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And now, back to our regularly scheduled shopping

June 26, 2005

Before anything else, I want to say thank you to all of y'all who commented and emailed over the last few days, expressing your sympathies for Noah's death. It meant the world to all of us, and I can't thank you enough. I appreciate it so much. You are all so awesome.

But, you know, that's...enough of having depressing things on the homepage, is what I am thinking. It is time to talk about something else. And the "something else" I am thinking of, is of course, the fact THAT AN IKEA IS OPENING HERE, IN THIS CITY, ON WEDNESDAY. YES. I AM NOT EVEN LYING TO YOU.

People. Ikea. I have never been inside an Ikea before. And I just read in the paper that it is going to be 350,000 square feet of shopping bliss. I, personally, am like...three square feet. Maybe I am even less! Listen, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH A SQUARE FOOT IS, but Ikea has A SHITLOAD OF THEM. And all of their square feet are filled with small trinkets and lamps and wineglasses that I am pretty sure that I need.

The store opens on Wednesday (which...Wednesday?). Evidently, they are giving a $4000 gift certificate to the first person in line, or some other similar marketing ploy that ensures that the Insane have somewhere to sleep on Tuesday night, and by "somewhere" I mean "the Ikea parking lot," or more probably, "the area outside of the front doors," which does not look comfortable to me. But then again, I am kind of a snobby snob snob, and will not sleep on concrete.

(But I have to admit, that I am actually kind of...tempted. Four thousand dollars in Ikea gift certificates! I mean, couldn't you, like...buy everything? You could furnish an entire house at Ikea for four grand. That will buy you seven Iksogomehforr beds and twenty-three Truposedpoj coffee tables. Too bad I am too big a fan of "showering," and also, "my job," to participate.)

So anyway. Ikea. Apparently, there are meatballs there. Meatballs AND furniture, AND lighting solutions, AND vases! VASES! To me, this is like a kind of heaven. To Dukay, this spells, "Apocalypse." It spells, "Apocalypse, with meatballs."

But it's fine if Dukay doesn't come, because everybody else in the state is going. We were all talking about this, in the car, the other day. Me and some of the other attorneys I work with, and they were talking about how they had all been to Ikeas, and it was taking on this kind of mystic quality. Like if you have never been to Iceland, and someone tells you, "Oh, I have been to Iceland, and it is wonderful," and they get that faraway, dreamy look in their eyes, and you are overcome by their cultured...ness, and then you ask them questions like, "Oh! Iceland! Is there ice there? Did you wear a parka? Can you buy inexpensive housewares? ARE THE STORIES TRUE?"

Of all of the people in the car, I was the only one who had never experienced the inside of an Ikea. And there were a number of sympathetic looks cast in my direction, and people gently placing their hand on my arm, all, "Don't worry, dear, you'll get there someday," and PEOPLE, SOMEDAY IS WEDNESDAY, and I'm totally going.

Somehow, the thing I know the most about with Ikea is the crazy ass names they give their products, and YES I KNOW it is not supposed to be English, and yes I know that it is a Scandanavian company (I...think. Something like that), but still. I can imagine myself on Wednesday, having completely fallen in love with a Schmorgazobin bedside table, and then getting confused and ending up with a Schmorgenfritzen shower head, BECAUSE THESE WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME. Can't it be like..."Table with glass top thing"? "Chair with cushion part"? "TELEVISION STAND IN BROWN"?

I could totally come up with better Ikea names. I have been working on this. I will even keep the fun, unpronounceable thing they've got going! I will respect the Ikea model!

Anyway, my ideas are as follows:

TABLES

Forputstuffon
EvrythingmadeofMDFhere
WhatMDFis?
Ithinknotrillywood
Sumthingelseplastiky
Notfrumtree
Notkindoftreeiknow

CHAIRS

Isitonthat
Placefurbutt
Siturassdown
OnthisMDFthing
Hopitdontbreak

TELEVISION STANDS

Forputtvon
Tvsohevvy
Haftoholduptvalldamnday
Hateholdintvup
Maybewilldroptv
Willdroptvifyouwatchgoldengirlsonemoretime
Hategoldengirls
AmveryscaredofBeaArthur
Shecudbeatmeup

DESKS

Lukinbusy
Sovirybusyhere
Imnotreallywurking
Implayingsnood
Shutup,u

BEDS

Imsleepinhere
Bquietnabors
Shutupdogs
Shutupdukaysnuring
Placewheresumtimessexishad
Thesexisverrfun!
Butsexisnothadwhendukaysnurs
Shutupdukay


See? SEE? EASY!

That's all I can come up with right now, because I am tired and I fibbed a minute ago when I said I'd been thinking about this. I have not. I just made those the hell up.

Which means, obviously, that y'all can do better. So, in honor of the Wednesday opening, let's see your Ikea product names! Be creative! Entertain me! Or Dukay will Brakurlegs.

And if you've never been to an Ikea? And have no idea what I'm talking about? Well. Don't worry, dear. You'll make it there.

Someday.

Posted by doxie in General Whining | permalink

59 Comments

I can't outdo your names but I have three words for you: cheap wine glasses. IKEA is full of them. They also have cheap martini glasses.

Posted by: Dabney | June 26, 2005 11:19 PM

Umaksmelafsohardipeed!

Posted by: Sabine | June 26, 2005 11:50 PM

It's one in the morning, so I can't really...construct any IKEA words, but I did just buy a grillpan there called "Skanka". Now when the boyfriend wants to cook something, he's all, "Can I use the Skanka? Please?", and it's never going to get old. Skanka. That's funny.

Posted by: Heather | June 27, 2005 01:00 AM

In honor of the Ikea products I have purchased my own self, in an actual Ikea (squee!)

Iduntthinkallpartzrheer

Cantcunstruktdishelp!

Obeegchairursocumfi

And can I just say? Removable covers for white couches? For me to spill wine on? And it came out EVERY TIME!!!!

Go in peace, sister. You may weep. Bring a hankie. And a guide dog. You can get lost in those places! Maybe Bo?

Posted by: missbanshee | June 27, 2005 01:58 AM

Clearly, the bed you need would be a snorassbørd. I wonder if Bea Arthur is as scary now as she was in the Golden Girls.Or if she's a sweet old granny/grandpa now?

Posted by: fifi | June 27, 2005 03:17 AM

You make me laugh so hard I cry. Guess where I was just this past weekend? I celebrated midsummer, which is the biggest of big Swedish holidays, in Ă„lmhult, which is, you guessed it, the GLOBAL HEADQUARTERS of IKEA in Sweden. Which, incidentially, regardless of what we Americans would like to think, is NOT pronounced EYE-KEY-AH. It's EE-KAY-YA! In Swedish. Have fun!!

Posted by: lizardek | June 27, 2005 04:05 AM

How about a chair called Ooiliketouchyurbuns?

Somewhere, a little Swedish girl with blond braids is crying.

Seriously, though, I just moved to Washington, DC for the summer, and one of my first stops was the IKEA here....because of your "smackdown!" entry. They ought to be paying you royalties!

Posted by: Lori | June 27, 2005 05:57 AM

Ikea: equal parts gleeful and HORRIFYING. Be prepared to be herded like cattle. Or like mice in a maze, though they don't really get herded do they? Anyway, I predict extra-crowded fun and/or agony. Love Ikea!

Posted by: kilowatthour | June 27, 2005 06:40 AM

I read in the paper that some dude started sleeping out in front of the store last Thursday. So don't worry about camping out, someone has already beaten you to it.

Posted by: stella | June 27, 2005 08:10 AM

Heheheheh. Too funny. I bought my son a giant stuffed snake from Ikea and we call it the Sveedensnaake. Or I make it talk like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. "De de de de de, Bork bork bork!"

Posted by: Trance | June 27, 2005 08:42 AM

I will be no help playing along with the product names. I could never top yours. I'm not good at spelling words with lots of silent consonants. But you reminded me I wanted to go to the Ikea website inspired by your fab floor lamps! Maybe I'll go to the store now instead! But I've been torn between a shiny new Colt M4 and home decor. Decisions!

Posted by: Kiefer Twin | June 27, 2005 09:35 AM

You know, I forget sometimes that Ikea is a big deal, because the very first U.S. store opened, like, 15 or 20 years ago or something right near my house. We furnished a lot of stuff thanks to Ikea; my parents didn't care if we accidentally decorated beds with markers or benchchests with puffy stickers, etc. In fact, this entry reminds me that I must get to the Ikea one of these days to buy my bed already.

Okay, I am totally gloating now. I'll stop. Have fun at Ikea! Bring me back something Swedish!

Posted by: Coleen | June 27, 2005 09:48 AM

I've been to Iceland...oooooo

Never to an Ikea though...awwww

Let me know what it's like.

I have also been looking for one of those Ihavvnoideawhatitscalled or maybe a Nocluwatthatis.

Posted by: psichron | June 27, 2005 09:52 AM

Ikea is oh so very cool. Let me just say, if not for sofa covers that come off and can go into the washing machine AND the dryer, I would have two very unhappy dogs. And we're not talking slip covers here! Oh no! Actual made-to-fit covers for each individual cushion. It's lovely.

In the Baltimore area we have two Ikeas. Feel free to hate.

Posted by: jcc | June 27, 2005 10:18 AM

I am really showing my age here, and/or being a totally snobby snob, because I live in So Cal and we have had IKEA since, like, forever. We have had it for so long that I can remember back when it wasn't even called IKEA; it was called STOR.

Need I say more? I miss STOR. Back then, even the STOR itself had a fake-Swedish, oh so descriptive name.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | June 27, 2005 10:27 AM

I do not hail from the land of Ikea, so naturally the first time I visited someone who had one I demanded that they take me there. I did feel a little tingly as walked around.

My favorite object was a big long compartmentalized mesh tubular thing for hanging in your kid's room to house stuffed animals. The Stufiitoobamesch, I believe it was called.

Posted by: Mir | June 27, 2005 10:32 AM

I have to say, there are 4 Ikea's in the Greater Toronto Area here in Ontario. So.. that means I have been to 4! 4! ah ah ah (insert laughter like the evil count from sesame street here).

Posted by: Anna | June 27, 2005 10:41 AM

You know, it's funny that you mention Ikea. Through the wonders of cable television, I had TBS on in the background yesterday and I heard/saw that the Ikea was opening in Atlanta. Normally, being a whole country, and several thousand miles away, that kind of fact would be irrelevant beyond "[sigh] Ikea", but guess what my first thought was? "I wonder if Miss Doxie is going..." Now I know. Thanks for clearing that up. :)

Posted by: j | June 27, 2005 11:02 AM

I've never been to Iceland.
Nor have I been to an Ikea.
And there are no plans for opening one where I live.

I feel slighted. I do, however, look forward to living vicariously through you.

Here's a name for a bed, perhaps:
Dogslumberplace

Posted by: DurtGrrl | June 27, 2005 11:05 AM

I like to look at IKEA catalogs. I like to look at their website, and then I get sad because so much is "in store only" and I die a little inside.

They keep promising an IKEA in metro Detroit and it never happens (OK, supposedly it will in like, 3 years, but I'm moving, so FAT LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES!)

But last week my husband called me all excited and tells me "College Park has an IKEA. We're good to go."

And I did a little dance of joy.

Posted by: Jennie | June 27, 2005 11:56 AM

Middle of August and Dallas gets an Ikea! I can't wait to smackdown on it! I need a new living room chair - furonewhoholdsremote

Posted by: lisame | June 27, 2005 11:59 AM

A friend of mine is moving to Atlanta after accepting a rabbi position there. She was shocked that nobody had heard of Ikea - absolutely shocked.

Posted by: Darren James Harkness | June 27, 2005 12:05 PM

Oh, and also, find and learn the shortcuts IMMEDIATELY, hence you be lost in Ikea Mazedom for eternity.

Posted by: Darren James Harkness | June 27, 2005 12:07 PM

I will be there. I am taking a vacation day. I may not sleep the night before.

All hail the IKEA!

Posted by: Stacy | June 27, 2005 12:10 PM

I like the ads they run here for the "Texas Sized" Ikea. Too funny, and the guy in the ad sounds just like the Swedish chef from the Muppets.

Posted by: Brighton | June 27, 2005 12:31 PM

Oh, Miss Doxie, you will be so happy! I live right behind the Ikea in Houston. It's a wonderful, magical place. Always remember to check out the "As Is" section in the store for even greater deals - all my shelves came from there ;) Just be prepared for it to be bugnuts crazy for the opening. Houston has had an Ikea since it was called Stor, but when they opened the new store last year (the "new Texas-sized Ikea" is double the size of the old store at 300,000 square feet) it was just crazy! And I can't even imagine another 50,000 sq ft to walk through! But congratulations on your Ikea. It will be your new best friend. And I have some ideas for names:


Shelves -

putyurshithere,

holdslotsofstuff,

hideyurshitbehindthedorrs;


Lighting -

seemypurtyroom,

uneedtodust (the halogen line),

nottoobright

Posted by: Dana K | June 27, 2005 01:03 PM

Ohmigod... I have been on a ridiculous high for the past month just knowing that the store is opening this week. I spent 3 days last week scouring their website and picking out all of the stuff I'm going to buy.

Maybe I'll see you (and all of the other 3,999,999 Atlanta residents) there on Wednesday!

Posted by: robin | June 27, 2005 01:09 PM

I will be living thru you Wednesday! I lived in Norway for 2 years and, yep. Caller number 2 was correct in saying it is pronounced EE-KAY-UH. No matter...shoppers heaven. Check out the Swedish Sweets section for a wonderful little treat called Lingonberriesyoucanspreadonanything.
Wonderful stuff!

Posted by: Duchess | June 27, 2005 01:58 PM

If you see another dumbass attorney walking around with glazed-over look in her eyes on opening day, that will be me...make sure you say hello.

How 'bout a desk called Noworkbutfucksaroundalot?

Posted by: Floyd | June 27, 2005 02:42 PM

No ikea for me :(

They may never have one here.

I am a sad panda!

Posted by: She who shall not be named | June 27, 2005 02:53 PM

Oooh, Ikea. My friend and I drove three hours (one way!) one Saturday because I had never been and she was suffering from withdrawl. It's everything you dreamed of and more, believe me.
They've been talking about putting on in the Boston area for about 5 years. It has yet to happen, but they did put one in New Haven, so it's just under 2 hours now. Getting closer.
Enjoy!

Posted by: erica | June 27, 2005 03:10 PM

ack.. i live in hickville and we dont even have a TARGET, let alone an ikea. however, we do have three auto part stores on the same road. (did i mention HICKVILLE?)

Posted by: Emily | June 27, 2005 03:43 PM

No need to worry about getting the wrong item- they give you paper and pencils to write down the name of the stuff you like so you don't get the wrong freakishly named piece of excellent furniture. And it is excellent! Alas, I have to work Wednesday and Thursday but I will be there ALL DAY on Friday. Literally. Open to close. Huzzah!

Posted by: msmack | June 27, 2005 04:29 PM

Ikea is like MAGIC! The adorableness!! The cheapness!! I always feel like I'm in one of those dreams where I've wandered into a clearance sale at my favorite store and everything's a dollar and it's my size.. But for real!

Posted by: Kathryn | June 27, 2005 05:00 PM

Ahh, msmack, not necessarily true. On our last trip my boyfriend wrote down the name and part number of a birch side table and once home found he had purchased a black bookshelf. However, my boyfriend is dumb. Just watch out Miss Doxie, for the collections - for example there are a bunch of things called LACK, so make sure you check the product description and not just the name.

They have great fabric there, too.

Posted by: Jane | June 27, 2005 05:03 PM

Ok.. things to get IMMEDIATELY - as they are cheap as all fuck.. and the mob of new comers will probably hoard them all..

$3.99 bag of 100 (YES, 100!!) tea lights - live the dream!

Candles of all sorts - f'n cheap - just be careful since they are cheap, they melt funny and can dribble down your tv console and you don't realize it til oh.. well, the wax is really hard and a mess.. oops!

Candle holders - so many! I don't know what they're called but these ones inparticular are so tiny, and circular and come in all sorts of colors and are only like $.25 or something super cheap. When your $3.99 tea lights are put in them and lit, there's a little halo around the holder. So cute!

Oooooooh.. and the kitchen stuffs - Insanely cheap wine, water and anyotherliquidyoucouldimagine glasses.. Towels, and blankets, and duvet covers and rugs and chinese lanterns and the cutest little clocks and girl.. those meatballs are the BOMB! :) Wear some comfy shoes.. you'll be there a while. Like.. hours. Have fun!!

Posted by: Angel | June 27, 2005 07:42 PM

Swoon, Ikea! Miss Doxie, you need to take the day off Wednesday. Ikea is a full day affair. I've been to the San Francisco one and the New Jersey one, both while on vacation. We drove 2.5 hours to the NJ one! Both times, we closed the damn place down. "Attention shoppers, there are 30 minutes remaining until closing" gets me in a mad frenzy, desperately trying to grab armfuls of cute, cheap stuff. The poor, patient souls who work there have to make announcements like, "Um, we kinda closed 15 minutes ago," before I can begin to head to checkout. SWOON! Hope we get that Detroit one soon! (Incidentally, I ordered a copy of the catalog before ever setting foot in Ikea. It was basically furniture porn. Highly recommended.)

Posted by: K | June 27, 2005 10:14 PM

How about:
now, I've only seen decorator things..like...
lukhoworgunyzediam
sumthnpurdytohangstfon

or an ode to the quality:
iwilfulaprtsoon
notvuryderible

But with the way I change my mind, something that doesn't last long is good - i won't feel guilty when I buy a new one I like better. :)

have fun. Buy me lots of pretty stuff, please.
(hey, it was worth a shot)
;)

Posted by: Littlehoney | June 27, 2005 11:09 PM

I grew up with 5 IKEAs within the LA area and let me say, it's like, oh, (fill in blank) bad boyfriend, toxic friend, or past drug use. At first, it's great and you think it can give you everything you need, and then it becomes a little dull and you work harder at the excitement. Until at the end, you wonder what you saw in it and you start making a fool of yourself and feeling like every other fool out there. Okay, enough rant, but I enjoy your post so I'll let you discover the joy that is Ikea and 50 cent soft freeze cones.

Posted by: jen | June 28, 2005 01:26 AM

Ok...new so hello everyone. I live in the Hot Town of Houston, it's not Paris Hilton "HOT" but literally and steamy not in a good way.

My first trip to IKEA was IN Saudi Arabia of all places, but IKEA opened a long time ago here in the 90's then as if it wasn't enough they built a bigger, TEXAS sized IKEA!?!? WHAT?!? I know it's crazy. Some lady was there and won the gift certificate, which they really give out, I was jealous but love my showers as well...

I don't have any cool names, but I will say this, look at their cheap kitchen stuff, picture frames, and vases! ENJOY!

Posted by: Laura | June 28, 2005 10:22 AM

We used to read pornography.
Now it was the Horchow Collection.

Posted by: Rick | June 28, 2005 11:01 AM

EE-KAY-YA tips from someone who lives in walking distance from one.

1) Eat a meal before you go (or have a Swedish meatball plate in the cafeteria first). The layout is designed to wind through every corner of the store so you'll be there for hours. Literally.

2) Bring your own notepad and pencil. It's impossible to write on the slips of paper they give you with the golf pencils.

3) Beware of the too-good-to-be-true cheap furniture. If you want something that will last, stick with the thicker, solid pieces of wood and avoid the 0.5" thick MDF. Especially important with shelving which will bend over time if the shelf is too thin.

4) If you're missing a screw or bolt, check the bins in the Customer Service area. If you're missing a part, find the parts line and avoid waiting in the long lines for returns.

5) The only thing worse than lugging 20 tons of flatpack furniture is returning it. If they'll let you, take photos with a digital camera (include snaps of the front and back of the tag with name, dimensions, and colors). A camera phone also works well.

6) Save all the spare tools, screws, bolts, etc into a bag. Pieces get loose and lost and you'll need them later.

All told, I still love my neighborhood IKEA.

Posted by: pat | June 28, 2005 05:54 PM

I have been to Ikea once. It was the first and only time in my life I experienced a panic attack. The maze-like construction, soulless shoppers, oddly named merchandise, and lack of exits combined to freak me the fuck out, and I literally ran out of the store. It was all I could do not to shove several Ikea-going zombies out of my way.

I will never go to Ikea again. Ikea is hell. I'm a little freaked now out just thinking about it again.(Shudder)

Posted by: TheMac | June 29, 2005 10:51 AM

I have to second this comment from Pat: "3) Beware of the too-good-to-be-true cheap furniture." There is a lot of cute, cheap stuff there. But I would shy away from major pieces of furniture that need to be solid, because they don't last.

Posted by: Miruni | June 29, 2005 11:35 AM

Doxie, Prepare yourself. The mecca is calling.

Here in SoCal, I live right smack between TWO Ikeas -- each about 20 miles away in different directions, so I can take my pick, though really every Ikea is EXACTLY the same. While I do love it, I must prepare you for the fact that it is this weird set up where you cannot find any exits.

I am sure that other posters above have commented on this issue (but I didn't have time to read all the other comments), so hopefully this isn't too redundant. But seriously. I went to Ikea a few weeks ago with the express job of getting one particular thing. People, it took me an HOUR to get through the entire store to find just what I was looking for at the exit. (Okay, maybe not an hour, but when you're pressed for time, Ikea is NOT the place to think you are just going to "dash in really quick and pick something up.")

Just thought you should be sufficiently prepared. Shop, girl, shop!

Posted by: Jen | June 29, 2005 11:44 AM

Oh, and I remember when it was called STOR, too. :-)

Posted by: Jen | June 29, 2005 11:48 AM

Love, love, love IKEA. My favorites are picture frames and vases. The clip frames are great and cheap. And tealights, I have those and the little round holders. I don't know when i'll be able to go again; the nearest one is 3.5 hours away. Soon I hope to have one here!

Posted by: Heather | June 29, 2005 09:28 PM

ahh Ikea.

I went into my first ever Ikea store last month - and it is daunting let me tell you, people aren't kidding when they say its a maze. [and im in Australia, so evidently its the same world over]. I bought one thing, well I bought more than one of this one thing... novelty ice makers! I got love-heart and star shaped ice makers!! In pink! and orange! they're great. Sadly I had to go interstate to visit Ikea, so it will be a while before I can go again. I can't wait to read about your Ikea Adventure!

xx

Posted by: Christy | June 30, 2005 09:58 AM

Watch out!

They opened an Ikea not far from here in north London, and there were riots to get the incredibly cheap sofa's offered on the opening night. People were clobbering each other and stealing sofa's in the car park.

I love their stuff, but not enough to get into fights with. People from Edmonton are rough.

Posted by: DMouse | June 30, 2005 10:42 AM

Ok.. I had to write one more time and see if you'd yet written about your visit. Do tell!

But most ppl are right on some points: Y

ou HAVE to eat PRIOR to going.. you will be starving later.

Big purchases - ugh.. I'm torn. I've bought a dresser there before that didn't have all the drawers to it. A big pain to tear down about 1/2 way thru putting it together.. and the swedes aren't big on lots of supplied directions.. AND it's all made out of particle board.. ick.

I still like their chairs and couches and mirrors and all kinds of little things you can't have enough of.. So do tell! Dying over here!

Posted by: Angel | June 30, 2005 01:57 PM

yes, Doxie hurry up and share! I've checked in 3 times today...or are you in total post-shopping bliss and too busy admiring your purchases to give us an update?

Posted by: ishouldbeworking | June 30, 2005 03:37 PM

I am so jealous! I moved from San Diego (IKEA!) to Kansas City (no Ikea...anywhere within six hours!) and I can't describe the emptiness.

Enjoy!

Posted by: Bethiclaus | June 30, 2005 09:34 PM

not a single ikea in this whole state. not one, and according to the ikea gods that be, there are no plans in the forseeable future to build a STOR here. i must admit that I have stopped on a roadtrip more than once to shop at an ikea, and had my parents purchase furniture there and drive three states to bring it to me.

Posted by: ms. lemon | June 30, 2005 09:52 PM

IKEA opened already or opening on Wednesday? It's like a walmart that sells goofy furniture in lots of colors? Maybe I can get down there. Let me know how it works out.

Posted by: MnNMotion | June 30, 2005 11:31 PM

Ikea is like drugs or porn, but cheaper, less shameful, and cute as all hell. We had an Ikea 20 minutes away from me in Plymouth Meeting for a bit, then they closed that one to open a super, gigantic Ikea in Philly. I echo the sentiment about the thicker furniture. the MDF doesn't last.

Posted by: SuMMer | July 1, 2005 12:36 PM

If Target is the Queen of Cheap Chic, then Ikea is the King and Ruler. Love is a very powerful word, but...yes...I love Ikea.

Especially the special escalators that take your cart up and down for you.

And the meatballs.

Now if they could just figure out a way to make all that funky goodness weightless, we'd be done evolving.

Posted by: allison | July 1, 2005 01:19 PM

It's really hard to top your> Siturassdown. Really Doxie.

how about:

onepiecemissin

putyourdrinkhere

disdaplaceferhumpin

okay, so it's waaaay too late at night for me.

Maybe I should add liquor?

Naw, yours are the bestest!!!

Posted by: Scarlett Cyn | July 1, 2005 04:53 PM

We don't have a branch of Ikea in Ireland yet, but this is because our planning laws don't allow warehouses as big as the average Ikea. But because everyone is OBSESSED with Ikea they all get the car ferry to Scotland and North Wales, where Ikeas are easily accessible ( in fact the big ferry companies organise special bus day trips, where the bus goes straight from the ferry terminal to the nearest Ikea, and you get to spend the entire day there). I have friends who furnished entire houses by hiring a van for the day and taking it over to Wales. And because of this obsession there is lots of public demand for a change in the law JUST FOR IKEA, and the government seem to agree. This is actually due to happen in the next year or so, hopefully. Ikea is so powerful it can change the laws of a state!

Posted by: Anna | July 1, 2005 05:01 PM

oh my GOD.

having a total bout of insomnia, i very accidentally tripped across your page. (not in the way that causes me to tumble down flights of stairs, but don't worry - my time is coming.)

by the time i was done reading this, tears of mirth were streaming down my face and i was trying to laugh in the quietest way so as to not wake up anyone else...so i sounded like a muted bagpipe.

but this was so funny. thank you so much for brightening my night...er, day.

Posted by: alanna | July 3, 2005 07:37 AM

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