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Happy Anniversary! To Me.

January 27, 2006

Okay, guess what. So, my site’s two year anniversary is, like, nowish. Approximately now. I started posting in January of 2004, and now, look! It is January of 2006. That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it? Two whole years of my rambling/complaining/whining, from my first ever entry, all the way up to…you know. Whatever I wrote last.

I was trying to think of an appropriate way to celebrate this event, when all of a sudden, I was struck by inspiration, in the form of an old song on the radio. And my mind said: yes. That would entertain me. Probably it would entertain nobody else, but I, myself, would find this funny.

And SO. Because I am an enormous, huge nerd, I have decided to provide you all with a recap of what all I’ve written about over the last two years. And I have decided to do this in the style of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire. I apologize to everyone involved.

But please – feel free to sing along, and join me in celebrating this, the anniversary of my enormous dorkitude. And, on a more serious note, thank you all so much for your support, your kind emails and hilarious comments, and of course, above all – thanks for reading.

Here we go. (Yeah, again: so sorry.)

Leigh Didn’t Start The Fire

Killer doorknobs, Tash and Bo, sleep talking, naked toe
Traffic ticket, exercise, Morgan Fairchild hurt my eyes.

Puglsey, Gimmme, purple flag, business trips and men in drag,
Dinner parties, all the time, have another glass of wine;

Lunch with Her, an IUD, taking down the Christmas tree,
Ziz and Dukay, Millionaires, tumbling down a flight of stairs;

What We Do On Tuesday Nights, elf costumes and rental tights,
Dishwasher and pantry door, broken boots and 24...

Leigh didn’t start the fire;
Look at what I’m writing, I’m not that exciting.
Leigh didn’t start the fire;
(No, this isn’t clever, but let’s see you do better.)

Birthday parties, trim the tree, Hannah, Al, and Miss AB,
Doggie stitches, wardrobe glitches, Flickr pictures here.

I’m a nerd, angry bird, made up words and flying turd.
Ceiling fan, attention span, think I’ll drink a beer.

Smackdown, getting old, Monkey, monkey, centerfold,
Fucking culture, Ice Storm, holding someone else’s porn,

EAT ME, HBO, Ghost stories and angry Bo,
Office crafts and injured feet, running naked down the street

Leigh didn’t start the fire;
God, I’m such a whiner, when the problem’s minor.
Leigh didn’t start the fire;
I am not refraining from prolonged complaining.

Books on tape, headband, Bon Jovi Cover Band,
Harry Potter, law school, eight dogs, the Amish rule,

Stupid capelets, paint the floor, maybe I will drink some more,
Love quiz, IT IS OAK, Six Feet Under, I just broke,

Chasing dogs, chasing sharks, plus the way that Gimmme barks (?),
Online shopping, updates, stationery, bookplates,

Switching firms, fucking bump, Bo’s retaliation dump,
God bless the Ikea store, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for!

Leigh didn’t start the fire;
Did you ever notice just how long this song is?
Leigh didn’t start the fire;
Plus it's all about me, and that's kind of cocky.

Broken washer, Satan/Stan, golden showers, that’s my man,
Scary hotels, fireworks, unexpected legal perks,

Eating With the Enemy, You = Not helping me,
Robyn and the Kiefer Twins, Cracker challenge, Sarah wins.

“Bo, don’t you want your bone?”, vacation in disaster zone,
Phil is doing great today, what else do I have to say?

Leigh didn’t start the fire;
I’m not kidding here, this song last twenty years.
Leigh didn’t start the fire;
I swear to God and Danza, there’s just one more stanza:

Growltalking, Sinking! In!, Satan/Stan are back again,
New shoes, R2, R. Kelly, Dump 2.
Jesus, this is really long, ‘member the McDonald’s song?
Matthew Sweet and Halloween, Pugsley's scared and Bo is mean
We are almost at the end, passing time and passing wind,
Winnie, Gimmme has no eyes, wintry mix and puking guys,
Crispin Glover mows the grass, Information, Turbo Tax,
GIRL comes OUT of the TV, FUCK THE FUCKING SYMPHONY.

Leigh didn't start the fire;
The song's finally finished,
And my brain's diminished.
Leigh didn't start the fire;
But now that I am done,
I'll just write on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on...

Thank you all for two awesome years!

(And if you want to do something to celebrate, I'd suggest that you either give to Mir's 3-day, or adopt the adorable great dane named Gavin from this page; he's in Athens, and I have heard that he is wonderful. And, that is all. Kisses, y'all!)

Posted by doxie in | permalink

96 Comments

Good God that was fucking brilliant.

Posted by: Jen | January 27, 2006 01:27 AM

AWESOME.

Posted by: elizabeth | January 27, 2006 01:37 AM

Holy shit. Miss Doxie, did you ever know that you're my hero?

Happy Anniversary!

Posted by: Tracy | January 27, 2006 01:48 AM

That... was... slightly crazy and very ridiculous. I'm very impressed. As always.

Envy.

And congrats. Both directed at you. Conflictual! Yum!

Posted by: Kate | January 27, 2006 02:31 AM

HAHAHA! You never fail. Happy blogiversary to someone who always entertains! :)

Posted by: lizardek | January 27, 2006 02:42 AM

Oh my my my. Jesus Jumping Christ in an everfucking sidecar, was that FUNNY. Especially since Erika my 21-year-old and I LOVE that stupid fucking song, and Erika can even SING it WORD FOR WORD JUST THAT FAST. And when I show her the Doxie version she is going to fall down laughing and wet her pants and spew whatever she is drinking all over screen and keyboard, and then she will probably call me up and bitch me out for all of the above. Once again you've outdone yourself, Tourette's Syndrome Attorney, so go ahead and take a bow, but you know, be sure to put on a towel and drop it and let your boob fall out and everything in the process. Because that is the DOXIE WAY. EMBRACE YOUR INNER DOX.

Posted by: Gretchen | January 27, 2006 03:04 AM

Miss Doxie this was ORIGINAL and FUNNY!! Kudos to you for a GREAT POST!

Posted by: for Joke! | January 27, 2006 04:08 AM

You are a genius. I could never have sat down for that long to think up something so amazingly wonderful and rhyme-y. Absolutely briliant.

Posted by: Queenie | January 27, 2006 06:57 AM

HILARIOUS! I put on the original song and sang the entire thing, but with your BRILLIANT lyrics! Rock on, Doxie!

Posted by: Anna | January 27, 2006 07:03 AM

That was truly a thing of beauty and majesty.

Posted by: Kimmer | January 27, 2006 08:07 AM

Hee! Happy anniversary!

Also, as a result of your in-song reminder, I am now thinking about a monkey.

Posted by: Lisa | January 27, 2006 08:12 AM

My life will never be the same. Thank you for sharing your dorky self with the rest of us.

Posted by: Maggie | January 27, 2006 08:18 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Good God woman! Does your cleverness never end! Thanks for the hours of laughter.

Posted by: Colleen | January 27, 2006 08:21 AM

I canNOT believe you linked to all of those posts. And while I thought I had read all the archives...obviously not. You are too funny--Happy Anniversary, and many more!

Posted by: Jackie Joy | January 27, 2006 08:27 AM

That? Was awesome! I wish I were that creative. Happy Anniversary!

Posted by: Jessie | January 27, 2006 08:40 AM

BRAVO! That was awesome...and long. LOL

Posted by: Ivie | January 27, 2006 08:42 AM

Amazing.

When I first found your site, back when it was just old entries in a very blah-ish design? Remember that? I remember laughing so hard at the entry where you painted the garage floor that I called everyone that I worked with into my cube to have a read. They were all hooked immediately, and whenever you posted a new entry, the emails would fly from cube to cube, "MISS DOXIE HAS A NEW ONE, TRY TO MUFFLE THE LAUGHTER SO NO ONE IS ON TO US."

Thanks for sticking with it!

Posted by: Emily | January 27, 2006 08:48 AM

I just found your site and am SO glad I did! You CRACK me up! I have to be careful when reading you at work. Happy anniversary and hope you have many more!

Posted by: Paula | January 27, 2006 09:14 AM

OK- a masterpiece. Now I have an earworm of Billy Joel all day, but it is totally worth it.

Posted by: Anne Glamore | January 27, 2006 09:26 AM

Congratulations on two years of being hilarious on the Internet! You are, hands down, the funniest person I don't know :)

Posted by: karenology | January 27, 2006 09:29 AM

ugh, now i cant get billy joel out of my head....but....happy anniversary!

Posted by: steph | January 27, 2006 09:42 AM

Happy Anniversary! I would think after 2 years Dukay could finally write the story he's supposed to be writing.... Not that the readers here are trying to apply any pressure to him, or anything. Just cause. And you are very funny - love the song. Particularly the end. And oh yeah? Fuck the Symphony.

Posted by: Laura | January 27, 2006 09:51 AM

That was awesome. As for FauxJon? My friends in Atlanta saw a Bon Jovi cover band recently and I do believe I had a lovely message where FauxJon was singing Wanted: Dead or Alive. Luckily, I get to see RealJon on Feb 2nd in DC. Congrats on two years.

Posted by: Morgan | January 27, 2006 09:54 AM

Happy Blogaversary! Or something!

As always, I send you virtual wine. And shoes!

XOXOXO.

Posted by: Em | January 27, 2006 09:54 AM

Happy Anniversary from a regular lurker! You rock.

Posted by: Heather | January 27, 2006 10:00 AM

holy shit you're a genius!

Posted by: Jillian | January 27, 2006 10:17 AM

There aren't superlatives in existence that are superlative enough for that. That was so fun I'm going back to sing it in my head again.

Posted by: Miss Fish | January 27, 2006 10:49 AM

Yep, still brilliant. Happy Anniversary!

Personally I think if Dukay weren't intimidated about writing his assignment before, he definitely is now. Who'd want to follow THAT?

Posted by: Miss Fish | January 27, 2006 10:54 AM

Your song is AWESOME! Happy Blogiversary to you, Miss Doxie. Thanks for all the laughs.

(And now, I shall go back to the post and click all the links. I couldn't click 'em before, 'cause - duh! - it would've interrupted the rhythm of the song!)

Posted by: LadyBug | January 27, 2006 11:08 AM

genius! even though i don't post often, you ALWAYS make me laugh!

Posted by: minnie | January 27, 2006 11:27 AM

You have grown in brilliance and hilarity in two years, but then I am prejudiced! Can't wait for more more mornings of laughing so hard coffee comes out of my nose! Happy blogaversary. Aunt Rie

Posted by: Aunt Rie | January 27, 2006 11:28 AM

Happy 2nd Anniversary!! Very clever!!

Posted by: Lilie | January 27, 2006 11:32 AM

HA! Oh, y'all. I'm so glad I am not the only one who found this entertaining.

(Also: Please understand that I made Dukay sing this about six times last night to make sure all the beats matched up. He hates me now. But it works! That is what matters here.)

Anyway. Thanks, everyone! And, hi, Aunt Rie!

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 27, 2006 11:35 AM

I also second that, Fuck the Symphony! And happy anniversary!

Posted by: Zee | January 27, 2006 11:41 AM

Holy God, girl! How the hell did you do that? And how come, after reading it, I'm out of breath?

Posted by: Queen of Ass | January 27, 2006 11:45 AM

You are just beyond brilliant for that. I am also out of breath JUST FROM READING!!!!!!

and my rescue dogs kiss you tons and lots.

Posted by: Kristina(danelover) | January 27, 2006 11:48 AM

You rock! That song is hilarious. And now I'm going to have it stuck in my head ALL DAY! Brilliant! Please thank Dukay for assisting with the beat-matching.
And thank you thank you thank you for the note about Gavin. We appreciate it greatly!

Posted by: DurtGrrl | January 27, 2006 11:53 AM

That song just made my day...and helped me procrastinate from doing any real work.

Thanks for mentioning Gavin, as a Dane owner myself it really saddens me to see these lovely animals neglected.

Posted by: aleigh36 | January 27, 2006 12:09 PM

You rock. That's all I have to say.


Well, maybe one more thing.... Thanks for posting the note about Gavin! :-)

Posted by: JRenae | January 27, 2006 12:10 PM

Fucking brilliant! And my first ever post I read was the Morgan Fairchild one, which is still my all-time favorite EVER.. tho the stories of the dogs and Ziz conversations are so so close.

You're a hilarious inspiration girl.. keep it up!

Posted by: Angel | January 27, 2006 12:16 PM

Absolutely wonderful, as always. I don't see how you could ever top this entry!

Happy anniversary. It's been a great trip following you around for two years.

Posted by: Coleen | January 27, 2006 12:23 PM

Very clever. And I guess I've been lurking around here since almost the beginning. Happy Twoyearversary.

Posted by: TB | January 27, 2006 12:35 PM

I cant even imagine how long that took, what with all the linking? and the creativity? wowiezowie.

I've been lurking around for awhile - really love the site :-)

Posted by: Sharon | January 27, 2006 12:52 PM

I remember finding you... whenever it was... a while ago... and going back and reading all of your archives. And completely losing my shit over the UTI/IUD entry. Also didn't you win a Diarist Award for the bumpity bumpity plane entry? Hell, they're ALL hilarious. I want to be you when I grow up. Happy anniversary!

Posted by: Mir | January 27, 2006 01:21 PM

What a great anniversary present for us! That must have been quite the project, and rhyming too! Thanks for two years of belly laughs!

Posted by: Suz | January 27, 2006 02:06 PM

In the words of those two beer guys "BRILLIANT" Fucking fabulous!!

Posted by: Bethany | January 27, 2006 02:14 PM

Congrats Miss Doxie! I've only found your site recently but I love love love it. Keep it up!

Posted by: Rebecca | January 27, 2006 02:22 PM

Best. Entry. Ever.
You should market this song to Billy on his farewell tour.

Posted by: Danielle | January 27, 2006 03:19 PM

I love and adore you, though I've never met you (though I did bring a mix CD to Journalcon 2004! I did! for yooooou! and you didn't come, alas), and this song is brilliant. I have died, DIED DEAD from the laughing.

I am SO SO glad you ended it with FUCK THE SYMPHONY. Which is my favorite thing, like, EVER, and a hilariously perfect ending for your ditty.

Posted by: lissa | January 27, 2006 03:29 PM

Bravo!! You just made me laugh like a lunatic in front of 18 Latin American military students. Now they know without a doubt I am crazy. And YOU are a freaking genius.

Posted by: karla | January 27, 2006 03:34 PM

I can't believe you actually got everything to fit so well! Brilliant job. You might have a second career on your hand (Weird Al, watch your back)

Posted by: Dustin | January 27, 2006 03:51 PM

YOU NEED AN AGENT!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for 2 years of nearly making me pee my pants at work.

Posted by: meezealeeze | January 27, 2006 04:21 PM

I'm a regular lurker who just wants to say happy 2-year internetiversary and keep 'em coming. That was damn brilliantastic.

And, in honor of your 2-year anniversary, my husband and I have begun the process of adopting Clifford (The Big Red Dog) from Athens Canine Rescue. Thanks for the link!

Oh, and: fuck the symphony.

Posted by: Jenny | January 27, 2006 05:02 PM

Oh, my God! Jenny, congratulations!

Clifford is awesome. Good luck!

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 27, 2006 05:34 PM

Happy anniversary, you pretty nerd, you, and fuck the symphony.

Gavin looks exactly like my dog, who is WONDERFUL. I sure do hope he finds a good home.

Posted by: holley | January 27, 2006 08:25 PM

God you're amazing. Sometimes I wish I had your brain.

Posted by: S. Faolan Wolf | January 27, 2006 09:39 PM

Leigh will you be my friend? Or just let me serve you your drinks? Something? Anything? I have a serious girl-crush.

Posted by: Theresa | January 27, 2006 09:58 PM

That fucking RULED. You are AWESOME. I am SPEECHLESS.

Dayum.

Posted by: Lori | January 28, 2006 01:18 AM

THAT. Was SERIOUSLY impressive.

Posted by: mom on a wire | January 28, 2006 01:48 AM

I couldn't remember how "We didn't start the fire" went and kept switching it to Madonna's "Vogue." Sometimes it works. Congrats on 2 years!

Posted by: Lani | January 28, 2006 02:03 AM

I think I just fell in online-journal-LOVE with you all over again. Does your brain hurt from all the linking? Rock on, and Happy Two Years!

Posted by: Blue Meany | January 28, 2006 11:30 AM

Greatest thing I've read on the Internet in years. Hooray!

Posted by: Al | January 28, 2006 11:54 AM

I actually sang that aloud to get the full effect.

luff it.

Posted by: Laura | January 28, 2006 01:12 PM

awesome! and happy anniversary! i want to grow up and have Miss D's mad skillz.

Posted by: lindsay | January 28, 2006 03:41 PM

That post was great. I've only recently started reading your blog. So, I got to read the Bon Jovi cover band post. I would have been right there front and center at the concert. When I was 12 years old, I saw the OJB (original Jon bon Jovi) in the FOURTH ROW!!! And he jumped off the stage right in front of me. I haven't been the same since. I've seen them like 4 times, and have tee-shirts from every single time. :) OH the eighties were a special time.

Posted by: Mags | January 28, 2006 04:23 PM

Very brilliant in a 'she's not gonna do the whole song oh yes she is, look at her go, this is so friggin' awesome' kind of way!

(Though damn you for putting that song in my head now!)

Posted by: jen | January 28, 2006 09:33 PM

This is probably my favorite line:

"Switching firms, fucking bump, Bo’s retaliation dump,
God bless the Ikea store, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for!"

Posted by: justJENN | January 29, 2006 03:33 AM

Happy Blogiversary!!!

Posted by: Helene | January 29, 2006 09:14 AM

Wow. Those are some mad skillz there.

Happy anniversary! And thanks for the asshole bingo entry... I am totally starting it when I go to law school.

Posted by: Gwen | January 29, 2006 11:01 AM

Dox - thanks for that - it is absolutely brilliant.

Congrats to Jenny & husband. Dogs, especially shelter dogs, rule!

Posted by: md | January 29, 2006 01:01 PM

Miss Doxie - I also live in Atlanta and work in the legal field. I just found your blog recently and have to be very careful reading you at work. I have never laughed so hard at anyone's writing in my life. People always think lawyers/legal people are so stuffy but we're not - we're really not!

I also saw Morgan Fairchild naked at the Fox but luckily I was up in the balcony so I didn't get quite as "good" a view of her girl parts as you did.

Posted by: Bevvy | January 29, 2006 01:46 PM

BRAVO...


oh my gawd, still in stunned replay of billy joel in my head... but Bravo, and Happy Anniversary.


sombody sing a different song and get it out now please? *wimper*

Posted by: jennifer | January 29, 2006 08:15 PM

OK, that was just the shit. *not worthy*

Posted by: Trance | January 29, 2006 09:11 PM

Whatever....I didn't think it was all that great. My dog licking his butt is funnier.

Posted by: Cassiopeia | January 30, 2006 12:13 AM

I LIE! Hilarious, as usual. (I just received a million death rays from scorned fans, though. I'm such a stinker.)

Posted by: Cassiopeia | January 30, 2006 12:14 AM

I am laughing hysterically right now! I'm totally not worthy of your dorkiness. Hats off to you.

Posted by: divinecalm | January 30, 2006 10:07 AM

You are hilarious and brilliant. I randomly picked out posts to re-read and they are just as funny the second time around. Happy anniversary!

Posted by: Allyson | January 30, 2006 01:19 PM

LOL
that must have been like doing homework...lol

Posted by: Kara | January 30, 2006 01:59 PM

god, i wish i were that creative! very cute.

Posted by: Ali G | January 30, 2006 03:15 PM

I laughed just reading it - haven't even clicked the links yet. Please continue to use your powers only for good, never for evil.

Posted by: laura | January 30, 2006 04:37 PM

Happy Anniversary! And thanks for all the links in your recap, sometimes I forget about your archives which are also all hilarious.

Posted by: Radiantsky | January 30, 2006 04:44 PM

That was fantastic! Keep up the great work!

Posted by: Karen | January 30, 2006 06:20 PM

De-lurking. I love your site and this was just too cute. Happy anniversary!

Posted by: Eeek | January 30, 2006 11:47 PM

I've been posting for all of about a week and now I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I will NEVER EVER EVER be able to do this as well.

I just found your site today...Happy Blogiversary, oh Great One!

Posted by: Carol | January 31, 2006 02:23 PM

Oh, Doxie girl. How good can a blogger be? And I am not even young or cool. I love the crap out of your site! And my little dachsie does too. You are throwing yourself away on The Law. Comedy needs you. Minions in cubicles all over the world need you. Quit your job and write ALL THE TIME. Luv ya. And f**k the symphony! (this is a work computer)

Posted by: Daffy | January 31, 2006 03:23 PM

Brilliant as always, Leigh. Your inner dork really validates my (Monkey) inner dork.

Posted by: Sabine | January 31, 2006 05:04 PM

Please tell me you don't work with the "Lunch with her" lady
still - I was cringing for you (and for me) the whole time!

I enjoy reading your stuff . Co-workers hear me giggling in my cubby and ask why, but I don't share you with them. I'm not sure why, just quirky like that.

Posted by: Val | January 31, 2006 09:07 PM

Aw, thank y'all for all your nice comments! I'm glad you're still enjoying the site.

And, I no longer work with Her, who -- I will now admit, for the first time -- was the only female senior partner at my last firm. And also: INSANE. Fucking INSANE. Yay, new job!

Also, I once spilled an entire cup of coffee on her. It was an "accident."

Posted by: Miss Doxie | January 31, 2006 09:38 PM

Is everything you write about true? Or is it going to be like the whole "Million Little Pieces" debaucle where you lie and you didn't actually throw your turd out the window - you got that from an embarassing moment article in a magazine or you don't actually own 4 dogs, you sneak into your neighbours house to take pictures of them on a regular basis? ;)

I love your site. It's awesome. And Happy Groundhog Day today. ;)

Posted by: Lani | February 2, 2006 06:32 AM

I have never commented on any blog ever before, but I laughed so hard I may have peed a little. This was my first exposure to Miss Doxie, and good god, you are entertaining.

I will now commence to worship at your feet, just a little. don't be scared, though, for I am far, far away and cannot stalk you.

Posted by: amy | February 2, 2006 12:48 PM

Wow, 90 comments. I'm envious of that alone. But I lurrve you, MD. You're divinely funny and I think we could have fun shopping together, besides.

Posted by: Tina | February 2, 2006 07:12 PM

Oh. My. Gahd. How long did THAT take you?!? That was awesome! Happy Blogiversary, and I just want you to know that I hummed along as I read your post--proof that you're not the only dork out there!

Posted by: Raybelle | February 2, 2006 11:27 PM

Please woman I beg of you, I need a fresh entry. Or perhaps you could make Dukay write his previously promised but never produced story of the Doxie/Dukay meeting. Sometimes with men you can take away something they really like until they do your bidding. Not that I would do that, 'cause it's evil. But you know, it's an option.

Posted by: Confessions of a Neurotic Newlywed | February 3, 2006 04:10 PM

Thanks for two great years! Here's to many more! Cheers! (clink!)

P.S. You rock for posting about Gavin and shelter dogs...I read his story and am now crying. Adoption is pending, though, yay!

Posted by: jane | February 4, 2006 09:21 AM

hi, miss doxie. this is the first time i've commented on your blog, but not the first time i've been here - i'm just in awe of your fan base. (94 comments? meaning mine is #95? wtf?) congratulations on your anniversary. i love your entries, and only wish you had enough time to update more frequently. i'm not sure how you do it but you make dachshunds and law school the most hilarious things on the planet. and you and your boyfriend are f***ing cute, and...i'd buy you guys a drink if i knew you. or even if i didn't know you and lived closer to the south. but i'm mixing you a chocolate martini in spirit!

Posted by: bee | February 6, 2006 12:08 PM

Enough lurking for me, congrats on your two years mate! I look forward to another few months or years, who knows!

Posted by: Elisabeth | February 6, 2006 12:25 PM

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