Jack! Necklace! Elvis! Bail!
Or, in other words: Entry With No Theme, Kind Of. Have fun!
Ways I Have Celebrated My Birthday So Far:
1. Two episodes of 24, featuring the 24 Drinking Game, in which you are required to drink whenever the words "profile", "protocol", or "satellite" are uttered. We have drinking games for most shows that we watch, but the 24 drinking game is somehow the most satisfying. This week we got a double hit when someone asked about "satellite protocols," and the entire room shuddered in collective happiness.
Other good 24 drinking words include "perimeter", "hostile", and "tactical." Or, if you would like to die of alcohol poisoning, you can just go with "Jack." Your liver may never forgive you.
2. Enjoyed (by "enjoyed" I mean "personally ate most of") two cakes, including one that is from Baskin Robbins, and is therefore made of ice cream, which is just like having cake made of rainbows and unicorns, because honestly. Is there anything better than ice cream cake? Nope.
3. Received some really truly lovely gifts, including a gorgeous silk and pearl necklace from Dukay, who picked it out all by himself and it just makes me want to snuggle up to him and kiss him all about the head and shoulders because, aww!
Sadly, this is the best picture I have of it. Sadly, in this picture, I look kind of...uh, high. I'm not. I might be drunk, though. It was my birthday party! It was required.
Aw, Funyuns, man. That's what I want for my birthday. Some Funyuns.
See how pretty that necklace is? It's all deconstructed and modern. I like things that are deconstructed and modern. (My fondness for things deconstructed and modern once led me to wear a skirt inside out for approximately four hours before realizing that: oh. Skirt's inside out. But during those four hours, I got about a million compliments on the skirt, and nobody even noticed, because that is just how much I tend to like things that are deconstructed and modern. Lesson being: apparently, my usual wardrobe is so peculiar that people fail to notice when I do things like wearing inside-out skirts.) So, uh, anyway, that was...neither here nor there. What I am getting to, people, is that he did good. Also, he's cute. Also, retelling that skirt story made me start to worry that maybe I dress like a homeless person. Or an Olsen Twin. Either way, I should probably examine that, don't you think? And maybe --- oh.
5. Drank pretty much all of the wine contained in the city of Atlanta (see above picture). Was hugged on by many adorable friends and family, and generally, have felt very loved and special for days.
So, it has all been fun. So far, it has been fun. That may change this evening, however, because this evening, I am going to a bachelor party. People, let me be straight with you: that makes me scared. I have never been to a bachelor party, but possibly some of y'all remember my birthday-at-a-stripclub experience from several years ago? If you recall (and I do)(vividly), I somehow became separated from my shirt and that was...bad, and then said shirt was thrown into the crowd, and that was the moment in which I remembered, with vivid terror, that I had not actually worn a bra that night, and pretty much every man I knew was sitting in the audience, jaws hanging open, and eyes big as dinner plates.
So, bearing this history in mind, when plans were being made for this particular bachelor party, Dukay had some suggestions.
"Wear a bra," said Dukay.
"I will be wearing FIVE bras," I informed him. "And three pairs of pants. And galoshes. And rubber gloves. And a trench coat. And a chastity belt. And a muumuu. And a ski mask."
And, this is not all. In addition to Bachelor Party, I have this weekend to look forward to. This weekend, a bunch of us are going up to the lakehouse to once again celebrate my birthday, this time by going to an Elvis impersonator. Yes. I kind of don't think I will need to wear five bras for that, but I might keep the muumuu, because everything that can be eaten at the Elvis Impersonator's restaurant is deep fried. Like, twice. It's refried deep fried. The entire restaurant is bathed in a crunchy golden glow, and arteries as far away as Atlanta get cloggy when they think upon the Lantern Inn. Naturally, however, this is the sort of food that I love, so I fail to see the problem. I don't need arteries! I just need to eat some more popcorn shrimp and not be encumbered by things like "waistbands."
So, this is all the excitement, currently. I will report back shortly and tell all y'all about what kind of trouble we stir up. In the meantime, though, here's a really cute picture of Mister Dukay and my pretty necklace:
Who, us? We've been helping old ladies cross the street all day. Next, we're going to watch Touched By An Angel!
Don't we look wholesome? Don't we look well-behaved? Please remember how angelic we look right now. Because tomorrow, we may be calling you. And we might need borrow some bail money.