This Post Is Brought To You By The Fact That The Power Finally Came Back On In The Fucking Hotel
Well, HI, y'all! Guess where I am. No, wait. Guess where I am supposed to be.
If you guessed, "on vacation," you would be right. That is where I am supposed to be, on vacation in Gulf Shores. And that is where we have been trying to get, my family and myself, only we are not there. Not even slightly! Instead, we are holed up in a hotel in Birmingham, where we have been for, oh, FIVE DAYS, sometimes without power, most times without cell phones. And that was fun.
It's really not that bad, considering the NIGHTMARE of this storm, and how much trouble other poor people are having. I mean, we have shelter, and an operational bar. Plus, we are with awesome people, because we were all here for a wedding anyway. And the wedding people were So Much Fun (hi, Babs!), and it was just a good time, you know, until a big old hurricane came and BLEW AWAY ALL OF THEIR HOUSES, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. The majority of the other guests here HAVE HAD THEIR HOUSES BLOWN AWAY.
Everyone is handling this remarkably well, because that is just what classy ladies do, apparently. That is not what I would do, because I am, evidently, not a classy lady. If my house blew away, a la Dorothy/Oz/Big Bad Wolf/"huff and puff" etc., I would:
1. Freak THE HELL out;
2. Drink SO MUCH;
3. Yell at everyone;
4. Max out all credit cards buying pointless items like legwarmers and gloves with no fingers, slap bracelets, capelets;
5. Drink more;
6. Pass out in puddle of own tears.
But that is just me. I do not handle adversity well. Did you maybe guess?
Anyway, I'll be in touch more when we are allowed to, you know, leave, and when the internet connection isn't dying out every nineteen seconds. In the meantime, please send happy thoughts and prayers to those good people who are dealing with this DAMN STORM.
And someone? Someone send me a drink.