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An Entry Where I Actually DO Buy Shoes Online

February 10, 2005

Y'all! There is a nifty little online raffle thingy happening over the next few days, where a lot of people (including moi) have dontated prizes, and you can earn raffle credits by donating to the March of Dimes, and I won't explain all of it because then I would just be RUINING THE SURPRISE, NOW, WOULDN'T I.

So! I recommend that you go here, donate some money to the March of Dimes, and then choose which raffles you want to enter with your credits.

Maybe you will win the thing that I donated, which is a gift certificate to my boyfriend Zappo's website. Because...shoes. Obviously. (What else would I donate? A dog?)

I should go ahead and admit that something bad happened to me last week, that being that I needed some shoes, and it occurred to me to look on Zappo's, which I had never done before. And immediately, I realized that This Would Be Trouble, No, Really, because...Y'ALL. So many SHOES. It is like porn to me.

In the course of the last week, Zappos has made a total of FIVE deliveries to my house, and each box was large, and as the poor UPS Man hoisted the biggest of the boxes through my front door, with its telltale "ZAPPO'S!" emblazoned against the side of the cardboard, he looked at me and said, "Lady, you only have two feet."

He may be right. He is also hateful.

Zappo's should come in a plain brown paper wrapper, like vibrators and dirty magazines. Everyone on my street does not need to know about my Zappo's problem. It is bad enough that El Dukay knows, and actually physically removed me from my laptop the other night, where I was shoe shopping, after we had this conversation:

Self: Hey, do you like these?

El Dukay: [Does not look away from television]

El Dukay: No.

Self: Yes you do. Shut up. I'm buying them.

El Dukay: [Does not look away from television]

El Dukay: You already have some just like them.

Self: Do not. I hate you so much.

El Dukay: [Does not look away from television]

El Dukay: The heel is too high and you will fall down and die.

Self: WILL NOT. I hope you get hit by a bus. I hope you get hit by the UPS truck when they come to deliver these pretty new shoes I am about to purchase.

El Dukay: [FINALLY looks away from television]

El Dukay: Wait, THOSE? You DO have those! You have that EXACT PAIR, in that EXACT COLOR.

Self: I...no? I don't?

El Dukay: YES YES YES. You own those shoes. I HAVE SEEN THOSE SHOES ON YOUR FEET. I AM GOING UPSTAIRS TO GET THOSE SHOES AND I WILL SHOW YOU.

And, of course he was right. But whatever. Some of you KIND people understand that when you have a pair of shoes, and you LIKE those shoes, sometimes you need to get another pair, especially when Zappo's is selling them FOR TWENTY DOLLARS.

TWENTY DOLLARS FOR TWO SHOES. You get the whole pair! That is basically GIVING THEM AWAY.

Now, to those of you who understand: I love you. Please come to my house and we will make out and try on all my new Spring sandals. And those of you who don't understand? Well. YOU can go hang out with Dukay and the UPS Man, and hate all day. I bet your feet are very sad.

But whoever you are, you should go enter the raffle. Babies and feet will thank you, and besides -- the UPS Man needs someone to laugh at that isn't...me.

Posted by doxie in I Got Drunk And Bought Shoes Online | permalink

28 Comments

Tell El Dukay that if he's so concerned about your shoe collection, he is free to mail all so-called "duplicate shoes" to my house. And then I will mail them back to you in an unmarked brown-wrapper box. Problem solved, ta da!

Posted by: Coleen | February 10, 2005 11:56 AM

No, if you are my shoe size, mail them to me and I will keep them safe for you. El Dukay need never know of our little secret....

Posted by: fifi | February 10, 2005 12:25 PM

Zappos is the great love of my life, especially since they upgrade my free shipping every time I order and I have my shoes in no time flat. I will gladly help you form a support group for Zappos addicts. Too many sneakers!!!!!

Posted by: sockgirlie | February 10, 2005 01:19 PM

Thank you!! Thank you!! I LOVE Zappo's! I'm such a shoe whore.

Posted by: Lily | February 10, 2005 01:24 PM

Shoes! And Purses! And Sales! This could be disastrous.

Posted by: jcc | February 10, 2005 01:42 PM

I love love love shoes. Recently my dad gave me a Face of Scorn when I said I was going to buy new shoes. I DID NOT deserve the Face of Scorn! Shoes are my only love!

Now, let's make out and try on shoes!

Posted by: Em | February 10, 2005 01:51 PM

Of course I understand. I have 6 pairs of black boots and my guy says they all look alike, this is not so! lol The toes, heels and finishes are different. lol

Posted by: amy | February 10, 2005 02:01 PM

Ah! Now it seems like I have another member to add to my little 'cult' as Martha, Amy and I call it. It's called "The Imelda Marcos Societey for Women With Shoe and Purse Addiction". and the motto is "There is no such thing as TOO MANY SHOES,so SHUT UP!"

Welcome Doxie!Have some Kool-Aid.(don't worry, it's only spiked with Rum)and its in a Burberry's sippy cup.

I hear ya sister on the duplicate shoes for when the first pair die and go to Shoe Heaven. Amen.

You're damn lucky I love doxie dawgs and I'm a good kisser. I have one question for you :

Please tell me you wear a size 9?

Posted by: Scarlett Cyn | February 10, 2005 02:36 PM

You do have a kind of kicked-in-the-head quality, don't you?

Posted by: Rick | February 10, 2005 02:46 PM

What? A shoe store online I haven't heard of? With $20 shoes??

Posted by: Erin | February 10, 2005 03:16 PM

Zappos is my favorite thing in the whole world and that sometimes people have to tell me to stop talking about it and stop shopping while at work - but I can't. The best thing about Zappos? Maybe the fact that the shoes are delivered in two days. Or the fact that they do free returns. Love Zappos!

Posted by: Caroline | February 10, 2005 04:57 PM

I heart Zappos, I really, really do. I love shoes more than I love almost anything in the world, and I will also NEVER admit it if my feet hurt. Well, okay, I'll admit it to you right now that the Marc Jacobs shoes I'm wearing right now, which were 50% off, are KILLING me. Kill. I kind of want to die. But they are so very, very pretty.

Posted by: Heather | February 10, 2005 05:18 PM

I am jealous. I want to buy shoes, but my feet are all swollen and grotesque. I haven't been able to wear stilettos for nearly nine months, now. The only shoes I can wear are these ugly slip-on keds. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Posted by: Erin H. | February 10, 2005 06:38 PM

You had to, you just HAD to dincha?

My eyes are glazed over. Loafers! Boots! Stilettos! Square toes! Just when I had weaned myself to three pairs of shoes. THREE!

IwillnotshopforshoesonlineIwillnotshopforshoesonlineIwillrememberthePaylessandshoptherewholly.

Posted by: MissFish | February 10, 2005 07:35 PM

Miss Doxie, I love you and now I love Zappos. WARNING TO EVERYONE: DO NOT GO TO ZAPPOS OR YOU MAY NEVER COME BACK. I'm getting $73 shoes for $22.90 with free shipping that got upgraded to one-day shipping! $22.90! I ordered at 11 pm! And will be receiving today!! Thank you for giving me somewhere to spend all my money, and also for giving me much joy and hilarity every time you post.

Posted by: Kiki | February 11, 2005 12:18 PM

Did you see this? (Un-shoe-related link) http://www.urbanhonking.com/medschool/archives/2004/12/most_likely_to_1.html

Posted by: Sheryl | February 12, 2005 08:11 PM

First of all, who is Rick, and what is he talking about??

Next, I TOTALLY understand. Can't wait to make out while you try on Spring sandals!

Posted by: Kiefer Twin | February 13, 2005 08:35 PM

De-lurking to say that you and Zappos.com will figure prominently in my Chapter 13 filing a few months from now.

Also, did you see--on Zappos--Dalia by Gabriella Rocha?

Fuck the symphony.

Posted by: Debi | February 16, 2005 10:27 PM

Hahaha, fuck the symphony!

Posted by: Kiki | February 16, 2005 11:19 PM

Now, I'm not a chauvinist, but I've got a quick comment/question to all women...

Why do all women see a SALE as a way to SAVE money? H E L L O ! ! ! You are still spending money. (In accounting, this would be called an expense.) And it has been my experience that all a sale does - is entice women to buy more (thus, spend more) than they regurlarly would have in the first place.

Quite the conundrum.

Posted by: El Dukay | February 27, 2005 07:51 PM

Dukay, I don't think you understand the religious experience that is a shoe sale. I don't think you can ever understand.

This is why I cry at night.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 27, 2005 07:54 PM

It must have something to do with estrogen.

Yes. That HAS to be it.

I have solved the mystery. I deserve the Nobel Prize for this shit.

Posted by: El Dukay | February 27, 2005 07:56 PM

Uh, I wouldn't go knocking my estrogen, when I believe it is your TESTOSTERONE that has forced us to watch the Dukes of Hazzard marathon for the last hour and a half.

What does the Nobel Prize Committee have to say about THEM apples?

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 27, 2005 07:59 PM

Don't you dare knock the Dukes of Hazzard.

And might I add that you have been watching it without protest for about 2 hours now.

I'm sure Einstein had a vice or two.

Posted by: El Dukay | February 27, 2005 08:12 PM

You are the Roscoe P. Coltrane of shoe shopping.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 27, 2005 08:14 PM

You are the "Cooter" of my life baby.

Posted by: El Dukay | February 27, 2005 08:32 PM

Top That !

How do you like THEM apples, Cooter?

Posted by: El Dukay | February 27, 2005 08:34 PM

I can't top that. I CONCEDE.

Love, your Cooter.

Posted by: Miss Doxie | February 27, 2005 08:35 PM

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