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Being Big, And, Apparently, DULL as FUCK

January 25, 2005

Tonight I was Big.

Tonight I made baked ziti, dried cranberry and walnut salad, fried cheese wheels, and garlic toast. And I served this meal with a fabulous red wine, in my candlelit dining room, for some close friends. And we listened to intellectual music, and talked about important, intellectual things. And then, when it was all over, I gracefully tripped over a doggie gate and went sprawling through the kitchen, banging my elbow so hard into the wall that I am PRETTY FUCKING SURE that the structural integrity of the house has been compromised. We must now wear hardhats inside. The ceiling will soon fall, THAT IS HOW HARD I SMACKED THAT WALL.

It was awesome, and also, totally to be expected. God thinks it is funny when I try to play grown-up. It makes Him laugh.

So, I haven't written much in the last week, but what is funny, is that actually, yes, yes I have. I have written two entries, both while drunk, and both so ridiculous and nonsensical that in retrospect, I decided they did not, NOT need to be posted.

Now, after a few glasses of fabulous red wine, I am having second thoughts. Why should such labors be wasted? That is what I want to know. Maybe y'all want to read the entry I wrote while we watched the Apprentice, an entry entitled "In Which I Hate Everybody." Do you? Do you really?

So maybe I will post them, maybe. If y'all leave me awesome comments telling me that I should. I am easily swayed, and have no backbone to speak of.

Also new and interesting: um. Nothing! Nope. Not much happening. We had some sort of Falcons play off something or other, but I don't watch professional football, so all of the drama was wasted on me. Dukay and Dig came over and watched the game, and there was screaming and teeth-gnashing, but I was busying myself making...(wait for it)...sausage balls in the kitchen. Yes.

You guys, I make some really good sausage balls. You don't even know the half of it. I would be like Betty Crocker, if she just drank more. She's such a prude.

But, with nothing new to report from over here (hi!), I just thought I'd pop in and say hello. Hello, y'all! There is nothing new to report! Soon there probably will be, as in the next few days, I will be doing more interesting things, and hopefully not falling down. These things include (1) planning my upcoming marriage to Kiefer; (b) changing the lightbulbs in the den, because almost all of them are out and it is beginning to look like a prison movie in here; and (4) castrating all of the dogs in my house and burning their respective manhoods over a spit in the backyard, because HOW MANY TIMES can you pee on the corner of the sofa? HOW MANY?

And, that's about it. Hope y'all are all doing well. Hope nobody is peeing on the corner of your sofa, because that is a TREMENDOUS pain in the ass.

Now, before I go, I must beg you to please, please go visit the gorgeous and talented Anna Beth, who designed this very site and is very adorable, and who is raising money for her Science Baby because some damn fool idjits fired her from her job. You can easily donate by purchasing a sticker here. And then you will have a sexy sticker, and EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY, and maybe I won't fall down so much.

And that's...it. And so ends the most boring and pointless entry in Miss Doxie history. Y'all don't hate.

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink

13 Comments

Now, Doxie, I don't want to fight you but we may have to rumble over the Kiefer love. He's a small tiny man but HE WILL BE MINE.

Otherwise, great entry. As ALWAYS.

Posted by: Em | February 2, 2005 08:06 PM

give to us the nonsense entries!

Posted by: Jake | February 2, 2005 10:41 PM

YOU MUST POST THEM.

Posted by: Martha | February 3, 2005 11:20 AM

why is there even any question? POST THEM. for the love of twins, post them.

Posted by: Her Ladyship | February 3, 2005 11:39 AM

Of course, I vote for posting. Anyone who can detract from the shame of my own drunk posts of yore is a god in my book.

Posted by: Coleen | February 3, 2005 01:17 PM

Oh please don't make me beg for drunken, "Apprentice"-themed posts! It's so unladylike.

Posted by: Crazyaimz | February 3, 2005 01:38 PM

I'm in on the drunken posts too; who wouldn't be????

Posted by: Shiz | February 3, 2005 02:00 PM

Definitely post them! Wouldn't a Betty Crocker who drank, pretty much be the late Julia Child? Who was awesome btw...she once caught some props on fire and just continued to put out the fire and keep making her recipe.

Posted by: Morgan | February 3, 2005 03:07 PM

If I have learned ANYTHING in my 29 years on this particular planet, it is that the world needs drunken Doxie wisdom more than anything else, now more than ever. You cannot in good conscience withhold these drunken entries!

We have waited too long for new Doxie entries and must gorge ourselves.

Posted by: TheMac | February 3, 2005 10:57 PM

I am a very quiet fan of yours, and now I am coming out of lurking (and admiring) from afar and telling you to POST THE DRUNKEN STORIES because they will entertain me and that will be good.

Even though I do not like the apprentice, no, not one whit, I feel that reading about you drunkenly commenting on the apprentice in your hate of everyone will be much better. Prove me right. Please.

Posted by: Lafe | February 3, 2005 11:18 PM

I humbly beg for the drunken entries. I am enlisting the help of my own Dachshund to work his "puppy dog eyes" look. So that I may read the drunken entries and be amused (and he shall have a Treat of epic proportions).

Oh, pleeeeease!

Posted by: chicklet | February 4, 2005 12:08 PM

Yeah, as far as anyone knows, those are "sausage" balls. Did anyone else connect those dots? Please, PLEASE post the drunken comments - it's all some of us have to live for...

Posted by: cazthespaz | February 4, 2005 06:17 PM

We NEED the drunken entries!

Posted by: Snowcrashed | February 5, 2005 04:47 AM

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