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Moving Sucks

April 27, 2005

I mean...that's all I even have to say about that.

It BLOWS, y'all. I am having to pack up all of my things in boxes (as that is, you know, sort of the cornerstone of the moving process), and I have filled FIVE trashcans (seriously. Yes.) with crap from my office, and...and...ugh. It's driving me up a wall.

But, you know. Worth it. Better job, bigger firm, better everything, working with my diddy. Worth it even, to open up your desk and discover the seventy thousand packets of SALT, SALT EVERYWHERE, that have apparently taken residence and begun to breed.

Y'all. Why do I have so much salt? Am I scaring away evil spirits? Am I trying to attract deer? Kill slugs? I do not know.

But, um. Really, the reason why I am writing? A warning. A warning for you, gentle reader. Let's do some imagination exercises. Close your eyes...and then open them, you know, to read, but then close them again real quick-like, and maybe it will work.

I am playing soothing music for you now. Enya-like. Relaaaaaaax.

Let's imagine, say, you quit your job, and then you have an impromptu party at your house to celebrate said quitting. La la la. And then, maybe, I don't know, let me think...you do some drinking to celebrate this. And MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, you have the music going, and a really good song comes on.

Do you feel this? Are you with me?

Well. You may feel the need to throw your hands in the air! And wave 'em like you just don't care! That may happen, don't you think?

And you WON'T care. You won't! Unless...unless there is a ceiling fan.

Then: You care. Intensely, deeply, painfully. YOU FUCKING CARE, right then, at that moment, and you will scream BLOODY FUCKING MURDER, because OW, I mean...OW, and then you will spend the next day PACKING YOUR OFFICE with a curled-up ouchy hand that does not have working fingers, and cursing whomever it was who TOLD you to throw your hands in the air, and wave 'em like you just don't care, because LIAR.

Now. This is just a hypothetical situation. None of us knows anyone who would maybe have a party, drink a little too much, and stick her fool hand in a ceiling fan. Ha ha! Can you imagine?

Moron! Let's have a good laugh at her theoretical expense!

So, now that THAT'S finished, I'm going back to sitting. And thinking about packing. And, uh...icing my hypothetical hand.

Posted by doxie in General Whining | permalink

19 Comments

I feel your pain. Literally. Only I didn't have alcohol for an excuse. About five years ago I was hanging a happy-face beach ball from the ceiling in my then-toddler son's room, and the ceiling fan was on, and as I stood up on the bed I was chanting (because, come on, you don't live 25 years as clumsily as I had lived them and not know yourself well enough to be aware that you have to be proactive in this kind of thing): "I will not get the beach ball in the ceiling fan. I will not get the beach ball...." you get the idea. And I didn't; I got MY HEAD in the ceiling fan, which felt like someone had planted a good quantity of explosives in my right ear and then set them off remotely.

This isn't even the stupidest thing I've ever done, either. Sigh.

Posted by: Rachel | April 28, 2005 02:04 AM

P.S. Congratulations on the positive job change. :)

Posted by: Rachel | April 28, 2005 03:31 AM

Ouch! Glad to know i'm not the only person who has random drunken clumsyness disorder!

p.s.- love the site

Posted by: monkey typist | April 28, 2005 07:48 AM

We are moving our entire 1200 square feet of office to another location this weekend....I'm with ya on the packing shit......we've been at it for three weeks and still aren't ready.....

Posted by: grammahoney | April 28, 2005 07:58 AM

that's it. another consecutive funny post. well done. I'm adding you to my links bar. congrats on the new job. :)

Posted by: tom | April 28, 2005 09:58 AM

You have a bad track record with ceiling fans... :) Congrats on the job!!

Posted by: Jules | April 28, 2005 10:01 AM

Hey, why isn't ElDukay helping you move while you have a hypotherically injured hand?

Posted by: Jon in Michigan | April 28, 2005 10:04 AM

I once went to a very drunken Fourth of July party and decided to DIVE into a large Jacuzzi, the result of which was a very pretty black eye, which I happened to still be wearing when my boyfriend (now my husband) and I ran into his boss, whom I was meeting for the first time, at Starbucks. The guy probably thought Ben was beating me, and I'm not sure which was worse, that or the truth.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | April 28, 2005 10:28 AM

I hear you, girl. I am packing up my entire HOUSE and moving 400 miles away. Scary. Have found myself in the fetal position several times this week.

Posted by: Heather | April 28, 2005 11:51 AM

lmfao! i am sorry but that was hilaroius!

Posted by: jonelle | April 28, 2005 02:08 PM

See, I KNEW waving your hands around like you just don't care was a bad idea.

Posted by: Fraulein N | April 28, 2005 02:12 PM

It could have been worse...it could have been a hypothetical head. Then you could have had a lovely hypothetical red mark on your forehead. All hypothetical of course.

Posted by: smartjuice | April 28, 2005 05:00 PM

omg~tff.. but how could you not throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just dont care..you cannot resist that song.

Posted by: heather | April 28, 2005 06:45 PM

What is this, are we all synched or something? I expect the "Rawhide" theme any minute...

I got told to move today. Basically it's "Go to the location 20 minutes closer to your house, take over, replicate what you do here, and do it yesterday." Aaaah, silly boss man, what confidence! Oh, and half my handbooks, reference material and assorted stuff have to stay behind for the poor fools who will be taking up my ever-increasing slack. If I send it to the print shop on site for replication, they'll lose it all.

Posted by: Miss Fish | April 28, 2005 07:20 PM

You must be much, much taller than I am because that could never happen to me, even if I had platforms on. Woe is me.

Posted by: bonkrood | April 28, 2005 08:17 PM

Hey Doxie...I've been reading for awhile, but never posted (although I did send you an email awhile ago which you quickly responded to--thanks!). Congrats on the new job! But, I'm not too sorry about your hypothetical hand, because what better to numb the pain, then bottles and bottles of wine? :)

Posted by: Jillian | April 28, 2005 08:28 PM

Working for your Dad? You must be exited. I wish I was working for your Dad, I could be his personal "Make Things Happener" and we could talk about fraternity stuff and have secret hand shakes. Oh well, I have existing contracts! Sorry about your little hand! I see the ceiling fan was not considered in the 6" heels cost-benefit analysis. And yeah, WTF was El Dukay doing while you packed one-handed?

Posted by: Kiefer Twin | April 28, 2005 09:46 PM

This is, perhaps maybe, the same ceiling fan that you stuck your tree into? Hmmm... you might want to consider taking that sucker down and replacing it with a nice light fixture? A short one. I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: Shawna | April 30, 2005 09:35 PM

Oh. My. God. That was the most funniest thing I have read. Hypothetically, of course. I was having a bad day at work and then read this.

You are my sunshine today. THANKS!!!

Posted by: Operagal | May 5, 2005 01:46 PM

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