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In which I hardly complain AT ALL, and everyone is amazed

February 01, 2005

Now, I bet y'all thought I was dead. I am not. But I haven't been writing in forever, even after I BRAGGED to all y'all about how I have internet access everywhere now, even in the bathroom or the garage, ALL THE TIME. And you would think that this would mean I'd, like, post something. Sometime. But sometimes, things do not work out like we think they will. And sometimes, you magically kill the internet connection to your home. Again. You can blame vodka, but really. Let's get realistic, shall we? It was obviously the work of Stan.

But Stan hasn't been making many appearances lately, and things have been both fun and surprisingly busy. And it is really, REALLY surprising that I can say that, and not be lying (look at my face! No lying!) because, if y'all have been watching the news lately, you may have noticed that here in Atlanta? Know what we had?

Ice Storm. Yes! Just like the movie, only without the key party or the death.

And typically, you would think that an ice storm would be exactly the kind of thing that would FREAK ME OUT. Because, ICE. And also, COLD. And no driving, or leaving the house, or even standing outside for prolonged periods, because I live in the South, people, and my body is just not equipped for this whole "weather" thing. Typically, I strongly disapprove of weather. Weather blows.

But let me tell you what will make an ice storm totally fine, really, and that is when you may be trapped in your home, but you are not alone, not even remotely, because THERE ARE FIVE HOT GUYS trapped right there with you.


So, this weekend was spent with El Dukay, Dig, Timmy, and the Amazing Kiefer Twins (TWINS, PEOPLE), who I will call the Kiefer twins because they are very strong and tough Special-Forces-types and you do not want to fuck with them, OH NO YOU DO NOT. And they were, all five of them, stuck in my house. All weekend! They couldn't leave! Because there was a deadly wintry mix outside! But inside, we had chili! And nobody wants to go anywhere when there is chili.

If I could figure out how to post pictures to my new website, I would show you a picture of the participants from Deadly Wintry ReMix 2005, and all of y'all would just jump through your computers to throttle me, because one woman should never be blessed with this amount of Man Beauty in her home all at once. It just isn't right. TWINS!

Which is not to say that the weekend didn't have its moments. For EXAMPLE. At one point, El Dukay decided he would create the Deadly Wintry ReMix 2005 Official Drink. Good idea, but creating a new drink posed special problems, because we were running a little bit low on supplies.

(Now, quick side note. The lack of supplies was not entirely El Dukay's fault. On Friday night, just before the storm hit, Dig, Dukay, and I prepared by purchasing light bulbs, paper towels, beer, several bottles of wine, and two kinds of rum. We did not think to buy food, even though we were standing in the grocery store checkout line, surrounded by panicked shoppers who had loaded their carts with bread, water, and canned goods, and who were whispering "Ice storm = immediate death" under their breath. Food did not seem...important. At the time. Now, y'all, clearly, something is VERY WRONG with us. Something is SO wrong with us, that as we were leaving, Dig suddenly sputtered, "Oh, SHIT," and ran back in, and returned some minutes later with...A BAG OF LIMES. Which are NOT REALLY FOOD, PEOPLE. But I digress.)

Anyway, so El Dukay didn't have a lot of supplies, but what he lacks, he makes up for in sheer creativity, so he mixed together something that involved rum AND vodka AND something blue AND something old AND something new AND something borrowed AND God only knows what else.

(And now we will go off on another side note, in which I explain why you should NEVER TRY any of El Dukay's signature drinks, if you like your stomach contents to stay inside your body. Now, I love El Dukay more than dirt, but this is a lesson I learned early in our dating. One evening he fixed me a Bloody Mary that tasted ever so wrong, and I tried to be nice, but I lost that niceness QUICK when it was discovered that he had decided to mix the traditional recipe up a bit by adding...cinnamon. CINNAMON and tomato juice, y'all. Somewhere, Emeril just died. BAM!)

ANYWAY. So, because I have lived through this before, and because I possess a modicum of common sense, I left the room when it was time to do the shots, so I would be spared the image of various ReMix Participants bolting, hands over their mouths, for the toilets throughout my home.

El Dukay is not allowed to mix the drinks anymore. That is an Ice Storm lesson learned, and I encourage all of you to take it to heart.

And other things happened, too, like when I spontaneously decided that now, NO, NOW, is the perfect time to clean out the entertainment cabinet, so EVERBODY WATCH OUT, there will be organizing. And then there was also the singing, and the story telling, and the taking of the photographs, and the playing with the dogs, and the drinking, OH SWEET JESUS the drinking, until five in the morning, two days in a row. It was the best inclement weather situation I could possibly imagine, and just to PROVE that I have, apparently, done something that has earned me some major positive karma (I have no idea what that could be), the power never even went out. And we never ran out of wine.

But we did run out of ice. Yes. OH, the IRONY.

But anyway, that's enough about me! How have y'all been? Everyone been good? Hey, did I mention that there were FIVE hot men in my house last weekend?

Because, I don't know if I mentioned it. But there were.

Oh, and P.S.: TWINS!

Posted by doxie in I Got Drunk And Bought Shoes Online | permalink


Trapped? With hot boys? And you were the only girl? Sigh. Some girls have all the luck . . .

Posted by: Rachael | February 2, 2005 07:19 PM

Limes, huh? Well at least you are getting your vitamin C, girl!

Posted by: Em | February 2, 2005 08:14 PM

That's not fair. Seriously.

Posted by: Erin | February 2, 2005 09:06 PM

You know, my mom and I were on our way home (to Michigan) from Florida and the first night we stopped in Valdosta. On the news they were talking about how the Grand River (which is right in the middle of our city of Grand Rapids) had flooded and then froze, so all these people down river were climbing around on ice that came halfway to their roof, and all the footage? Was of people in parkas falling on their asses. And the TV people in Georgia were laughing at them and we were all "Let's see you deal with an ice storm, Bitches!" And as we were leaving the next morning, people started fretting about Winter Weather. Ha!

Posted by: Sally | February 2, 2005 11:08 PM

So I've been checking your site almost every day (but not in a stalker-ish way, no sir, not me), and I check this morning, and...BAM! Three, count 'em, THREE new entries, one of which is dated LAST WEEK, but was only just displayed on my screen this morning. How did that happen? Stan must be involved somehow.

Glad you're posting again. Thanks for the giggles.


Posted by: LadyBug | February 3, 2005 09:31 AM

Al of HYD and I had had an exchange over at MATH+1 regarding how any food product could be improved with the addition of cinnamon. I am sorry El Dukay seems to have misinterpreted our conversation.

I am so jealous of you, what with the drunken hot men you had with you all weekend! Glad to see you are back.

Posted by: Aidan | February 3, 2005 09:39 AM

Clearly, CLEARLY, we need the link to the pictures of the 5 hot guys.

Posted by: Bond Girl | February 3, 2005 11:26 AM

What is it with men and cinnamon? Hubby decided to put it in scrambled eggs one morning...along with tex mex seasoning!!! Let's just say, he's not allowed near my breakfast eggs anymore!

Posted by: Kerry | February 3, 2005 12:10 PM

Damn Doxie, you're like the Bud Light commercial with all your Twins talk. Will you please send some of that Ice Storm craziness over to Texas? Cause I could use some good mass hysteria and a few days off from work. But give me some warning so I can go stock up on beer, but not food. Sound good?

Posted by: smartjuice | February 3, 2005 12:25 PM

I will testify, Dig and Timmy really are cute.

I cannot believe that El Dukay is not in and of himself an entertainment act on the Vegas Strip. Because the man does magic tricks AND he invents new drinks. Somewhere in Nevada, Wayne Newton just shivered like a shadow was walking over his grave, I'll tell you that.

Posted by: Coleen | February 3, 2005 01:14 PM

1. It's good to know that during your long weekend of inclimate weather no one contracted scurvy under the ever watchful eye of Dig.

2. My boyfriend also experiments when making drinks. It pains me to see him waste perfectly good alcohol by mixing it with things God never intended to touch. ever. without exploding. I've learned to only drink things that were fermented in a vat that he was never allowed to touch.

3. I'm fairly certain there is a large variety of porn that start off with this same senario!

Good weekend!

Posted by: Crazyaimz | February 3, 2005 01:36 PM

That post was so entertaining! But cinnamon in a Bloody Mary? That's eleventy-thousand shades of wrong. I'm kinda jealous of your ice storm, because it sounds like you guys had a wonderful time!

Posted by: Shiz | February 3, 2005 01:48 PM

I was kind of hoping not to be reminded of the Deadly Wintry ReMix '05 shot. But all of the fond references to TWINS! was pretty cool.

And who would anticipate running out of ice during an ice storm? A testament to the countless number of liquor drinks consumed.

Posted by: Kiefer Twin | February 3, 2005 02:06 PM

Look, y'all! TWINS! In the COMMENTS!

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 3, 2005 02:18 PM

Ha. Stan. Heee heeeee hawww.

Posted by: Kelly | February 3, 2005 03:39 PM

I have a rule where if an entry makes me laugh out loud, thus scaring my German roommates, I comment and say so. As Sven yelled something incomprehensible after my third outburst of mirth, POST! I'm so jealous of your iced-in-with-hotness, too.

Posted by: David | February 4, 2005 07:52 AM

Pictures! Please!

Posted by: Sarah | February 4, 2005 11:41 AM

Here in St. Louis, the panicked hordes do not purchase bread, water, and canned goods in the face of an imminent Ice Storm Of Entrapment. No, they clear the shelves of...

Milk, bread, and eggs.

Apparently, if you're going to perish in a severe winter storm, it's best to do so with a belly full of french toast.

Pass the cinnamon, please. Unless you need it for your Bloody Mary. (Bam!)

Posted by: chicklet | February 4, 2005 12:11 PM

First time on your site, that story had me laughing out loud. I wish I had twins. Here in VA whenever there is a hurricane warning people make the same mad dash to the store. Did I go grocery shopping? No way, I hit the liquor store, the beer aisle and stocked up on cigarettes. Last time we went two weeks without power, but I was drunk, so I didn't care. We love a good storm!

Posted by: MJF | February 18, 2005 04:23 PM

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