This is what you get when THE INTERNET DIES.
Nothing. Nothing! That is what we all get when the internet dies, and I cannot figure out how to fix it. Because I am an idiot.
But anyway. Hi! So, I've been a little busy, and then the internet broke, and I am now at work, typing reallyreallyreally fast, because I do not update from work, OH NEVER, because I like my job and SO THERE, but on this one occasion I am making an exception just so y'all don't think I up and died. It's all for you! Look at the risky risks I do take.
So, the short story is that one of my parents' dogs? Maggie? A disc in her back slipped, and that made her paralyzed, necessitating several jillion dollars worth of surgery, and now she is STILL paralyzed, but now it is, supposedly, on a temporary basis, but mom and dad had to leave town, and someone had to watch her, and that someone = Me.
And let me JUST TELL YOU SOMETHING about watching a paralyzed dog. It is not...fun. She is kind of sad and pathetic. She can't actually pee on her own (I know!) and so I have to...uh, take her outside, and massage her bladder. This is something I had to learn. I had, previously, never massaged a bladder before. This is ALL NEW TERRITORY.
But, turns out, I am an AWESOME bladder massager, and I rock at massaging bladders, to the point that now I can just rub her stomach and she immediately lets fly with a cascade of hot pee so voluminous and cascade-y that I have to be, you know, KIND OF CAREFUL about rubbing her stomach, because y'all, I HAVE BEEN PEED ON EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS.
(And, my google referral stats just exploded. Pop.)
(Dear Golden Shower fans: Sorry!)
(Dear Mom: No. I do not know what a "golden shower" is. Go ask your other daughter. I've never heard of it. Golden what?)
So, ANYWAY, I moved into my parents' house for the time being, to watch the paralyzed dog, plus the other dogs, plus deal with my hospitalized grandma, plus also I still have, you know, work, plus I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN TO IKEA, plus then Dukay got sick with some weird fever-thing and I had to make him chicken soup, and then my parents' internet conked out, and then I'M JUST KIND OF BUSY, with the bladder massaging, and all.
But I did want to pop in and say hi. Hi! Is everyone doing okay? Are we all happy? Have we avoided massaging bladders? Is it wrong that I am getting really used to talking about pee? Do you want to send me a rubber smock? Are you guys kind of hungry? Etc.
So, I'll write more later, VERY SOON, provided I can figure out how to fix the internet. And, to that end, I foresee a very long, tedious phone call in my near future. Y'all can come keep me company, if you want.
Just make sure you bring some chips. And rubber pants.