Apparently this is now a shopping blog, plus bonus complaining about Dukay's pants: Updated Pretty Much 900 Times, So Check For New Shit
All right, I have updated my last entry about five times, and things are getting silly. So we are moving on. Only we are not really moving on, because look at me, still talking about shopping. Because I have even more news for y'all. Are you just dying with glee? Yes, you are, too.
Okay. First off: Yay, y'all! You all had the best ideas for gifts, and many, maaaaany people on my list will be getting things that you recommended. Thank you very much, and feel free (actually, please do) comment with additional ideas if you think of anything else. Think! THINK HARD. THINK OF MORE. IT IS FUN. YES IT IS TOO.
Okay, secondly and unrelatedly, please note that I am now a member of the Damn Millionaires Web Team, which means that I get extra kisses or something, but really it just means that there is now an extra-pretty link on my sidebar (see?) that will take you to the place you need to go in order to purchase the DM's spanking new CD. I have bought mine, and as a member of the web team, it is my official duty to officially get All Up In Your Shit now and demand that you do the same. Buy, I tell you! or AB might beat you the heck up, and do not think that she won't. She will.
And, now, an unrealted thirdly: I've gotten about 500 emails in the past two days. (Hi!) A lot came from various online retailers, letting me know about their shops and their specials and deals, so I'm going to stick those all up here in a little Holiday Shopping Guide Take Two Electric Boogaloo in a minute. I have also continued to receive emails encouraging Dukay to OH MY GOD, WRITE THE FUCKING STORY ALREADY, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU. And I assure you that I am working on that.
And, finally, I have received emails about what is really the question of the hour, that being: OH MY GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WITH THE EMBROIDERED PANTS. This makes me hang my head in shame. Because: it is true. Dukay loves his embroidered pants. And Dukay wears embroidered pants all the time. And I am powerless to stop it.
If you didn't see it, in one of my multiple updates to the last entry, I complained about a certain pair of pants that Dukay insists on wearing with horrifying regularity. They are corduroy. And embroidered. With...birds. I have no words.
I am trying to find current pictures of Dukay wearing the pants, but unfortunately, this is not happening. I don't seem to have any. I cannot imagine why I wouldn't want to memorialize that for the ages.
Indeed, the only picture I HAVE found from that particular night (in which Dukay was wearing said pants with a plaid shirt AND an unmatching plaid jacket) is one of the most horrible pictures ever taken, of anyone, ever, and it is of me, and I look equally horrified and disgusted, and I can only conclude that at that very moment I was thinking about EMBROIDERED PANTS, OH THE HUMANITY.
Frankly, I really cannot even explain these pants without having to go lie down, so instead I will link you to the closet thing I can find, which is the women's version, seeing as even Brooks Brothers, official makers of hideous and frightening asswear, is too embarrassed to admit online that they do, in fact, sell these things for men. Apparently you have to go into the store and buy them in a plain brown wrapper. Apparently this is what Dukay does.
See, Dukay's taste in clothing ranges from "homeless" to "senior citizen", taking a strange but noticeable detour towards "Margaritaville" from the months of February through November, at which point he wears flip flops with, oh, everything. Including suits. He wore flip flops and a suit at a charity dinner last month. At one point one of the other women came up to me and gave me a hug, looked down at Dukay's exposed toes, and asked me, "Have you...just given up?"
Yes. Yes, I have. I am sorry, world.
But, you know. He has his good qualities. He is very cuddly, for example. Also, he can reach things on high shelves. So I keep him.
(Little stars mean I am about to change what I am talking about completely.)
In other news, I found out this morning that, because I am the newest associate at my firm, it is my responsibility to dress up as the elf for our annual holiday luncheon.
I would like for you to read that sentence again. I will even type it, once more, just for you: because I am the newest associate at the firm, it is my responsibility to dress up AS THE ELF for our annual holiday luncheon.
I don't know if anything about that sentence...jumped out at you. I do not include it here to inform you that I am the newest associate. Nor did I include said sentence so that you would be jealous of our surely-fabulous upcoming lunch spectacular. No. No, what I am really trying to convey, is that APPARENTLY, in the VERY NEAR FUTURE, I will be dressed up as an elf. At work. The costume includes tights, I was informed.
This should do much for my legal reputation. Surely, no one will ever have problems taking advice from me EVER AGAIN.
"Hmm, she sure SOUNDS like she knows what she's talking about, Bob!" "Only when she's not dressed up as an elf, Larry!" This is what I am imagining.
I am sure there will be pictures of this insanity, which I may get drunk enough to share with y'all. Until then, know that every time I see an elf on television or in the paper, every time I even think of Will Ferrell, I am filled with a slowly mounting fear. In two weeks, I will be paralyzed with terror, lying under my desk in a pair of enormous shoes with upturned toes, jingling sadly and hiding from the world.
But at least I won't be wearing embroidered pants.
(There I go again with the little stars. Twinkle twinkle!)
Back to shopping. Now, before I jump into this, let me first say a little something to the shopkeepers out there on the world wide whatever: Hello! I have heard from many, many of you in the past few days. And that is excellent, and I will happily include you on my little list, provided that you have some items that are less than ten dollars. That is the whole idea here; these are inexpensive yet awesome Christmas gifts. This is actually not a shopping website, and I can't "represent" you, and I can't post your seven thousand dollar items, and just...no. No. However, if you have a shopping site, and you do offer items under $10, and particularly if you have a coupon code or something you'd like to share with the class, please do email. I will add you with glee.
Now, back to everyone again: I'm going to repost some of the shops from the last update, but for the most part, these are going to be new people. if you're looking for good ideas, though, definitely check out the comments to the last entry, where all kinds of new products and stores were suggested. I'm not going to list them all here, because there are a ton of them, but do check those out.
AND NOW. FINALLY:
Miss Doxie's Under Ten Bucks Yeah I Said It Ten Bucks Holiday Shopping Guide Take Two: Electric Boogaloo!
Since the last entry, I was emailed by this store; she was so taken with the idea of the ten-dollar thing that she actually set up a site just for Miss Doxie readers, where she lists all her items under $10. And, if you look at her home page, she even welcomes y'all! Isn't that nice? I think it's so nice! Also, she is offering 25% off to anyone who signs up for her newsletter, so there you go. Ten dollars just became seven fifty, through the magic of subtraction.
Speaking of discounts, Jen is still offering readers 10% off of all purchases if you use the code CRAFTY at checkout. And she still has some of those cute aprons left, which means that someone is still getting cooking crap all over their nice clothes. Tsk, says my mother.
In totally different news, I have fallen completely in love with these little pocket mirrors, for six fifty a pop. I also love these, and pretty much everything from that whole designers series thing. Very nice for mom. Or, you know. Me.
I just got my first order of these, and they were so adorable that I instantly ordered some of her stationery, as well. Seriously, they come in this cute little frosted envelope and everything. I am brimming over with being impressed. Also, free shipping all the way up until January! So there's that.
And, remember those candles I told y'all about? These ones? Look. Sale! Big sale! For ever so briefly! Making each eight dollar candle something more like...sixish! Six...fityisghhyrtswer. Something involving math.
And, updated: I got an email from this retailer, who had been linked in the comments to the previous entry; not only does she offer quite a few things (that last one cracks my shit up) for under ten bucks, but she also has provided us with a 10% off coupon code. Which is, brilliantly enough, "Monkeys." Hee! Plus, there is free shipping until the 15th, so very good deals to be had.
And I shall now list:
This site offers framed photographs for eight dollars each (updated to say, plus we got an email from her, offering 10% off your order if you type 'HOLIDAY' in as a voucher; it's case sensitive, so type it justlikethat. Thanks, Emily!). Here are some seriously pretty butterfly soaps for five bucks, or the more grown-up but also good-smelly looking greenish soap for five fifty; here are bath scrub bag things (I really don't know much about these, other than I want one). I've also found these awesome ribbon belts for eight dollars. Guess What, I Shall Now Update, I Know You Are Surprised: Miss Lindsay, over at Lindsay Designs, makers of aforementioned ribbon belts and soon-to-be-mentioned cat collars (that's foreshadowing!), is giving a 10% discount to all Doxie readers who use voucher code 051220106; she also alerted me to this very adorable dog treat section, and...wait, I think Bo just fainted from excitement. And the walls shook with the impact.
I must also recommend these notecard sets with deer (deer? ...deers?) on for six dollars; body butter cup sets for only four dollars, which are the gift that just keep giving, because they are perfect for massage (cough HEY DUKAY cough); these very adorable typewriter key chokers for ten bucks (those are really nice, actually); and sweet little pouches for those little annoying items at the bottom of your purse that drive you INSANE, INSANE I SAY.
Updated again, naturally: I just received an email from Sharma Designs, and they have a whole entire page of earrings for either $7 or $9, with free shipping. Also, she says that those Hella Good bath scrubbies (which I mention...somewhere in this entry) are very awesome. So now you know. Furthermore, I have gotten several emails (and a comment, as well; thank you, smart readers!) about this site, which offers a bucket of soap for eight bucks (scroll down)(wait, sorry, it is a bucket o' soap, making it totally "F"-free), and I am totally fascinated. Plus, it is tied up in a pretty bow, all ready to be given to someone who is maybe a little dirty.
Neighborhoodies is offering a special on customized stockings for ten bucks; this polo for boys is only ten dollars in white; and these little thank-you notes from Just Jenn Designs make a smart little holiday gift for six dollars. More updating: Also, if you didn't notice, Miss Jen left us a comment below (which, for some reason, movable type decided to ban; good move, movable type. Way to ban commenters who are giving us free stuff. Thanks for "protecting" me!), which says (and I shall quote for those too lazy to scroll): "Starting today, December 1st, if any of your readers mention "Miss Doxie", they will receive a set of holiday gift tags free, with their first purchase from www.justjenndesigns.com!"
Isn't that nice? And, y'all, I ordered some of those gift tags last week. They are super cute. And now they are FREE to you. Bam!
Updating Upshmating But This Is A Good One, I Swear: This site does not have anything for under ten dollars (yes, I am breaking my own rule), but she's going to give 25% off to Miss Doxie readers who use the discount code "missdoxie", PLUS she will give you free shipping, free gift wrapping AND a free gift with every order. And her stuff is gorgeous, so you should check that out. (Also she has a very cute new puppy.) Additionally, this site has very cute button and magnet sets for less than ten dollars (that's Canadian dollars, too, so even less for U.S. buyers), AND she's offering 15% off when you use the code MISSDOXIE15. And they're cute, and very good for stocking stuffers, and really, people. What more are you looking for?
Changing subjects entirely, I would like to note that if I had a cat, I would buy her this collar for nine dollars, and then she would be beautiful, and then Bo would eat her and we would all be sad. So it is probably best that I do not have a cat.
Speaking of dogs, Crafters for Critters is having a big update on Monday, so don't forget to check in with them.
Also, I can't help it, y'all, but someone is going to be getting one of these. In his stocking. Cuddly!
And finally, as of Sunday, expect me to be completely broke and my credit cards to all be wheezing on the ground in exhaustion, but guess what is happening in Atlanta? Indie Craft Fair Thing. YES.
I got an email from one of these lovely ladies some time ago, but accidentally deleted it, so I am very happy that she wrote back with the specs; it's in Decatur on Sunday, and there will be many craft things to buy, and many items under ten dollars, PLUS mimosas, PLUS champagne punch, and THEREFORE, that is where I will be on Sunday. As will Dukay. So if you see us, please say hello.
And you know, we won't be hard to find; he'll be the one in the embroidered pants and flip flops, and I'll be the one downing my sixth mimosa and cowering in shame.
(Psst. Y'all, do feel free to add more ideas, or to make fun of Dukay's pants or what have you, but do not be surprised when I am back in seven minutes with yet another update. Sure, you can act surprised, but I know you aren't really.)
Happy shopping! Good thing they don't have debtors prisons anymore!
I am updating a whole entire SECTION now, watch out, world: This has nothing to do with shopping, or with CDs, or even with being an elf, but long-time reader and all-around wonderful person NoodleJen is in the horns of a dilemma, as my mother would say. Her rescue organization, 1 At A Time Rescue, is based in Calgary, Alberta, but they recently went to Louisiana to rescue a whole bunch of Katrina-displaced pets. Long story short, the cats have all been adopted and happy, but seven dogs remain, and tomorrow, they're being evicted from the craptastic, asshole-run kennel that had promised to board them, but LIED, LIAR LIARS. If any of y'all are in the Calgary area, and know of a kennel that is not, I don't know, filled with ASSHOLES who steal donations (seriously), or know of someone who would be willing to foster or adopt, or whatEVER, please contact me, and I'll pass along the information to Jen, and maybe something can be done about these poor doggies.
Ugh. Spirit of the season, my ass. WHO STEALS FROM DOGS? Now I'm all het up.