« New and Improved! | Main | It slices! It dices! »

Even bad words look pretty on Movable Type!

December 03, 2004

I would like to direct your attention to the "Categories" AB has set up for me, because they are awesome. Times I Fell Down! The Stupid Thing El Dukay Did! I Got Drunk and Bought Shoes Online! This pretty much sums up my life. Which is interesting.

Already this morning, I have had an experience which actually involved several of these categories, and now MT is telling me I have to choose a "Primary Category," and this is sort of problematic, because -- as I alluded to previously -- this morning's experience involved a dog, some animal crackers, me falling down, and the breaking of some cute black boots. Oh yes. And the day has only just begun!

So, I'm driving to work, and I'm not bothering a soul or doing anything wrong at ALL, I'm not even singing or ANYTHING, and I decide to take the back way because apparently I'm an idiot. So I'm going down this looooong, windy road when all of a sudden I stop, because the other cars are stopped, because there is a woman standing in the middle of the road, staring daggers at this Lassie-type dog that is also, unfortunately, standing in the middle of the road. Which, apparently, is not where he is supposed to be.

So, being the Good Citizen and Dog Lover that I am, I immediately pull over onto the side of this long windy road, and hop out of the car without actually turning the car OFF, and I proceed to try to assist this lady in rounding up Rogue Dog Who Looks Like Lassie And Has No Intention Of Coming With Either One Of Us, Oh HELL No.

Well. FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER, this poor woman and I had chased this poor thing all the way from one end of the long windy road to the other (two miles), through someone's yard and a POND I may have fallen into (R.I.P., boots!), and then back again, and there are approximately ninety five thousand cars just waiting now, and everyone is honking, and my hair is EVERYWHERE and my shoes are ruined and soaked, and then another woman throws a bag of animal crackers out the window at me and screams, "GOOD LUCK!" and then, when I can't get close enough to the dog to tempt him with the bribe of delicious, camel-shaped cookies (because, mmm!), I just start throwing the crackers at him in frustration.

And then the cops came. Technically because my CAR was still sitting on the side of the road. Running. And I hadn't seen it in an hour, so we are all a little amazed that it was still there. Meanwhile, I had accepted rides from about sixty million strangers, including a bunch of housepainters who let me sit in the back of the pickup truck. If any of you were ever interested in kidnapping or murdering or chopped me into bits, this was your golden opportunity, because I was just hopping from car to car like hitchhiking is just TOTALLY NORMAL FOR ME. And also, this includes one car where the guy wasn't technically expecting me to, you know, open the door and ENTER. In that case it was less "hitchhiking" and more "commandeering the vehicle." Whatever.

Anyway, once the cops became involved and we had a little chat about the pros and cons of leaving one's car unmanned and running on the side of a busy road, and also they made fun of my hair, the owner of the dog showed up, and we all learned that the dog is named NOAH, and that Noah is, according to his owner, "a bit naughty" with the running away and playing in traffic.

So now, we have four women, two cops, the owner, and three trillion cars all trying to round up Noah.

"NOAH!" we all screamed, running zig zaggity all over the street.

"HELL, NO!" Noah responded, zig zagging in exactly the other direction.

The last I saw of Noah, two very burly and tough cops were chasing after him as he bolted into a neighborhood. And his owner was following right behind, all, "Oh, that NOAH! Ha ha!"

We hate her. Frankly, we are not too fond of Noah, either, at this point.

Anyway, that's pretty much all there is to the story, and it has really no exciting ending at all (I mean, I left and went to work, figuring that between the LAW and the OWNER, the situation was about as "under control" as it was going to get, and I was helping approximately nobody with my animal crackers and ruined shoes).

But if there's anyone else out there who has, by ten a.m., managed to:

(1) illegally block traffic;
(2) abandon a perfectly good, RUNNING car on the side of the road;
(3) receive a stern talking-to from two cops, who then make fun of your hair;
(4) throw animal crackers at a canine named after a Biblical personage; AND
(5) fall into a FUCKING POND, then PEOPLE, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

Posted by doxie in Times I Fell Down | permalink

14 Comments

Omigod! And I'm at work, I can't stand this! I'm gonna get fired!~

Girl, you are too crazy- and hey, like the re-do of the site!

t

Posted by: tracie | December 3, 2004 01:20 PM

Are you sure that wasn't my 3 year old son? Because his name is Noah too and that really sounds like the sort of thing he'd do. Except he would totally come straight to me if I had animal crackers.
Glad you're back! Your site looks great!

Posted by: Cathy | December 3, 2004 01:49 PM

My mom and I were driving along the highway once and I saw this disoriented looking Golden Retriever walking along the shoulder. I COMMANDED my mom to stop and I somehow WRANGLED the dog into the back seat of the car. When we drove up to the first house we FINALLY saw, the woman was like "oh, he always does that. Thanks." If he always does that KEEP HIM INSIDE! What is with people? Anyway, this is a very long "comment" but you rock, Doxie.

PS. I once fell into a pond. But it was not before 10AM so YOU WIN.

Posted by: Em | December 3, 2004 03:09 PM

So glad you're not dead! Sorry to hear that your boots are dead, however, it's so hard to find good boots these days. Love the site redesign, I should pop on over to ABChao's site and let her know. Can't wait to hear more!

Posted by: Erin | December 3, 2004 03:10 PM

Hilarious! I just watched a man feed his extra cute doxie (like there's another kind) a plate of proscuitto ham in a cafe in Venice, Italy a couple of weeks ago. The dog sat in a chair and waited to be handed each piece. Such table manners! It was too funny! Naturally, I thought of you!

P.S. Dig the new site.

Posted by: Crazyaimz | December 3, 2004 03:23 PM

welcome back! missed missed missed you!!

Posted by: tani | December 3, 2004 03:25 PM

I know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but I HAD to check to see if you had made the transition as I have done for the past gazillion weeks when Miss Doxie languished with no new posts. And YES. You are here. *offering gifts of tequila and limes to your amazing site designer*

Bless you Noah. Now go kill your stupid, stupid owner who gives dog owners everywhere a bad name.

Posted by: bluepoppy | December 3, 2004 03:44 PM

Now, that is a classic Miss Doxie adventure if I ever heard one, involving as it does both dogs and falling down. The only thing missing is booze. But then again, it WAS before ten a.m. Even I don't drink THAT early.

Posted by: Gretchen C. | December 3, 2004 05:16 PM

Definitely a Doxie classic! Wonderful.

Posted by: Heather | December 3, 2004 05:17 PM

Thanks for the much-needed laugh.
I can't possibly top that, but I do have memories of a neighborhood dog jumping into my mother's car when we dropped someone one of the kids in the carpool off. And started to growl and snarl. I guess you could say she commandeered our vehicle. I think it was at least an hour till we got her out.

Posted by: Kim | December 3, 2004 05:22 PM

Hurray! You're back! and you're so pretty! Cops know nothing about hair.

Posted by: lizardek | December 3, 2004 06:41 PM

Oh, Doxie. Don't you know that "back roads" is synonymous with "bad idea"? Well, I guess you do now, eh? But look on the bright side -- only you could work a pair of slushy boots and crazy hair and still get tons of hitchhiking offers....

I welcome the new site. Glad to see you're back and making me laugh.

Posted by: Sister Rae | December 4, 2004 07:37 AM

Once I went swimming in a pond, fully clothed and in pretty emboidered jeans. But it was semi-intentional, since we were at a picnic and no one told me to bring a swim suit. I love the new site - it is so pretty!

Posted by: sally | December 4, 2004 04:32 PM

Reading this post reminds of the many many MANY fun times I've had chasing my own dog Leo. He likes playing the "Let's stay just about 20 feet away" game if he ever gets off leash. Thankfully he has an almost rabid desire (poor choice of words?) to chase scooters, roller-blades and skateboards, and we happen to live in a neighborhood with a great many brave/stupid/easily-bribeable children who are happy to help us capture him.

Posted by: dan | December 9, 2004 07:37 AM

Post a comment: