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AB Is Brilliant, But I Am Not.

November 16, 2005

Well, it must be said, again, that AB is the most beautiful, talented, sassy, and stylish web designer anywhere on the ol' world wide web. Thank you, AB, for the gorgeous site! Thank you for the working comments! Thank you for giving me the ability to (gasp) upload PICTURES, actual PICTURES, onto this site, which will invariably lead to seven million photo essay entries, and doesn't that just make everyone...happy? Yes! Of COURSE it does. YAY AB! Everyone go hire her to do y'all's own sites now, so she can make a million dollars and whisk me off to Tahiti.

So, missdoxie.com is growing up. We are officially in our third generation, people, and doesn't that make you kind of...proud? We're getting Big! I mean, I still do not know what a "gig" is, but we will overlook that kind of thing.

Sadly, as growing cannot be done without a certain amount of pain, there is also the unfortunate matter of my email. Being that I am an idiot who doesn't understand words like "gig" or "ports" or "portals", I successfully deleted about one million email messages when I was trying to set up my new account. Those include interesting messages from people like yourselves, possibly even YOU, sending me interesting facts about craft things, and your weird dreams, and all manner of wonderfulness. I deleted ALL of these. So please do not think I am ignoring you, but if you sent me an email in the past two weeks or so...well. I lost it. It has left this world and gone to live with Jesus and all the missing socks, and I will therefore ask you to kindly resend. Especially if it was something interesting. I don't have enough entertainment in my life, and I am relying on you to fill that void. Hop to!

Also! Please kindly note my new About Me page, which is updated with a picture Dukay hates. Apparently, I am in big trouble for not displaying a more flattering image of him, but I am not afraid of Dukay. When I find a picture that meets his High Standards of Whatever the Hell, then we will change it out. (Or, to put it more specifically, AB will change it out. You think I know how to do that? HA! Nope.) Also, AB created pretty new archives, making it much easier to access all of those old, pre-MT entries, if you were so inclined. It's all very professional and shiny and new.

SO. Now that I have a new website, bet you were thinking I would...write something on it. Weren't you.

Weren't we all, really?

But I waited for a while, in part because I was afraid of logging in to movable type, fully convinced that I would do so and somehow manage to delete everything AB had done, and that she would then kill me. I am not afraid of Dukay, but I do not want AB after me. She may be small, but she could kick my ass six ways from Sunday, and I do not need that kind of fear in my life.

But, now that I've been given the go-ahead by AB herself, I have, of course, forgotten all of those things I wanted to write about over the past few days. And, kind of a lot has happened, some of which was funny to me, and I wanted to write about it, but...hmmm. Gone from the brain.

And I was sitting here, imagining my individual brain cells, hanging out somewhere else, smoking itty bitty vials of crack or whatever, when I was immediately reminded that this weekend, Dukay and I went to go visit his grandmother Mimi in South Carolina. (No, wait. Seriously, this will all come together, I swear.) And we love Mimi. Mimi is one of those grand old Southern women who speaks with a low, drawling accent, and lives alone, taking care of her damn self despite the fact that she is at least 88 million years old.

When you are 88 million years old, you do not mince words. Accordingly, to my endless delight, Mimi is always telling Dukay that he is full of shit. Dukay will say something, and she'll just shake her fist at him. "You're full of shit," she'll holler. This fills me with glee. "He is!" I immediately agree. "He is absolutely full of shit. I thank you and your wisdom for acknowledging this fact."

On Saturday night, when Dukay started talking about his future plans, Mimi waved her hand and cut him off.

"Don't you be smokin' those cigarettes and makin' those big plans," she told him.

And when Dukay told her about eventually switching careers, she had a similar response:

"Don't you be smokin' those cigarettes," she said, shaking her head. "Oh, no. Oh no, no, no, no. Don't you be smokin' THOSE cigarettes."

We have no idea what this means, but we find it enchanting. "Don't go smoking those cigarettes, Dukay," I tell him later on, as he tries to decide on a parking place. "Don't you go smokin' those cigarettes and parking here."

This is a fabulous thing to say, and I encourage all of you to use it liberally. "Don't you go smokin' those cigarettes and forgettin' what you were gonna write about," you might say to me. Or you might say, "Don't you go smokin' those cigarettes and post yet another entry about nothin' at all."

So, considering the fact that those lonely little brain cells o' mine are apparently smokin' those cigarettes and refusing to cough up my memories of funny shit, we are going to do something New, a Kick Off for the new site, if you will, and for the first and probably ONLY time ever, I am taking requests.

Yes! Just like on the radio.

I get emails all the time asking me to write more about the dogs, no, write LESS about the dogs and more about Dukay, NO, write LESS about Dukay and more about your sister, NO, WRITE NOTHING, but post pictures of the dogs, NO, JUST LEAVE THE INTERNET FOREVER, GOD. And it is all very confusing.

So today, y'all decide. What do you want to hear about? Lord knows I have a story about everything. Y'all give me a subject, and whichever seems to garner the most support will result in an entry, probably tomorrow (heh. We'll see), and it will be all about WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

This is so democratic! Now, comment away. But don't you go smokin' those cigarettes. You'll forget what you were going to say.

Posted by doxie in The Innernet | permalink

77 Comments

My vote gets the most weight, because it is first. That means I love you the most.
Photo entry about the dogs!

Posted by: Mich | November 16, 2005 02:13 PM

More dog entries please. There is no such thing as too many dog entries.

Posted by: Lauren | November 16, 2005 02:14 PM

I would like to request a law school story. I am in the midst of preparing for my mock trial which is scheduled for Monday. As the prosecutor I must say this case sucks ass. State v. Burns will never ever succeed. So, I expect that you will have at least a smidge of sympathy for me and tell me a story that will make me forget the hell that my life has become. Thanks!

Posted by: MJF | November 16, 2005 02:24 PM

An entry about shoes would be nice. I am more a shoe person than a dog person. Also, shoes are often involved with dogs and/or times you fell down, both of which are excellent and popular topics.

Also, an explanation of what the blotchy thing up by the "about" placard is. I mean, I know it's Art, but does it also Mean something? Or is it just some glitch that only shows up on IE?

Posted by: ginger | November 16, 2005 02:34 PM

Yes- law school stuff. I am in grad school and going slowly insane, and it is just English. Please tell us how you survived law school!

Posted by: Catherine | November 16, 2005 02:34 PM

My vote is for shoes and booze since those are two of my favoritest things ever.

Posted by: Nic | November 16, 2005 02:37 PM

law school!

Posted by: jennifer | November 16, 2005 02:51 PM

Oh boy, this is some fun. Mimi sounds like an absolute hoot, and I love her because I am always telling Ben, my husband, that he is full of shit, and I've even got HIM trained, e.g.:

Me: Why the hell are you signaling a left-hand turn?
Ben: Because I'm an asshole.

Anyway, I would like to see an entry about the Amish, or about other times people have seen your boobs. Or how about some backstory? Preparing for and/or taking the Georgia Bar Exam, or about how you met Dukay, or how you know AB. Because it always makes my head spin the way the Internet and realspace interplay and interweave.

P.S. Guess is buying herself a new AB-designed blog for Christmas! WOO.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | November 16, 2005 02:57 PM

Uh, amend that last to "guess WHO". I must be smokin' those cigarettes, too.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | November 16, 2005 02:59 PM

Law school story! Grad school is making me crazier. I've got a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell (and Doxie).

Posted by: msmack | November 16, 2005 03:06 PM

DOGS! DOGS! DOGS! DOGS! I need more blind dog running the street stories.

Posted by: lisame | November 16, 2005 03:11 PM

I have really enjoyed the times when you've told stories about Ziz.

Posted by: Heather | November 16, 2005 03:25 PM

ooh...law school. I am in the midst of applications myself and apparently would like to be even more scared!! You lost our emails?? we are (collectively) wounded; that's gonna need an immediate application of new photos!

Posted by: jes | November 16, 2005 03:28 PM

Oh yeah! I want to hear about how you met Dukay!

Posted by: Danielle | November 16, 2005 03:33 PM

More DUKAY!!!

Posted by: Karen | November 16, 2005 03:39 PM

Doggies! I love hearing about other people who appear otherwise sane, but have multiple bad doxies at home! Makes me feel better.

Posted by: hm | November 16, 2005 03:50 PM

Dogs, dogs, dogs. I searched your archives a while back for the entry where bo gets angry and bite, bite, bites. Alas, I couldn't not find it. Did that happen, or did I totally make that up?

Posted by: stephanie | November 16, 2005 03:53 PM

I would love to hear, er... read, some cool stories about when Dukay first met your troop of dogs.

Posted by: Radiantsky | November 16, 2005 04:02 PM

How DID you meet Dukay, anyway? If this story involves alcohol, being scared, and dinner parties, so much the better!

Posted by: Pley | November 16, 2005 04:04 PM

I'm all for a tie of more photo entries of dogs w/ comments.. AND Ziz conversations.. Nothing makes me laugh harder.. and I may have to contact Ab.. Miss Devylish's site needs a kick..hmmm.

Posted by: Angel | November 16, 2005 04:10 PM

If you could somehow tie a story together that included Dukay and the dogs, why that would be just about perfect. :)

Posted by: justerin | November 16, 2005 04:14 PM

Delurking to request a story about law school, if you please! I've been reading your blog for about two years now, and it is one of the few things keeping me sane as I brave my 1L year this year. [and if the law school story happens to involve how you met Dukay, I wouldn't complain! ;)]

Posted by: Carolyn | November 16, 2005 04:15 PM

Do a "how I managed to get into law school and graduate without falling down entry" preferably one that includes cute shoes and cute dogs.

Because I am applying for Grad School and would like to laugh about it for a little while instead of the incessant weeping that is happening at present.

Posted by: Kathleen | November 16, 2005 04:19 PM

DOGS & DUKAY!!! Both, with some Ziz on the side. I always wanted a little psychotic weiner dog, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. A Ziz I got. YAY!

Posted by: Rula | November 16, 2005 04:29 PM

Mucho mas Dukay and Ziz, por favor!

Posted by: Jane | November 16, 2005 04:35 PM

I am partial to dog tales. However, if you had a story about when you were in law school and went shoe shopping with Ziz and left Dukay to watch the dogs and they pooped, causing you to drink and fall down when you got home, that would probably work, except for the time line is probably not right. But you could make it up? Yes? No?

Dogs then.

Posted by: Kristina | November 16, 2005 04:36 PM

I love the stories you tell about Ziz...did you ever find out what was so menacing about the LA guy with the purple flag? LOL More Ziz please! :)

Posted by: Ivie | November 16, 2005 04:37 PM

Obviously, you need to do another bunch of mini stories all in one posting.

But I vote for a Bo story, and I think he'll win too. Cause he told my Spike through the doxie grapevine if he dosn't he'll leve you a present in your next pair of new shoes.... :)

Posted by: jennifer | November 16, 2005 04:53 PM

ok... i admit it... I smoked those cigarettes.. must be why I can't spell...

Posted by: Jennifer | November 16, 2005 04:54 PM

I want to see some pictures of your art. Tell us about your paintings!

Posted by: Eulallia | November 16, 2005 05:21 PM

I love the dogs and all, but my favorite entries are the ones involving people. Your mother sounds fabulous, especially with her Potato Artery Clogging Death dish...you should write about her!

Or, here are some other ideas:
**funny stories from junior high/high school that seemed SO serious at the time but are now ridiculous [I'm partial to this, since I went to your junior high/high school]
**rando creepy people you've come across in your life
**your first kiss/boyfriend/school dance
**some time when you got in trouble when you were a kid (that did not involve a Putting Partner)

Posted by: Lori | November 16, 2005 05:27 PM

Law school... definitely law school. More specifically, applying to law school, which is what I am doing right now. And just in case you have blocked it from your memory, it SUCKS. So I would like some Doxie humor to make it suck less, please.

Posted by: Megan | November 16, 2005 05:51 PM

Photo essay about the seven Bohemian skirts you bought in Charleston!

Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | November 16, 2005 06:21 PM

How about another entry in which you fall down? And maybe you fall near a dog or something?

Posted by: Littlehoney | November 16, 2005 06:29 PM

Bo. Yes, I know its wrong, but I love his evil cold little brown heart. Grrr.

And law school - I went there and hoo boy is it funny. Or dorky. Or dorky in a funny way? With lots of drinking? And how if you're cool in law school really you're still just queen of the nerds? Heh.

Posted by: MeBeth | November 16, 2005 06:34 PM

More Bo! I may be slightly obsessed with Bo, so I feel as though more Bo will quell that obsession. Or? Make it worse. Either way.....

Posted by: Heather | November 16, 2005 06:40 PM

I thought of something else, too. What has Dukay said in his sleep lately? Anything good?

And did he ever figure out if your wheels come off?

Posted by: Gretchen C. | November 16, 2005 06:50 PM

Um. Well. I have to admit,stories where you either hurt yourself or embarrass yourself verbally are the ones that I enjoy the most.

I realize this makes me sound like a very bad person,but it's your fault for making toe amputation funny.

'This little piggy is fine but this little piggy fell off' That is still the funniest damn thing I ever read.

Posted by: Contrary | November 16, 2005 07:19 PM

Regarding missing socks- one day it was raining hard, so I put my clothes in the dryer at work (putting on my gym clothes). When I took them out, only one sock came out. Several loads went in between then, including one load that was just my damp underwear (yea, I snuck them in). A week later, the other sock appeared when my boss was pulling things out of the dryer!! Where had it gone all that time???? It wouldn't tell.

Posted by: MissPinkKate | November 16, 2005 07:46 PM

Law school, definitely! I'm in the process of researching and writing my 50-page journal comment in less than 5 days, because, yes, I am a horrible procrastinator (or does that actually make me very GOOD at procrastination?), so I need something to remind me that law school is occasionally amusing... Please...before I go insane!

(I actually offered a friend money to run me over with her car. Not severely, you understand, but just enough to get me an extension on my comment...She wouldn't. *sigh*)

Posted by: Kathryn | November 16, 2005 07:51 PM

My all time favorite Miss Doxie story is the one about the drinking game when you friend said she never threw poop out the bathroom window and then she pointed at you and said "Drink!". Just thinking about that one makes me laugh. Any stories like that would be great. Or "falling down" stories.

Posted by: paganmonster | November 16, 2005 09:47 PM

I vote for 'how Miss Doxie and Dukay met and why is he called Dukay anyway or is that actually some southern guy name and I had no idea?'

Posted by: Rachel | November 16, 2005 10:34 PM

Yes, I'm with Rachel. Why is it Dukay? Why not Duque, like El Duque, the Yankee pitcher? What have you got against "Qs" anyway? Or are you afraid people will read it "Ducky?"

And while we're at it, how's Uncle Phil doing?

Yes, we could have a catch-up entry maybe? What the paintings look like, whether they ever got to the recipients, the LA Purple Flag Menace, whether Uncle Phil ever caught up on Tivo, and maybe one thing you haven't ever admitted to another soul ever in your life.

Or we could just talk about Bo...

Posted by: MissFish | November 16, 2005 11:57 PM

I definitely want to read about how you and Dukay met, I'm sure there's a story there. I love the Dukay shenanigans. (Of course like everyone else I wouldn't object to a little more Bo and a little more Ziz but definitely more Dukay).

Posted by: Zee | November 17, 2005 12:03 AM

I second the motion about seeing some of your paintings. Also, I have to admit the "how I met Dukay" story has some appeal. Lastly, because I probably should come up with at least one original thing - hmm, how about Best New Year's Eve Ever, and/or Worst New Year's Eve Ever?

Posted by: Tracy | November 17, 2005 12:04 AM

Up here in BC, we smoke a lot of those cigarettes. Thus I am unable to focus long enough to think of a story request.

Posted by: rora | November 17, 2005 02:19 AM

Funny relationship stories with Dukay... of COURSE!!!! :)

I find that my relationship is the hardest thing to write about on my blog - making it both meaningful and funny. So I err... don't. Can you? I'd like to see you try!!

Posted by: for Joke! | November 17, 2005 04:51 AM

Photo entry about the dogs!

Posted by: chillier | November 17, 2005 08:35 AM

Write whatever - I love all of it! Makes me howl with mirth...

(in the UK a gig is a live music event - tho not a serious orchestra type, like a band or something)

Posted by: birdy | November 17, 2005 09:27 AM

Mimi sounds fantastic!!

My suggestion...you have a catagory for "Times you got drunk and bought shoes" and "Times you fell down" why not combine them for "Times you got drunk and fell down"?

Posted by: Claudia | November 17, 2005 09:51 AM

There is no link for the "About Me" page... unless of course, it's hiding somewhere else on the page, other than where it says, "ABOUT".

Posted by: CLD | November 17, 2005 10:13 AM

CLD, the link isn't the "About" button; it's at the end of that sentencey-y thing. Where it says "right here", or something similar.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | November 17, 2005 10:20 AM

I think you should tell a love story. Maybe the one where a beautiful young princess with fabulous hair meets a short, charming fellow with a long tongue and thick neck at the house of a friend. Other short legs and long tongues tried to distract the princess (who had a really nice rack, too) but she had eyes only for her brown haired, stubby lover. After the princess helped him on the sofa, they had a long serious talk about tee-teeing outside and began living happily ever after the end.

Posted by: Bo's Girlfriend | November 17, 2005 10:24 AM

Fuck democracy!

Posted by: sarahb | November 17, 2005 10:38 AM

I wanna hear about how you and Dukay met! Dukay! Dukay!

Posted by: lerberson | November 17, 2005 10:40 AM

I vote for how you and Dukay met!

Posted by: Corey | November 17, 2005 10:44 AM

I would like to request story written in coversation form between yourself and Ziz. the story should involve the dogs, Amish and Dukay.

Have you watched Devil's Playground? It's a documentary about Amish teenagers gone wild!

Posted by: theresa | November 17, 2005 12:01 PM

i like picture essays cuz i can't read real goods and you look real pretty in the pictures.

Posted by: melati | November 17, 2005 12:19 PM

Another vote for law school here!

I'm in the midst of suffering through my second year. When I'm not debating the plausibility of all courtroom-related dramas, I'm joking about figuring out creative ways to off certain horrible professors and the top ten percent of my class without getting convicted. So please, share your secrets. Tell us how you survived this hell!

Posted by: Amers | November 17, 2005 03:15 PM

I was Amish for Halloween this year! Did you know you can get authentic clothing on e-bay? Oh yes, you can! Miss Doxie, you and I are Amish-loving soulmates.

Oh yeah- I vote law school. I will cry if there is not a law school entry in the near future.

Posted by: Cathy | November 17, 2005 03:24 PM

Love the updates to the About Me section!

I'm always up for reading about your pups.. More doggies! With pictures! I'm off to smoke those cigarettes and actually get some work done.

Posted by: Sabine | November 17, 2005 03:29 PM

More about the dogs!! More about the dogs!! I'm fostering a little red catahoula cross dog named Beau, and every time he does something, I think of your Bo!! Bo is great!! My Beau is from Louisiana, a Katrina Rescue brought all the way to Canada, and I tell him stories about your dogs, which I think he likes. What, indeed, have your evil dogs been up to?

Congrats on the new site - it looks fantastic-o!!

Posted by: NoodleJen | November 17, 2005 03:44 PM

Dukay! And shoeshopping!

Posted by: Anna | November 17, 2005 04:58 PM

I'd like to hear more about Gimmme (and the other dogs too) but I like all your stories. Post more pics please.

Posted by: Allyson | November 17, 2005 05:29 PM

i would like one with a conversation. it doesn't matter if its about missing socks, missing toes, or people missing common sense. DOXIE SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE A SCREENPLAY. except then you'd be gone from the world and your pretty new site, so . . . never mind.

Posted by: meretyping | November 17, 2005 06:36 PM

ANYTHING about your dogs. I still snort and laugh just THINKING about your 'blind' dog and the falling towel!! HOOT!!

Or, since I've been writing about 'cowboy butts,' maybe you could too. And if you do, I'm just going to have to start a 'cowboy butt' writing-along. Don't know if 'they' have those (who the hell is 'they') but I'll do one anyway.

Especially since I'm now knitting Xmas presents and can't talk about those on my blog. Maybe I'll just come over to YOUR blog and talk about them. And 'cowboy' butts (again). Seems to be my issue of the week.

Have NOT been smokin' them there damn funny cigs. Have not.

Posted by: Kim | November 17, 2005 06:37 PM

Dachshunds! And how you discovered the little bastards are the love of your life, etc.

p.s. there's a newborn one growing as fast as she can right now - so she can come home to me!

Posted by: daffythedachshund | November 17, 2005 07:14 PM

you should write about falling down, you should fall down more it is very funny to us all. Yes fall down every day and wrtie about it for 1 whole week.

Posted by: Mrs. Jinx | November 17, 2005 07:40 PM

YOUR SISTER! because I KNOW HER by some insane internet fluke of DOOM.

Posted by: Kate | November 17, 2005 10:49 PM

(is this on here twice? am I a nut? what happened)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR SISTER! because I KNOW HER and that is just WEIRD and crazy! small world!

Posted by: Kate | November 17, 2005 10:50 PM

Yes it is and yes I am. But that's TWO comments for your sister. I win. Clearly.

Posted by: Kate | November 17, 2005 10:51 PM

Dude, shoes trumps everything, always...it's like a law or something.

Posted by: Lisa | November 17, 2005 11:34 PM

Hi! I'm the 73rd comment, meaning that you probably won't get to me before you fall asleep and drool on your keyboard! Anyway, I have no idea what to suggest you write about, but I have found that everything you write makes me chuckle like a deranged hyena, anyway. In other words, don't you be smokin' those cigarettes and worrying about what to write. I will say that drunkenness induces antics, and antics are always fun to write about.

Posted by: Blue Meany | November 18, 2005 12:50 AM

i'd love to hear about that wacky Southern Christian high schoool you went to. you know they were smoking those cigarettes.

Posted by: Katie | November 18, 2005 12:25 PM

Thank you for directing me to the "About" link, Miss Doxie. As you noted, it was cleverly hidden in the word "here", at the end of the sentence under the graphic which states "ABOUT". Sneaky.

Posted by: CLD | November 18, 2005 03:23 PM

Does El Dukay's name originate from some reference to Il Duce, as a famous Italian dictator was once known? Because, maybe when he was a baby, Dukay bore some uncanny resemblance to Mussolini? Or something.

Posted by: fifi | November 19, 2005 08:08 AM

Why can I NOT FIND THIS WONDERFUL PICTURE?

I keep hitting the title for about me, and it's doing NOTHING.

I am a sad panda. :(

Posted by: SWSNBN | November 26, 2005 04:00 AM

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