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Apparently this is now a shopping blog, plus bonus complaining about Dukay's pants: Updated Pretty Much 900 Times, So Check For New Shit

December 01, 2005

All right, I have updated my last entry about five times, and things are getting silly. So we are moving on. Only we are not really moving on, because look at me, still talking about shopping. Because I have even more news for y'all. Are you just dying with glee? Yes, you are, too.

Okay. First off: Yay, y'all! You all had the best ideas for gifts, and many, maaaaany people on my list will be getting things that you recommended. Thank you very much, and feel free (actually, please do) comment with additional ideas if you think of anything else. Think! THINK HARD. THINK OF MORE. IT IS FUN. YES IT IS TOO.

Okay, secondly and unrelatedly, please note that I am now a member of the Damn Millionaires Web Team, which means that I get extra kisses or something, but really it just means that there is now an extra-pretty link on my sidebar (see?) that will take you to the place you need to go in order to purchase the DM's spanking new CD. I have bought mine, and as a member of the web team, it is my official duty to officially get All Up In Your Shit now and demand that you do the same. Buy, I tell you! or AB might beat you the heck up, and do not think that she won't. She will.

And, now, an unrealted thirdly: I've gotten about 500 emails in the past two days. (Hi!) A lot came from various online retailers, letting me know about their shops and their specials and deals, so I'm going to stick those all up here in a little Holiday Shopping Guide Take Two Electric Boogaloo in a minute. I have also continued to receive emails encouraging Dukay to OH MY GOD, WRITE THE FUCKING STORY ALREADY, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU. And I assure you that I am working on that.

And, finally, I have received emails about what is really the question of the hour, that being: OH MY GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WITH THE EMBROIDERED PANTS. This makes me hang my head in shame. Because: it is true. Dukay loves his embroidered pants. And Dukay wears embroidered pants all the time. And I am powerless to stop it.

If you didn't see it, in one of my multiple updates to the last entry, I complained about a certain pair of pants that Dukay insists on wearing with horrifying regularity. They are corduroy. And embroidered. With...birds. I have no words.

I am trying to find current pictures of Dukay wearing the pants, but unfortunately, this is not happening. I don't seem to have any. I cannot imagine why I wouldn't want to memorialize that for the ages.

Indeed, the only picture I HAVE found from that particular night (in which Dukay was wearing said pants with a plaid shirt AND an unmatching plaid jacket) is one of the most horrible pictures ever taken, of anyone, ever, and it is of me, and I look equally horrified and disgusted, and I can only conclude that at that very moment I was thinking about EMBROIDERED PANTS, OH THE HUMANITY.

Frankly, I really cannot even explain these pants without having to go lie down, so instead I will link you to the closet thing I can find, which is the women's version, seeing as even Brooks Brothers, official makers of hideous and frightening asswear, is too embarrassed to admit online that they do, in fact, sell these things for men. Apparently you have to go into the store and buy them in a plain brown wrapper. Apparently this is what Dukay does.

See, Dukay's taste in clothing ranges from "homeless" to "senior citizen", taking a strange but noticeable detour towards "Margaritaville" from the months of February through November, at which point he wears flip flops with, oh, everything. Including suits. He wore flip flops and a suit at a charity dinner last month. At one point one of the other women came up to me and gave me a hug, looked down at Dukay's exposed toes, and asked me, "Have you...just given up?"

Yes. Yes, I have. I am sorry, world.

But, you know. He has his good qualities. He is very cuddly, for example. Also, he can reach things on high shelves. So I keep him.

***

(Little stars mean I am about to change what I am talking about completely.)

In other news, I found out this morning that, because I am the newest associate at my firm, it is my responsibility to dress up as the elf for our annual holiday luncheon.

I would like for you to read that sentence again. I will even type it, once more, just for you: because I am the newest associate at the firm, it is my responsibility to dress up AS THE ELF for our annual holiday luncheon.

I don't know if anything about that sentence...jumped out at you. I do not include it here to inform you that I am the newest associate. Nor did I include said sentence so that you would be jealous of our surely-fabulous upcoming lunch spectacular. No. No, what I am really trying to convey, is that APPARENTLY, in the VERY NEAR FUTURE, I will be dressed up as an elf. At work. The costume includes tights, I was informed.

This should do much for my legal reputation. Surely, no one will ever have problems taking advice from me EVER AGAIN.

"Hmm, she sure SOUNDS like she knows what she's talking about, Bob!" "Only when she's not dressed up as an elf, Larry!" This is what I am imagining.

I am sure there will be pictures of this insanity, which I may get drunk enough to share with y'all. Until then, know that every time I see an elf on television or in the paper, every time I even think of Will Ferrell, I am filled with a slowly mounting fear. In two weeks, I will be paralyzed with terror, lying under my desk in a pair of enormous shoes with upturned toes, jingling sadly and hiding from the world.

But at least I won't be wearing embroidered pants.


***

(There I go again with the little stars. Twinkle twinkle!)

Back to shopping. Now, before I jump into this, let me first say a little something to the shopkeepers out there on the world wide whatever: Hello! I have heard from many, many of you in the past few days. And that is excellent, and I will happily include you on my little list, provided that you have some items that are less than ten dollars. That is the whole idea here; these are inexpensive yet awesome Christmas gifts. This is actually not a shopping website, and I can't "represent" you, and I can't post your seven thousand dollar items, and just...no. No. However, if you have a shopping site, and you do offer items under $10, and particularly if you have a coupon code or something you'd like to share with the class, please do email. I will add you with glee.

Now, back to everyone again: I'm going to repost some of the shops from the last update, but for the most part, these are going to be new people. if you're looking for good ideas, though, definitely check out the comments to the last entry, where all kinds of new products and stores were suggested. I'm not going to list them all here, because there are a ton of them, but do check those out.

AND NOW. FINALLY:

Miss Doxie's Under Ten Bucks Yeah I Said It Ten Bucks Holiday Shopping Guide Take Two: Electric Boogaloo!

Since the last entry, I was emailed by this store; she was so taken with the idea of the ten-dollar thing that she actually set up a site just for Miss Doxie readers, where she lists all her items under $10. And, if you look at her home page, she even welcomes y'all! Isn't that nice? I think it's so nice! Also, she is offering 25% off to anyone who signs up for her newsletter, so there you go. Ten dollars just became seven fifty, through the magic of subtraction.

Speaking of discounts, Jen is still offering readers 10% off of all purchases if you use the code CRAFTY at checkout. And she still has some of those cute aprons left, which means that someone is still getting cooking crap all over their nice clothes. Tsk, says my mother.

In totally different news, I have fallen completely in love with these little pocket mirrors, for six fifty a pop. I also love these, and pretty much everything from that whole designers series thing. Very nice for mom. Or, you know. Me.

I just got my first order of these, and they were so adorable that I instantly ordered some of her stationery, as well. Seriously, they come in this cute little frosted envelope and everything. I am brimming over with being impressed. Also, free shipping all the way up until January! So there's that.

Let's see, what else...oh! I got an email from this site, offering a 20% discount on anything to any of y'all who sign up for their newsletters. These pins for five bucks are very cute, indeed.

And, remember those candles I told y'all about? These ones? Look. Sale! Big sale! For ever so briefly! Making each eight dollar candle something more like...sixish! Six...fityisghhyrtswer. Something involving math.

And, updated: I got an email from this retailer, who had been linked in the comments to the previous entry; not only does she offer quite a few things (that last one cracks my shit up) for under ten bucks, but she also has provided us with a 10% off coupon code. Which is, brilliantly enough, "Monkeys." Hee! Plus, there is free shipping until the 15th, so very good deals to be had.

And I shall now list:

This site offers framed photographs for eight dollars each (updated to say, plus we got an email from her, offering 10% off your order if you type 'HOLIDAY' in as a voucher; it's case sensitive, so type it justlikethat. Thanks, Emily!). Here are some seriously pretty butterfly soaps for five bucks, or the more grown-up but also good-smelly looking greenish soap for five fifty; here are bath scrub bag things (I really don't know much about these, other than I want one). I've also found these awesome ribbon belts for eight dollars. Guess What, I Shall Now Update, I Know You Are Surprised: Miss Lindsay, over at Lindsay Designs, makers of aforementioned ribbon belts and soon-to-be-mentioned cat collars (that's foreshadowing!), is giving a 10% discount to all Doxie readers who use voucher code 051220106; she also alerted me to this very adorable dog treat section, and...wait, I think Bo just fainted from excitement. And the walls shook with the impact.

I must also recommend these notecard sets with deer (deer? ...deers?) on for six dollars; body butter cup sets for only four dollars, which are the gift that just keep giving, because they are perfect for massage (cough HEY DUKAY cough); these very adorable typewriter key chokers for ten bucks (those are really nice, actually); and sweet little pouches for those little annoying items at the bottom of your purse that drive you INSANE, INSANE I SAY.

Updated again, naturally: I just received an email from Sharma Designs, and they have a whole entire page of earrings for either $7 or $9, with free shipping. Also, she says that those Hella Good bath scrubbies (which I mention...somewhere in this entry) are very awesome. So now you know. Furthermore, I have gotten several emails (and a comment, as well; thank you, smart readers!) about this site, which offers a bucket of soap for eight bucks (scroll down)(wait, sorry, it is a bucket o' soap, making it totally "F"-free), and I am totally fascinated. Plus, it is tied up in a pretty bow, all ready to be given to someone who is maybe a little dirty.

Neighborhoodies is offering a special on customized stockings for ten bucks; this polo for boys is only ten dollars in white; and these little thank-you notes from Just Jenn Designs make a smart little holiday gift for six dollars. More updating: Also, if you didn't notice, Miss Jen left us a comment below (which, for some reason, movable type decided to ban; good move, movable type. Way to ban commenters who are giving us free stuff. Thanks for "protecting" me!), which says (and I shall quote for those too lazy to scroll): "Starting today, December 1st, if any of your readers mention "Miss Doxie", they will receive a set of holiday gift tags free, with their first purchase from www.justjenndesigns.com!"

Isn't that nice? And, y'all, I ordered some of those gift tags last week. They are super cute. And now they are FREE to you. Bam!

Updating Upshmating But This Is A Good One, I Swear: This site does not have anything for under ten dollars (yes, I am breaking my own rule), but she's going to give 25% off to Miss Doxie readers who use the discount code "missdoxie", PLUS she will give you free shipping, free gift wrapping AND a free gift with every order. And her stuff is gorgeous, so you should check that out. (Also she has a very cute new puppy.) Additionally, this site has very cute button and magnet sets for less than ten dollars (that's Canadian dollars, too, so even less for U.S. buyers), AND she's offering 15% off when you use the code MISSDOXIE15. And they're cute, and very good for stocking stuffers, and really, people. What more are you looking for?

Changing subjects entirely, I would like to note that if I had a cat, I would buy her this collar for nine dollars, and then she would be beautiful, and then Bo would eat her and we would all be sad. So it is probably best that I do not have a cat.

Speaking of dogs, Crafters for Critters is having a big update on Monday, so don't forget to check in with them.

Also, I can't help it, y'all, but someone is going to be getting one of these. In his stocking. Cuddly!

And finally, as of Sunday, expect me to be completely broke and my credit cards to all be wheezing on the ground in exhaustion, but guess what is happening in Atlanta? Indie Craft Fair Thing. YES.

I got an email from one of these lovely ladies some time ago, but accidentally deleted it, so I am very happy that she wrote back with the specs; it's in Decatur on Sunday, and there will be many craft things to buy, and many items under ten dollars, PLUS mimosas, PLUS champagne punch, and THEREFORE, that is where I will be on Sunday. As will Dukay. So if you see us, please say hello.

And you know, we won't be hard to find; he'll be the one in the embroidered pants and flip flops, and I'll be the one downing my sixth mimosa and cowering in shame.

(Psst. Y'all, do feel free to add more ideas, or to make fun of Dukay's pants or what have you, but do not be surprised when I am back in seven minutes with yet another update. Sure, you can act surprised, but I know you aren't really.)

Happy shopping! Good thing they don't have debtors prisons anymore!

***

I am updating a whole entire SECTION now, watch out, world: This has nothing to do with shopping, or with CDs, or even with being an elf, but long-time reader and all-around wonderful person NoodleJen is in the horns of a dilemma, as my mother would say. Her rescue organization, 1 At A Time Rescue, is based in Calgary, Alberta, but they recently went to Louisiana to rescue a whole bunch of Katrina-displaced pets. Long story short, the cats have all been adopted and happy, but seven dogs remain, and tomorrow, they're being evicted from the craptastic, asshole-run kennel that had promised to board them, but LIED, LIAR LIARS. If any of y'all are in the Calgary area, and know of a kennel that is not, I don't know, filled with ASSHOLES who steal donations (seriously), or know of someone who would be willing to foster or adopt, or whatEVER, please contact me, and I'll pass along the information to Jen, and maybe something can be done about these poor doggies.

Ugh. Spirit of the season, my ass. WHO STEALS FROM DOGS? Now I'm all het up.

Posted by doxie in I Got Drunk And Bought Shoes Online | permalink

55 Comments

J. Crew sells perfectly good pants with absurd crap embroidered on them too. Ducks, labradors, all kinds of pants ruination going on over there.

Posted by: keight | December 1, 2005 03:39 PM

I just love how in the bottom corner of the PANTS page, there's a little, "May we suggest a gift card?" Think of the people that are going to be saved from receiving those PANTS by that little nudge?
(They must be capitalized for the indignity the word suffers when used to describe those.)

Posted by: mich | December 1, 2005 03:41 PM

Do not cry, Doxie dear, because my husband is, like Dukay, a member of the Good Men Do Gay Stuff club. My husband actually watches old Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies, and really loves musicals like My Fair Lady, and does a great Paul Lynde impersonation, and is a big Wizard of Oz fan, and my 21-year-old daughter firmly believes him to be gay despite the marriage thing. Ben has never worn embroidered pants, true, but I think you can see that he is wearing the Embroided Pants of the Mind, all the damn time.

Great gift ideas. My shopping is already done, though, and I am just hoping against hope that I can avoid Doxie Syndrome and actually GIVE the presents I purchased in November. To the people I bought them for, I mean.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | December 1, 2005 03:57 PM

Oh Miss Doxie. I am new to your site and it has provided me with hours of entertainment. I simply HAD to write when I read about Dukay's embroidered pants b/c a pair of these very pants were the subject of one of my more memorable social faux pas. (I have no idea how to pluralize that word.) You see what had happened was, I was at a cocktail party & a fellow (who happened to be the host) was wearing some of these - navy cords embroidered with yellow labradors. Now, I'm not going to tell you I wasn't drinking. I was. And I guess I was in the magical drunk-bubble that makes you think people standing 5 feet from you can't hear what you're saying, b/c I told my husband, who was stading next to me, that the pants were awful and that if he was ever REALLY bad he would be made to wear pants like that as punishment. Anyhoo - I have never been invited back. And I'm pretty much ok with that. BUT, the faux pas was beautiful in that it was two fold. You see, my mother in law, who was standing right next to my husband, informed me that my father in law owns his very own pair of the embroidered pants. And she bought them for him.

And now you see why I don't get invited to parties.

Posted by: Leah | December 1, 2005 04:07 PM

Today in my office the subject of seersucker pants with whales embroidered on them came up (AS IT DOES) and apparently someone knows someone who owns some. Naturally, I shared the story of Dukay and the embroidered-bird cords. Then there was a discussion as to which were funnier. And you will be glad (I think) to know that it was a tie.

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | December 1, 2005 05:00 PM

Miss Doxie, you are seriously one of the funniest people I have ever read, I love your site!

Posted by: Amy | December 1, 2005 05:13 PM

Maybe for Christmas you could ask for one of those outdoor fireplace thingies, lighter fluid, and matches. Then you could take the embroidered pants and the flip-flops....well you see where this is going.

Posted by: Brighton | December 1, 2005 05:18 PM

I am not super fashion conscious. I'm pretty casual, what with jeans and sweaters and such. But those? Are the ugliest pants I have ever seen in my life. And that is saying a lot. I used to live up north.

Posted by: Heather | December 1, 2005 05:32 PM

Oh, my God. I just got back from school and I HAD to tell you about the astonishing pants that an otherwise fetching boy was wearing in one of my classes. Green courderoy (bright cheerful forest-y green) with - I swear - little St. Bernards embroidered all over them. St. Bernard doggies! And also he was wearing a safety yellow scarf that was about a mile long. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Posted by: Sally | December 1, 2005 05:48 PM

Did you ever consider that maybe....Brooks Brothers doesn't seel them in a mens version. Maybe Dukay bought embroidered girl pants. And you thought it couldn't get worse.

Posted by: Lyn | December 1, 2005 05:49 PM

Did I tell you about the lovely dog collars made by the lovely April at hellopetunia.com?
Did I not tell you? Well, Bo needs one, and so does each and every dog you love. Maybe Dukay could have a special order placed for something manly to coordinate with his strange taste in clothes. Good luck with the elf costume-does it include prosthetic pointy ears?

Posted by: fifi | December 1, 2005 05:57 PM

Maybe you could dress up as an Elf...that wears embroidered pants? Just a thought.

Thanks for the e-props too! Starting today, December 1st, if any of your readers mention "Miss Doxie", they will receive a set of holiday gift tags free, with their first purchase from www.justjenndesigns.com!

Thanks again!

Posted by: justJENN | December 1, 2005 05:58 PM

Oh Miss Doxie. . .forgive me for I have sinned. I have 2 pairs of 2-year-old capri pants, from J. Crew, with little critters embroidered all over them. In fact, that is what they were called in the catalog - Critter Capris. One pair is khaki with green turtles, and the other is white with pineapples. I thought they were OH SO CUTE when I first got them and I wore them all summer long. Last year I was tired of them so I didn't wear them at all (plus I had magically gotten too fat for them), and now I realize how completely unacceptable they are. And I am so embarrassed.

Posted by: Amy | December 1, 2005 06:01 PM

Amy, the fact that you are, I presume, female, means that you have not committed one TENTH of the fashion crime that Dukay perpetrates ON A DAILY BASIS.

I did not read "corduroy" anywhere in your comment. Nor did I read the phrase, "Plus I am a man."

So you are still very much loved here.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | December 1, 2005 06:03 PM

Couldn't you wear the pants and put on a green hat and be sufficiently elf-like? Because the pants sure don't sound manly.

Posted by: Anne Glamore | December 1, 2005 06:08 PM

oh - i've seen the men's version of those pants... just didn't realize anyone bought them. :-) one of my friends wears 'nantucket red' (READ: PINK!) pants with regularity, though, so don't worry, there is a level below.

i am so loving you and your awesome suggestions! it is decided: this year's theme (b/c shopping must always have a theme) will be 'as seen on miss doxie'.

Posted by: Ali G | December 1, 2005 06:09 PM

oh, and that friend with the pink pants? is a MAN.

you are hysterical - can't wait to read about the elf escapade.

Posted by: Ali G | December 1, 2005 06:11 PM

At the Sierra Trading Post website they have some with labradors. I love the part of the description where it says "Perfect attire for the sportsman with a flashy fashion sense... and the sense of humor to go with it" it's like they're trying so desperately to find some way to make these appeal to someone, somewhere. Also, you must go to this website: www.nantucketreds.com/mens/pants/cord.html

Posted by: Sally | December 1, 2005 11:24 PM

I thought nothing could horrify me more than those pants. But I was wrong, because now I have seen the PRICE of those pants.

You know that I would very much love to work my photo magic for you in any way that would allow us to share Dukay's Pants of Shame with the world. Just say the word.

Posted by: Mir | December 1, 2005 11:49 PM

Hi! This is actually a site owned by a friend of mine from college: http://www.maileofthedreamseeker.com/designs/misc.html
It's a bunch of stuff made of chain mail, from actual chain mail shirts to jewelry and accessories and Christmas ornaments! Most of it is WAAAAY more than ten dollars, but the star-shaped Christmas ornaments are six bucks and really cool; I have a few. The jewelry is gorgeous too but rather pricy. He makes this stuff by hand ALL THE TIME. I've played many a board game with this fellow while he's working away at his chain mail.

Posted by: roler | December 2, 2005 04:13 AM

Okay, at least Dukay doesn't have gigantic garage-worker coveralls which he thinks would would be cool to wear "out." Husband almost got attacked with scissors, that day.

Also, if you have any readers in Baghdad (other than me, I guess), they can get a handy-dandy "Who's Your Baghdaddy?" t-shirt (written in both English AND Arabic!) for only $9.99 from their local PX. Woo hoo! Fun for the WHOLE FAMILY.

Posted by: Blue Meany | December 2, 2005 05:02 AM

I like embroidered pants. Besides, isn't it the law if you're an alumnus of a southern college that you have to own at least ONE pair of crazy pants? Dukay is just fulfilling his historic DUTY.

In other news, I am so ordering some of those aprons. As soon as I find $25.

Posted by: Hannah | December 2, 2005 09:07 AM

Thanks for all the suggestions! I am going to go check out all of those links, but first I am just going to ponder the embroidered pants. I thought maybe they just had a little bird, up near the pocket, but no. There are BIRDS ALL OVER the damn things. I feel for you, girl.

Posted by: Fraulein N | December 2, 2005 09:14 AM

Hannah, I will say, in Dukay's defense, that the boy can pull them off.

It is possibly his destiny.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | December 2, 2005 09:16 AM

I have earrings on my site (www.otterdesigns.com)--sterling silver, Swarovski crystal and handpainted ceramic beads--SPARKLY!--(and only $9)! And they might coordinate with Dukay's pants. If you squint. And drink a lot. Which I do.

Posted by: otter | December 2, 2005 10:11 AM

Those pants made my eyes hurt. And picturing the men's version made my mind's eye hurt.

Posted by: LadyBug | December 2, 2005 11:06 AM

One of my favorite indie shopping sites is http://www.soapandcandlestand.com. My husband loves her patchouli soap so I just ordered another batch for his stocking. And her candles are wonderful, too.

Posted by: Sarah | December 2, 2005 12:37 PM

Pants with sailboats or lobsters embroidered on them are a New England tradition. Not that being traditional actually keeps people who wear them from getting funny looks.

Posted by: liz | December 2, 2005 12:39 PM

Dearest, Most Lovely and Helpful Miss Doxie,

I just finished shopping for all of my girlfriends as a result of your fun, creative and helpful lists. Thank you *very* much for putting them together.

Sincerely,
She Who Was Previously Floundering

Posted by: Polichick | December 2, 2005 01:43 PM

Dukay: Great taste in women, horrible taste in pants.

Posted by: CanadaDave | December 2, 2005 02:06 PM

Miss Doxie! More shopping! Here is a great site full of every kind and shape of handbag you could ever want...made by a fabulous woman in Austin. [http://www.bolsabonita.com/index.html] So good. Not one thing $10 or less, but I'm telling you--HANDBAGS. They are every bit as great as they look. Thanks for the (endless?) shopping assist.

Posted by: gina_am_i | December 2, 2005 04:55 PM

Aaaaargh! The lovely handmade soap people only do shipping to the US. I could almost smell the patchouli, dammit!

Posted by: fifi | December 2, 2005 05:35 PM

Oh, my God the pants, the pants sound horrifying. Are they from J. crew? I know they had those this summer. My husband is a work in progress. Best line ever "what's wrong with high top sneakers"?

Posted by: Bethany | December 2, 2005 07:44 PM

Doxie, I worship the shopping suggestions list ground you walk on!! Thank you so much--seriously, because this year I have absolutely no motivation to go out and shop. I love that I can sit here and 1) Read one of my favorite blogs 2) Watch crap tv all night and 3) Finish my Christmas shopping ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!

However, would it be possible to do a version for fathers who are absolutely impossible to shop for, because they want nothing, and if I have to buy him another DVD, mug, or tie I will shoot myself??

Posted by: Angela | December 2, 2005 09:14 PM

If you're looking for a good handmade soap, etc. site in Canada, there's www.skindazzles.com! I myself haven't ordered from it but a Canadian friend recommended it.

Posted by: Erin | December 2, 2005 09:30 PM

Dear Miss Doxie:

You have given many fabulous gift ideas and I thank you for it. Many of those gifts will be going under the tree for myself this year...the joys of living alone.

Anyway, somewhere in there I think you mentioned those room scentie thingies that have bamboo shoots or whatever coming out of the jar of scented stuff...if I remember what I read you said you thought they cost a bit too much. Maybe someone pointed this out already but I'm too lazy to read all of your comments so allow me to repeat if so:

They may cost a little more than your average bear, or room freshener, but do you have any idea how long they last? I got mine back in April, two of them and they are STILL going strong. I don't know any room freshener that works that long. That's 8 months and still working well. So, in conclusion, it appears they may be cheaper in the end. Besides, they're prettier.

Oh and yes, the obligatory "you are a riot" comment because you are.

Posted by: S.Faolan Wolf | December 2, 2005 09:34 PM

Hah! I had to show my husband the infamous "embroidered pants" as I found them to be endlessly amusing. He takes one look at the picture from Brooks Brothers and says, "Oh yeah! The Embroidered Pants! They're corduroy, right?" After giving him my best appalled Midwesterner look, he says, "What? They're an East Coast thing." I just snickered (and may have delicately snorted a bit) and as he walked away he said in a snotty tone, "Clearly you know nothing about Sportsmen."

Also - my friend's car was broken into today and all the dolls we had purchased for Xmas were stolen. As well as her husband's D&D gaming bag of 20+ years. Maybe it was the dog thieves from Calgary. Bet they're not out there stealing Embroidered Pants.

Posted by: Laura | December 3, 2005 12:05 AM

Dukay's man-pants are fantastic! Men MUST wear clothing items embroidered with game fowl, dogs, aquatic life, skulls and cross bones and the like. It is the way of the world. Don't hate!

Posted by: Kiefer Twin | December 3, 2005 01:33 AM

Your list is so long I confess to skimming, but do you know about Plain Mabel? (http://www.plainmabel.com) They feature items from many different independent artists and have a big "stocking stuffers" section up on their website now with lots of stuff under $10. You could get Mr. Bunny stationery. Or iron-on embroidery patterns. Maybe not for pants.

Posted by: Laura | December 3, 2005 10:12 AM

Okay, I'm still stuck on the ELF thing. Girl, your best bet is to beg for another associate to be hired. Like YESTERDAY. Start the campaign, and don't tell the new hire anything about elves until the contract is signed.

To Dukay: you GO, you with your bad pants. It's a leftover frat thing, right? At least you have that excuse. JoeDaddy over here has many bad pictures of the times he got a perm (!)and then attempted modeling (!!) and neither was even on a dare or anything. Unless he's in a suit (in which he so could be on GQ's cover), I tell people I didn't dress him. Or I don't know him. Topsiders are wrong!

Posted by: Miss Fish | December 3, 2005 10:20 AM

Kiefer Twin: Do YOU wear corduroy pants with birds embroidered all over them? That's what I thought.

Posted by: msmack | December 3, 2005 04:57 PM

If you go to perfumia.com they have multiple links to fragrances at big discounts. One link was for perfume.com where you can get
White Shoulders, Bal de Versailles, Joy, etc. in small quantities for $10 to $15.
For Kids toys check out kidsurplus.com, some toys for under $10 but all reasonably priced.
For clothes try classiccloseouts.com lots of things for $10 including silk pants and skirts.
Also-kitchenuniverse.com, ebags.com for everything from wallets to luggage in the $30+ range, and abebooks.com for readers on your list.
Also if you have time and are crafty you can go to thebeadingcircle.com for a list of local bead stores (better quality than Michaels); buy a beading magazine and supplies and make your own earrings etc. for gifts. If you go to Beadazzles on Hildebrand of Roswell Rd. they will show you how to do it for free. You can make earrings selling for $30 to $60 in stores and on the web for under $5. It takes about 10 minutes to make a pair of simple earrings.

Posted by: mackmomma | December 3, 2005 06:07 PM

Oh - have you seen this website: http://www.annetaintor.com/ She has tons of stuff under $10.00 and her quotes are fabulous.

Posted by: Laura | December 3, 2005 09:15 PM

Oh my god. Those pants. That is just not right. I'm wearing polka-dot sweats right now, and yet I'm feeling superior. Not good, Dukay. Not good. Plus... when do we get the story of how you met Miss Doxie?!

Posted by: Karen | December 4, 2005 01:54 PM

After reading the comments I had to go back and click on the pants link just to see what y'all were talking about... and now I am kind of sorry I did, because oh my god those are HEINOUS. Worse than I was picturing, even.

Posted by: JunieB | December 4, 2005 08:46 PM

You stop it right now, 'cause I wanna buy everything. Wah.

Posted by: Trance | December 4, 2005 11:40 PM

Can I blow my own horn here? Because while most of my stuff is over ten bucks, I do have a lot of stuff for twenty bucks or less. And an earring of the month club that's just ten bucks. Well, ten bucks every month, but yeah. And if people join my mailing list they get lots of goodies, including coupons and offers of freebies and other lovely things.

Posted by: Kythryne | December 4, 2005 11:47 PM

The last time I saw someone wearing pants like that but w/ roosters on them, he was GAY. Just sayin honey..

You are extremely helpful in all kinds of Christmasy ways.. I think you don't need to wear the elf outfit to be a cute little, and funny if I may add, helper. Thanks!

Posted by: Angel | December 5, 2005 01:24 PM

Miss Doxie, I have always loved your little stories. But now my wallet loves you, too. I have been despairing how I was going to buy Christmas gifts this year as I am saving for not only a move to North Carolina, but also a wedding! Luckily there is a lovely lawyer/elf like you to ease my shopping pain. I've already crossed to whole people off my list! Shopping at work has never been so much fun!

Posted by: Suntrails | December 5, 2005 03:39 PM

And I thought I was the only one! I have experienced similar humiliation on multiple occasions due to my husband's "Lobster Shorts." Yes, he named them. They are blue with (obviously) red lobsters embroidered all over. LL Bean made them for what could only be the Gay Men's Choir summer concert but my husband found them in the sale (or the who the hell would ever wear this shit?) bin at the outlet store.

We just watched an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David is wearing a ridiculous hat at a beach wedding. His comment, "I can wear whatever I want, I'm married!" Sadly, he is right. At least you and I will never have to worry about other chicks mackin' on our men.

Posted by: mulqueeny | December 5, 2005 05:28 PM

I'm back again. I just read the comments and noticed the northeast theme with the embroidered pants and that they are perhaps a New England tradition. Now, I am from New England and have done time in all the preppie hotspots (Nantucket, Kennebunkport, various lakes with "boathouses" and lots of criss crafts, etc.). I have seen many shades of plaids (lots of pink and yellow on the men up there). I have seen the embroidered pants in stores like Brooks Brothers and LL Bean, ON THE RACKS. But I have NEVER, EVER witnessed them in person. Not even on my best friend's dad who is the unofficial mascot of the preppie universe. But other people apparently have, according to the comments here. Why do the embroidered panted men hide from me? My husband wears his lobster shorts to be funny. I'm thinking that is Dukay's thought train too. WHERE ARE THE SERIOUS EMBROIDERED PANT WEARERS? WHY DO YOU HIDE FROM ME? WHY!!!!

Posted by: mulqueeny | December 5, 2005 06:06 PM

http://www.polo.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2061927&cp=1760788.1818707.1818709&nav=lhn&parentPage=family

& if you think these are bad try going to a college where the 'cool' frat's colors are light pink & baby blue ... critters are just the beginning

Posted by: emily | December 13, 2005 10:51 PM

So I'm late to the party, but with a one year old kid on top of never being organized in my own personal life EVER, sometimes I'm lucky to feed myself more than once a day!

My business, Mamie Originals, has awesome key fobs for $5 (psst...I'll be adding like 10 new designs next week!), custom zip pouches for $6 and the most kickass custom-made baby bibs ever for $10. After this holiday silliness, I'll add all of the magnet sets I make and maybe even some buttons.

Now for the clencher....I'm having a crazy Four Way Sale for my newsletter subscribers. What is a Four Way Sale, you ask? No, it has nothing to do with strange discounted sexual adventures, you get to pick between four DIFFERENT sales. Good ones, too, not like 5% off or something silly like that. The sales are good until March, so you can use all them! Sign up here.

Okay, enough schmoozing. Go buy stuff! www.mamieoriginals.com


Leila

Posted by: Leila | December 15, 2005 01:38 AM

Ah, Miss Doxie, it's clear to me the boy needs a California vacation, what with the flip flops and surfing videos (although we haven't even heard rumor of embroidered pants out here) I will volunteer my California beach house (located only 125 miles from the beach!).
Merry Christmas, girl-
mrmaunds

Posted by: mramunds | December 20, 2005 06:55 PM

This may come as a completely chock to you, so better to sit down with a strong drink in your hand before reading it.

Say to yourself, ah...let us say for a billion of times:

"I HAVE NO SHOPPING TO DO. I DON'T HAVE TO SHOP. STOP SHOP".

I say it every day to myself, a billion of times.

Except from the fact that I am saying:

"I HAVE NO CRAZY THINGS TO DO. I DO NOT HAVE TO ACT CRAZY. NO CRAZY STUFF".

And it works!

Whispering: At least I think it does....?


Posted by: Mrs Lifecruiser | December 30, 2005 04:49 PM

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