustrations! Very accurate portrayal of dachshund parenthood, for sure!

Posted by: christine | June 7, 2006 02:57 PM

I saw Dukay posted...does anyone remember the "how they met story" that was promised to be forthcoming...kidding, kind of.
Really though, the story was great as were the illustrations! turn that dream into a reality...

Posted by: jes | June 7, 2006 03:26 PM

Why isn't there a Cafe Press for books when you need one? Or is there one such thing? If there isn't, who'll go in with me on that?

Unbelievable. Pugsley did a fine job starring, but I can see a whole series on the exploits of Bo.

"Bo and the Mysterious Pallets of Doom"
"Bo Learns to Share (Doxie's Mashed Potatoes)"
"Bo Hates You"
"Bo Hates You Even More, if That Were Posible"

Posted by: Miss Fish | June 7, 2006 03:27 PM

Those were brilliant!!! And Cafe Press does books. (hint, hint Miss Doxie) I would so buy that in book, one copy for me, and one for my priest who is a Doxie owner

Posted by: MissKait | June 7, 2006 03:44 PM

Fantastic, Miss Doxie.
Shalom to you and the dogs from Tel Aviv!

Posted by: jive turkey | June 7, 2006 03:53 PM

You're very good. I have but one suggestion, and that is to change the color of the spilt wine in the kitchen from "urine" to "burgundy" "cranberry" or any other red wine color - unless the resemblance was intentional, of course.

Also, bang up job with the shading and whatnot in Paint!

-t

Posted by: Tom | June 7, 2006 03:54 PM

That was awesome, you are incredibly talented, but you have also reminded me that the Walter, American bulldog extraordinaire, must be washed tonight...because last night, while he was laying in the family room, he was putting off one hell of a stinky odor.

blah. Must buy wine. For strength, of course.

Posted by: trouble | June 7, 2006 04:11 PM

Good gracious, girl, you are *funny*! Truly hilarious stuff here. Hope we see much more!

Miss Fish had a good idea with the Bo series, but it should definitely include "Bo and the Dump of Displeasure".

Or not. Maybe the world's not quite ready for quite so much hunchbacked poopery...

Posted by: Barb in Boston | June 7, 2006 04:20 PM

WHO ROCKS? DOXIE DOES
Seriously, if that Law thing doesn't work for you I could see a career in illustration. That is the funniest shit I have read all week.

thanks for the chuckles!

PS - you are being linked everywhere...the hounds are internet stars!

Posted by: wn | June 7, 2006 04:23 PM

Miss Doxie. You are a certified genius. There is no reason you shouldn't be out there pitching your books, or even self-publishing. You're so good, you owe it to the world! Please do it now, full speed ahead! Law Schmaw! There's a quote from a great book I just read by Barbara Sher, something about how you aren't being selfish by pursuing your dreams, because when you're doing what you love you are something, something... it was really good, I'll find it and post another comment and let you know. Anyway, encouragement from me: You've got what it takes, and look how many fans you have already! Do it! P.S. Your drawings are SO CUTE I want to eat them!!!

Posted by: BaddMinton | June 7, 2006 04:27 PM

I LOVED IT!

Posted by: Jen | June 7, 2006 05:06 PM

YOU ARE SO FECKING TALENTED!!!!

Not only are YOU fecking talented, but your whole fecking readership is fecking talented, too!

FECKING AWESOME -- ALL OF IT!!!!

Posted by: Sarah | June 7, 2006 05:35 PM

I love it! This is my first visit to your blog (lots of people sent me the URL) and I will be visiting all the time from now on! I would so buy a doxie t-shirt - of the one trying to poo!

You are totally talented. Please, more drawings and stories. I love the stories.

I used to raise and show dachshunds when I was a teenager. They are so funny!

Posted by: Beth Donovan | June 7, 2006 05:54 PM

I completely forgot to say I'm with you about needing wine (in my case, I call it my "fortification" b/c some wines are actually fortified) to manage getting difficult tasks done.

Posted by: Sarah | June 7, 2006 06:12 PM

I LOVE this one! I'm so linking it...lol

Posted by: KaraMia | June 7, 2006 06:27 PM

If you make t-shirts with those pictures, I will buy several.

Posted by: Kate | June 7, 2006 06:29 PM

I definitely think you should write and illustrate children's books about the dogs!

Your entry is awesome, as I am sure your books will be!

Posted by: Rochelle | June 7, 2006 06:50 PM

You are a rock star (in a children's book writing sort of way)... Your book will undoubtably be a best seller.

Posted by: Deborah | June 7, 2006 06:51 PM

Hi, excellent story, made me laugh. Came here from Caltechgirl's site, will definitely be adding you to my blogroll!

Posted by: amanda | June 7, 2006 07:42 PM

Bless your heart!

Posted by: Nancy | June 7, 2006 07:50 PM

You can write, draw, and somehow figured out how to paint on the computer. The hell with stinky pups-- you're rocking!!

Posted by: Anne Glamore | June 7, 2006 08:32 PM

Fantastic! I love you! And also secretly maybe kind of hate you! But in a good way!

I love how it kind of looks like Pugsley is farting as he's running away. Also, I love that you are wearing hot pink flats that are kind of just a little bit pointy. I hope very much that these are real shoes that exist. And that they are in your wardrobe. And that you bought them recently at some place that might still have them, and especially might still have them in my size.

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | June 7, 2006 09:18 PM

That was FABULOUSNESS! My half-dachsie is rather Pugsley-esqe, so I can relate! I would TOTALLY buy my boys a book by you! The BEST!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!

PS...you do the drawrings very well too...

Posted by: Janna | June 7, 2006 09:55 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHA. That...... was AWESOME.

Posted by: statia | June 7, 2006 10:17 PM

I loved how the picture behind the sofa changed! I'd totally buy a book from you!

Posted by: Shawna | June 7, 2006 10:30 PM

Ishouldbeworking,
Thanks for the shout out; I'm sorry that I apparently misled you (by the by, is it just me or does anyone else look at that word and read "my-zuld" before they realize oh! "miss led"?) I was writing about my girl GIRL doin' all that exercising! My daughter is a little, er, well, would one call it "advanced"? Hence the alarm when I discovered that she was riding her beach towel, poolside, with all abandon.
Doxie, is it pronounced "El DuKAY" or "El DOOkay"? And yes, Jes, I remember!! We're still waiting for THE STORY. Amazing how you start to feel this kinship/investment, isn't it? When I found this blog a little over a year ago, I totally gorged on it for two solid days when I should have been working, feeding my family, bathing, etc. I immersed myself in Doxieana. The experience was like waking up from a dream about having a whole closet full of new fabulous shoes and discovering that there really IS a whole closet full of new fabulous shoes. So indulgent and . . . fulfilling. There is no Payless aesthetic here, it's all Louboutin all the time. I guess I'm just trying to say what so many others have said on this post (in fewer words): I love you, Doxie! I hope when you're selling books like hotcakes that you'll continue communing with us here. ~mwah~ P.S. You could probably get a very good endorsement deal from Clos Du Bois or Kendall Jackson one of these days, too; I can picture you sitting back all relaxed, wearing your simple-but-smashing black sheath with the pearl and knotted silk necklace, snuggling on the couch of terror with a glass of strength (hey! Rodney Strong!) in one (or hell, both) hands and a lap full of wriggling weiner. It could happen!

Posted by: nowwaitjustaminizzle | June 8, 2006 12:48 AM

Can you please tell me how you made this? How did you "color" in your drawings? I love this!! I want to make a story also...can you give us a step by step guide to make out own pictures?

Posted by: Tea | June 8, 2006 01:06 AM

HAHAHHAAHAHA @ nowwaitjustaminizzle at "lap full of wriggling weiner." HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!

Posted by: Jessica | June 8, 2006 01:08 AM

Absolutely brilliant....

Made me laugh so much I just shot cherry coke out my nose !

Posted by: Egg | June 8, 2006 03:54 AM

I was directed to this link from another blog. I only wish I could come up with compliments that are as original and delightfull as your story. As it happens, I read it on one of those days. One of those days where you're bawling in an empty room at the office. One of those days where you're wondering whether they serve crantinis on the roof deck at the asylum.

I read it three times, forwarded it to every dog person I know (and a few cat people to boot). Then I woke up this morning and read it again and forwarded it to some more people. The writing alone is word-perfect. The pictures themselves are worth a thousand words. Together? Grand Slam, out of the park, pass Babe Ruth AND Barry Bonds on the homerun list.

Congratulations...and thank you.

Posted by: Alison A. | June 8, 2006 09:00 AM

nowwaitjustaminizzle...

"a lap full of wriggling weiner"

bwaaa haa haaa

Posted by: wickedfun | June 8, 2006 09:14 AM

Oh my God! That was hysterical! I still have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I know nothing about you (this link was sent to me), so I don't know if you've written any books, but if not, you should! I'd buy them! I needed a laugh today, so I thank you, because I sure laughed out loud, gut busting laughter, and boy, did it feel good. Keep up the great work!

Posted by: Tori | June 8, 2006 12:20 PM

Hysterical! I would so buy a T-shirt of Pugsley in the sink. Talk to the Damn Millionaires about how they did it. What about greeting cards?
On another note. It looks like El Dukay is not going to do the entry about how you met. Would you please either have him dictate it to you or tell us yourself? I can't imagine that his version would be any funnier than what you could write.
P.S. I have a standard Poodle. I open the shower door and she walks in for her bath. Used to have a minature poodle though who would glare at me and fart continuosly while I was grooming him. Seriously, what if you put the dogs in the bedroom or back yard and only took one at a time out to bath.

Posted by: mackmomma | June 8, 2006 02:35 PM

You so need to sell your stuff.

The writing and illustrations, I mean.

Not your "stuff".

:)

Posted by: jag | June 8, 2006 02:45 PM

That was awesome!

Know what was almost as awesome? Seeing Dukay come out of hiding to tell you it was great. I would buy one of those T-shirts, Dukay. Really!

Posted by: Coleen | June 8, 2006 04:12 PM

I certainly do not want to run afoul of any copyrights, but would you be mad if I used "Sad Puddle of Strength" as my new band name?

Not only was this hilarious, but as the owner of two tiny dogs, it felt eerily familiar.

Posted by: Jamie | June 8, 2006 04:34 PM

Doxie, you're awesome! Great illustrations and a really funny story! I think you should definitely keep doing your children's books, you have really amazing ideas. Maybe you can sell some sort of zines or something of the like on Etsy? Or doxie greeting cards? You should definitely think about it!

Posted by: PavoReal | June 8, 2006 05:51 PM

Miss Doxie, you blow me away! You are just too talented. That was hysterical!!! And SOOOO true...you could have been talking about my Roscoe and Leo. We need to find you a publisher, girlfriend!

Posted by: Leesavee | June 8, 2006 06:57 PM

Ok, there are already 386,000 comments, but I couldn't not comment. Awesome, much?

That was the funniest damn thing I ever saw. I would buy this book. I didn't HAVE to, which was awfully nice.

Posted by: Contrary | June 8, 2006 07:00 PM

Cracking up! That was truly hysterical. Also, jealous. Rottweilers do not fit in a sink.

Posted by: Leslie | June 8, 2006 08:13 PM

That is hilarios!!!!!I can see why my mom made me read it!!!!!

Posted by: lilz | June 8, 2006 08:57 PM

I really wanted to read all of the comments, but I gave up about halfway. Obviously, I am not the only one who thinks you are brilliant. I'm gonna have to go back to catch some of the more subtle bits, apparently. You're great Doxie...keep it up!

Posted by: Heather | June 8, 2006 09:31 PM

that ruled so much i'm fucking speechless.

i'd buy it!!!

Posted by: sweetney | June 8, 2006 10:24 PM

ROFLMAO!!!

Posted by: Inanna | June 8, 2006 11:01 PM

Omg, that was adorable!!! You are very talented and need to follow your dream quick!! Surfed over from brighton's blog :)

Posted by: Stephanie | June 8, 2006 11:06 PM

OMG 191 comments!!!!!!!!! You are the bomb dear. And very talented as well. I've just learned to ignore the smell of my four. Maybe they've just learned to ignore my smell as well.

Posted by: Heather | June 8, 2006 11:49 PM

cutest. thing. ever.

Posted by: sarah | June 9, 2006 12:24 AM

That is BRILLIANT!

Posted by: Lisa | June 9, 2006 07:11 AM

The story is true, we have a doxie and a springer and they so do scheme with one another. One will chat with you while the other takes the food, etc. The illustrations are to funny. Just so great.

Posted by: Ari | June 9, 2006 07:34 AM

Hey there Miss Doxie,
I must say; I followed a link to your blog via the dachshund community @ Livejournal, and have spent the better part of the past 36 hours reading, and laughing, and gasping for breath (due to being unable to stop laughing long enough to breathe). I hope you do write a book. I'll be waiting in line to buy dozens for everyone I know. I also second what was said about any plushies created from your illustrations..I'd buy them too!

Posted by: Momcat | June 9, 2006 08:43 AM

Okay, I never post comments...never, ever. I had to in this case though. That is SO CUTE! I laughed thru the whole thing. You're very talented, and pretty, and funny, and consequently, I hate you. But, I will tell you that I work with children (former teacher future psychologist) and these books will work because parents will like them too. You've hit a bonanza when you've got something that appeals to both, and sister, you've got it! Best of luck!

Posted by: Kimberly | June 9, 2006 09:52 AM

Doxie, if you're not convinced by this time to GO FOR EET, well, then, I just don't know! Thanks to Al Gore's wonderful invention, you are a known entity in who knows how many homes around the very PLANET, and your books would simply fly, no leap, no push and shove and poke their fingers in each other's eyes in thier haste to get off the shelves. It would be interesting, if indeed even possible, to tally the number of readers/fans of your blog. Then you could arm yourself with that number when you go to make a deal with a publisher. Prefabricated market, baby!


Hollah to Jamie, re: the name for your band, better change that to "Peed Upon Corpses." See death threat at the bottom of this page.

Happy Friday, Doxie lovers! Yay~

Posted by: nowwaitjustaminizzle | June 9, 2006 10:23 AM

This is pure GeniuS!
Plus your illustrations are marvellous.
I do not think your secret plan is all that far away.

Posted by: sarah | June 9, 2006 10:35 AM

Excellent! Kyla the Boston Terrier is NOT allowed to see this. She doesn't need any help plotting her diabolical schemes.

I added your RSS feed also. Looking forward to reading more.

Posted by: Amber | June 9, 2006 11:18 AM

CHILDRENS BOOK HELL!
YOU NEED TO WRITE FOR US DOGGIE PARENTS
LADY,
You are a scream, I was laughing so loud my dogs woke up. I have two poodles and my mothers Cairn to groom. HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU WORK.
Also, I think you should publish your stuff yourself.
There is a great call for adult work like this for us pet parents and you could sell it right off a website.

Look at it this way, My friend Mary who has doxies sent me this. I am now going to send this to several of my friends who will send it...
So there is your start and reputation. People will be screaming for more :)
I like the clean style of your doodles and I would like to "steal" some of it for some of the poodle stuff I have been wanting to do. I have my basic poodle sketch but needed a little more focus. You have given me that.
Your sense of humor is very much like mine so I really appreciated how you narrated this story.
Keep up the GREAT work and use us adults to get your "internship" started and the rest will fall together. Good luck, your going to be great :)
Caroline, mother of 3 k-9's. Sasha and Sophie service dogs and Mannie the Cairn terrorist

Posted by: Caroline | June 24, 2006 12:10 AM

Hashai sent me. AB rocks.

This? Was awesome. Please keep up the great work.

Have to go now. Side splitting as I type. Can't see because I'm giggling still. Might have to link from my site it was so good.

Thank you for making my night.

Shash

Posted by: Shash | June 25, 2006 03:07 AM

These are cute and funny illustrations. I like most is how you capture the dalmatian behavior. Keep up the great work.

Posted by: Small Dogs | June 25, 2006 10:57 PM

This is almost illegally funny.

And so I nominated you for a Perfect Post Award!

Posted by: Whitters | June 29, 2006 12:04 PM

This was THE BEST!

I came here after finding your link on another blog I read and I'm so very glad I did! What a charming and downright hilarious little story, COMPLETE with the most adorable illustrations.

I absolutely love it.

Posted by: AJ | July 2, 2006 08:41 AM

Congrats on your Perfect Post Award! This was truly a terrific post!

Posted by: Lindsay | July 6, 2006 04:48 PM

that is so funny it made me blow Diet Dr Pepper out my nose onto my monitor. You are gifted. Why waste time with the law? You mush SHARE your Doxieness with the world, my friend.

More please.

Posted by: duchiesmom | July 7, 2006 04:02 PM

Funny funny stuff! Love the big eye illustrations and the pink shoes ... :)

Posted by: amanda | July 10, 2006 10:36 AM

That was great! I particularly enjoyed "sad puddle of strength". Well, not really, it made me sad too. The spilling of "strength" is one of life's greatest tragedies. That and the breaking of shoes.
Just the second post of yours I've read. I'm so sticking around.

Posted by: suburban_lush | July 10, 2006 10:29 PM

Having taking a Children's Lit class just recently for my major, I'd have to say that this is one of the better books I have come across. Its simple, funny, truthful and straight to the point. I really enjoyed this post at 1:15 am after a nice bottle of Riesling. The labels really cracked me up. Thanks so much! I hope you continue to make more posts like this one!

Posted by: Amethyst | July 14, 2006 02:18 AM

Oh I loved this SO much! I dont have a daschund yet, but as soon as I have a garden and a little more cash to spare Im going out to find myself a puppy. Preferably brown. Ive been wanting one for SO long now, and Im so glad I happened upon your site.

Keep up the doodling because this was fantastic!

P.S: I look forward to more!

Posted by: Leigh | July 19, 2006 04:42 AM

I've got tears from laughing so hard!!! We've got three dogs(a min-pin, and 2 australian shepherds) and 2 kids under 5. We get the same reation from all of them---run!! somedays I just wish I could hose them off in the yard!! Truly funny stuff!!

Posted by: Talana | July 24, 2006 04:14 AM

I don't know how many times I've read this now. Each time I do, I lose it at the pic of Pugsley the petrified plank . . . and it stays lost from there on out. Now, I've had dogs for decades, and let me assure you that ooky green stank is something you can get used to. Perhaps we should just start a line of candles in that scent, trick the non-dog people into buying it, and never bathe our beasts again. What say?

Posted by: Bou Galoux | July 24, 2006 11:58 PM

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P a r t y P o k e r

Posted by: Jpe Namm | August 1, 2006 05:20 AM

Yea baby
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Posted by: Bill Gater | August 1, 2006 10:10 AM

As if FUCK THE SYMPHONY (my entrance point) was not enough to make me a fan of Miss Doxie, this certainly closes the deal. Awesome. Why are you wasting your time as a lawyer-thing?

Posted by: scott | August 9, 2006 02:14 PM

I once tried to febreeze my dog(I was too tired to lift her 100+ body into the bathroom(she would stick her paws out and grab the door frame) and then the tub). Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong bottle and Wrinkle released her instead.

Posted by: Ryan | August 16, 2006 11:20 AM

Oh my! Have yo been peeking in my windows or my wine cellar? Have the dogs been writing you emails? Rotten - ass hounds! Telling stories on me I am sure!

Posted by: House of Many long dogs | August 16, 2006 10:06 PM

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