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I Compromise My Artistic Integrity, Plus Doodling

June 19, 2006

So, on the recommendation of roughly infinity people, I bought myself a Wacom tablet for doing my drawrings. And let me tell you something about this, you guys: These Wacom tablets are addictive. They are crack for people who like drawring and art stuff, and yes, it is a dorky addiction, but holy lord. See, what you do is, you draw? On the tablet? And, and...it shows up! On the screen! Right in front of you! And, even better, you do not have to use Microsoft Paint. Which means you get to keep your dignity, eyesight, and sanity. It is a package deal of glee.

So, I have this new tablet, and have been using it to do illustrations. And, it's kind of hard, at first. There is a lot to figure out, and I am certainly not there yet. But I am getting better. My pictures no longer look like this, for example, and that spells "Improvement" where I come from:

Dear Committee members, please send my genius grant through paypal.

That was my first attempt on the tablet, so I saved it for posterity. And, it is just sad. I couldn't figure out where the cursor was, and the font was miniscule, and why is the background transparent, and it was all very wretched. Unless you like that kind of thing, and think I am a visionary. In which case: I was going for minimal!

But I had to learn, so I basically attached myself to my laptop, and have been attempting to figure it out for days. On the night the tablet actually arrived, Dukay came over to cook me dinner, because he is nice and makes good spaghetti. While he cooked, he watched me screwing with the tablet, and you could see that he was thinking "?" about the whole situation. He did not understand my sudden and obsessive attachment to a small gray pad, or the reason why I had grunted wordlessly at him when he'd walked in, started cooking, and even poured me a glass of wine. It was apparent that he was thinking, for the ten trillionth time, that "Shit, my girlfriend's a nerd." But, then! The Britney Spears interview came on, and I had to put the pad aside, because I am interested in world events. While Dukay, funhater who reads the business section first, sat down on the sofa and tentatively picked up the Wacom pen.

And then, he proceeded to sign his name. Thirty-three thousand times, in every font and color. For TWO HOURS.

"Do you like this one?" he'd ask. Then, "Ooo! Look at THAT one! I need to get this pen! Do you see that 'C'? That 'C' is so swoopy! Can I buy a pen in...uh, 'default brush number nine?'"

Dukay no longer questions my attachment. We are in agreement that the tablet rocks the house.

So, I have been practicing for a couple of days, and a very sweet friend of ours, who is an actual graphic designer, is going to give me some additional learnin'. But in the meantime, here is a little tiny story I've come up with so far. And I'd like to say, "So, what do you think?" except: the comments are dead. So, I guess, I will instead say, "I hope you like it." Because, I hope you do! And so, that is honest.

I call this little tale "Learning about layers and shit." Or, alternatively, "Bo Meets A Sock Puppet: Staggeringly Poor Choice On My Part." Both are equally appropriate.







The End.

Except, possibly not the end, because I showed Dukay, who flatly refused to accept such a conclusion, and demanded an alternate ending. In which, he explained, Bo burps. And I said, ew, I do not draw burps, and I would never draw a burp, and I am not all into the grossness and the burping and other bodily things and to make a long story short, he is just really, really persuasive, you guys:

Alternate Ending:

With sincere apologies to the Simpsons, because this is based entirely on a line drawing of Barney burping, because such drawings comprised the entirety of the email sent by Dukay, to me, with the subject line "Burp," in response to my claim that you can't draw a burp, loserhead.

Goodbye, standards of decency! Wherever you are, say hello to my dignity.

And, that's it for now; I will keep trying, and will probably post y'all more efforts as I improve. And also, I will probably tell you, like, a story or something, just as soon as I look away from the tablet and notice someone doing something interesting. In the meantime, y'all take care, and everyone have a great week!

Updated, because: Yay! Comments are working! Ten million kisses to the fantastic Christine at Verve Hosting, who knows way more about these 'puters than I.

Posted by doxie in The Dogs (Or, Poop) | permalink


This should work now! Work work work, little comment!

Posted by: missdoxie | June 20, 2006 11:39 AM

I got a link to your site from some one over at the dachshund community at Live Journal. I must say, your entries are hilarious! Oh, and I have a friend for Bo. His name is Jake, he's 17 1/2 and he could give Bo a wealth of terroristic tactic lessons! LOL

Hope you have a good day!


Posted by: sammynella | June 20, 2006 11:42 AM

I wish my mouth made little bubbles when I burped.

Posted by: HollyRhea | June 20, 2006 11:48 AM

Hooray! New illustrations!

You clearly need to quit your day job and do this full-time. I need the entertainment.

Posted by: Tory | June 20, 2006 11:53 AM

I started getting all sad at the idea that your blog was going more toward drawrings than wordies, because I like the wordies, then I remembered that your drawrings are just as funny, PLUS worth more! Or so I'm told! The adage says so, and who am I to fight with an adage? So yay for the pictures AND the wordies!

And, of course, the comments.

Posted by: Laurabelle | June 20, 2006 11:59 AM

Don't worry, Laurabelle, there will still be way more wordies than you can shake a stick at. I'm just playing around with the art for now while I learn all these different programs and whatnot, so I can put together some dummy books for publishers. Come July, I am sure my site will be focusing on some new obsession. Like the Amish.

Posted by: missdoxie | June 20, 2006 12:04 PM

I have one of those little Wacom tablets, too, but I've never quite gotten over the learning curve. Looks like you've mastered it quite well. And it is fun for playing with, as Dukay also discovered. ;-)

Posted by: Nancy | June 20, 2006 12:06 PM

the world has enough lawyers (although, not enough classy and stylish ones), but regardless. what the world does NOT have enough of are drunken dachsund illustrators with a special place in their heart for IKEA. Can't wait to see your illustrated wordies on the shelves at Barnes & Noble (and PetSmart, I suppose) :)

Posted by: Vespa Rosso | June 20, 2006 12:21 PM

In the interest of accuracy, Amish is an OLD obsession. You can't get away from your fans.

Posted by: Daffy | June 20, 2006 12:34 PM

Okay, seriously, T-shirts are in order. You MUST make t-shirts from some of these illustrations.

I don't even own teeny dachsunds, but I'd wear one sporting the fierceness of Bo!

Posted by: Pammer | June 20, 2006 12:39 PM

Love the drawrings! And that the only reason you put the thing down was for Britney.. world events, girl you crack me up! Pretty soon, you're gonna be as famous as Ziz!

Posted by: Angel | June 20, 2006 12:52 PM

OMG, that is freakin hysterical! My Pug reacts that way to my mom's cat silouette thingys. They are painted wooden cut-outs in the shape of cats that sit on the corners of her doorjambs (yes, my mom IS an insane cat lady). We visit the 'rents often, and every once in awhile he will catch sight of one of those suckers and freak the hell out, barking and snarling bloody murder. He really thinks he can kill them. And any animals he sees on TV. He knows the song on that Advantix commerical (there ain't no bugs on me, there ain't no bugs on me...) and will run in from another room just to cry at the singing dog. Uh huh, he's a charmer.

I should totally steal your idea. If only I could drawr...

Posted by: fluttergirl | June 20, 2006 12:54 PM

very exceptionally way cool! (too many superlatives? I think not!)

Posted by: Linda | June 20, 2006 12:54 PM

Love the visuals! It really helps ... I think Bo should be in an M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN film. He is endearing and yet scary. Or better, maybe you could work with M. NIGHT (or whatever his first name really is) and come up with an animated scary Bo movie...

Laughing until I cry (at your stuff, certainly not my jokes)...

Posted by: Nicole | June 20, 2006 01:14 PM

I found your blog a few weeks ago while randomly searching on Google. I *heart* Googlefor this. The hours of laughter provided by the dogs, Dukay and you were priceless.

P.S.You're so going into t3h b10gr011.

Posted by: Andrea | June 20, 2006 01:22 PM

Coffee mugs in addition to the t-shirts, please! I would SO buy a coffee mug.

Am loving the illustrations.

Posted by: Peyton | June 20, 2006 01:40 PM

I think you should be the spokes-drawer for that tablet-thingy. Adventures of doggie-dom makes me smile every time I see your drawrings. And kind of snort, too. If only I could draw the story of toothpaste somehow falling off a toothbrush, onto the back of my mom's basset hound, who is white, and my mom trying to get her other, exceedingly large dog to lick it off. And when that failed, she put BUTTER on top of the toothpaste spot on Dog #1, in order to reeeaaallly entice Dog #2 to lick off the toothpaste/butter combo. Ewwwwww. Yeah, that did not work, and now dog #1 has a greasy, green, tooth-paste-y spot embedded in her fur. So much for the boring, old washcloth tactic!

Posted by: Luck O' the Irish | June 20, 2006 01:46 PM

I am in love with your drawings. I would totally buy a book of yours.

Posted by: Meggan | June 20, 2006 01:54 PM

I'm more in awe of this than I am of your writing, seriously, and I was already in love with that. I can't draw a stick figure that doesn't come out looking like some sort of severely-damaged penis with pimples, and if you gave me a tablet, it's likely that all I could do was stare at it like a dumb pickle.

Posted by: jonniker | June 20, 2006 02:01 PM

"But, then! The Britney Spears interview came on, and I had to put the pad aside, because I am interested in world events."

Water shot out of my nose I laughed so hard at that line! Love the drawings - am totally amused by your new obsession. Bring on the more amusing Doxieness - words or pictures it does not matter!

Posted by: Diane | June 20, 2006 02:28 PM

I think your next endeavor should be a moral tale for puppies the world over on why it is not a good idea to head butt your owner in the face when she is feeding you dinner. My puppies and I will cuddle up around a glowing lamp while night falls and I will read them this story and they will learn, and then maybe, just maybe, I'll stop showing up to work bruised in the face to the degree that people think I have a secret abusive boyfriend. Just an idea!

Posted by: Angela | June 20, 2006 02:31 PM

My architect has one of those drawing pads and he lets me use it sometimes. I made some pretty pictures. Or, really, not so much since my visual creative skills are on par with your average 3-year-old.

Your drawings are pretty and fun, much like yourself. I am jealous. Also jealous, because I missed the Britney interview. *sob*

Posted by: Amy | June 20, 2006 02:59 PM

Could you make a picture of Bo eating some Amish? I hear they are delicious.

Posted by: Wen | June 20, 2006 03:07 PM

Have you ever read the children's book "Pretzel" by Margaret and H. A. Rey? I have a feeling you'll get a kick out of it.

Posted by: mom on a wire | June 20, 2006 03:32 PM

You are one helluva funny chica.

Posted by: VeeBeeWhy | June 20, 2006 05:01 PM

I certainly hope you get a book deal for eleventy billion books about Bo. I would buy them all! I'm picturing a series of children's books. My fear is that you will make one book and then not make any more. You obviously have talent for writing and illustrating... hope you get a chance to use it. Soon!

Posted by: staci | June 20, 2006 05:46 PM

I could totally see a Bo philosophy series … you know, children’s books for adults who never actually grew up. 'Bo’s Existential Crisis'; 'Bo in the State of Nature'; 'Bo Exits the Cave'; 'Bo: the Modern Dog’s Guide to (de)Constructing a Leviathan' … or maybe I should just get over intellectual history.

Anyway, yay - more Bo stories! Nice work, Doxie.

Also – to chime in with Diane, I snorted and choked on my latte when I read that line (I may be a poor student with no TV, but Britney tells all? YouTube, I was so there.) Higher education at work.

Posted by: Maria | June 20, 2006 07:15 PM

Dude, you should draw up some stuff and put it on CafePress.com! You could totally make some extra wine & Ikea money that way. Plus, then we could all own Miss Doxie art.

Posted by: Elizabeth K | June 20, 2006 07:32 PM

I love it, love it, love it. Your drawings, that is - I'm not entirely sold on the burping bit. But the drawings are great! Please post anything else you do!

Now I am off to watch the Britney interview, because I recognize a good idea when I hear it.

Posted by: Adrienne | June 20, 2006 08:59 PM

Wow, girl, those doodles rock! what are you doing as a lawyer again? you should be doing graphic design! congrats! and yeah those wacoms are addictive.. too bad I have two right hands (and mind you, I'm left-handed)...

Posted by: YourNo1FAN | June 20, 2006 09:34 PM

Wow --- I want to play with your tablet thingie!! The old touchpad on my laptop does make things as pretty :)

Posted by: Banana Esq | June 21, 2006 01:55 AM

Hey, looks good! Now the geek in me is going, "I want! I want!"

Posted by: Miz | June 21, 2006 02:21 AM

You're so good at that! The layering (I'm assuming you mean the shading-y bits?) is really good. I look forward to more. I am starting to really and truly believe that Bo is, in fact, a cartoon. Like in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, you and Dukay and the rest of the dogs are real life and then Bo is a living animation. Is this true?

Posted by: Léonie | June 21, 2006 05:01 AM

Love your drawings! I suggest you contract yourselves out to dog owners and do custom cartoons of their dogs. You'd be a hit! Um, you can start with my dogs if you want.... ;)

Posted by: Callie | June 21, 2006 06:38 AM

I have to agree with another poster....I am now interested, very much so, in a Wacom tablet. I, too, like to draw but Paint is...well, not the easiest.

Maybe they should be giving you some kind of kick back for all the people who will now go out and purchase one of these things.

(Poor little sock puppet! Just trying to make friends. But Bo's teeth are funny.)

Posted by: Serenity | June 21, 2006 08:53 AM

I am looking at getting one as well. Which tablet did you get? I am sure it is cutting into your billables. lol

Posted by: ed | June 21, 2006 09:04 AM

I think El Dukay should be doodling the story about when he met Miss Doxie!

Posted by: Tonja | June 21, 2006 09:28 AM

I'm glad you mentioned putting together proofs in your comment, Miss Doxie, because I seriously thought I was hallucinating that there was an update about doing so Monday morning and then it disappeared.

And even though they aren't doxies, my pug-chows appreciate your stories very much. Its a good thing for me they're dumb as rocks or else they'd be dreaming up some very devious doggy ways to thwart me come next bath time.

Posted by: Nadia | June 21, 2006 10:37 AM

I think you drew a burp just fine.

Spot (I DIDN'T NAME HIM, he came that way,) the part Aussie Shepherd part Unidentified Jumping Object, has a really chronic case of the burps. The vet didn't believe me until his last checkup, when they gave him his heartworm pill wrapped up in can food. He let out a whopper that cleared the exam room, except I had to stay behind. It was worth it to say "I told you so."

Posted by: Miss Fish | June 21, 2006 11:55 AM

WOOHOOO I get to comment. OK so in reflection I SO MISSED MY FAR SIDE but now i have DOXIE!!! I want to place an order for 6 2007 calendars. 4 t shirts size really big. a set of coffee mugs preferably with a scene of poop stories. (nothing goes better when you wake up then a cup of coffee and a edoxie poop story, specially the loaded weopon of a vet visit) and umm oh one of those daily inspiration tablets where each day has a funny page. yeah want 30 of those to give as gifts LOVe ya and thanks

Posted by: turtlesbirds | June 21, 2006 12:04 PM

Holy Hell. You should publish childrens' books for adults. Like that idea Carrie had in that Sex in the City episode where she meets Big's ex-wife.

oh! and you should TOTALLY do the cafepress.com thing. You could put the money towards your favorite charities and stuff.

Namely the "El-Dukay-needs-to-get-off-his-butt-and-write-the-story-of-how-he-and-Miss-Doxie-met" charity.

Also, I'm a long time reader, first time commentor. You crack me up!

Posted by: Meagan | June 21, 2006 12:40 PM

I wholeheartedly support (up to and including my checkbook) an Amish/Bo combination story. Like Amish in the City (no, i did NOT watch that) except more so Bo amongst the Amish.

Key Storylines:
Do the Amish provide ham, and how often?

Will Bo be able to recline properly on sturdy but rugged handmade furniture?

Will Bo develop a crush on the widowed Amish lady (wait, wrong story, Bo is not a police officer and protecting a boy from the mafia,OR IS HE?)

Posted by: Kristina | June 21, 2006 01:39 PM

I love love love these. In fact, I want to get prints of them and hang them on my walls.

Posted by: sortasandy | June 21, 2006 03:45 PM

Yeah. . . where IS the "How I Met Miss Doxie" story from El Dukay?

The pictures are great! Have fun!

Posted by: shax | June 21, 2006 04:28 PM

I love this site! Cant stop laughing!!! Gonna read some more. :)

Posted by: Beth | June 21, 2006 05:12 PM

"I can't draw a stick figure that doesn't come out looking like some sort of severely-damaged penis with pimples" /quote

But, Jonniker, I would totally buy a t-shirt and coffee cup with THAT on it ;) It would be the perfect mug for work.

Miss Doxie, the pictures and stories are amazing and I really do hope our little comments are inspiring you to continue to pursue your "secret" dream. We'll be cheering you on!

And like the other geeks, I'm seriously sitting here thinking, "Wow, I really NEED one of those tablet-thingies." Because, "need" and "WANT(!)" are synonyms in my brain.

Posted by: Jennifer | June 21, 2006 10:11 PM

lovely shading!

Posted by: elizabeth | June 22, 2006 12:11 AM

A. LOVE your site.
B. You are hi-freakin-larious.
C. I would totally buy things with your doxie illustrations on them. They are way too cute!
D. I have now bookmarked your page, and you cant get rid of me!

Thanks for the laughs :)

-Alison of Www.WeenieintheWindow.com

Posted by: Alison | June 22, 2006 02:43 AM

I upgraded from a Graphire to an Intuos 3 a little over a year ago, and Tablets do in fact rock.

I love mine...well not more than my family but it's a close second.

What program are you using?

Posted by: Nopenname | June 22, 2006 10:13 AM

(Waves lit lighter from the crowd)

Posted by: Bihari | June 22, 2006 12:03 PM

You think you are a nerd Miss Doxie? I have a 12 year old son who can quote Monty Python or Simpsons at a drop of a hat. He has now added Miss Doxieisms to his repertoire. I couldn't be prouder!

Posted by: Barbi | June 22, 2006 02:50 PM

"And I know your name is Doxie, and you like to do drawrings" - that's me singing the song that I'll be singing all day.

I tried to comment last time, but couldn't. Seriously, I think you've hit a new market - childrens books for adults!

Posted by: carmen | June 22, 2006 04:16 PM

Awesome drawrings, Doxie! Dad Gone mad posted something that I think the two of you should collaborate on...you could illustrate this for him: http://www.dadgonemad.com/2006/06/a_poopoo_haiku.html

That would be great! It fits into your "or, poop" portion of The Dogs or, Poop. Warning: don't be drinking any beverages while you read.

Posted by: ishouldbeworking | June 22, 2006 05:02 PM

You totally rock.

Posted by: liz | June 22, 2006 05:47 PM

hey. comments are working. a couple days ago when you initially posted this, i am POSITIVE i had something clever to say, and was dismayed when i discovered the comments weren't working.

now, i'm just too lazy to re-read. but! i do want one of these drawing tablet thingamajigs. lovely.

Posted by: jes | June 23, 2006 12:16 AM

Thanks for the laughs.

Posted by: CAROLINE | June 24, 2006 01:04 AM

I'm officially obsessed with your site. Hurry up and give us some more cartoons! ;)

Posted by: Lani | June 24, 2006 11:47 AM

What are the chances that I just installed my christmas gift TODAY, of a...wait for it...WALCOM TABLET!!! Crazy.

Posted by: justJENN | June 26, 2006 01:04 AM

First time reading your site. I love your drawings and I totally understand your love for the Wacom tablet. I am a part time graphic designer and I am really trying to get my small non-profit job to buy me one. I don't think it will happen. But one can dream right?

Posted by: nikki | June 27, 2006 01:16 PM

Tablets are a seriously good time. I've had one for years. I use it for many graphic designing purposes. :)

Posted by: Melanie | June 27, 2006 08:33 PM

Oh man! Spaghetti and wine? *I'll* compromise artistic integrity for that, and I can't even get my Wacom tablet to work with my poor wheezing laptop right now. I'd..I'd...I'd even draw something like Precious Moments.

Posted by: Deire | June 27, 2006 09:27 PM


Okay, I'm certain you'll have seen this, but I saw it and thought of you.

Posted by: MichelleB | June 30, 2006 05:13 PM

More Doxie, please!

Posted by: April | July 1, 2006 11:12 AM

Please blog soon -- I have spent most of the day spitting on my laptop. The IUD story -- dear god, I thought I'd die.

Posted by: mme.p | July 3, 2006 04:40 AM

FYI from Kansas City, Mo.


Posted by: tracy | July 3, 2006 02:00 PM

I saw this funny spoof, and I immediately thought of you, Miss Doxie.

Posted by: TKY | July 8, 2006 11:12 AM

I saw this and thought of you:


On another note, how's abouts you tell us a story about your holiday? Or the dogs again? Or shoes? Anything really. We miss you.


Posted by: BeerFlu | July 8, 2006 01:36 PM

hello - where are you? I miss your posts! :-)

Posted by: Linda | July 8, 2006 08:13 PM

Oh Doxie, I hope there were no fireworks related injuries this year, and that you did not blow your fingertips off so that you cannot write an entry!! Your fans miss you!

Posted by: Danielle | July 10, 2006 02:18 PM

Seriously, the blankness is making me a little edgy. I need my Doxie fix! :)

Posted by: Lani | July 10, 2006 10:03 PM

The blankness has many of us worried...please let us know if all is well in Doxie World. Our love and best wishes to you, sweet Doxie. Miss you so much.

Posted by: Leesavee | July 11, 2006 10:13 AM

I'm jumping on the worry wagon with everyone else. I hope all is well with you and yours, Miss Doxie!

Posted by: MRSBOJANGLES | July 12, 2006 11:41 AM

Absolutely wonderful! I am so glad to have found this blog (via Blogs with a Face).

Posted by: Jack Yan | August 1, 2006 09:55 PM

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